Finding Hikari
by Princess-Xion
Summary: We take childhood for granted because we think this life is temporary. Kairi found out with brutal consequences that to take it for granted is to lose, and she is alone. She told the truth, and nobody believed her. Can she overcome the pain and find herself again? Sokai; adult themes. ***I DO NOT OWN THE COVER ARTWORK***
1. Hopscotch, Summer Sunsets, and Lemonade

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey guys . . . So I know you're probably tired of seeing my name on the story list, since I have like four stories going at once. But this idea was bounding around in my head and I wanted to put it here. I write fairly fast, so updates will be regular, just like for my other stories. I usually write one chapter of each story at a time, circulating through each one-by-one. Anyway, this story will be more of a poignant look at the loss of innocence and childhood, and will have MUCH LESS DRAMA than Love Must Come. I'm actually thinking of putting LMC on hiatus for this story . . . Anyway, make SURE you leave a review to give me feedback. I will not continue this story unless I get at least ****THREE**** reviews asking me to. **

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities.**

**NOTES: This story will have some adult content so for now, it is rated T. Eventually, it will go up to M rating for obvious reasons as the plot progresses. I encourage you to stick with me until then.**

**ENJOY!**

~x~

_**Chapter One**_

_~x~_

_One, two, buckle my shoe_

**Childhood.**The one thing we as humans take the most for granted, the innocence of childhood is a wonderful thing. It swirls by, a magical combination of butterfly chasing, dirt-covered knees, and Hot Lava Monster on the playground. Boys are cute and girls have cooties, and no, Mom, I don't want to eat my vegetables. Grandma sends gifts, but you never send her thank you notes, and she passes away before you really get to know the meaning of death. You play outside for hours in the Summer with your best friends, and you pray to Jesus every night in the hopes that he'll bring you a Daddy. You crawl around on the floor and insist that you're a puppy dog, and you fight over the remote with your siblings on Saturday morning. Hopscotch at recess, your crush tells you he likes someone else, and you beg your Mommy for a new Barbie doll for Christmas. Arithmetic, Christopher Columbus, Spelling Bees, and learning to swim at Summer Camp. _Childhood. _

_Three, four, shut the door_

Everything seems so simple when you're a child, doesn't it?

_Five, six, pick up sticks_

Before the night of October the 25th, the year she turned seventeen, Kairi Frierson firmly believed in the simplicity of youth. When she was five, she chased butterflies and prayed to Jesus every night, and He brought her a Daddy. A Mommy, too, and a brother. He brought her a family that loved her and made her feel wanted. Her Daddy was in the Army, so he was never home for long, but she didn't mind. Just so long as they were together some of the time, that's all she cared about. She was seven when her Daddy left the service, and they settled down on the triad of Destiny Islands. She went back to hopscotch and wiping the dirt off of her knees, arguing with her older brother over the rights to the remote. Years went by, she knew every single person in her elementary school, and she was happy. Her best friends were always there for her, and her family was tight-knit and warm.

_Seven, eight, lay them straight_

Until something terrible happened, shattering the semblance of bliss that Kairi had become so accustomed to, leaving her lost and fending for herself in the midst of the darkness.

_Nine, ten, a big fat hen_

Because after all, what's the one thing we as humans take the most for granted?

~x~

**Kairi **stared unblinkingly up at the ceiling of her bedroom, counting down the seconds until her alarm went off. Every day, it went like this: she woke up hours before she was meant to, and she prayed for God to make the day pain-free. Because every day, she was reminded of the achingly empty hole in her heart that would never be filled—the loss was absolute, and it seemed as though sometimes she just wanted to give up. So she counted each and every second, promising herself that as soon as that alarm blared in her ears, she would put on a smile and face the day for the things that she had lost, and the pain she had suffered. Even if she had nobody there to witness her strength, it was worth it for the sake of her heart.

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

It was time. The day had come. Junior year had been a blur of torment and loneliness, and now the day for Senior year had come. How were people going to react? Were they going to shun her like they had the previous year? Could she handle seeing the faces of those that she had once called friends? Kairi closed her eyes, feeling as though she were stuck to her mattress.

Could she really go through with this?

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

The alarm seemed to get louder and louder, until she could no longer hear herself think, and she slammed her hand down on top of the clock to silence it. Sighing in exasperation, she sat up and combed her fingers through her elbow-length crimson hair. She had never before dreaded a first day of school as much as she dreaded this day. Her fluffy white Maltese dog peered up at her curiously from her bed, her beady black eyes silently encouraging her to be strong.

"Should I just forget all about it, Memory?"she asked the puppy with a heavy sigh.

Memory whined and rose up on her paws a little bit. She licked her nose and started to wag her tail. She was a tiny little thing that weighed no more than five pounds. Memory had been with her for years, and whenever Kairi looked at her, she was distinctly reminded of the one who had gifted the little canine to her. His cobalt blue eyes haunted her dreams; his dazzling white smile never failed to send chills down her spine.

But he was no longer in her life. He hated her now—he believed her to be a whore, an attention-seeker, a _liar_. He had once been her best friend, and they had many memories together. Summer sunsets on the beach, eating sea salt ice cream. Video game marathons and supervised sleepovers and ordering pizza. He used to walk her home from school every day, from the start of third grade when they met to the last day before everything fell apart in Junior Year. They had been thick as thieves—a perfect match. But he left her, just like everyone else did and now . . . She was alone.

Kairi sucked in her breath and focused hard on the way her heart was beating. She always got over-emotional when she thought of her former best friend, and she knew that if she saw him at school, it was going to be difficult. She knew she was being way too kind, still caring for him after everything he had done. He had hurt her, betrayed her—he hadn't been there for her like he'd promised.

The teenage search for popularity would be the downfall of us all.

Memory yipped and leapt up onto her lap, nuzzling her nose into the palm of her hand. Kairi obliged her, scratching her gently around the ears.

"You're right, Memory," she whispered, her long hair falling forward as she hugged the dog tightly. "I _am _strong enough."

She let go, and the puppy hopped onto the mattress, curling up to sleep. Kairi rose to her feet, steeling herself for the day's events. Destiny Islands was a small town, and she'd been gone from the public sight for what, eight or nine months? There was always the slight chance that nobody remembered her . . .

Kairi went to her closet and sifted through the nice clothing that her mother had bought for her to bring to her new apartment. She smiled a little bit at the thought that this was _her _apartment, and she was only eighteen. She hadn't wanted to move out, but when your enraged adoptive father insists that you're no longer his daughter and orders you out of his house, what else can you do? She could still remember the look of hatred and pain in his eyes at her accusations; could still feel the hurt as freshly as if he had wounded her just moments ago. They hadn't spoken since November, right after everything happened, the only person still on her side being her adoptive mother. Would Kairi ever see her Daddy again? Would he ever look at her through the eyes of a father?

Would he ever come to love her once more?

Kairi shook the depressing thoughts from her head and picked out a periwinkle dress to wear. It was a simple Forever21design, A-line skirt, cinched waist, and silver-studded Peter Pan collar. She took off her pajamas and slipped it on over her thin body, the silk ghosting against her flesh, and turned to gaze at herself in the full-body mirror that rested in the corner.

Frowning, Kairi touched the contours of her heart-shaped face as if it were made of spun glass. She hated the way she looked. She was fine with her body weight and shape, but after everything that had happened to her during Junior year and that October night, she no longer found herself pretty. She was an ugly, repulsive thing, and maybe if she were prettier, it never would have happened. Bad things didn't happen to the pretty ones. She blinked her cerulean eyes, twin sapphires framed with impossibly long dark lashes, and pursed her pouty lips. Why couldn't she look like some of her old friends had? They had all been so gorgeous . . . Kairi had spent months telling herself that if she looked more like them, she wouldn't have had to go through what she had, and maybe . . .

Maybe she wouldn't be so alone right now.

Turning away from her reflection, she slipped her feet into a pair of black velvet flats. She grabbed a brush off of her vanity and ran it through her thick, luscious red locks and tried her best to make sure her bangs fell just right across her face. She sat down and piled on the make-up, as she usually did everyday, to hide her true self from the world. Her lashes were coated in mascara and lined in shimmering pearl eyeshadow. Her high cheekbones were powdered with rosy blush and her face smoothed with BB cream. She opened up a tube of frosty pink lip stain and spread it across her lips, sitting back to stare at the final look blankly.

Kairi would never be satisfied with her appearance, not so long as that pain-filled void of guilt remained in her heart.

Murderers didn't deserve to feel pretty.

The eighteen-year-old, five-foot-three-inches tall girl grabbed her black backpack, stuffed her new binder and pencils inside, and headed out of her bedroom. Her apartment was nothing special—it was small and cozy, fully furnished with expensive things that her mother had selected for her in blues and whites, and had two bedrooms. Kairi walked past the bathroom, pausing in front of the door to the second bedroom. It was firmly shut, and pastel pink letters from the craft store were nailed to the front of the door.

_H-I-K-A-R-I_

Kairi's lower lip trembled and she briefly caressed the letter 'H' with her finger. She tried not to remember the agony that had ripped through her body that day, piercing her heart so much more than any physical ailment ever could. She tried so hard not to give in to her emotions and despair—tried to focus on the present and the promising future. She was returning to school to not only show her bullies that she could not be defeated, but also to prove to Hikari that she would live on.

But it was so hard, to lose your child and wake up to the slowly spinning Earth each day knowing that nobody could hear your screams.

Memory barked a couple of times, trotting out of her bedroom with her tongue hanging out. She weaved her way around Kairi's ankles, urging her to hurry. The dog was smart, and she always had been.

"I know, I know," she said, her voice thick with emotion. "I'm going."

She moved down the hall, tossing once last lingering glance at the bedroom door before she made her way through the kitchen. She grabbed her car keys and her iPhone, sliding her finger across the touchscreen. She was only mutedly dismayed when she saw that there were no calls and texts, because she _never _got any calls or texts. The only ones she had ever gotten were mean and nasty after the events of Junior year, and even those had stopped trickling in. Her own mother never even called her, though she did drop in from time to time to check on her. No, Kairi was by her lonesome, for the most part, save for the comforting company of Memory.

Kneeling down by the front door, Kairi kissed Memory on top of the head, giggling in spite of her anxiousness at going back to school. The dog yipped happily and pushed her small muzzle against Kairi's petting hand, and Kairi simply enjoyed herself for a moment. She was content in the knowledge that Memory would always love her no matter what she said or did, and nobody could take that away from her.

"Goo'bye, poopoo," she said in a babyish tone of voice, wrinkling her nose fondly when the dog looked up at her expectantly. She pointed to the food bowl, which was still full from last night, as Memory had forgone eating for the chance to crawl into bed with her. It was early September, but it was cold this time of year either way, so Memory loved to slip beneath the covers and burrow up against her feet. The Islands were located on a strange part of the world, which had erratic weather changes all year round, such as rain in the Summer and random hot days in the dead of January. So more often than not, Kairi's companion and only friend cuddled with her at night.

Kairi finally pulled herself away from her beloved pet, locking the door behind her and slinging her bag up higher on her shoulder. She turned and walked toward the elevator, chewing her lip nervously as she pressed the _Lobby _button.

The last time Kairi had set foot in her high school, it had been the Monday after Thanksgiving. The cruel remarks and jibes had already begun to overwhelm her, and she had worn herself thin trying desperately to get her friends back. She was devastated that nobody had believed her when she'd told them what had happened to her, but she wanted her friends to stay in her life more than anything. It was no use, though, because who would believe her story? It was disgusting and insane, and it just _had _to be a lie. And as she had walked through those doors, the whispers had spread like wildfire, all aimed toward tearing her down.

"_I can't believe she's still __**coming**__ here," someone said in a stage whisper, looking Kairi up and down snidely. "Can't she see she's not welcome anymore?"_

_Kairi hugged her books tighter to her chest, her heart aching with sorrow. Why hadn't her friends stood by her side? Why hadn't her best friend comforted her? Why was he standing by his locker, glaring at her as though her mere presence made him ill? That's what hurt the most—seeing all of the tenderness he'd once had for her void from his intense azure gaze, only to have it be replaced by white-hot fury. He'd never trust her again, and he didn't want to be her friend anymore. He'd told her so to her face the day she'd ran to him, begging him to help her, because he didn't believe her. No one did._

"_Hey, slut!" a random male voice called out nastily from the crowded hall. "Take your ugly ass back out those doors!"_

"_You're disgusting, saying that about your own brother," another voice remarked viciously. "People like you deserve to be in mental hospitals."_

_The redhead halted in her tracks, her cropped hair falling forward to shield her face. She was mere feet away from her former best friend's locker, and tears as fat as pebbles were cascading down her cheeks. She kept her eyes lowered, feeling his hard gaze upon her. He was so much taller than her, now that they were seventeen, and knowing that he hated her made her feel frightened of him. Though now, she would always be frightened of all men. She had been keeping her secrets for so long, and when they had come bubbling forth, she had expected to get help, not be shunned. Men had hurt her and taken away her innocence—and it was men who had claimed her to be a liar._

"_You cut your hair," he said harshly, and she flinched at the coldness of his tone._

_She kept her eyes downcast. Of course she had . . . He had always told her he liked her hair short, since it reminded him of when they were children, building castles in the sand. She had allowed it to grow to her shoulders in recent months, and after everything had fallen apart, she had thought that maybe, just maybe, he'd stop hating her if she looked the way he wanted her to? He may not have believed her tale, but at least he might look at her with something more than vehemence._

"_Y-Yes," she stammered, feeling eyes against her in all directions. She felt so exposed, and she knew that everyone was watching their exchange with interest. She was under a lot of pressure, and so was he._

"_Why are you here?" he asked, his words cutting into her heart painfully deep. "Why don't you just drop out already? I'm tired of seeing your face."_

"_I . . . I'm sorry," she whispered, choking on her words. "Please . . . Can't we go talk somewhere?"_

"_No," he said flatly, and he slammed his locker door shut so hard that it jarred her bones. "You sicken me. I can't believe that you would say that shit about your own brother . . . About my best friend . . . You're fucking sick."_

_His curse words lashed against her like chain whips, reminding her of how much they had changed in the past few years since starting high school. She remembered a time when he had hated her brother, stating that he didn't like the way he "looked" at her. She remembered feeling sad because he didn't know the truth behind those looks, and now she was even sadder because he knew now, but he didn't believe her words. So she started to cry, dropping her binder to the floor, ignoring the papers that fluttered all over the hall. Kairi heard the students around her start to laugh derisively, and she felt so suffocated that it was almost unbearable._

"_I trusted you!" she sobbed to her former best friend, gazing directly up into his cobalt blue eyes._

_He narrowed his eyes down at her and clenched his fists at his sides. His unruly chestnut brown hair had gone from bushy to spiky in a matter of years as he'd grown, adding to his overall handsome, rugged look. His bangs fell to his chin, shrouding his eyes a bit so that when he looked back at the weeping redhead, he looked scary and dark._

"_And __**I **__trusted __**you**__," he snarled. "But you lied to me. You fucking lied to everyone because you couldn't stand not being in the limelight. Well, guess what, Kairi? Now you are. And nobody's applauding. So get the fuck out of my sight before I throw up."_

_Kairi turned on her heel and fled, the choruses of cheers and laughter floating into her ears like a cacophony of torture, reminding her that from now on, she had nobody to protect her._

The pleasant dinging of the elevator bell overhead snapped Kairi out of her reverie and, with a miserable sigh, she exited the cage and stepped out onto the linoleum floor of the lobby. Her apartment complex was way out in the hills, far away from where her school and the majority of the city housing was located, so she knew she had a long drive ahead of her. She hoped she could stay strong and not lose her confidence—she was going to go to school, and she was going to graduate with the rest of her peers. Her brother had graduated the year before, so perhaps everyone had already forgotten who she was and what she had done?

Kairi absentmindedly touched her long, long hair. Hopefully, it would keep her former best friend from noticing her. After he had so awfully and publicly shunned her and cut her from his life, she had allowed her hair to grow back out almost to her lower back to spite him. Not that he would care—she hadn't seen him or heard from him since that fateful day.

She gulped, wondering what it would be like if she saw him today.

In the car, Kairi hooked her phone up to the stereo and chose a song to play. She blushed, as she always did when she played this particular band, because she felt as though the band members would know. Normally, this would seem odd, but the band she called her favorite just-so-happened to be local and her former best friend with the sparkling azure eyes and bedheaded brown hair just-so-happened to be the frontman and lead guitarist _of _said band. They were extremely talented and already signed to a small record label and everything, and often played shows in downtown clubs. Kairi had never attended any, of course, since she had rarely left her house the past school year after dropping out of all of her classes, except to pick up groceries or to go to night school. She felt embarrassed, knowing that if he knew she listened to his band religiously, he might be repulsed.

He had said he was sickened by her, and when she looked at herself in the mirror, she was sickened, too.

As the sounds of her favorite song by them came flooding through the speakers, his angelic vocal talents made her shudder. Every time she heard him sing, she was reminded of how much she missed him. She missed everything about her old life, especially the carefree happiness of knowing that your best friend was always going to care for you more than anyone else. But it had come at a price, because she had been hiding something so awful and devastating to her spirit that it had nearly torn her apart. And when she'd woken up one morning to vomit bile into the toilet, she'd known that it was time to come clean.

The proof was there, so why had nobody believed her but her mother?

She drove down the freeway with her hands at ten and two, tears brimming in her eyes as she listened quietly to him singing. He had always dreamed of playing music and being in a band, ever since fifth grade when his father had given him his first guitar for Christmas. His voice was positively _Godly_, but he hadn't ever found the right people to play in a band with him—people that complimented his talents in just the perfect manner. Well, he seemed to have found them some time after she'd dropped out, because their demo songs hit Youtube and Facebook with an explosion of good reception. Within weeks, they had become the most popular band out there, calling themselves _Destiny's Embrace_, and mixing his hauntingly beautiful clean vocals with his brother's skillful, growling screams to create music that you could not only lose yourself to, but that spoke volumes to teenagers who just wanted to get the Hell away from the life they were living in. Kairi couldn't help but feel proud; he had always promised her that he would make a difference someday, and he would show other kids their age that there was always a way out. That music _was_ the escape they so craved.

There was just one downfall.

Kairi's brother—the one who terrified her the most—was the bassist in _Destiny's Embrace_, and was the "best friend" that her former friend had referred to the day he'd humiliated her in the hallway with his stinging rejection. Even if she wanted to go to one of their shows, she wouldn't be able to handle seeing his face again, remembering what it was like to hide such horrid secrets from the people around her.

When she got to the school, Kairi sat in the car for fifteen minutes, listening to the music and watching as hundreds of students poured across the parking lot and started making their way up the front steps. She recognized more than a few of them, and knew that today wasn't going to go very well if they recognized her right back. God, she hoped they just left her alone. Please, just let them leave her alone.

Kairi hadn't felt this nervous and scared in a long time, and just when she thought she might faint, she saw _him_. Her heart ceased its incessant pounding and her eyes zoned in on his confident gait and trademark grin.

Sora Yoshimura was extremely handsome and alluring in the way his Japanese features blended to create his facial appearance. His cobalt blue eyes were striking, and could melt you into a puddle when he looked at you. His hair was long and spiky, looking as if he had just crawled out of bed, and his skin was slightly tanned. Kairi leaned closer to her windshield, her eyes studying the way he had filled out a bit more, his muscles practically straining against his tight black V-neck. He was wearing a pair of light blue skinny jeans that had rips in the knees and all-black lace-up Vans, and when he turned to wave at someone, Kairi could swear he was looking directly at her.

Panicking, the redhead ducked down in her seat, hoping against all hope that he hadn't seen her gawking. She turned bright red at the thought. What would he think if he knew how she still obsessed over him, after all these months? He'd probably be freaked out, that was for sure, and more than anything, revolted. Yes, there was once a time when he would have been ecstatic to hear that she found him attractive—she distinctly recalled how he had tried clumsily to steal her first kiss in the seventh grade, but he tripped and sent them both tumbling into a mud puddle—but now, she had a feeling that Sora would be appalled to _see _her, let alone find out she _liked _him.

It _was _pretty creepy that she hadn't seen hide nor hair of him in almost a year and had feelings for him that hadn't waned . . .

Kairi squeezed her eyes shut and struggled to regain control of her breathing. Memory would be disappointed if she could see Kairi's position now: hiding in her car like a criminal. She scooted back up into her seat and fixed her hair in the mirror, sighing heavily.

'_Well,' _she thought resignedly. '_Here we go_.'

With that, she opened the door and stepped outside, her mind and heart prepared for what she expected to be one of the worst days of her young life.

~x~

Kairi stood in front of the bathroom mirror, wringing water and ketchup out of the ends of her hair. The stench of the food that had been dumped on top of her head was overwhelming, and she just wanted to sit in a stall and cry for the rest of the day. She had no idea what she had done to deserve what had happened to her, but apparently, someone had decided that she would look good with their lunch on her hair and face. She could still hear the laughter filling the cafeteria; could still see them pointing at her and snickering as she struggled back to her feet after being shoved and covered in food.

She hadn't even said anything—she had just dashed straight for the bathroom.

Today had been nothing but sheer torment. As soon as she'd walked in the doors, everyone had known exactly who she was. It had started with the telltale whispers and fingers aimed straight for her, and she had almost turned around and left. But then, she remembered Hikari and how she had made a vow to live her life to the fullest, and she had straightened her back resolutely. She marched to the office to get her schedule, passing by a group of her old girlfriends as she went. They'd stopped and gaped at her, obviously astonished that she was showing her face after all of this time, but Kairi hadn't thrown them a second glance.

Back when she needed them most, they hadn't thrown her a second glance, either.

After receiving her schedule and finding out where her homeroom was, she hurried to the correct hall to find it. At the time, her name was still just being passed along quietly, and she'd managed to keep to herself without anyone bothering her. She found her class and stepped inside, her cerulean eyes scanning her classmates. It was already full, and many of them were gathered around each other's desks, chattering amiably about their exciting Summer trips, amongst other things. Nevertheless, they all went deadly silent as soon as she walked into the classroom and stared at her as if she were a ghost come back from the dead.

"What is she _doing _here?" someone finally hissed, their voice shattering the silence.

Kairi fought the urge to roll her eyes—she was getting pretty sick of hearing that phrase—and went to find an empty seat at the back of the classroom. There was only one other girl back there with her, and as soon as Kairi plopped her stuff down on the floor, the girl was eyeing her with a mixture of curiosity and apprehension. At first, it hadn't bothered the redhead, and she had turned her attentions to reading over her class schedule for the quarter. Around her, the groups of friends had started to huddle together even closer, and she heard her name and supposed "lies" being spoken repeatedly all over. She tried her best to shut out the noise, but it was difficult.

Finally, Kairi's head snapped up and she turned to glare at the girl next to her. She had collarbone-length platinum blonde hair and big, bright blue eyes that wouldn't tear themselves away from Kairi's face. She wore a white dress made of chiffon and knee-high brown boots that laced up, and while she was definitely stylish, Kairi couldn't help but feel envious of her flawless skin and pretty face.

"Can I help you?" she demanded of the rudely staring girl.

The girl shook her head vigorously, looking afraid, and quickly lowered her gaze to the sketchbook that rested atop her desk. Kairi eyed her warily for a moment longer before she faced the front. The teacher had entered the room now, and was calling off attendance. Kids were still trying to get in a few last bits of juicy gossip about Kairi before the bell rang, some of them glancing furtively back at her as if she were going to sprout two heads at any moment. She merely held their gaze, not wanting them to gain the upper hand over her. This year was different from Junior year. She had no plans to run away crying at every turn. She was going to face them all, whether they believed her story or not, and she was going to succeed in school. She wanted to graduate with everyone else more than anything, to prove that she could do something right to her father and mother, and a school full of bullies wasn't going to get in her way.

The blonde girl next to her continued to look over at her all through class, and when the bell rang for second period, Kairi felt as if she couldn't get out of there fast enough.

Fast forward to the last half of lunch, and Kairi was pouting at herself in the mirror in dismay. There was no way she was going to be able to finish out the rest of the school day looking and smelling like a garbage can. If she had thought she looked ugly before, she _definitely _looked hideous now. She reached up and picked a noodle up off of the top of her head, flicking it away from her with a scowl. This was ridiculous. Why couldn't people just let things go? She knew in her heart that she had told the truth, and her mother believed her, so that was all that mattered in Kairi's opinion.

She heard voices on the other side of the door, so she hurriedly scrambled into the handicap stall, sitting atop the toilet seat and pulling her knees to her chest. The voices were familiar, and she recognized them as belonging to two of the girls she had once called her close friends.

"Did you see her _face, _Fuu?" one of them snorted. "With all that food and shit . . . Yuck!"

"Disgusting," Fuu, the second girl, responded, and I heard makeup bags being unzipped.

The first girl, Olette, laughed scathingly. "I still can't believe she's actually back. After everything that happened last year, you'd think she'd bee too embarrassed. Seriously, I mean she told everyone her brother got her pregnant. Like, so fucking ew."

Kairi winced at hearing her ordeal come out of Olette's mouth as if it meant nothing—as if it truly were untrue, and that if it _were _true, then it was Kairi's fault that it had happened. She could remember the looks on Fuu and Olette's faces when she'd told them, how enraged they'd been that she would accuse the most popular guy in school and top choice on everyone's crush lists of impregnating and raping her. Of all people, Kairi had expected them to believe her, but they hadn't. They'd immediately jumped down her throat, and the next day at school, everyone was already treating her horribly.

"And the weird thing is she said it had been going on for like, ever," Olette said, lowering her voice conspiratorially.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I was the first person she told, and she said that it had been going on for years. Then, she wakes up pregnant, and so she told," Olette said. "I was like, ew, W-T-F, you were having a _relationship _with your adoptive brother?"

Fuu snorted, "Whore."

"Damn straight," Olette scoffed. "She probably was just slutting it up and blamed Riku to cover it up. She used to party _all _the time. One time, she . . ."

Kairi tuned them out, closing her eyes against the torrent of tears that were threatening to come out. It was hard to hear your old friends talk about you like that. It was hard to listen to them bashing you when all you could see inside your mind was happy memories of the good times you had shared. Kairi could distinctly remember shopping trips, sleepovers, and making lemonade in the Summer. She had told Olette about the nightmare she'd been experiencing because she had thought she could trust her—she wasn't prepared for her closet girlfriend to reject her like that.

"Well, whatever," Olette was finishing up. "I just don't know what in the Hell possessed her to come back this year. She's going to have a shitty time here at Destiny High . . ."

"Amen," Fuu agreed.

Kairi waited with bated breath for their heels to click-clack out of the bathroom before she let her feet hit the floor. She sat there, smelling like ketchup and staring blankly at the graffiti-covered stall walls, wondering where she went wrong in life to deserve the burdens that God had given her to carry. It was often said that God never gives you more than you can handle, but with each new hurdle she came across, Kairi was beginning to believe that statement was false.

One of the most important rules you learn as a child is to always tell the truth, but doing so had left Kairi with nothing.

The bell rang, and Kairi stayed right where she was for the rest of the day. She knew that she was being weak, like she had been the previous year when this was happening to her, but she couldn't do it. She just couldn't go back out there, especially not when she had been covered with food. She leaned her head against the wall and dozed off sporadically, her dreams drifting off into the land of mystery. When she woke up, she couldn't remember anything but the scent of juniper and daisy-peppered hills.

~x~

Kairi eventually snuck out of the bathroom about ten minutes after the final bell for the school day had rung. She looked left and right, as though she were about to cross a freeway, and then bolted down the hall toward the nearest stairwell. The building was nearly empty, the only sounds coming from groups of stragglers still heading out to the buses. Kairi knew that there were teachers, and she briefly felt remorseful about skipping her last three classes. She wanted this school year to be a good one academically—she had plans to walk the graduation stage in June—and she didn't want to be "that girl," the one who skips class to get out of turning in her homework, or something.

Kairi ran the rest of the way to her locker, practically slamming herself against it in her anxiety. She quickly turned the dial on the lock so she could retrieve her books and backpack, hoping that nobody saw her in the state she was in. It had been embarrassing enough when the guy had dumped his meal on top of her head, and she didn't want to repeat that. Heart beating fast, she threw the door open and scrambled to grab her things.

And that was when she heard his voice.

". . . Nahh, dude, for reals, though," he was saying to whoever it was that he was walking next to as he came strolling down the hall. "I just told her to quit freaking out. Like, I'm not going to fucking cheat on you, for the last time."

"Damn, bro," his friend responded. He had ice blonde hair that was obviously bleached, because his dark brown roots were peeking through, and sparkling blue eyes (that seemed to be the recurring theme here, didn't it?). His nose was pierced and he was wearing clothes similar to Sora's: skinny jeans, Nike kicks, and a V-neck. He went on to say, "I don't know how you constantly deal with that shit. It's like you guys are _always_ fighting."

Kairi gulped in terror and stuffed her face inside of her locker, hoping that they didn't notice her. Because ohmyGod, that was Sora and his smile was so bright, and holy Hell, that was the drummer of _Destiny's Embrace_, wasn't it? She started to tremble, because this was what she had tried to avoid all day. How coincidental that after she hides out all day and just now goes to her locker, trying to scoot outside without anyone seeing her covered in somebody else's lunch, and here he comes, waltzing down the hall like nobody's business . . . ? Was God _trying _to make her life miserable?

"Yeah, we're always fighting, but it's whatever," Sora replied, fingering the strap of his messenger bag. "She's cute, and—"

"Sora, who are we kidding?" the drummer smirked. "You just like fucking her."

Sora elbowed him sharply. "That's not _all _I like about her—"

Kairi blinked against the darkness of her locker where she was standing with her head poked into it. Sora was having sex with someone? She didn't know why it shocked her so much—he was almost nineteen, after all—and she couldn't stop her stomach from sinking. She had liked him once and she liked him still, and hearing that he was in a relationship with somebody only painfully reminded her of their lost friendship.

"She . . ." Sora's voice trailed off, and Kairi mentally cursed the Heavens. Their footfalls slowed until they halted completely, and then, "_Kairi_?"

'_Dear Lord God in the Heaven above, why are you doing this to me?!' _Kairi thought despondently as she slowly turned around to stare up at her incredibly tall, ridiculously attractive former best friend. Now that she was viewing him up close and not from behind the safety of her windshield, she could clearly see just how much his body and facial features had matured. His skin was smooth and his hair long and spiky, his eyes bright and clear, and oh? Were those biceps? Hallelujah.

"Y-You're back?" he asked, looking pale and astonished. His eyes studied her warily, taking in her disheveled appearance with a mixture of puzzlement and awe. It was as if she had died and was just now rising from the grave.

Kairi opened her mouth to speak, speechless and petrified, but Sora's bandmate beat him to it.

"Wait? Is this . . . _The _Kairi? The one who lied about Riku last year?"

The silent moment was shattered and Sora's mind seemed to come spilling back into his body. His eyes hardened and he set his mouth into a thin line, and Kairi pressed her back against the locker as if the metal would embrace her and whisk her away.

"What are you _doing _here?" Sora grated out through clenched teeth, both of his hands wrapped tightly around his backpack strap.

Kairi drew her shoulders back and reared herself up to her full height. She only reached his chest, and it was embarrassing, but it was the principle of the matter that counted most. She narrowed her eyes at him.

"Am I not allowed to go to school anymore now?" she demanded. "I want to graduate with everyone else."

Sora and his friend exchanged disgusted glances, and then he sneered down at her.

"You smell like shit," he remarked nastily. "And you weren't in class today when the teacher called your name. So you're obviously not very serious about it."

Kairi blinked. Of _course _she would have a class with the one boy who knew how to tear her apart with a single look. And of _course _that happened to be one of the three classes that she'd skipped out on. She wondered which one it was, but not for long before she hurried to defend herself. This year was supposed to be about success, not constantly crying in the bathroom until she was bullied into dropping out, like she had last year.

"For your information, I didn't ask to be covered in all this nasty . . . _Food_," she spat, tucking her hair behind her ears angrily. "And it's _none _of your business how I go about graduating . . ." She averted her eyes. "At least, not anymore. So just fuck off, Sora."

"_Oooh_," his friend hissed in amusement, laughing at the enraged expression that passed over Sora's handsome face.

Kairi slammed her locker door shut and stormed off, feeling simultaneously accomplished and forlorn. When she was younger, she never would have _dreamed_ of talking to Sora like that, and he would _never _have told her she smelled bad (which was mortifying, by the way). When she got to the doors that led outside, she paused momentarily and glanced back at Sora and his friend. They were still standing in front of her locker, conversing amongst each other most likely about her. As she stopped, he suddenly turned his head and stared right back at her. The look on his face nearly made her faint.

"_Sora! Sora! Wait up!"_

_Kairi skidded to a halt on the sidewalk as her ten-year-old best friend turned around to greet her. She bent over at the waist, placing her hands on her knees for support as she gulped in precious lungfuls of air. The redhead had never been athletic, though she rather enjoyed a good swim every now and then. Her chin-length hair was matted with sweat from her physical exertion coupled with the heavy sunlight, and she flushed with embarrassment at her appearance._

"_Where are you going?" she asked. "It's Summer! Weren't we supposed to go down to the beach today?"_

"_I just . . ." He lowered his head, his bushy brown spikes drooping with his dismay. Something was obviously wrong with him, because he'd abruptly walked out of her house without giving any reasoning behind it just moments ago. She'd immediately took off after him, chasing him up the hilly street._

"_Aw, come on," Kairi pleaded, pouting at him. He was the same height as her, as he always had been. "You promised me when you got back from your trip that you would."_

"_I don't really feel like it today, Kai," he said softly. "I just . . . I wanna go home."_

"_Well . . . Let me walk you there!" the nine-year-old exclaimed brightly, because she knew why he was sad. His Grandma had just passed away and, while he didn't really know her all that well, he had been acting really depressed as of late. So far, Summer had been a total bust. "I've hardly gotten to see you since school let out."_

"_O-Okay," he agreed, turning and starting to walk away._

_Determined to cheer him up, Kairi rushed ahead of him and started hop-skipping backward. She placed her fingers into her mouth and pulled her cheeks apart, blowing him a raspberry. He stopped walking and stared at her incredulously, though a smile tickled the corners of his lips. _

"_Stop, Kairi," he said, unable to hide the laugh. "I mean it—I'm really sad right now."_

"_I know," she giggled, leaping forward to throw her arms around his neck. "That's why I'm trying to cheer you up! Come on and smile—you always make me smile!"_

"_I don't know if I can, Kai . . ." he said, his arms hanging limply at his sides. There was that look again—that look of desolation and unbearably deep sorrow. Kairi didn't like seeing it there. It made her think of the time when she accidentally left her Play-Dough out on the table and it dried out, so she couldn't play with it anymore._

"_Then here," she said, letting go of him and looking around for something she could put to good use. She spotted a weed of some sort growing on the side of someone's yard, so she bent down and plucked it from the dirt. She turned and faced him, grinning wickedly._

"_What's that for?" he asked._

"_I'll let you tickle me for . . . Five whole seconds if you smile," Kairi said decidedly, waving the prickly weed back and forth tauntingly. She knew how much Sora loved to tickle her—it had cracked him up when he tickled her in the Spring and she peed her pants in Church—and she also knew that he wouldn't be able to resist her offer._

_Sora arched one eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. "Five whole seconds? Uninterrupted?"_

_Kairi smirked and nodded. "Uh-huh."_

_His cobalt blue eyes twinkled. "Ten seconds."_

"_No way!" she protested. "I'll go six-and-a-half, and that's it."_

_Sora pursed his lips. "Make it seven, and you've got yourself a deal!" He held his hand out, his face blank of any betraying emotions, so Kairi gladly took it to give it a good shake._

_She soon realized her mistake when he tackled her to the grass, forgoing the use of the weed and using his fingers to tickle her sides with reckless abandon. She laughed and squealed, trying to hold her bladder as he tortured her. When she looked up at him, he was smiling, and it was exactly what she had been hoping to see—a ray of golden sunshine in the middle of an otherwise cloudy day, and she was content._

_Kairi leaned up and planted a kiss on his cheek that caused him to halt his incessant tickling, and when she pulled back and wrinkled her nose at him, he gazed down at her in shock. He was blushing a bright red that rivaled the color of Spring apples, and it made Kairi laugh heartily. _

"_Wh-What was that f-for?" he stammered nervously, sitting down on his rump next to her in the grass. He kept a hand on his cheek, as if her kiss were tangible, and looked at her with uncertainty._

"_My brother says you kiss the ones you love," Kairi said, her words having more meaning than either of them could ever hope to understand. "And you're my best friend, Sora. So keep smiling, okay? Everything's gonna turn out fine!"_

_But as soon as the words left her lips, the smile faded from his eyes and the sadness returned, leaving Kairi feeling embarrassed and upset that her plan hadn't worked. She vowed then that she would do whatever it took to make him smile again, even if it took all Summer and all the tickle sessions in the world._

The memory faded into nothingness, and Kairi fought back tears. Sora was looking at her with that very same look right now, and she knew that she had failed. She had broken her promise to him, just as he had to her, and they were at a standstill. It was not so much a matter of betrayal as it was the actual matter of trust, the most delicate flower of all.

Funny how childhood friendships always seem to shatter the easiest, isn't it?

~x~

**A/N: Remember to ****leave a review****. Feedback helps me better my writing. Thank you~**


	2. Play Dates and Sand Castles

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey, I'm back! Thank you to those of you who reviewed, I hope you aren't disliking the pacing? Is it too fast or too slow? Let me know in your reviews! This chapter gets the plot started, though, so I hope you like it!**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. Neither does the band Icon For Hire or their song **_**Get Well. **_**However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities.**

**NOTES: This story will have some adult content so for now, it is rated T. Eventually, it will go up to M rating for obvious reasons as the plot progresses. I encourage you to stick with me until then.**

**ENJOY!**

~x~

_**Chapter Two**_

_~x~_

**Kairi** kept her head down as she walked down the hallways, as if her visible discomfort could keep her peers from whispering her name. It had been three days of this now, and so far, she wasn't feeling as though she wanted to drop out. However, whenever she crossed Sora's paths, or sat in class near him, she could feel the tension spreading thickly between them, and it made her want to throw up. She didn't hate him—by no means at all—but he certainly infuriated her. To say that she had been confused and betrayed when he'd rejected her wouldn't even be the half of it.

Currently, Kairi was trying to make her way to the class she shared with the aforementioned former best friend: Home Economics with Ms. Gainsborough. It was the period she had right after lunch, and while the actual content of the class was interesting to her, Sora's presence never failed to dampen her spirits. It was like constantly being reminded of your failures, day after day, never being able to get a breath of fresh air. She didn't know how much more of this she could take; after Hikari's death, she was barely staying afloat as it was.

The redhead pressed herself against the locker wall, as if trying to blend in with the metal, and opened the lock. She rummaged through her things, her mind wandering hither and thither. She had been through so much in such a short amount of time, and she felt weaker than she appeared to be. Sometimes, it was an internal struggle just to get out of bed in the morning. Life with Hikari hadn't even begun before it had been taken away from her, and now Kairi felt as though she were starting to break apart, cracking and splintering slowly from within. How much longer could she tough this out, this terrible void of darkness that was swallowing her whole?

She absentmindedly brushed her fingers across the ridge of her hipbone, closing her eyes. What lie there was a secret that she would never tell, no matter what the cost. Nobody could know, and frankly, nobody would care.

Kairi was alone, remember?

"H-Hello," came a timid greeting from behind her.

Kairi's eyes snapped open, shattering her reverie, and she glanced over her shoulder. The blonde girl from her homeroom was standing there wearing the exact same thing that she had been wearing on the first day of school. Actually, now that she thought about it, Kairi realized that she had noticed the petite blonde wearing that same chiffon dress and knee-high boots in homeroom every day since Monday. A frown tugged at her lips slightly, and she fixed the girl with a hard stare.

"Yes . . . ?" Kairi wasn't trying to be cold or mean; it was just that nobody wanted to talk to her unless it was to insult her or ask her if she was "really the girl who was pregnant with her own brother's baby." She wasn't really in the mood to have to deal with it any more than she had to. If the girl had something that she wanted to say, she needed to say it quick before Kairi just up and walked away.

The girl hugged her binder close to her chest, her blonde bangs falling into her baby blue eyes as she gazed at Kairi with something akin to an expression of awe.

"I'm s-sorry to bother you," she stammered. "I just . . . My name is N-Namine."

Kairi's face softened. This girl didn't seem too bad after all. She grabbed what she needed for home Ec, closed her locker, and then turned back around. Students in the hall seemed to be paying no attention to them any longer, Kairi noticed to her delight. It was as though Namine was a shield, and Kairi wondered if maybe having one friend was all it would take to get her through the school year. She resolved to be nice to this "Namine" girl in the hopes that they could not only be friends, but also that she could make it to graduation in peace.

"I'm Kairi," she said, holding her binder loosely against her right thigh. "Are you new, or something? You weren't here last year . . ."

"N-No." Namine lowered her gaze, and Kairi saw a sad look pass over her doll-like face. There was only the tiniest stab of jealousy in her heart at the sight of such beautiful skin, but she quickly squashed it. Namine went on to say, "I always used to stay in the Art classroom at lunch, and . . . I used to date your brother."

Kairi bristled, looking at Namine in a whole new light. She had dated Riku . . . ? There was no way with Riku's in-your-face attitude that he hadn't told Namine all about what Kairi had told everyone the year before. Was Namine here to harass her about it?

"You gonna ask me if it's true or not, then?" Kairi asked icily, balling the hand that wasn't holding onto her binder into a fist at her side. So much for having a friend . . .

Namine's cheeks tinged pink and she looked terrified. "N-No, Kairi!" she cried. "I just . . ." She hung her head, and said nothing more, looking defeated.

Kairi scowled. "Typical," she snapped. "You people are monsters—all you want is to see me suffer. Just stay away from me, Namine."

The look on Namine's face would have been heart-breaking if Kairi didn't know better than to let her guard down. She didn't know what Namine's true intentions were for coming up to her, but if she had dated Riku, then surely he had sent the blonde himself? Kairi hadn't seen Riku since . . . Since that day . . .

_Kairi stared down at the plastic she held in her hands. Her entire body was trembling as she sobbed violently, bones aching with sorrow. How could this have happened? How could she have thought that if she continued to hide her secret, then it would all just go away? Pain like this didn't just disappear—it grew and grew, festering until it became an awful, gaping hole in your spirit. She placed a hand over her stomach, almost as though she could feel it kicking already._

_ The seventeen-year-old's feet pounded against the hardwood as she bounded down the stairs and into the kitchen. Her mother was busy at the table, her work laying out in front of her and her fingers typing away rapidly on the keyboard of her laptop. Papers were strewn about the tabletop like confetti, and for some reason, seeing how oblivious her mother was to the horrors that had been taking place under her own nose for years was upsetting Kairi more than anything. Kairi stood in the middle of the kitchen, tears rolling unchecked down her cheeks as she took a deep breath._

_ "M-Mommy?" she said, her voice wavering in her distress._

_ "What, honey?" her mother snapped, for she hated to be interrupted during the work day. "I'm working!"_

_ "I'm . . . It's . . ." Kairi couldn't find the words to say it, and she dissolved into tears that were so loud and jarring that her mother whirled around to stare at her in extreme shock and worry. She dashed to her adoptive daughter's side, wrapping her arms around her and smoothing her fingers through Kairi's cropped crimson hair as the teenage girl sobbed into her chest._

_ "Tell me what's wrong, baby," her mother murmured soothingly. "Did you get into a fight with your friends?"_

_ "No," Kairi wailed. Then, without another word, she held up the pregnancy test, the tiny little sign marking that it was positive seeming to jump out at both of them. Her mother went rigid and her hands fell away from her daughter's shaking body._

_ "You're . . . Pregnant?" she whispered, her face pale with horror._

_ Kairi nodded._

_ "Do you know who the father is?" her mother asked. "Is it Sora? It's not Sora, is it?"_

_ "No, Momma!" Kairi screamed through her tears, throwing the test down onto the ground. "God, you don't understand __**anything**__!"_

_ "Understand . . . ? Sweetheart!" Her mother's voice broke as she, too began to cry. "Help me to understand . . . How could this have happened? How could you have . . . ?"_

_ Kairi buried her face in her hands and wept bitterly for a long moment, her heart beating erratically against her ribcage. The time had come. She couldn't hide it any longer—not now that the physical manifestation of his sins had come to be. She slowly lifted her head, looked her mother dead in the eyes, and told her the truth._

_ "Ask your __**son**__."_

_ Before her mother could react, both her father and her brother came blasting into the room, obviously having heard Kairi's confession, and in the next few minutes, everyone was shouting at the top of their lungs at one another. Kairi continued to cry, not understanding why this wasn't going the way that it was supposed to. The bible said to always tell the truth, and everything would turn out all right. So why was it all going so terribly, horribly wrong? Riku was glaring at her with those awful aquamarine eyes, the promise of pain dancing within them, and her father was enraged._

_ "Get out of my house!" he roared. "How dare you accuse my son of such sinful behavior?!"_

_ "Derrick, please!" Kairi's mother wailed when she realized how far this was going. "She's just a child! We just need to talk to her, and we can get to the bottom of it! She's our daughter—"_

_ Kairi's adoptive father exploded. "She is __**not **__my daughter! That . . . __**HARLOT **__. . . Is not my daughter!"_

_ Hearing the words tore a cry of loss and abandonment from the depths off Kairi's heart and she gazed up at her father through tears of desperation. He couldn't be serious . . . Could he?_

_ "Daddy!" she exclaimed. "Daddy, please, I'm sorry!"_

_ "Get out!" he shouted, pointing his finger out the doorway of the kitchen. "Get out! Get out! __**Get out**__!"_

_ So she did. She fled the house without taking anything with her, leaving everything she had mentally, emotionally, and physically behind in that house. Her chest ached with her father's rejection, and she thought she might never stop crying. She ran blindly, until she found herself on Sora's front lawn in a crumpled heap in the dirt and grass. She heard his mother's concerned cries coming from her garden, and then Sora's arms were around her and his parents were begging her to tell them what had happened._

_ Needless to say, they didn't believe her either._

_ Sora let go of her as if she were covered in open lacerations, all three of them looking at her in disgust. Kairi reached toward Sora, knowing that if she had no one else, he had to be there for her. He had promised to always protect her . . . Why was he shaking his head at her? Why was he pushing her away like that?_

_ "You're sick!" he was shouting. "Why are you saying this?!"_

_ "Because it's __**true**__!" Kairi protested. "Why won't you believe me?!"_

_ "Riku wouldn't __**do **__that!" Sora yelled, the tenderness he had for her fading rapidly from his azure eyes as his opinion of her quickly changed. He kept backing away from her, and with every step he took, she felt colder and colder. She just wanted him to hold her. He was her best friend. She __**needed**__ him._

_ "Sora, please," she whispered, digging her fingernails into her arms as she wrapped them around herself. Her face was pink and blotchy from crying, and she was close to hyperventilating. This was all too much for her to handle. She was only seventeen. She had been raped and sexually abused by her own adoptive brother since she was eight, and now she was pregnant! Why was she being punished for asking for help?_

_ Her vulnerability wasn't enough, because he never looked at her the same again. Nobody did, and she was lost. Dark. Frozen. _

_ Alone._

_ Kairi slept in the lobby of her church that night, whispering prayers to God for reprieve from the suffering._

Kairi turned and walked away from Namine with her shoulders drawn back and her head held high, preparing to face the next hurdle that the day would bring. She had yet to see Riku or his chilling smirk—the smirk that he'd given her the day she'd fled from her house, and the day she had dropped out of Junior year—and she didn't know if she could handle it. It was best to stay away from anyone and everyone that was associated with Riku in any way, shape or form.

She tried to catch one last glimpse of Namine, but the blonde was already gone.

~x~

Kairi took a seat as far away from Sora as she could, in the back corner of the class. She was the last student to straggle in, of course, which only served to make her the main attraction of the sideshow as she made her way between the aisles and desks. Everyone was staring at her—literally _everyone_—and she self consciously smoothed out the front of her black lace dress. Her eyes caught Sora's, but she immediately looked away when she saw the fire that burned within them. God, his hatred hurt so badly. It was taking everything she had in her to pretend like it didn't.

"Everyone, settle down," the teacher said from her desk at the front of the room. She brushed back her waist-length russet-colored braid and blinked a set of glittering emerald green eyes. She had a mischievous look about her and when she stood up, Kairi just knew they were goners.

"Project time!" she trilled gleefully, laughing at the collective groans that spread over the students. Ms. Gainsborough pranced over to the chalkboard and picked up a piece of chalk. She began to scribble some words down on the green canvas, grumbles and mutters of irritation passing back and forth between classmates. Only Kairi kept her mouth shut, because she had no one to share her annoyance with, and her eyes slid over to the left.

Sora was leaning over in his seat, talking quietly with the blonde that Kairi had seen him with on Monday—she now knew that his name was Tidus, and while he had expressed shock at finding out who she was, he was the only person so far who didn't really seem to be all that bothered by her presence. The past few days, he'd seemed to like to throw her surreptitious looks over his shoulders in class, and if she ever glowered at him, it only made him grin devilishly and lean over to whisper something to Sora. It was maddening; Kairi wanted to know why it was that he felt the need to stare at her so often, and what in the Hell he kept saying to Sora. It was obviously about her, she wasn't dumb—she knew when someone was gossiping about her in front of her face.

"The united front of men and women in an everlasting partnership that spans the tests of time!" Ms. Gainsborough suddenly said. Everyone turned their eyes to the front, and she whirled around in a swirl of skirts with a big grin on her pretty face.

"What are you talking about?" someone asked, sounding confused.

"Otherwise known as . . . Marriage!" She clapped her hands gleefully. "I'm sure you've heard about this project all through your years of going here—it's usually the Seniors' favorite part of the year."

"Why?" Sora asked, folding his hands behind his spiky-haired head and leaning back nonchalantly in his seat. "Because it's the only time half of the nerds will get to know what it's like to have a girlfriend?"

Amused laughter broke out across the room, and Ms. Gainsborough put her hands on her hips. She fixed Sora with a stern look, to which he merely shrugged, and she rolled her eyes. Kairi couldn't help but stare at the back of his head. Funny that Sora mentioned nerds because up until Freshman year, he'd _been _one. Sora was so different now, though . . . He had always been more on the shy side. When he'd become friends with Kairi's brother, she had been surprised, because Riku was so popular and outgoing and Sora was just . . . Not. Riku was football, parties, sex, drugs, illegal things . . . And Sora was Yu-Gi-Oh, Magic: The Gathering, and his favorite subject was Trigonometry.

Trigonometry.

In the ninth grade.

"Ms. Gainsborough!" It was a girl that Kairi recognized as someone she had been acquainted with since middle school, but who now thought she was the scum of the earth. Her name was Selphie, and she was usually seen hanging around Fuu and Olette. She asked, "What's this project about? Why is it so popular? Are we getting married, or something?"

"In a sense of the word, Miss Tilmitt," Ms. Gainsborough said excitedly. She addressed the whole class. "What you'll be doing is partnering up with people who match your personalities and simulating the act of marriage. Meaning that you get to explore what it's like to live a married life. And yes, there will be a test _and _an essay."

"That's stupid," some girl blurted out. "What if we get paired up with some creepy kid, or something?"

"This is _your _project—and it will affect whether or not you graduate," Ms. Gainsborough said with a sweet smile. "You can either choose to live your life based upon appearances, or you can do it judging by the way a person treats you. Don't worry; you'll be taking an aptitude test that measures your personality traits, and then it matches you with the person you'd most likely succeed in a partnership with."

As Ms Gainsborough started passing out sheets with questions and bubbles to fill in on them, Kairi felt her heart begin to ice over with dread. What if she got paired up with someone she didn't know, or who wanted to harass her about what happened the previous year? Or worse . . . What if she was partnered up with Sora?

God couldn't be _that _cruel. There was no way. Just no way, not after what she had suffered through.

. . . Right?

Half-hour later, Kairi planted her forehead hard against the top of her desk and cursed her luck. As if things couldn't get any fucking worse? Like, seriously? She heard chairs scraping as people moved to sit next to their partners, but Kairi didn't make any movements. At all. She was too busy cursing the ground that she walked upon, mentally demanding that it give her her money back. She heard footsteps pounding all over the room, laughter from friends who'd gotten lucky and grumbling from those who hadn't, and then he was standing next to her desk.

She slowly lifted her head up and sat back in her chair, staring unblinkingly up into his unsettling azure eyes. His expression was blank, but Kairi had known Sora for more than a decade—he was _not _happy about this arrangement.

"This—_this—_is bullshit," he said, holding up his forefingers and gesturing from her to himself in exasperation. "Total and complete _bullshit_."

Kairi tensed and clenched her fists in her lap. If she was any weaker of a person, she might not have said anything in response. But since she wasn't, she let him have it.

"I didn't ask for this to happen, Sora," she hissed, narrowing her eyes and holding his angry gaze firmly. "I never ask for any of the shit that happens to me to happen, all right? So just grow the fuck up, sit down, and deal with it."

He blinked, apparently not used to the change that had come over her, either. Though to be quite frank, Kairi had always been the feisty one of the pair. Sora was the one who had changed the most—he never used to cuss, and from the things he sang about in his band, he wasn't as innocent and naïve as he once had been.

But then again, Kairi's innocence had been violently stolen from her when she was a child, so who was she to make assumptions based on naïveté?

Sora plopped down in the seat next to her, and Kairi glanced around the room. Most of the students were chatting amiably amongst themselves, but a few of them were eyeing Sora and her with anticipation. Were they waiting for them to start fighting, or something? Kairi shook her head and opened her binder and notebook to a fresh page. Ms. Gainsborough had told them to start writing down some things about their partners—things that they wanted to do in their futures, their hobbies and interests, and their views on kids and politics. As Kairi and Sora sat there in stubborn silence, Kairi didn't realize that she was writing down things without really knowing what she was writing. Her hand flew furiously across the page, and it wasn't until Ms. Gainsborough appeared beside her desk that she snapped out of her dazed state and looked up.

"How did you do that?" Ms. Gainsborough asked, audibly amazed.

"Do . . . What?" Kairi asked, bemused. Everyone was looking at her again, some of them probably thinking nasty thoughts simply due to the fact that she was alive.

"Sora, take a look at what she's written—is this information about you correct?" She took the sheet of paper that Kairi had been writing all over and handed it to Sora. His eyes apprehensively scanned the page, the expression on his face slowly softened into one of shock.

"Yeah," he said slowly. "It is."

"How did you _do _that?" Ms. Gainsborough snatched the paper back. "His future plans, his hobbies and interests, his views . . . I didn't even hear you guys speak a word to each other! Are you guys friends?"

"We were," Kairi said testily, gently taking the paper back and clipping it back into the rings of her binder. "I just remembered, is all."

"Impressive . . . No wonder your guys' answers on the personality test were so similar . . ." Ms. Gainsborough tapped her chin thoughtfully. "This could be an interesting quarter . . ."

"They were?" Kairi and Sora said simultaneously, exchanging glances.

"Yes," she responded. "They were almost perfectly matched, give or take a few. Are you sure you're not friends . . . ?"

"We're sure," Sora said, and the tone in his voice showed everyone who heard him that he still very much despised Kairi. The redhead turned her face away and stared hard at the classmates in front of her. They hurriedly turned back around, because bullies never like to be confronted, and Ms. Gainsborough sighed.

"Well, then maybe this project will help you two to resolve your differences, and perhaps learn a few things about adulthood along the way." She started toward the front of the class, raising her voice. "Which is what I want you _all _to take with you when the quarter is over, and the project is complete! Ask yourself these questions: Is marriage really about love, or just physical attraction? Can two people from completely different walks of life really join together in ~holy matrimony~ and succeed? And most importantly of all . . . How easy is it to become one with another person and still retain the essence of who you are inside?"

The bell rang, and the sounds of people packing up rose to the ceiling, mixed with the exclamations of annoyance from Kairi's peers. Many of them thought the project was going to blow, a few were excited about it, and two were royally pissed.

Those two just so happened to be named Sora and Kairi.

"Your homework this weekend will be to meet up with your partner and come up with the thesis of your essays. Remember, this is an essay about _marriage_—not your partner's physical attributes. That goes for you, Tidus."

"Whaaaaa?" Tidus wailed, throwing his hands up defensively as students straggled out the door, chuckling.

"I saw you staring at my boobs while we were _supposed _to be working," his partner, a girl with horn-rimmed glasses and a brunette bob huffed as she shuffled papers on her desk. "If it were up to me, I'd be choosing another, more _respectful _partner."

"Aw, come on, Yuna," Tidus cooed, chasing after her as she breezed out of the room.

Sora and Kairi were the last ones out, and before he made a break for it, Kairi called his name and stopped him.

"So . . . We doing this at my place or yours?" Kairi asked bluntly, a deadpan expression on her face. For some reason, when he turned to look at her, she felt like running away and hiding. All she could think about was how ugly she must look to him, and how disgusted he must be by her. And now they were stuck in a three-month long project together? He must _really _detest her now, especially after Ms. Gainsborough had pretty much announced to the room that they were a "perfect match." According to the entire student body of Destiny High, Kairi was the school slut and Sora was one of the most popular, attractive guys on the entire _island _due to his place in _Destiny's Embrace_. He probably didn't want it spreading around that they were "perfect" together.

"Neither," he retorted haughtily. "We aren't doing this shit as a 'we' at all. I'll do my part on my own, you do yours, and then we'll put our names on each other's shit in class every day."

Kairi's jaw dropped. "Are you kidding me, Sora? No way!"

"I'm not working with _you_," he said with a shrug, looking her up and down as if she were covered in toxic waste. "Just being around you reminds me of how much I don't like you."

Kairi's mind was reeling. His words were so biting, so fiery, so _hateful_ and _mean_. Didn't he know that words were sharper than knives? That whatever he said to her would stick inside of her heart forever? Did their entire friendship mean _nothing _to him? All of their memories were naught but dust in the wind to him. The time he taught her to swim . . . The first time they ever went to the city amusement park alone together . . . The chilly nights spent huddled together on the beach for warmth as they pretended they were lost in a desert wasteland. He had whispered promises to her, a boy of just nine, telling her he would always keep her safe. Did he just wipe it all from his mind?

Angry tears glittered in her eyes and she averted her gaze. She didn't want him to see her cry ever again. Not after the day she'd run to him and he'd pushed her away, calling her sick and telling her to stay away from him.

"Look," she said, her voice wavering. "I'm not asking you for a miracle, all right? I just want to graduate, and it would just be _easier_ if you cooperated." He started to speak, but Kairi fixed her eyes directly on his and tried her damndest to convey all of the pain and torment she'd suffered since being shunned in that one single glance. He immediately shut his mouth. "Please, Sora. It's only for three months."

"Fine," he muttered. "Fucking fine."

"Thank you," she sighed in relief.

He scowled and shook his head. "But don't take this the wrong way. I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this because I want to graduate, too."

"Whatever," Kairi shrugged. On the outside, she put on the face of a girl who didn't care what anyone thought of her, let alone Sora. But on the inside, she couldn't help but feel her heart soaring. Whether he agreed to work with her or not, she was just happy that she was going to get the chance to be by his side again.

"We'll meet in _public_ places, all right?" he sighed heavily.

Kairi felt her temper flare and she glowered at him. "I'm not some mass murderer, Sora. I'm not going to stab you in the night, or some stupid shit."

"Hey!" he barked suddenly, causing her to flinch at the loudness of his voice. He was glaring at her furiously. "We're doing this _my _way, or not at all, got it?"

Kairi threw her eyes heavenward and reigned in her fury. Sora had always been stubborn, but never controlling and domineering. This was a new side of him, and she didn't know if she liked it. Then again, there were a lot of things about him now that she didn't like.

"_Sure_, what the fuck _ever_," she finally breathed, hugging her binder tightly. "Public places; I got it."

"Good," he said.

They exchanged numbers, albeit quite awkwardly, and then Kairi watched him walk off to his next class with a mixture of emotions swirling within her heart. Part of her was angry at him for being such a total asshole, and part of her was scared of how he was going to treat her when they were alone. Would he become vulnerable and therefore crueler toward her? Or would he simply ignore her and treat her like she was stupid? But in spite of her fears and worries, her optimism overshadowed all. It beat its beautiful wings inside of her, lighting her up from within and showing her that perhaps things didn't have to be _all _bad. Maybe she could win his trust back, get him to believe the truth?

Kairi still believed wholeheartedly in their friendship, even if he didn't.

~x~

When Kairi got home, she stood in front of Hikari's door for an hour without moving to pee or even to pet Memory on the head. Her legs were tired and her head ached from crying, and she hated herself for not being strong enough to go inside the room. Because she didn't want to see what lay inside; didn't want to be reminded of her sins. As soon as she'd gotten home, she'd fallen apart, the memory of Sora's hatred burning too brightly and the void in her heart expanding until it dragged the emotions out of her eyes.

Her mother came by with groceries, and Kairi barely even noticed her. She stood in the hall behind her daughter, one hand on her hip and the other on her forehead as she worried and worried and worried. Because her daughter just hadn't been the same since this all happened, and she never would be now that Hikari was gone. So she waited until Kairi had cried herself out, and took her into her arms when she began crying anew.

"You have to let go," she murmured into her daughter's crimson red hair. "You have to heal."

"I can't," Kairi sobbed, clutching at her mother with the same amount of desperation that she had felt that horrible day when the blood had come pouring out of her womb. "Mommy, I can't."

"You _have_ to," her mother replied. "It's the only way things will get better."

Kairi bitterly pushed her away. "Things will _never _get better, Mom," she spat as she walked into the kitchen. She started loudly and forcefully putting away the food, her face still wet with tears.

Kairi's mother came to stand in the living room, watching her eighteen-year-old daughter bustle about with mixed emotions in her eyes. Kairi had always liked to pretend, ever since she was a child. If it wasn't scaring herself silly with her own made up fantasies when she was six, it was falling in love with imaginary heroes when she was eight. And then she'd met Sora, and all she could do was play make believe with him, and you know what? Now she understood why her daughter was so upset.

"You saw Sora today, didn't you?" her mother asked.

"I saw him on the first _day_, Mom," Kairi muttered, shoving cans of soup onto the pantry shelves "So what?"

"So . . . Is that why you're so upset?"

"No," Kairi said, and they both knew it was a lie. The redhead went back to the counter and picked Memory up, putting her back down on the floor. The fluffy white puppy dog had never learned to stay off the counters. Kind-of was Sora's fault though, because he'd tried to train her before he gave her to Kairi for Christmas when she was fourteen. He'd saved up all Summer from working around his father's shop, and he'd somehow managed to teach her many things like Sit, Roll Over, and not to "potty on the carpet." But he hadn't been able to teach her to stay off the counters.

Kairi blinked rapidly to hold back her tears and started gathering up the empty plastic bags from Albertson's, shaking her head as if to convince herself that everything truly was fucked, and she would never have him in her life the way she wanted him to be again.

"We got stuck on a project together," Kairi told her mother as she closed the refrigerator door. "Like . . . A project that lasts the entire quarter."

"And? Maybe you two can make up!" Her mother said, eyes brightening. She came around the edge of the counter to embrace her daughter.

"It's a _marriage_ project, Momma," Kairi sighed. "Like, we legitimately have to simulate being married."

"Not sexually, I hope?!" her mother replied, sounding alarmed.

Kairi rolled her eyes. "_No_, Mother, it's just like with assignments and stuff. We have to write this stupid essay and we have this homework we were supposed to do this weekend—making our thesis or something dumb."

"Well, why don't you just ask for a new partner?"

Kairi frowned. "Can't. We were paired up based on personality matches. Sora and I matched up perfectly." She forced a smile onto her face, though what she really wanted to do was go lock herself inside her bedroom and weep unashamedly into her pillows.

"Really?" Her mother raised her eyebrows and put her hands on her hips. "Well . . . Then I suppose you'll just have to put your all into it, and do a good job, won't you?"

Kairi shot her a look, but her mother was stern.

"Kairi, I'm not paying for you to live in this apartment by yourself with no supervision so you can fail your classes simply because you and your friend don't like each other. And Kairi . . . !" She held up a hand for silence. "Kairi, despite what happened to you last year—"

"Mom!" Kairi cried angrily. "It wasn't just _last year_. It was the entire time since you guys _adopted _me. You _know _that! Why do you always try to deflect what happened to me and make it sound like some unfortunate mishap?!"

"I'm not trying to deflect anything," her mother protested. "I'm just trying to help you overcome it."

"By ignoring it and pretending like it never happened?" Kairi scowled and turned her face away from her mother. "God, Mom, you just don't get it, do you? I told the truth, and I got fucked. And now look where I'm at. I don't _want _to work with Sora, but I'm going to do it anyway because I want to graduate. So don't freak out, okay?"

Her mother's eyes softened, but she still said, "Don't use that language around me. That's not nice language."

"Yeah, yeah," Kairi said, allowing her mother to give her another hug and a chaste kiss on the top of the head. "But this is still gonna suck."

"You'll do just fine," her mother said, moving away from her and toward the door. "Anyway, I have a meeting, so I'd better get going. I'll call you later, though."

"Okay," Kairi said with a little wave. "Love you."

"I love you, too, sweetie . . ."

Kairi locked the front door behind her mother and heaved a sigh. It was always the same with her—she loved her mother to death, but she just didn't understand the gravity of the ordeal Kairi had been through. The fact that Kairi was still sane was remarkable for a girl in her shoes. Any other girl that had been sexually abused for twelve years would be either in a mental hospital, therapy, or dead. Kairi's finger once again went to her hip, where she could feel the haphazardly placed scars marring her skin and grimaced. It had been a long time since she'd allowed herself to descend into her depression, but with the way things were going, it was only a matter of time before Sora said something that made her snap.

Memory whimpered down by her feet. Kairi glanced down at her, gazing into beady black eyes that held no blame or dislike, and she couldn't help but smile. She leaned down and picked up the little Maltese, remembering how Sora's eyes had shone when he'd first given her the dog. He had been worried that Kairi wouldn't like her, and his palms were sweating so much that his hand slipped off of the doorknob when he'd gone to let Kairi into the laundry room where he'd been keeping Memory.

"_Don't freak out, okay?" Sora said with a visible gulp._

_ Kairi giggled and reached over to push his sweat-dampened bangs away from his forehead. He flinched beneath her touch, and she laughed._

_ "Silly, what are you so nervous about? What do you have to show me?"_

_ Her answer was a loud yipping noise, and her heart nearly burst out of her chest. She let out an exclamation of excitement and shoved past Sora to open the door to his family's laundry room. The sight of the miniscule little Maltese dog, no bigger than a bottle of soda, was enough to make Kairi melt into a puddle of liquid silver on the ground. She fell to her knees in front of it and it immediately leapt up into her lap and tried to crawl up the front of her chest. _

_ "Oh, Sora, is it for me?" Kairi asked eagerly, kissing the puppy all over its head and nose. "Is it?"_

_ "Y-Yeah," he said sheepishly, coming around to kneel in front of her. "I hope you like her, I . . . I've been keeping her a secret from you for a while." The fourteen-year-old's cheeks slowly turned bright pink and blue eyes met cerulean in an expression of love and friendship. "So . . . I know it's not Christmas for another few days, but . . . Well, Merry Christmas!"_

_ "Thank you, Sora!" Kairi gushed, hugging the puppy close. "What's her name . . . ?"_

_ "It's stupid, but I named her Memory," Sora said quietly, his eyes lowering to the linoleum. His bushy brown spikes fell forward as he hung his head, looking thoroughly embarrassed. "B-Because the m-memory of when I f-first met you was the hap-happiest memory in my en-entire life."_

_ Kairi simply stared at him in shock, the thirteen-year-old hardly being able to understand what Sora had just said. He was her best friend and he had been for years, but what he had just told her meant more to her than play dates and sand castles. It was everything that summed them up, all rolled into one, and this was the best Christmas present she had ever received._

_ "Sora, you're my very best friend," Kairi said, cradling the puppy gently and staring down at her as if she were made of diamonds. "Don't ever change, okay?"_

_ Sora blushed even redder and fell back onto his bottom, as if her words had physically shoved him. "Eh? Kairi, you're being weird . . ."_

_ Kairi shook her head and giggled, looking at him with tears of joy in her eyes. "Just promise me, all right?"_

_ "O-Okay . . ."_

Kairi burrowed her head into Memory's fur, taking a shuddering breath as she fought against the sea of emotions that moved within her. Where was the Sora she once knew? Where was the best friend who had made countless promises to her? When they were eight, he had promised to be her hero, her knight-in-shining-armor, her protector . . . Her _friend_. He was so heartbreakingly different now, with the way he dressed and the way he acted. No doubt his role in _Destiny's Embrace _had some hand to play in it, and possibly Riku's influence over him, not to mention every teenager's hidden desire to be accepted by the popular kids. But did the years they shared as friends no longer exist? Those warm Summer nights, roasting marshmallows on sticks over fires that their parents had created for them. Cold Winters spent inside Sora's room, playing video games with his cousin, drinking hot cocoa. Even the times when he had walked her home from school had been special. She just wanted him back.

Her phone began to ring, _Get Well _by Icon For Hire singing out of the speakers, and she scrambled to answer it.

"Um . . . Kairi?"

Kairi nearly dropped the phone, her heart stopping in surprise. She wasn't exactly shocked that this call was coming, but part of her hadn't thought he'd actually call. He didn't sound angry or hateful, or anything, and hearing his voice coming out of the speakers with such clarity made her knees weak.

It was Sora.

~x~

**A/N: So the plot thickens~~~~ How will this project go? Will Namine and Kairi ever be friends? What will happen when Kairi finally comes face-to-face with Riku again? Remember to ****leave a review****. Thanks for reading!**


	3. Nightmares, Phone Calls, and Friendship

_**Chapter Three**_

~x~

**The** first time that Sora had ever called Kairi on the phone, it had been nothing short of an awkward disaster. First off, they'd only been nine. Nine year olds aren't exactly the most technology-savvy kids, and Sora was the clumsiest dolt out there, so you can imagine how he could have possibly screwed up something as simple as a telephone call. He'd managed to accidentally hang up on her three times before they got past the initial "_Hello?_" and by the time he actually got around to asking her what she was doing, Kairi's attentions had already been drawn elsewhere. Sora called back so many times that her father had literally forced her away from her Barbie dolls so she could talk to him and keep the confused ten-year-old boy from blowing up their phone line.

Long story short, their phone conversation ended up lasting an entire hour, most of which was filled with Sora saying "Um" about ten million times and Kairi actually thinking that if she set the phone down on the floor with the receiver facing her, then Sora would be able to see her perform her dance for him.

As light-hearted as that first phone conversation had been all those years ago, the phone conversation she was currently having with Sora in the present day was anything but.

"S-Sora?" Kairi stammered, blinking in shock at hearing his voice.

"Well, _yeah_," he said, and the hostility had returned. "Who else would it be?"

Kairi bristled. "I _have _friends who call me, you know," she lied

Sora snorted, "Sure you do. Anyway, I didn't call you to 'talk'. I—"

"Then why _did _you call?" Kairi butt in.

"Fuck, were you _always _this annoying?" Sora growled. "I _called _because of our _project_. Fucking duh, Kairi."

"What do you want then?" Kairi shot back, pretending that his words didn't bite deep.

"Let's meet tonight," he said. "I have things to do this weekend, so it's best we do it now."

"What? I can't—I'm all the way out in the hills. That'd waste so much gas, Sora!" she protested.

"You're out in the hills?" The phone made a few crackling noises, as if he was shifting it from one ear to the other, and then she could faintly hear the sounds of someone tuning their guitar. She wondered if it was him, or if he was with some of his bandmates. "Why are you out there?"

Kairi sighed, not really wanting to talk about it with him. He hated her anyway, so what was the point of giving him the details about what had happened to her after her father had kicked her out? Sora wouldn't care, and if anything, he'd just think she was an idiot for living on her own all the way out in the boonies. Most of the Islands' crimes happened out in the hills, and frankly, it kind-of _was _dangerous for her to be living in her own apartment all by her lonesome. But she knew that if he expressed any of those sentiments, it would be because he literally thought she was an idiot, and not in an affectionate way.

"I live here," was all she said. "Anyway, what could you possibly have to do that's more important than homework? Sora, I thought you said you wanted to graduate . . . ?"

"Um, I have a life, Kairi, unlike _you_," he scoffed. "And you know what? Fuck it, I'll just tell you. I've got band practice, all right? We've got a show coming up in October, and we need to practice as much as possible."

Kairi nearly exploded at the seams. "You're so fucking _rude_, Sora!"

"And you're a liar." His voice was calm, but behind it, Kairi could detect a note of danger that she had never heard in it before. She felt as though if she were in front of him right at that moment, she would have been terrified.

"Woooow, Sora," she said, shaking her head in disbelief. "This is gonna be an awesome three months."

"_No, _babe, get _off_! Don't touch that, like seriously?" he suddenly shouted, and it was so loud and angry-sounding that it made Kairi flinch.

"_What _did you just call me?" she asked, sounding a bit breathless.

"What? No, Kairi," he grumbled. "I was talking to my _girlfriend_. Xion! Stop fucking touching my guitar! Like, what the actual fuck?" He lowered his voice to a mutter. "She fucking _knows _that I never let anybody touch my guitar."

Ever seen the movie _Mean Girls_? Remember how Cady spirals down so far that her thoughts keep coming out without her being able to stop them? She calls it "word vomit," and it gets her into more trouble than she wants to be in. Well, that was what happened to Kairi, and man, did she regret it.

"You let _me _touch your guitar . . ." Kairi murmured, her hands growing clammy with nervous sweat. She remembered when he'd first received it for Christmas. He hadn't even finished opening the rest of his presents before he scurried to call her home phone and promised to teach her how to play it. He'd then spent the rest of Winter break trying to do so, but seeing as Sora was rather clumsy, it hadn't gone very well. At least, back then he had been clumsy. As they'd gotten older, Kairi had only caught glimpses of his former clumsiness. He seemed to be entirely focused on doing things the "right" way when they got to high school, and he got moody and upset when something of his was done less than perfectly. Now, with the way he played so expertly, Kairi was starting to see that maybe his attentiveness to perfection had paid off?

Still . . . What was she _thinking_, saying something like that? She slapped her forehead with her palm and waited for him to go off on her.

There was a long, heavy silence full of a thousand unspoken words. Kairi looked at the ceiling, cursing her stupidity, and then Sora sighed.

"I have to go," he said, obviously 100% done with the conversation. "I just have to go. I'll see you later, Kairi."

"But what about the thesis?" Kairi asked mutedly, her earlier anger having faded with the pressing embarrassment.

"We'll just do it this weekend, I guess," he murmured, and for the first time since seeing him again, he seemed subdued. "Later."

Before she could say anything else, the line went dead, and Kairi was left feeling worse than she had in a long, long time.

~x~

Sora did not, in fact, call her to meet up and work on the thesis. At school on Friday, he was there, but he skipped Home Ec, leaving her to sit at her desk doing nothing while everyone else was working on their introductory paragraphs. Saturday went by, and then Sunday, and she heard nothing from him. She waited as long as she could, and then on Sunday night, she did the homework on her own. She wrote her thesis based on how she was feeling at that particular moment, which probably wasn't the best idea, seeing as she was a "woman scorned."

"Hah!" she had said triumphantly as she brought her mechanical pencil down to the empty sheet of notebook paper that lie in front of her. She winked down at Memory, who was lying on the floor in front of the couch and watching her curiously. "Memory, witness this genius, and never forget it. '_Marriage is a complicated dance of tragedy, lies, and deceit that will ultimately end in divorce. In America, over fifty percent of marriages end up in separation or divorce, the majority of American men have admitted to having an affair with another woman, and American society has allowed men to believe that it is okay to put impossibly high standards on women to be beautiful.' _Well, what do you think, Mem? Gosh, I love being a feminist."

The dog blinked.

Kairi nodded knowingly. "You think it's remarkable, too? Good, 'cuz it is. I'm tired of his rude, misogynistic, lazy, betraying, promise-breaking ass getting away with everything . . . He tossed me aside, and so now, I'm gonna get back at him." She wrote her name and his down on top of the paper, and then at the last moment, turned the pencil over and erased his name. She smirked—there was no way he was getting credit for being, as she had said, a "rude, misogynistic, lazy, betraying, promise-breaking ass."

Getting an idea, Kairi smirked and skipped over to the dining table, where she had placed her phone. She picked it up, went to the Phone option, and selected the only other number that had called her besides her mother in months. Giggling madly, she saved it in her contacts under "Misogynist Ass" and pranced back to the couch. She plopped down on it, her hair bouncing up and down, and then she grinned down at the dog. Memory was now standing up, having gotten excited when Kairi had gotten up so suddenly, and Kairi could no longer resist. She played with the dog for a while, remembering that there was once a time when Sora wasn't a misogynistic ass, and that the boy who had given her the beloved pet Maltese was the boy that she had long ago fallen in love with.

But now, as Kairi was staring up fearfully into Sora's blazing azure eyes on Monday afternoon, his arms boxing her in against the locker, she was almost regretting using her thesis to make it seem as if Sora was ruled by societal male privilege.

_Almost_.

Kairi had been calmly grabbing her Anatomy binder out of her locker after Home Ec when a fist had slammed against the locker beside her so suddenly that she'd screamed, drawing the attention of everyone and their mother in the hallway. She had immediately turned around, and had to take a step back, finding that the locker prevented her from doing so. So she flattened herself against it and tried not to see Riku in the way that Sora was glaring down at her; tried not to start crying as memories of what Riku had done to her attacked her psyche. It was just that Sora was so much taller and it was obvious to see that he worked out due to the way, when she glanced to the side, his corded muscles were flexing in his biceps.

"What the _Hell _is your problem?" he yelled, obviously enraged.

"What are you t-talking about?" Kairi yelled back, her voice faltering a bit out of fear.

He leaned his head in closer to her, his chin-length bangs casting shadows over his eyes, and then growled, "Your fucking thesis? Like, what the Hell were you trying to say?"

A memory of when Ms. Gainsborough had fawned all over her thesis in class just that day flickered to life in Kairi's mind and she couldn't help but smirk. So it _had _pissed him off. _Good_. She lifted her chin defiantly.

"That if we were to be in a marriage, you'd be an abusive, controlling asshole with impossible to meet standards for your wife," she bit out. "Why so defensive, So-_ra_?"

"Dammit, Kairi!" He punched the lockers again, and Kairi was unable to keep herself from jumping. She went pale when the look in his eyes changed and the corner of one side of his mouth turned up in a lazy half-smile. "We're supposed to be simulating a real marriage, huh?"

"Y-Yeah," she stammered, and then found her courage. "And that means that if you want a say in what goes on the homework, then you need to follow through and actually help me with it! You didn't call me all weekend, and left me to do it on my own. So I picked the topic of our project."

"Fine, Kai-_ri_," he said, his voice smooth as gold and sending a strange chill through Kairi's body. He was looking at her differently now, and it was absolutely terrifying. Sora came even closer, his lips by her right ear and she was startled when he grabbed the opposite hip in a vicelike grip.

"S-Sora?" She felt her heart jump not only because she was scared, but because she would give _anything _to be close to Sora like this when he _didn't _hate her. "What are y-you . . . ?"

"You want to simulate _controlling_?" he murmured, and her knees went weak. "Then let's simulate _controlling._" He pulled her lower body up against his, and Kairi heard collective gasps and whispers sliding throughout the crowded hallway. She blushed bright red and pushed against his chest, but it was like trying to move a brick wall.

"Sora!" she exclaimed in shock.

"_Change_ the fucking _thesis_," he snarled, letting her go and punching the locker again. He narrowly missed her eye by a centimeter, leaving Kairi gasping for breath and clutching her heart as it threatened to beat its way out of her chest. She gazed up at Sora with a mixture of astonishment, horror, and sorrow. When had he become this person? When had he become this person toward _her_?

Sora fixed her with one last murderous, disgusted glare, and then stormed off.

Kairi's chin trembled, and she quickly hid her face in her locker before anyone saw her bitter tears.

~x~

Kairi headed to the Library after school to do some research on something for her AP History class, her mind a cloud of dark emotions. Her day had been emotionally trying at best, and she was looking forward to the peace and quiet that a sea of books never failed to provide. Exhaustedly, she signed in on the sheet the Librarian thrust in her face and then wandered toward the History section.

Sora's behavior had been not only alarming, but just plain _terrifying_. He had _never _used to be so . . . So _angry_. The way he had touched her . . . She could still feel his fingers searing into her hips, pulling her against him, and his breath in her ear. "_Let's simulate __**controlling**__." _Kairi didn't want to be controlled, not by anyone, and especially not by him. Riku had already controlled her enough to affect her life in the present day. If Sora had become like him, like the monster that haunted her dreams . . . It would be the end of her.

Kairi's cerulean eyes scanned the books. She was supposed to be looking up facts about the little-talked about Korean War, which believe it or not, the redhead actually found interesting. Something about forgotten war heroes made her heart leap. She saw herself in them, in some ways. Men who had left their families and homes to fight battles they did not have to, and all to help another country gain their independence. Kairi felt like she had fought a war and now, standing on the grounds of Destiny High when everyone was disgusted by her, she felt like a veteran. Of course, everyone's sacrifices are great, no matter how miniscule they may seem to others, but Kairi sometimes felt as though she'd had to sacrifice more than any teenage girl ever should. She'd lost her _child_; didn't that count for something?

Thinking of Hikari was _not _what she wanted to be doing when she was trying to focus on schoolwork, so Kairi hurriedly selected a book called _Korean War: History of Separation _and jogged over to one of the cushioned chairs nearby. She set her bag down and sunk into the seat, relieved to finally be off her feet. After being relentlessly teased and questioned and harassed all day, sometimes, a nice fluffy chair was all you needed.

Kairi skimmed the pages of the book for a while, not really noticing that somebody else had entered the Library. They came closer and closer to her, stopping and turning every few seconds, and then finally, their feet were right in Kairi's peripheral. The redhead recognized brown lace-up boots, and her stomach flopped.

"Namine?" she whispered, so as not to upset the Librarian.

The blonde girl blinked rapidly, clutching her sketch pad so close to her that it was as if she were trying to become one with it. It was clear to see that Namine was nervous, and probably scared that Kairi would lash out at her again. But Kairi had no plans to. She was much too worn out from the day's events to do so.

"Did you need something?" she asked flatly, because that was about all the energy she could muster into sounding distrustful of the blonde's intentions.

"I . . ." Namine's eyes filled with tears, and Kairi gulped. Namine sniffled, "I really wanted to . . . To t-talk to you . . ."

"Why?" Kairi asked with a haughty sniff. She looked down at the book again, forcibly turning the page. "There's nothing to talk about—I'm sure Riku told you everything there is to know about me."

"N-No," she choked out. "He d-didn't, but . . . I wanted to tell you . . . To tell you that I . . ."

Kairi's eyes slowly snapped to Namine's and she arched one eyebrow as if to say _"Spit it out_."

So she did.

"I wanted to tell you that I . . ." She swallowed, and her voice strengthened. "That I believe you."

Shock reverberated through Kairi's bones and she closed her book. She straightened her back and tested the waters. What if Namine was just saying it to get some information out of her? What if her shyness and state of distress was all a ruse, and she was going to run back to Kairi's old friends and say nasty things about her? Kairi wanted to trust her because she just plain needed _someone _to believe her story, but it was hard when everyone you had known and loved had turned their back on you.

"You do?" she breathed.

Namine nodded vigorously, and she gazed into Kairi's eyes. "I do, because . . . Because . . ." She dragged her teeth over her bottom lip, seeming to be trying to say something that was extremely difficult to say. Her eyes darted about wildly, and if Kairi didn't see some of herself in the poor, shaking girl, she would have thought Namine might be about to pass out. But she knew exactly what Namine was about to say before she had even said it. She didn't know why, but she just . . . Knew.

"Because Riku raped me, too."

~x~

Kairi slipped the green mug full of hot cocoa into the microwave, her thoughts swimming as she tried to figure out what to say to Namine. The car ride to the redhead's apartment had been quiet in a comfortable way, but now that they were in her living room, things had become tense. Kairi could tell that Namine was just now telling someone about her rape and while Kairi had come to terms with what had happened to her, she didn't know if she was the best person to help Namine. Either way, she would offer support as best as she could since she _had _been in the same situation as her.

"Do you like milk or whipped cream for your cocoa?" she called from the kitchen as she opened the refrigerator.

"N-None," Namine stammered, and it was almost too quiet for her to hear.

"Okay," Kairi replied just as the microwave beeped, signaling that the cocoa was done. She grabbed the warm mug carefully and brought it out to Namine, who was sitting on the couch.

"I'm sorry," Namine said quickly. "For c-coming to your home, and—"

"No, dude," Kairi said, curling her legs up underneath her on the couch and relaxing into the cushions. "It's all good. So . . . Want to watch a movie, or something?" Kairi felt a little awkward, because she hadn't had any girlfriends in nearly a year. She felt as though she were starting over from scratch, and she was worried that she might be doing something wrong. That, and Namine had the prettiest face and the most flawless skin, and it was making Kairi feel sick with envy. Overall, Kairi just wanted to have a friend again, and she wanted to do things _right_.

"No, I . . ." Namine clutched both sides of her cocoa mug and lowered her eyes to the carpeted floor. "I really want to talk about what happened to you . . ."

"No offense," Kairi said quickly, "but I don't really feel comfortable talking about what happened to me with _anyone_ . . . But we can talk about you, if you want?"

Namine nodded, and then when she spoke again, her voice wasn't as shy.

"I haven't told anyone else," she said softly. "Only you."

"How long did you date him for?" Kairi said, refusing to say his name. She hadn't said his name since it had happened, and just thinking about it freaked her out. Nobody would ever know the true extent of what Riku had done to her—she would never speak aloud of how it had begun, and then how it had progressed into something nightmarish.

"A year or so," she said, taking a sip of her drink and making herself more comfortable on the couch as well. "In Sophomore year. He . . . He was so wonderful, like he shows his friends, you know?"

"Believe me—everyone thinks he's perfect," Kairi muttered, narrowing her eyes as if he were standing right there in the room with them. Riku had been a huge jock in high school, and had been the star player in every sport he had played. Now that he had graduated, he was the bassist in _Destiny's Embrace_, along with Sora, Sora's brother Vanitas, Tidus, and Sora's cousin, Roxas. Despite having hobbies, though, Riku was very much invested in things he shouldn't be invested in—he partied nonstop and participated in countless illegal activities involving drugs and alcohol. He wasn't exactly an "angry" person, but when he wanted something . . . He got it.

Or "her," in Kairi and Namine's cases.

"I know," Namine scowled. "And it's infuriating. But . . . When he raped me, I didn't tell anyone because I knew that if I did, I would get the blame. So I kept quiet."

Kairi nodded mutely, her eyes seeing Namine's face without really _seeing_ it. No, her mind was too far gone just then. She was seeing things she didn't want to see. She could feel his hands all over her again, _inside_ her, and it made her shudder with nausea. Because even if nobody believed in her nightmares, they were _real_, and the monsters inside them were here to stay.

"When did he do it?"

"Our six-month anniversary," Namine whispered, setting the empty cup down on the coffee table and pulling her knees to her chest. She rested her chin on top of them and closed her eyes. "It was at my birthday party—my Sweet Sixteen."

Kairi waited with bated breath, trying not to remember what it had been like when Riku had first taken her. It hadn't been right away. It had been something that had built up over the years, something he'd been "preparing" her for since the very beginning. The first night that Riku had come to her room, he was nine and she was eight, and he was curious. But then curiosity had turned into fascination, followed by possession and lust. And with the lust came the violence, and Kairi was only thirteen.

Namine went on, "My family is really poor, and we don't have very many nice things, so Riku's—I guess, yours, too—Riku's dad paid for him to take me to the ice rink along with a few friends. I had to go to the bathroom at one point. Well, he helped me off the ice so that I could take my shoes off, and then he . . ." Namine's voice faltered, hitching with the amount of emotion she was experiencing. Kairi tentatively reached over and laid a hand on her shaking shoulder, waiting while Namine caught her breath.

"You don't have to tell me," Kairi said quietly, because she knew how hard it was to come clean. She had kept her assaults a secret for years.

"No, I do," Namine sniffled. "I have to tell you, because you're the only one who will understand. So please . . . Let me continue."

"All right . . ."

Namine took a deep, shuddering breath before saying, "He dragged me into a nearby broom closet and _raped _me inside it." She spat out the word _rape_ as if it tasted foul. "He told me that he loved me, and that if I loved him, then I wouldn't tell anyone. Then, he told me nobody would believe me if I told and he said the strangest thing . . ."

Kairi felt her blood turn to ice in her veins and she retracted her hand from Namine's shoulder.

"What . . . What did he say?" she asked apprehensively, having a feeling that she knew _exactly _what he had said.

Namine's brow furrowed, and Kairi could tell that the blonde was still confused, even to this day.

She said, "He pet my hair and told me I had 'eyes like the sea,' and that it reminded him of 'pretty things like bluebirds'. I don't know, I thought it sounded a little weird, but then the whole situation was messed up, anyway, wasn't it?" She sighed and shook her head sadly. "I should have told someone . . . Maybe if I had . . . Then it would have been easier for you."

Kairi turned her head away, fighting back tears. She had heard Riku say those words to her so many times that it had become a mantra that she whispered to herself every night to remind her that even though there were bad people and bad things in the world, there were always pretty things like bluebirds. She hated those words. She hated them with a burning passion.

"I don't think any of it would have been easier for me," Kairi said decidedly after a long moment. "With the way society is these days, men get away with mistreating women way too often for my tastes. Whether or not you had told, the outcome would have been the same. I would have been branded a slut, and it was likely that you would have, too. Riku would have gotten off scot free, just as he is today."

Namine looked puzzled, so Kairi clarified

"Rape culture. Feminism. Societal male privilege," she explained, combing her fingers backward through the long hair that cascaded from the top of her head. "I'm all about that."

"But your friends . . . Everyone at school . . ." Namine stammered, looking worried at how Kairi would react. "How could they shun you like that?"

Kairi gritted her teeth, setting her jaw. She hadn't wanted to talk about herself, but being here, sitting with a potential friend . . . It felt nice to have someone to talk to that had gone through the exact same trials as you. She hated to admit it, but she was enjoying this. It was like they were having a heart-to-heart, and she was able to talk about the things she hadn't been able to talk about with her mother, the only person who _had _believed her.

"Because they didn't believe me. They assumed I was having a sexual relationship with someone else, got pregnant, and then wanted someone else to blame besides myself," Kairi said, hugging her arms around her chest. "Everyone was disgusted and my Dad said that I was 'accusing his son of sinful behavior.'"

"But that's not true!" Namine cried, horrified. "Didn't they give you a chance to explain?"

"Only my Mom did," Kairi replied. "And even she likes to pretend it didn't happen. No, I've been alone."

"And . . ." Her eyes slid surreptitiously around the living room, looking for something. "And the b-baby? Everyone at school said you were pregnant, but . . . You dropped out before you started showing." Her eyes went wide as she realized how personal her words had been, and she panicked. "I'm sorry! I'm just . . . I mean . . . I'm sorry, Kairi . . ."

"It's okay, Namine," Kairi whispered truthfully. "I was pregnant, but . . . I'm not anymore. But that's all I'd really like to say about it. It's . . . Too painful . . ."

"I understand completely," Namine said, and then what she did next astonished Kairi. She leaned forward and threw her arms around the redhead, embracing her gently. It took a second, but Kairi finally returned the hug, relaxing into it with bliss. It had been such a long time since feeling the warmth of a friend, and Kairi felt more elated than she had in a long time.

"Thank you, Namine," Kairi said quietly.

"Thank you, too," she replied with a slight laugh before sitting back on her cushion. She smiled, and it was the first time Kairi had ever seen her do so. It was infectious and her teeth were perfect, and while the smile made Kairi feel ugly compared to her new friend, Kairi still smiled back. Things were finally starting to look up for her.

At least, for the moment.

~x~

_ Kairi twirled around and around in the grass, her white sundress's skirt flying up a bit as she did so. She giggled and turned to grin over at her best friend and her protector, Sora. He wasn't smiling back, though, and for some reason, that made her sad. There were daises in her hair and she had just gotten it cut—did he not like it?_

_ "Sora?" she tried to say, but no sound came forth. Confused, she placed a hand over her throat and looked at him beseechingly. But he continued to watch her blankly, the wind blowing his spiky hair about. He was shimmering slightly in the sunlight, and Kairi just wanted to run into his arms, but now, when she tried to take a step forward, her feet were rooted to the ground. Alarmed, she gazed down and saw that she was no longer outside on the grass, but standing upon the carpeted floor of her bedroom._

_ Her head snapped up, and Sora was nowhere to be seen. Instead, standing in front of her was her older brother. He was tall and threatening, and his shoulder-length silver hair was pulled up into a ponytail at the base of his head. His bangs still fell into his eyes, though, those piercing aquamarine eyes that never failed to make her start trembling with terror._

_ And tremble she did, because he had started toward her with a predatory gait, smiling a wicked little grin that showed her there was no escape._

_ As he threw her down onto the bed and started tearing at her clothes, she heard the thunder crashing outside, smelled the scent of the beach, and her entire body rippled with agony. She clutched at the sheets as he moved within her, working his best to erase every single part of innocence from within her body. Until there was nothing left but ashes and sand. She tried to sob and she tried to plead, but it was no use—something had a hold of her vocal chords, and it wasn't letting go._

_ And then came the rain, pouring from the ceiling and drenching her to the bone. Riku's body dissipated, and Kairi was tumbling down, down, down into the darkness. She turned around, gazed upward with desperation, and saw Sora's face. He was watching her fall, and he wasn't helping her. Why?_

_ Oh._

_ Riku was standing behind him, smirking, knowing that he had full control of the situation. Kairi's heart broke, because she had lost her best friend to her rapist, and there was no way to stop it._

_ Riku's words echoed in her head along with bone-chilling, maniacal laughter: "You look so pretty, little sis. Your eyes are like the sea; they remind me of other pretty things, like bluebirds."_

_ She landed on the ground with a sickening __**crunch**__ and—_

Kairi woke with a start, tears cold against her cheeks and her chest heaving. She sat up, her hair a tousled mess about her head and glanced at her alarm clock. It was sometime around three in the morning, as it usually was when she awoke from the nightmares. They were always the same—relentless and painful. Her subconscious wouldn't let her forget Sora's absence in her life, and it most certainly wouldn't let her forget what Riku had done to her.

Beside her, Namine stirred, and Kairi almost hopped out of the bed in astonishment. But then she remembered that she decided to have a sleepover with Namine, even though it was a Monday night, and she calmed down considerably. Sighing with relief, she threw back the covers and padded softly to the kitchen to get a drink of water. As she passed by Hikari's room, she allowed herself to run her hands along the smooth wood and imagine what it would have been like to rock her to sleep at night. She closed her eyes against fresh tears—she would never get to experience that now. Not ever.

The doctors had told her that she would never again be able to bear children, and they didn't know why.

Kairi continued to the kitchen, gulping down the ice-cold water gratefully. She hated when she dreamed of Sora and Riku; hated being reminded of her past. She wanted to move on, but her mind wouldn't let her. Her _heart _wouldn't allow her to let go of Sora. She hadn't realized how much she'd relied on him until he was gone, and now, having to work with him on the stupid Marriage project was going to be Hell.

The redhead looked over at her phone, scratching her side absentmindedly as she debated doing something crazy. Because girls were a little out of it at three am, and they did things they otherwise weren't supposed to do.

She snatched it off the counter and prepared to make the call. No, text. No . . . Call. No . . . Wait . . . Kairi stamped her foot in irritation. She just wanted him _back_, dammit! He hadn't been her boyfriend, he'd been her best friend, and much _more_ than that to her. He had been through so many different things with her, and for him to just _leave_ her like that . . . ? Kairi didn't even realize she was sobbing until Namine came stumbling out, looking tired and disheveled.

"Kairi?" she asked groggily, flicking on the kitchen light. "What's wrong?"

Kairi didn't even hesitate to tell her new friend what was on her mind. It just came pouring out of her without warning, like earlier today when she had told Sora that she was the only one he'd ever allowed to touch his guitar.

"I miss Sora," she sobbed into her hands, crumpling to the kitchen floor. Namine wrapped her up in a big hug, but all Kairi could think of was wanting it to be _Sora _who held her.

"I'm so sorry, Kairi," Namine said. "Were you guys really close friends?"

"We were _best _friends," Kairi wailed. "And he just left me alone. Now he hates me, and I can't stand to be around him because he's so _cruel_."

"What were you going to do?" she asked when she saw the cell phone in Kairi's hand. "Call him? At three in the morning?"

Kairi sniffled and nodded, thoroughly embarrassed, and soon the girls were both giggling.

"Stupid, I know," Kairi said with a small laugh, wiping her eyes. "I just don't know if I can handle working on our project with him. We have this dumb Home Ec project—"

"The Marriage project?" Namine asked. "I got paired up with someone who seems nice; I didn't know you got paired up with Sora, though!"

Kairi sighed, "We were a near perfect match, so Ms. Gainsborough put us together. And already, he skipped class once to avoid me, most likely, and then he didn't help me with the thesis."

Namine took the phone from Kairi and set it aside. The two of them sat cross-legged on the floor, looking ragged and tired, but neither of them minded. The blonde smiled.

"Just try to be optimistic," Namine said helpfully. "That's why I draw—it helps me refocus my thoughts so I don't have to think about the rape. Do you have anything you like to do?"

Kairi looked down thoughtfully. "Well . . . I like to write. Sometimes."

"Why don't you try and write something about him?" she suggested. "Like a diary, or something. We can work on it at lunch tomorrow, if you want to meet me in the Art room?"

Kairi hung her head. "Okay . . ."

Namine helped her to her feet and they headed back to the bedroom. They climbed back underneath the covers and lay down back-to-back. Kairi folded her hands underneath her head and stared at the wall through the darkness, trying to think about what sorts of things she could possibly write. She had always been fond of it, but she had never actually sat down and attempted to sort through her feelings and emotions. Perhaps it _would _help her in the long run, maybe to overcome her pain and struggles?

"Kairi?" Namine said, her voice piercing through Kairi's thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"For what it's worth . . . If you had been _my _best friend . . . I never would have left you to suffer alone like that," she whispered.

Kairi smiled to herself. Namine was exactly the friend she'd been looking for.

"Thank you, Namine."

But she was already asleep.

~x~


	4. Sailing, Road Blocks, and the Sea

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: Welcome to Chapter Four, everyoneeee. I'm hoping everyone is enjoying this story! I'm way excited about it and have a lot of plans for it. Also, MUCH LESS DRAMA than LMC. I promise you there's still going to be drama, because I am the queen of it, but it won't be as confusing and crazy as LMC. **

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities.**

**NOTES: This story will have some adult content so for now, it is rated T. Eventually, it will go up to M rating for obvious reasons as the plot progresses. I encourage you to stick with me until then.**

**Also, I have decided not to focus on Namine and Kairi's friendship too much, as this story is more of a story about Sora and Kairi's friendship being so horribly maimed. I hope none of you mind . . . Part of it is because I'm just not good at writing scenes where girlfriends are hanging out. It doesn't progress the plot, it's like pulling teeth to write, and frankly, I only have two real girlfriends and when we hang out, you just don't want to know what happens. So I will definitely reference that Kairi's friendship with Namine progresses, and there will be a FEW scenes where they talk and showcase what type of bond they have, but again—this is a story about Sora and Kairi.**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

_**Chapter Four**_

~x~

**No** matter which way you looked at it, the Marriage project was going to be nothing short of insanely difficult to complete. Kairi was diligent and hardworking, but Sora was . . . Not. Since the Monday that he'd demanded Kairi change the thesis, she'd only seen him in class maybe twice? And those times were ridiculous, because all he wanted to do was sit and text on his cell phone. When he _did _talk to her, it was to argue with her or be rude. At first, Kairi had been hurt, but now, it was Friday, and she was royally pissed.

"Ms. Gainsborough," she said irritably, raising her hand to get her teacher's attention. She was currently passing out that weekend's homework, which was going to be hard to do since Kairi was barely keeping up with the rest of the class on her own. They were supposed to have half of their essay done, along with two separate assignments: one that involved them simulating what it would be like to have children and raise them, and one that had them pretending to be in the careers that they wanted to pursue in the real future, writing down their income and household budgets. Kairi had managed to complete half of the essay and the budgeting assignment, but she still needed Sora's input on the remaining one. Not to mention, the newest homework assignment required them to write a short essay on overcoming an argument over household chores in a unique way. She knew she could do them both by herself if she wanted to, but frankly, she was just plain tired of Sora getting away with slacking off.

"Yes, Kairi?" the teacher said as she continued to pass out the homework.

"Can I go out of the room and try to get a hold of Sora? Because he's here today; he's just skipping," Kairi grumbled.

"Tattletale."

Kairi looked and saw that Tidus was sticking his tongue out at her. When their eyes met, he threw her a roguish wink, and Kairi hurriedly looked away before he made her blush. He reminded her of Sora in a lot of ways, but the fact that he was the drummer in her favorite band just seemed to fluster her.

"Very well, Kairi," Ms. Gainsborough said. "But class is almost over . . . Are you sure?"

"Someone needs to ream his ass out," Kairi huffed, gathering up her things and rising to her feet. "It'll just take a second . . ."

Everyone watched her go, but Kairi paid them no mind. After all, it was likely that they wouldn't have much to say. Luckily for her, she was no longer the hot topic on everyone's minds. She hadn't been bullied more than three or four times since becoming friends with Namine, and she felt amazing. The only person who had really given her any shit was Sora, and that was only when he was _actually _in attendance during Home Ec.

Sora had never been a rule breaker. When they were children, Kairi was always the one who wanted to do things like break curfew to stay longer at the beach, or shoplift candy from the Dollar Tree. She could still remember the first time she had ever snuck in through his window at night, when they were twelve and thirteen. He'd panicked and worried that his parents were going to find out, forcing Kairi to go back home. She'd obliged that night, but during the Summer between seventh and eighth grade, she would sneak out of her house and go to Sora's, so he started sneaking out of his to meet her. He figured if he wasn't in his bed, his parents wouldn't hear anything that would cause them to suspect rule breaking. Long story short, eventually _both _sets of their parents had discovered what they'd been doing, and they were _both _grounded. Kairi had fond memories, though—it was during those late night walks on the beach that she discovered she had a crush on him, and it was also during said walks that the first and only time he'd ever tried to kiss her had occurred.

_"Do you ever want to just . . . Just build a raft and go?" Kairi asked, hands behind her back as she stood at the edge of the sea. The waves lapped at her bare feet, ice-cold but comforting all the same. Sora was standing right beside her, also void of shoes, and he gave her a strange look when her words left her lips._

_ "Huh?" He looked puzzled, but amused. "What are you talking about, Kairi?"_

_ "Well," she said, tucking a strand of her short crimson hair behind her ear. "Don't you ever wonder if there might be other worlds out there?"_

_ "Other worlds . . . ? Kairi, we live on Earth," he laughed. "There are other countries, and stuff . . . But we can take a plane, or a boat. Why would we build a raft?"_

_ Kairi rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips, swiveling to fix him with an exasperated yet playful glare. "Sora, why must you be so practical?"_

_ "I don't know," he stammered, scratching the back of his head nervously. "We're older now, I guess."_

_ "And?" She skipped off a ways and waded into the water until she was up to her knees. It was so cold that it made her teeth chatter, but she didn't care. She smiled at Sora over her shoulder, her teeth glinting pearly white under the light of the moon. "Just because we're older doesn't mean that our childhoods didn't exist." She turned around to peer out to sea again. "A person can take away your innocence physically, but they can never make you forget it."_

_ "Kairi?" He was right behind her, shivering from the cold and obviously worried about her being out in the surf._

_ "Sora, would you do it if I asked you?" Kairi asked, slowly sliding her arms around herself._

_ "Do what?"_

_ She whirled around, her cerulean eyes suddenly pleading with him. She was only thirteen and he was only fourteen, but she knew that she would leave with him in a heartbeat if he said yes._

_ "Build a raft and sail off to other worlds," she clarified. "If I asked you to do it, would you help me?_

_ "Kai . . ."_

_ "Sora, tell me!" she cried, her voice raising in pitch. "Would you take me away from this place if I asked you to?!"_

_ Sora looked shocked, but he nodded. "Yes, Kairi. Of course. I would do whatever you asked me to."_

_ The redhead breathed a sigh of relief before she started to walk deeper into the gently-swaying waters. The moon was full and high overhead, illuminating the waters in such a way as to mirror the expressions on their faces. Kairi gazed down at her reflection for a few moments before she leaned down and ran her fingers through it, causing the sight to ripple and break apart. She was hiding something, and she didn't know how much longer she could stand to live in a life that took the things that she cared about most away from her._

_ But she wouldn't tell Sora tonight. She wouldn't tell anyone ever. Because if she did, then he would hurt her, and as he had told her—nobody would believe her._

_ "Kairi? Are you okay?" Sora sounded concerned, and he grabbed at her hand before she went much farther than her waist in the ocean. Her body shook as she cried, and he gripped her hand tighter. "What's wrong?"_

_ "Sora, please," she sobbed, looking up at him with tears clinging to her lashes. "Build a raft with me—take me away from here."_

_ His eyes weren't looking into hers, though. They were trained upon her lips and the blush that stained his cheeks was plain to see. He tugged on her hand, and Kairi crushed herself against his thin chest. He had no idea what had happened to her on her thirteenth birthday. Had no idea what had been happening before it. Would he still do whatever she asked him to do if he knew?_

_ "Kairi, don't cry," he begged, and his puberty-deepened voice cracked. His arms slowly slid around her and he held her gently, tenderly, as if she were a breakable piece of priceless art._

_ "Sora . . ." Kairi lifted her head, and all-of-a-sudden, all she could see were his eyes. She had never noticed their endlessness before, and now, with the way the twin sapphires shone, they were the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. Here was someone who had eyes like the sea, but only in the most gorgeous of ways. Sora pulled her closer, and she gasped slightly, but not only from the cold waters that surrounded their legs._

_ Kairi let her eyes fall shut, waiting patiently for him to do what she hoped he would. She had been kissed before, but it wasn't the kind of kiss that was right. Brothers aren't supposed to kiss their little sisters, are they? But if Sora kissed her, then maybe . . . Maybe it would erase Riku's kiss?_

_ Their breaths mingled, lips mere centimeters away from each other, and then . . ._

_ "SORA REI YOSHIMURA ! KAIRI ANN FRIERSON! Get your butts back onto the sand this instant! You are in SO much trouble, you two. Wait 'till I tell your mother, Sora . . ."_

_ The sound of Kairi's mother's ear-shattering shrieking startled Sora so much that he tripped over absolutely nothing and went tumbling into the water, leaving Kairi howling with laughter at his eternal clumsiness._

Kairi leaned against the wall outside the classroom and pulled out her phone. She hesitated for a moment, knowing that Sora was most likely going to yell at her for calling him. But she _knew _that this project was important, so she called him quickly, before she changed her mind.

He answered on the fourth ring, sounding breathless. "What do you want?" he asked hoarsely.

Kairi's brow furrowed. "Why aren't you in class?" she asked, keeping her voice lowered. "I haven't said anything, but I'm pretty pissed off at you for skimping out on everything this week. I've had to do it all myself."

"You think I care if you're mad at m-me?" His voice suddenly caught in his throat and he paused for a heartbeat. "I've been busy."

"I—" Kairi stopped when she heard what sounded like a girl's quiet laugh, and she couldn't help the pang of jealousy that shot through her. She knew Sora had a girlfriend, since it had been mentioned once or twice, but it still hurt either way to know that he had feelings for another girl. They had never really pursued anything together themselves, but Kairi had known for a fact that there had been something between them. It was kind-of upsetting now, too, to hear him with another girl. And what on God's Earth were they _doing_?

"What?" Sora spat out. "Just say it—I'm _busy_."

And then it happened—the word vomiting—as Kairi's anger and jealousy swelled and crashed through her careful defenses.

"Are you having _sex_?" she blurted out indignantly.

Silence. Absolute and total silence.

Almost as soon as she said it, she dropped the phone and listened as it clattered to the floor. Panicking, she dove straight for it and frantically pressed the End button, cutting off whatever Sora had been about to say. She was blushing madly and her heart was pounding.

'_Oh, my Lord, did I seriously just ask him that?' _Kairi thought, thoroughly and completely mortified.

"Do you always sit on your knees in the middle of the hallway?"

The lazy, nonchalant drawl that came from behind her caused Kairi to jump with fright and leap to her feet. She whirled around and nearly fainted on the spot.

"You're . . ." She trailed off, shaking her head in disbelief.

Standing in front of her was Sora's brother and none other than the lead screamer of _Destiny's Embrace_ . . . Vanitas Yoshimura. His hair was as black as charcoal and stuck up at all sorts of odd angles in a bedheaded sort-of way. His bangs fell across his face in all the right ways and his sunset-colored eyes pierced straight through to the core of her soul. Kairi placed a hand flat across her chest, her eyes roving up and down his body. He was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans that were so tight that they had to be women's pants, a wide brown belt, and a maroon zip-up hoodie with white draw strings. There was this smirk on his face—this God-damned, _hot ass smirk_—and Kairi knew she was blushing again.

"Vanitas," he said, eyeing her in an appreciative manner. Though she felt like she looked stupid, since she had chosen to wear Victoria's Secret yoga pants and a light pink sweater that day.

"S-Sorry," she stammered nervously, because _this was Vanitas Fair, and he was the fucking guitarist in her favorite band_ _and he was so hot, like what the Hell?! _"I was in your way . . ."

"Nah," he said, grinning and flashing perfect teeth. "You're cool, girl. I don't mind it when the road blocks are cute."

Kairi blinked in astonishment. Had _the _VanitasYoshimura just called her . . . Cute? Good God, she was going to have a heart attack in the hall. Though she was a little confused . . . When did Vanitas start going to her school? She hadn't seen him the years before due to some sort of attention deficit disorder that forced Sora's mother to have to home school him . . . Did Vanitas know everything about her? He _had_ to . . . Riku was in the band with him! But then . . . If he knew and he was still calling her cute . . . ?

"Well, I suppose I should say 'you're welcome', then," she said, flirting back with him to see how he reacted. She knew she was playing with fire, him being Sora's twin and all, but she didn't care. Sora hated her and Vanitas was hot. Kairi's logic was undeniable.

Vanitas's eyes twinkled and very blatantly slid to her lips. "Good manners," he chuckled. "I like that in a woman. But what were you doing on the floor?"

"No reason," she said. "Just waiting for you, I suppose."

Vanitas's eyebrows shot up, and Kairi's blush betrayed her false sense of confidence. She had no idea where this flirtiness was coming from, but Hell, if it was going to keep making her sound this cool, then she wasn't complaining!

He took a step toward her, and then suddenly, Ms. Gainsborough stuck her head out into the hall.

"Kairi?" She sounded annoyed. "I thought you said it would just take a moment. This is class time—it's not time to be fraternizing with your friends."

"Sorry, Ms. Gainsborough," Kairi said sheepishly, lowering her eyes in shame.

Ms. Gainsborough nodded curtly and then disappeared back into the classroom. Kairi sighed heavily and when she looked at Vanitas again, he was gone. Frowning, she glanced behind her and, to her dismay, she saw him heading down the hall.

"See you later, road block," Vanitas called out, lifting his hand in a jaunty wave without even turning to spare her a second glance.

"Bye," she squeaked out, though she was sure he didn't hear her. Clutching her phone close to her chest, she rushed back into the classroom to pay her dues to her irritated Home Ec teacher.

The second she got the chance, Kairi was going to tell Namine _all _about this.

~x~

It was Saturday, and Kairi was staring down at her notebook with mixed emotions. Namine had been pushing her to write all week at school, but every time Kairi put the pen to paper, nothing came. Oh, she had a million thoughts bouncing around willy-nilly in that head of hers, but when it came to sorting them out, she failed miserably. Namine had told her to "write what she knew" and to "focus on her feelings." That was easier to say than it was to actually do, unfortunately, and so Kairi set aside the blank pages and sighed heavily in defeat.

When had she discovered that she enjoyed writing? Oh yeah . . . It was sometime in elementary school. They had done a creative writing assignment in the sixth grade, and Kairi had written a story about a whale that fell in love with a dolphin. She had enjoyed it so much that she had kept writing sequels and showing them to the only person who actually cared to read them: Sora. Looking back on them in the tenth grade, Kairi and Sora had laughed themselves to tears over the wildness of her childhood fantasies, and it was then that Sora had told her the best advice she'd ever heard.

_"Do you like to write, Kai?" _he had asked after she'd chuckled and expressed her embarrassment over her juvenile writing.

"_Well, yeah," _she had responded. "_But I don't really show anyone what I write because I'm afraid it's as stupid as this shit." _

Sora had laughed and shook his head, saying, "_Kairi, don't let what others think about you keep you from pursuing your dreams. You think I care what people think about me being all nerdy and wanting to start my own post hardcore band? People just laugh at_

_me—they don't believe in me."_

_ "I believe in you," _Kairi had interjected brightly, because she knew how talented Sora was with his singing and the guitar, and because she truly did believe in him.

Sora had reached for her hand then, squeezing it and saying the words she still lived by to that very day:

"_As long as you have at least one special person to believe in who you are and who you want to be, then never stop dreaming, okay? Just be you, Kairi, and you'll be happy. Write whatever you want. Write stories about whales marrying dolphins, vice versa, or any other sea mammal out there. Just do __**you**__."_

Kairi scowled, tossing aside her pencil. Life motto though they were, the words were getting harder and harder to live by the more Sora hated her. Because she _was_ being herself, and she always _had_ been, and it had gotten her absolutely _nowhere_.

God, she had so much that she wanted to say to Sora. So many emotions and memories that she wanted to recount to him, all in the hopes that he would understand how badly he had hurt her. The wounds were still fresh, never quite healing all the way before they were violently and cruelly ripped open with every nasty glance he sent Kairi's way. Sora had been her rock, and now that he was gone, she was slipping and sliding against the slick ocean floor, her head coming dangerously close to dipping below stormy waters. How much more of his rejection could she handle before she completely lost her footing and drowned?

And that was when it came to her.

A letter.

She would write him a letter.

Kairi would write him a letter that she would never send to him, and she would spare no details. She would write every single thing that came to her mind _without _trying to sort through the mess. She would just let it come bubbling out of her, and maybe, when she finished it, she would be a little better off.

She snatched the notebook back and immediately started writing, the words all rushing forward to the tip of her tongue as she put the lead to the page. It was like there was a million people clamoring to be heard over one another inside of her head, and though their cries were jumbled, one thing was prominent and the most pressing.

"_Sora . . ._" the voices seemed to scream. "_Sora . . ."_

And so she wrote.

'_**Dear Sora . . . It all started with the sea, and that's where we will end our story together, lost beneath the depths of the place we love so much.**__'_

~x~

Kairi woke with a start, the remnants of her nightly nightmare fading painfully slow as she sat up. She looked around, feeling bewildered. Her cell phone was ringing on the table next to her ear, and when she looked at the clock, it was nearly six-o-clock at night. She supposed she must have fallen asleep while writing her letter to Sora . . . She wasn't nearly finished with it yet, but that didn't matter—she wasn't going to rush her heart.

"Who the fuck is calling me?" she mumbled in annoyance as she reached for her phone. "Nobody _ever _calls me . . ."

It took a couple blinks and head shakes for Kairi to fully comprehend just who was calling her before she pressed the answer button.

"Hello?" she said, trying to sound as though she didn't care what he had to say.

"Yo, we gonna work on this project, or what?" He asked, and she could hear the sounds of him driving in the background.

Kairi narrowed her eyes suspiciously. The last encounter they'd had, he'd nearly punched her and had grabbed her quite violently, proving to her that he still didn't like her and had no intentions of working on the project equally with her. So why was he suddenly calling, acting like everything was all cool?

Oh, _Hell_ no.

"Excuse me?" Kairi spluttered angrily. "You don't just get to fucking assault me in the hallway in front of _everyone_, and then call me and act like everything's all right. What the fuck, Sora? Who do you think I am? Your doormat?"

Sora was taken aback for only a brief moment before he lashed back with just as much venom: "You fucking made our thesis sound like all men are pigs, and now Ms. Gainsborough thinks we're simulating an abusive, controlling marriage. Which means all of our assignments have to reflect that. And I don't want to be known as the abusive asshole, thanks."

"Sora, you grabbed me and punched the locker next to my _head_," she snapped. "How is that _not _abusive?" She clenched her fists in her lap. "I don't know who you've _become_, or whatever, but you can't touch me like that ever again."

"Or else what, Kairi?" he shouted. "You'll go tell everyone that I raped you and now you're pregnant with my kid?"

Kairi felt her heart sputter and tears come to her eyes. That was a low blow, even for Sora. But she couldn't let him hear that his words had upset her. She gathered up all of her pain and rage and brought it to her lips.

"I'll lay your ass _out_," she hissed. "I will fucking beat the _shit _out of you if you touch me like that _ever again_."

Silence, and then Sora's voice was chillingly calm.

"Are we going to work on our homework this week, or not?" he asked. "Because the band has a show to do tonight at The Secret Spot, and I thought it'd be chill if you could meet me there so we could do it before it starts."

Kairi blinked back tears and stared up at the ceiling. The fact that their friendship had deteriorated to threatening to hit him because he'd scared her was tearing her apart. Did he really hate her that much?

"What time does it start?" she asked, forcing her voice to stay strong and not to quiver.

"Eight-thirty. So we'd have like, two hours."

"F-Fine," she breathed. "I'll be there."

He hung up without any word of good-bye, and it took every fiber of resolve that Kairi had within her not to break down right there. Because this was ridiculous. She felt like she was living in an alternate universe—a world that wasn't her own, in a life that didn't belong to her. In all of her life—after losing her birth parents as a child and being put into an orphanage, and then adopted into a family—Sora had been the one constant after she'd met him. Everything else could change, and he would always remain the same. If she ever felt like things were getting too overwhelming, she could always count on him to be a shoulder to cry on.

But now?

Now, that wasn't the case.

Kairi got out of her bed to get presentable, because if she was going to meet up with the boy she secretly pined after, she was going to at least look hot. The Secret Spot was a very popular underage nightclub amongst the teens of Destiny Islands, and _Destiny's Embrace _was known to play shows there often. Kairi hadn't been to The Secret spot since Junior year, though, and she was a little bit nervous to be returning.

She dressed in a pair of lacy black tights, a black long-sleeved mini dress that draped off of her shoulders and clung to her body like a second skin, and a pair of black velvet wedge heels. She ran a brush through her hair and then pulled it up into a loose, messy high ponytail, leaving her bangs out to swoop down and frame her heart-shaped face. She made her eyes look smoky with eye shadow, pursed her lips and ghosted on some reddish-pink lip stain, and contoured her cheekbones with bronzer.

When you went to The Secret Spot, you went all out, or you didn't go at all.

'_And not to mention,_' Kairi thought as she threw herself a wink in the mirror, pleased that she didn't feel ugly for once. '_Vanitas is going to be there . . .'_

Grabbing a stylish purse, she stuffed her notebook and phone into it, grabbed her car keys, and went to the door.

Memory stared at her from where she was lying on the kitchen floor, right next to her food bowl, and Kairi nearly burst out laughing. That was one other bad habit that the dog had picked up from Sora before Memory had become hers: she was fiercely protective over her food bowl, to the point where she would bite you if you tried to touch it. Sora had already had two dogs of his own, Piggy and Francesca, and they'd been so much bigger than Memory that she had had to resort to ~defensive measures~ to protect her meals from being eaten. It made her giggle whenever she saw Memory standing guard like a watch dog, and sometimes she'd pretend that she was going to touch the bowl just to see the way Memory growled and yipped.

"What do you think, Mem?" she asked, twirling around and striking a pose. "Hot, right? Sora won't be able to—I mean, Vanitas . . . Vanitas won't be able to resist me in _this_ outfit."

Memory yawned and licked her lips, so Kairi took that as a sign of agreement and smiled bright enough to block out the sun.

"Then we have an accord!" Kairi announced dramatically before she swept out of the apartment with a spring in her step and the promise of a potentially thrilling night dancing in her pretty cerulean eyes.

~x~

**A/N: Short, I know, but . . . It had to be a set up chapter, I suppose. Anyway, make sure you review or else I won't post the next chapter xD Hehe!**

**P.S. Are you guys liking Kairi as the "tough" girl? Because honestly, she COULD beat Sora's ass if she wanted to. SOMEONE needs to beat it eventually =.= But then again, there are a lot of asses that need kicking in this fic, for what they did to Kairi by ignoring her and also Riku for doing what he did.**

**EITHER WAY . . . Do you like Kairi's personality? Should I make any changes? Let me know if your review!**


	5. Nightly Visits with the Monster

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi, it's time for Chapter Five! ^_^ I'm glad people are liking this story . . . Tell me if you like it better than LMC? I'm deciding how long the hiatus will be for that fic . . . Anyway, get reading! Also, this story isn't going to be nearly as long as LMC. It's going to move relatively quickly and be on the shorter side, maybe like less than twenty chapters?**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. The band I See Stars and their song **_**Filth Friends Unite **_**is also not mine. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities.**

**NOTES: This chapter has a semi-graphic sexual scene in it. It won't go into any nitty gritty details, but I warn you beforehand. Like I said, this story is still rated T for now, but it WILL go up in later chapters. I debated upping the rating in this chapter, but I think it's still too early. I want to get a good, solid fanbase going for this fic before I up the rating, or I'll lose readers/reviewers.**

**In this chapter, I use the song **_**Filth Friends Unite **_**by I See Stars. It's a hardcore metal band that I really enjoy, so you check it out. I encourage everyone to look up all the songs I reference in this whole story on Youtube so your brain can see and experience the same things I'm thinking when I'm writing. **_**Filth Friends Unite **_**is a really REALLY good song. Not so much brutal in it, but it's definitely a headbanger! Anyway, when I imagine Sora and his band performing it, Sora is the clean vocals and Vanitas is the screams, and I usually just imagine their voices sounding exactly the same as the real live band members.**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

_**Chapter Five**_

~x~

**Have** you ever been to a post hardcore metal show? Do you remember what it was like, to stand in the crowd, losing yourself in the heavy guitars riff, growling vocals, and heart-pounding drums, not giving a flying fuck about what people think about you as you throw your hair about and bang your head to the tune? Well, take that feeling and multiply it by like, a million bajillion, because when you're at the show of your favorite band and that band just so happens to contain the guy you've loved for years and is literally the most attractive boy you've ever seen in your entire life, then everything you're feeling increases tenfold.

You get this rush—this rush that crawls all throughout your body, raising every single little hair up and making you shudder. With each beat of the drum, each strum of the guitar, you're reminded of how heavenly it feels to be one with the music. It fills you up and spills over, and you're lost. You're so lost, but that's okay because you don't _want _to be found. It's heavy metal, and it's not for babies. _Babies _get lost in the woods and cry for their mothers when the metalheads come to town. But metalheads? Metalheads rock the fuck out and don't give a flying fuck what their mothers think.

And _that's _how Kairi felt to be standing in the middle of the pressing, jumping, screaming crowd at her first _Destiny's Embrace _show, and you know what? She really didn't give a flying fuck what anyone thought. She rocked the _fuck _out. Her feet hurt and someone kept elbowing her in the ribs, and she knew Riku and Sora and everyone else in the band could see her in the center of the mass, but _she didn't care_. It was rock-and-roll, heavy metal, _brutal_, and that's all she cared about.

"_We live on our own set of ruuuules. Take everything . . . And everyone down with youuu-uuu,_" Sora's angelic voice sang into the microphone as his fingers flew across the strings of his electric guitar with wicked skill and expertise. He was wearing a pair of skinny jeans cut off at the knees, a loose-fitting black Chelsea Grin tank top, and his hair was unusually spiky and unruly. His eyes seemed to glow with the soul of the music, and frankly, Kairi had never found him more attractive.

"_We are a desperaaaate kiiii-iii-iii-iiind,_" Sora continued, singing as if he were making love to the mike. "_But thiii-iiis is . . . A ruthless tiii-iiime . . ."_

Sora jumped backward, away from the mike, and began playing with gusto, throwing his head backward and forward as his brother, Vanitas, started up with the next verse. His screams were positively _haunting_, and every time she heard them, Kairi shivered. His sunset-colored eyes seemed to pierce into your soul as he moved about the stage, interacting with the other band members and screaming his heart out. It was obvious for anyone with a set of working eyes to see: these guys loved their music.

"_When I hit rock bottom, I go looking for friends in the filthiest places," _Vanitas growled, placing one foot on the amp and leaning down into the audience's faces (who were absolutely _loving _it, by the way). "_I make ends meet 'cause I'm a bad, bad man_—" At this, he threw the girls in the crowd a wink and flashed a seductively malevolent half-smile their way, causing them all to go nuts. Kairi herself felt a tug at her heart, but she was too into the music to pay it any attention. "—_When I hit rock bottom, the party has arrived. We won't be taken alive!_"

Now, it was Sora's turn to sing again, and man, he sang that chorus and bridge with everything he had in him. Kairi couldn't take her eyes off of him, and it made it not only easier to deal with the fact that Riku was standing on the same stage, but also brought to her memories of better times. The first time Sora had sung for her, she'd been floored that he'd had such a good voice. Of course, at the time, they were only twelve and thirteen, and he still hadn't gone through puberty, so Kairi hadn't taken much stock in it. But now that she heard the way he sang, and how he just seemed to . . . Caress the air with that voice—_God, that __**voice**_—she was sunk. She grew only the slightest bit sad, knowing that at one point, he had sung just for her and not for a crowd of hundreds of young adults who all just wanted to get in his pants.

By the time the song was over, Kairi felt as though she were drunk or high, and she stumbled over to the bar (nonalcoholic drinks only, of course) and ordered an ice water. Her hair had fallen out of its ponytail and was a tousled mess about her thin body, but she guessed it didn't matter. She was getting _plenty _of looks from the male population tonight, so she knew that perfect hair or not . . . She looked _hot_.

Having been too busy thinking about how good Sora was at the guitar now, with the way he did cool tricks like spinning it around his body on its strap and catching it in time to jam into the rhythm, or headbanging with full force while playing without having to glance down at the strings, she didn't see that someone had come up to sit beside her and was now staring at her pointedly.

Kairi looked up, lips closed around the straw of her water, and blinked.

"V-Vanitas," she spluttered nervously, a crimson red blush staining her cheeks.

Vanitas was looking incredibly striking in a pair of black skinny jeans and a white V-neck, his body glistening with sweat from being onstage. Kairi quickly glanced back and forth, seeing that while she was so lost in thought, the band had taken down their set up and put a merchandise table by the door for the kids who were leaving. Sora was over there along with his cousin Roxas, who was taking a picture with a fan. Kairi could see that Riku and Tidus were standing with them, signing some autographs, and she quickly looked away before Riku saw her.

"That's my name," he said with a cheeky grin as his eyes seared into her body. "You look damn sexy tonight, road block."

Kairi's heartbeat pounded in her chest and she said breathlessly, "Thanks. You guys were great tonight. I . . . I'm definitely a fan."

"Are you?" He arched one perfectly sculpted eyebrow, and Kairi nearly fainted at how freaking _gorgeous _he looked. "Haven't seen you at any of our other shows. Is this your first time hearing us play?"

"Um . . . Live," she replied with a shamefaced grin. "I've loved you guys since you first came out with your . . . With your demos online."

His grin widened and she saw his eyes twinkle. "Wow. So you're one of our original fans, huh?"

Kairi was thoroughly embarrassed, but she played it cool by tossing her long hair over her shoulder and smirking at him. "Guess so."

Vanitas was standing now, and he took a step closer to her, placing one hand on the bar and the other on the back of her seat. He leaned in closer and closer, until Kairi felt like she truly _was _going to pass out, and his lips brushed her ear.

"How 'bout we upgrade you from a fan to a groupie?" he said huskily, his voice sending chills down Kairi's spine. She gripped her water tightly, knowing _exactly _what he was referencing.

"U-Um," she stammered, at a loss for words. She definitely hadn't expected him to say something like _that_—he definitely didn't waste any time. Kairi supposed he was used to girls jumping his bones, and perhaps he was going out on a limb asking her himself _right _after the performance? It meant he didn't think she was as ugly as she sometimes felt. But could she really be okay with going off and hooking up with Vanitas, whether he was the lead singer of her favorite band or not? She'd known his brother for years, and somehow, even though Sora hated her now, it would feel like a betrayal. That, and Riku was now eyeing them, edging closer by the second.

"Well, road block?" Vanitas's hand brushed her shoulder, his touch soft and light against her skin. "Whaddya say?"

"I . . ." Kairi couldn't help it; she looked over Vanitas's shoulder at her adoptive brother, who was now headed straight for them. Panic and fear bloomed in her stomach and she began to shake her head vigorously. She couldn't be near him. She couldn't face him, after all this time. He was the monster in her nightmares, and he would hurt her if he came near, wouldn't he? Wouldn't he?

Kairi tried to get off of her chair, but Vanitas's hand had slipped down to her thigh, resting upon it gently and effectively distracting her. She looked into his eyes, forgetting for a moment about Riku and Sora and everyone else. The club was almost emptied out by now, and soon, it would be just her and Vanitas, along with the club employees.

"You should go talk to Sora," was all Riku said as he stopped next to them. He was looking at Kairi, but she purposely kept her eyes on Vanitas's face. Her pulse was going insane and her entire body was trembling in terror, but she could tell that Vanitas thought it was for a very different reason.

Kairi knew what Riku was referencing, though. She had been late to the club, having realized that she'd forgotten something at home when she was nearly there. She'd had to drive all the way back out into the boonies to get it, and by the time she had finally made it to the Secret Spot, the show was starting.

Basically, Sora was probably pissed as Hell.

Kairi got off of the chair, Vanitas finally moving back, and Riku reached out to touch her arm. She shrieked so suddenly that several people looked at her, but she didn't care. She was cowering against the bar now, gazing up into his aquamarine eyes, and remembering the horrid things he had done to her the night the touching and molestation had turned into something much worse.

"_Shh," he kept saying. "Shh . . . It's okay, sis."_

"_No," Kairi whimpered, trying desperately to push Riku's muscular body away. This had been going on since she was little, when she'd first come to their house and been adopted—the nightly visits—and up until tonight, they had just been intimate touches and heavy petting. But now she was thirteen and he was fourteen, she was more developed, and he wanted her the way a man wants a woman. But she didn't want him that way. Why didn't he listen to her when she told him no? He __**never**__ listened to her._

"_Just relax," he groaned against the shell of her ear. He was naked and before she knew it, so was she, and the tears were falling fast and hard. He covered her mouth with his hand, and all she could think of was Sora. Hadn't he said that he would always protect her? Why couldn't he protect her from Riku? Kairi's mind was all over the place, scattered letters and numbers swirling in a tornado of confusion. Why was Riku being so different tonight? What was he going to do?_

_God, she wanted to tell someone, to scream, to do __**something**__, but he was so much bigger than her . . . So much stronger . . ._

_And then he was inside her, and her entire body was splitting apart at the seams. She did scream this time, but it was muffled by his hand as he did things to her that she had never thought could be done to a person as small as she was. She was barely five feet tall, and Riku was nearing six feet already. Momma had said he'd probably be good at basketball in the future . . . _

_What was happening?_

_The pain was excruciating. It felt like her entire body was on fire, and something extremely heavy was weighing down her body. Riku was sweating and so was she, but he seemed to be getting enjoyment out of it. Kairi didn't understand why he was doing this to her. He kept telling her how pretty she was, but she didn't feel pretty at all. She felt ugly and used and repulsive, and she just wanted to throw up. She just wanted him out of her._

_When she looked up at him, she saw his aquamarine eyes boring holes into her twin sapphires, and then the pain took over, rendering her unconscious._

Kairi turned and ran to the front door, nearly bowling Tidus over in the process. He grabbed onto her shoulders and forcibly stopped her, gazing down at her in concern.

"Kairi?" His voice sounded faint, as if it were coming from miles away. "Kairi, are you all right?"

"I want to go," Kairi whispered, pushing his hands off of her and moving past him.

Tidus looked over at Riku and then back at Kairi, and his eyes darkened in a way that puzzled her. Was he going to harass her like everyone else? Call her a slut and a liar? Tell her to go the Hell away?

"Let me walk you to your car," he said, shooting Riku one last dark glance over his shoulder.

Kairi's brow furrowed and she allowed Tidus to put an arm around her shoulders. He led her out of the club, and all the while, Kairi just couldn't _understand_. Even in the beginning, Tidus hadn't jumped on the bandwagon and accused her or insulted her. Why? Why was he being so kind to her when he didn't even know her?

"God, he's such an asshole," Tidus muttered as they neared the parking lot. His arm was the only thing keeping her warm, but she kept a safe few inches away from him. After seeing Riku, she was feeling unnaturally vulnerable. She knew that she really did need to talk to Sora about the project, but she had felt so stifled and dazed that she hadn't even protested when Tidus had swooped in.

"Thank you," she mumbled, keeping her head down as they walked.

Tidus stopped and gave her a small smile. "No problem, girl," he said. "I know how everyone treats you, and . . . I don't think it's right. What you need is friends; not to be treated like a leper."

"You . . . You believe me?"

Tidus rubbed the back of his neck and said cautiously, "I'd say that I don't _not _believe you. Riku's my friend and everything, but . . . I know how he is. If it is true . . . Then I wouldn't be surprised, and . . . I'm sorry."

Kairi bit her bottom lip, not really sure how to respond. She'd been shocked when Namine had said that she believed Kairi's story, but now? She didn't know what to do with this information. So far, Tidus and Vanitas had both been different with her than everyone else in the band, and they knew Riku personally. After so many months of being alone, it was an odd feeling hearing that there were others who didn't _want _her to feel so lonely.

"Hey, what are you guys doing?"

Tidus and Kairi turned to see Sora standing there, his arms crossed and his eyes narrowed. There was a suspicious glint to his cobalt blue eyes, and Kairi averted her gaze from Sora's when he looked at her. There was something in his tone . . . Something that reminded her of when they were children and Sora was fiercely protective over her. It hurt her heart to hear it, because she didn't _understand_. How did he think he had the right to be acting suspicious of Tidus and her when he didn't even _like _her? What would he think if he knew what Vanitas had propositioned her with?

"I was walking her to her car," Tidus said with a simple shrug. "Why?"

"Well . . . I need to talk to you about the project, Kairi." His tone was harsh now. "You were supposed to meet me earlier; why were you late?"

"I left something at home," she muttered lamely, rubbing her arms from the chilly night air.

"Well, _you _were the one who wanted to do this project right, and when I make an effort, you don't even show up? What the fuck, Kairi?"

"Can you just . . ." She placed her fingers to her temple. "Can you just _not _yell?"

"I'm fucking pissed, though!" He threw his arms up. "You keep saying all this shit to me, but you're just a hypocrite! I didn't _have_ to call you, but I did, and then you didn't even get here on time!"

"I tried," she whined, her emotional state overriding her anger. "I _did, _Sora, I just—"

"God, this is just _predictable_," Sora snarled. "You're a liar, you're a hypocrite . . . Oh, and you're a slut. I saw you with my brother. Like, what the Hell?"

"Sora!" she suddenly screamed, causing the band members to gather at the door and watch their heated exchange. Kairi paid them no heed, though, her eyes fixated directly on Sora's stormy countenance. "I am _not _a slut. I'm _not _a liar or a hypocrite, or _any _of those _horrible_ things! You're the one who's a liar, if anything." She took a step forward, tears glittering like jewels in her eyes as she bared her teeth in a snarl and jabbed his chest with her forefinger. "You're the one who made all those promises to me, but you just broke them. You just broke them like they meant nothing. Like _I _meant nothing. So _fuck. You. Sora_. _Fuck you_!"

Turning on her heel, she walked away with purpose, knowing that no matter how upset she felt or how angry or how hurt or how betrayed, at least these heels and this dress made her body look killer.

"Kairi!" Sora called after her as she reached her car. His voice was different now, and when she stopped to face him, he had her pressed up against the car in a heart beat, _his _forefinger jabbing into _her _chest.

"Sora, leave me _alone_!" she yelled.

"You think you're the only one who was fucking hurt, Kairi?" Sora said vehemently, ignoring her. They both knew that everyone was staring at them, but they were so lost in their fucked up world of disloyalty that a nuclear bomb could have gone off and neither would have stopped yelling. "You think you're the only person who has feelings?"

"I was _raped_, Sora!" she screamed. "I was _raped_, and I _needed_ you!"

"How can you expect me to _believe _that about your _brother_?!" Sora spun away from her, tangling his hands in his hair out of frustration. "That's just _sick_, and there's just no damn _way_. God, Kairi, everyone _knows _the truth. That you're just a—"

Kairi slapped him across the face before the words left his mouth, seething with rage and heartache. How could he say those things to her again? How _dare_ he say those things to her?

Sora's eyes blazed and he caught her wrist before she could hit him again, holding it so tightly that she could feel her fingers going numb.

"Don't fucking _touch _me," he hissed. "Don't you _touch _me."

"Hey! What the Hell are you doing, Sora?" It was Roxas—the other guitarist in the band and also Sora and Vanitas's cousin. His spiky blonde hair pushed up against the left side of his head, his long bangs falling choppily across his face. His azure eyes were full of anger, and he stepped in front of Kairi, smacking Sora's hand away from her. Kairi covered her face with her hands as she struggled not to start sobbing. This was all wrong. It was all _so fucking wrong._

"Sora, what is _wrong _with you?" Vanitas had walked up, and Kairi stiffened when he wrapped his arms around her. Who was he to hug her like that? He didn't even know her left from right, and God damn, she did _not _want to be touched right now.

Kairi pushed Vanitas away and shot Sora one last look before she forcibly wrenched the driver's side door open and got into her car. Sora stormed off, kicking the taillight of her car in before he left, and Roxas jogged off after him. She could hear him yelling at Sora.

"Dude, what the _fuck_? Were you going to hit her? You don't fucking hit a girl, _what _the _f__**uck**_?!" Roxas was screaming.

"_Fuck off, Roxas_!" Sora shoved his cousin back with full force, ran a hand through his chestnut brown spikes, and then disappeared into the club. Roxas followed him, still yelling, and then Vanitas got into Kairi's car with her.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked, his eyes glistening through the darkness of the car's interior.

"I'm fine," Kairi lied, her voice wobbling with pent-up emotion. "I'm fine. Just . . . I'm gonna go home."

"He never used to be like this," Vanitas said. "Not that I ever really cared, but it all started when he got with his girlfriend, Xion."

Kairi looked at him, waiting.

Vanitas leaned back in the passenger's side seat. "She's crazy as fuck, seriously. They always fight, and she's always fucking attacking him for no reason."

"Does he hit her?" Kairi asked, alarmed.

"No," Vanitas said, shaking his head. "But she hits him, and it's only a matter of time before he snaps. I don't think he's taking it out on you, but you coming back this year definitely freaked him out."

"Why?"

Vanitas shrugged. "Honestly, he never talks about you. I tried to bring it up with him once, but he freaked out and almost punched me in the face. But anyway . . . Who the fuck cares? He's a dick to you."

Kairi gazed out the window, unsure of how to feel. Sora definitely was a different person now . . . Could it be because of her? Or because of this 'Xion' girl?

"Why isn't she here tonight?" Kairi asked.

"Who? Xion?" Vanitas said. "Tch, because she's a bitch. She never comes to any of the shows. She doesn't like the screaming. But from what I saw, you sure like it."

When Kairi turned back around, he was much closer to her than he had been. Kairi's hands began to shake and she tried to remain calm. Vanitas was not Riku. Granted, she didn't know him very well, seeing as Sora's twin was more of a private person when they were children, but the fact of the matter remained: he was _not _Riku. He was a very seductive, very popular boy who was in her all-time favorite band. And he was also cute. _Really _cute.

"Yeah," she said, her voice lowering of its own accord. "You're a really good vocalist."

"Want to hang out?" His lips were mere centimeters away from hers, and her hand was traveling up his chest. She hadn't kissed anyone in months, the last person being some boy at one of her ex-friend Olette's parties in a closet, and it hadn't been that entertaining because she'd been drunk. She wasn't opposed to kissing Vanitas, it was just weird. He had the same face as Sora, just different swagger and different hair.

"Yeah," she breathed, and then he crushed his lips against hers with fervent need and unbridled lust, his hands clutching at her waist with desperation. His kiss was delicious, and when their tongues met, Kairi's mind reeled. His hands were hot as he ran his fingers up and down her sides, eliciting a gasp of pleasure from the depths of her chest. Vanitas _definitely _knew how to kiss a girl.

But still, the only one on her mind was Sora.

Sora, Sora, Sora.

Oh, how she wished she was kissing Sora.

It was a few minutes into their tangled, heated liplock that someone knocked rapidly on the passenger's side window, forcing them to tear apart from one another, startled. Kairi panted heavily, sticking her keys into the ignition so that Vanitas could roll the window down.

"Yo, we gotta go, man," Tidus said, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. "Were . . . Were you guys . . . ?"

"Dude, it's chill," Vanitas cut him off abruptly. "I'm coming—I'll be there in a sec."

Tidus reached into the car and sharply tugged on a strand of Vanitas's spiky hair, muttering a quick, "Don't let Sora see you guys . . ."

Vanitas pulled his phone out of his pocket and gave her a pointed look. "Number?"

Kairi gave it to him, feeling oddly numb. She had just made out with one of the hottest guys to ever walk the Earth (the other was Sora, in her opinion), and she knew she should be bouncing off the walls. But she didn't feel as ecstatic as she wished she did. She felt empty. Unbearably empty.

"I'll text you," he said, leaning in to steal another quick peck before he got out of the car. "Later, road block."

As soon as he was gone and Kairi was safely on the freeway, driving home, she let herself weep for the boy she would never have.

~x~

Sunday came, and both Sora and Vanitas called her. Vanitas wanted to hang out, and Sora wanted to get their homework done, but Kairi just wanted to lie in bed all day and wallow in her misery. She couldn't stop replaying Sora's words over and over in her head.

_"You think you're the only one who was fucking hurt, Kairi? You think you're the only one who has feelings?"_

God, that night had to have been one of the worst nights in her entire life. Her sleep was restless, full of nightmares and misery, and when she woke up, she immediately started crying. She kept seeing Sora's face, feeling his lips upon hers instead of Vanitas's, and she was sad. She was just plain _sad_.

It was sad that Kairi lived in a society that took part in rape culture, victimizing the rapists and blaming the victims.

"_Hey, Sora?" _

_ Kari rolled over in her bed and looked on the floor. Sora was still curled up in his sleeping bag, his nine-year-old face looking peaceful and very much covered in drool. The redhead giggled and dangled her foot over the edge of the mattress, jabbing her toes into Sora's rear. He cried out in shock, startled awake, and glared up at her with a pout on his face._

_ "Kairi! You aren't asposed to touch people's butts!" he scolded her._

_ She frowned. "Brother says it's okay to touch people's butts sometimes, though," she told him. "Didn't you know that? You must not be cool like him . . ."_

_ Sora sat up, bushy hair a mess, and threw his pillow at her. "I am, too! I'm so cool that . . . That I . . . Well, who cares? I'm just as cool as Riku, okay?"_

_ "Even if you aren't, Sora, it worked!" She clapped her hands and hopped to the floor, jumping and twirling about. "Our plan worked!"_

_ Sora's eyes lit up bright blue and he leapt up to spin around the room with her._

_ "It worked!" they cheered. "It worked!"_

_ Kairi's mother burst into the room, a laundry hamper against one hip, looking confused._

_ "What are you guys doing?" she asked. _

_ Sora and Kairi each immediately began to tell the story of their plan and how well it had worked, their voices jumbling together as each tried to be louder than the other. Kairi's mother blinked and shook her head, laughing._

_ "One at a time, kids!" she chuckled. "One at a time!"_

_ "Um, okay . . ." Sora said. "You see, Mrs. Frierson, but, um . . . Kairi told me she had monsters in her house, and we thought that um . . . That um, if I protected her, then, um . . . They would go away."_

_ "And the monster didn't come last night, Mommy!" Kairi squealed, running to her mother's side to hug her legs. "Thank you for letting Sora come over to protect me~!"_

_ Sora was the next to attach himself to Kairi's mother's legs, embracing her tightly in thanks. "Thank you for letting me come over, Mrs. Frierson!"_

_ A few hours later, the two of them were playing in the backyard when Riku came out to join them in the grass. He took Sora's toys and pushed him down into the dirt, telling him he was a nerd and that he wasn't allowed to play with Kairi's toys._

_ "Leave him alone, Riku!" Kairi stomped her foot, feeling empowered. When Sora was near her, Riku—the monster—couldn't touch her or hurt her anymore. She kicked Riku in the shin and helped the sniffling, sobbing Sora to his feet. She beamed up at him compassionately and gave him a hug._

_ "You guys are dummies!" the ten-year-old Riku shouted, throwing the stolen toys at Kairi. The plastic cars hit her in the cheek and busted her lips open, causing tears to fill her eyes and her to start wailing. Sora panicked and glared at Riku._

_ "I'm telling on you for hurting Kairi!" he said angrily. "You're the one who's a dummy, cuz you're gonna get in trouble!"_

_ "Nuh-uh! She's my Mommy and you're a nerd and a dummy, so I win and you lose!" Riku yelled._

_ "Mommy!" Kairi wailed over the sounds of the boys' yelling. "Mommy, the monster's hurting me!"_

_ "Riku is the monster?" Sora asked, and when he turned back to Riku, his face screwed up in anger. "Stay away from Kairi, you big dumb meanie, or I'll kick you again!"_

_ Riku grabbed the front of the much smaller Sora's shirt and drew his fist back as if to punch him, but the boys' almost-fight was broken apart by a thoroughly livid father. Kairi's father dragged the two of them away from each other and took them by the ears, pulling them inside. Kairi followed, still sobbing uncontrollably, and long story short: Sora wasn't allowed back for any sleepovers for a long time, Riku was grounded from his toys and electronics for two weeks, and Kairi got a big bandage and a lollipop because she'd gotten hurt._

_ Sora never remembered that Kairi had called Riku "the monster," and as they got older, his quest to stop being bullied and called the nerd brought him to become friends with "the monster," ultimately sealing Kairi's future fate._

Kairi snatched the notebook that contained her letter to Sora off of the nightstand and began to write furiously, her pen practically ripping holes in the paper. Her body trembled with rage as she did so, wondering why Sora hadn't seen it then. She had told him that Riku was the monster that was scaring her at night, and he had been too stupid to see it. God, he was an idiot. A rude, stupid, idiotic . . . _Idiot_.

Okay, she had to admit it wasn't very smart of _her_ to say that he was dumb for not knowing. They were only eight and nine when she had told him, and even she hadn't quite understood what Riku was doing to her back then. Kairi knew she just wanted someone to blame besides herself, and the more she tried to blame things on Sora, the worse she felt.

Kairi dissolved into tears and went running to the only place she felt safe: the hallway, right in front of Hikari's room. She fell against the firmly closed door and sobbed, her tears wetting the wood and her heart pounding agonizingly fast. She slowly slid to the floor, begged God to tell her why this had happened to her—why hadn't he let her keep her? Why hadn't he let her have just one thing in her life that would love her and care about her no matter what?

"All I wanted was to be needed," she whispered, hugging her knees to her chest and resting her head upon the door. "All I wanted was to be . . . Loved."

Kairi allowed herself to hold onto her pain for a few minutes longer, before her phone began to ring again and interrupted her grief. She placed a lingering kiss to the wood and went back into her bedroom to answer it.

"What?" she bit icily, wiping her eyes free of tears.

"Sweetheart?" It was her mother, and she sounded beside herself. "You saw your brother? When was this?"

"Last night," Kairi stated flatly. "I went to one of their band's shows."

"You did? What happened? Your father's livid with you—he specifically told you _never _to talk to your brother again. Why did you—"

"_Shut up, Mom_!" Kairi screamed, bursting into tears again. She hung up the phone. She couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't take the pain, the accusations, the betrayal. Her mother believed her story, but that didn't mean she didn't blame her daughter for what had happened. She had never said it, but she could see it in her eyes, and that's what hurt the worst.

Kairi fled to the bathroom and tore through all of the drawers, searching for something that she hadn't gone searching for in a long, long time. And when she found it, she knew she was going to do it, and she knew that she was going to hate herself even more when she was done. But what did it matter? Sora hated her, and she deserved to burn for it.

Kairi lifted the razor to her hip, already broken apart with dark red scars, and drew it across her flesh, Sora's hateful glare flickering in front of her mind's eyes.

The floodgates sprung open, and the despair rushed through, rendering all as lost.

~x~

**A/N: I REALIZE SORA IS A TOTAL DICK RIGHT NOW. But there is a REASON. There is always a reason for everything. And when you find out that reason . . . You will be shocked, yo. Anyway, please don't hate Sora entirely. He WILL redeem himself. Anyway, leave a reviewwwww~**


	6. Optimism

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: Chapter Six, whoop! Not much to say, only that things are gonna heat up a lot more from now on. This chapter doesn't have any memories in it, believe it or not. Get reading!**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities.**

**NOTES: Story is still rated T right now, but eventually will go up to M. This chapter has some foul language in it.**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Six**

~x~

**Kairi** stared at her face in the mirror, tired and blotchy from crying herself to sleep. She was an emotional wreck, and she wasn't even trying to deny it anymore. She wasn't strong enough to keep faking confidence and control, and her last argument with Sora had been the breaking point. It was one thing for her to know that Sora hated her, but it was a whole different thing to feel it. She felt his hatred digging into her mind like a hornet or a buzz drill, gnawing at her defenses in violent attempts to destroy her. It must have succeeded, because she had broken the one oath she had made to herself, cutting into her skin as if her body had a message of hope for healing inside. The open gashes stung as she pulled a hoodie on over the top of her head, wearing nothing beneath it but a bra. She felt ugly and worthless and everybody else thought so, too, so she might as well dress like a slob to give them something to laugh about.

Kairi went back into her bedroom, debating skipping school altogether. Sure, she had gotten all of the Home Ec homework done on her own, but she didn't know if she could face Sora. There was always a chance that he wasn't even going to show up to class, but if he did . . . God, she was such a joke. It had been a mistake coming back to school. It was only week two, and she already wanted to give up.

The redhead threw her hair into a ponytail, shimmied into some skinny jeans and Vans, and headed out to her car without giving Memory much of a good-bye. She cried silently on the way to school, allowing the tears to streak down her make-upless face. She watched the road ahead of her fixedly, not even trying to stop thinking about Sora. Fuck Vanitas and fuck everyone else. She loved Sora, dammit, and she wanted him back. She wanted things to go back to the way they once were, when she was a child and she still had her innocence.

Kairi had to pull over on the side of the freeway, she was shaking and crying too hard to see anything clearly. She rested her head against the steering wheel, praying aloud for God to take away these horrid torrents of emotions—to make her impervious to pain. But she knew in her heart that it was impossible for her to stop loving Sora. He was her everything, and it was too late to tell him that.

She was late to school, and in home room, Namine could tell something was wrong.

"What's the matter, Kai?" she asked after the bell had run.

'_Kai,' _she thought miserably, her chin quivering. '_That's what Sora used to call me . . .'_

"It's . . . It's nothing," Kairi said, her voice high-pitched and breathy. She refused to look at Namine, knowing that if she did, then the concern in her eyes might undo her.

"Is it about Sora?" she whispered. "Everyone's talking about what happened outside the club . . . Someone saw you guys fighting."

Kairi went pale and hung her head. "God, how embarrassing . . ." she mumbled weakly. "We got into this stupid fight because I was late, and he was pissed. Then his cousin pulled him away and I got into my car with Vanitas."

"With Vanitas?" Namine's eyes nearly fell out of her head. "You were in a car with him?"

Kairi blushed and nodded. "Yeah. We . . . We kissed."

Namine gasped, "You _kissed_ him? Kairi! That's like . . . That's like kissing Sora!"

"Then you understand how I feel," Kairi groaned, resting her head on her desk. She felt Namine's comforting hand on her back, patting it soothingly. If there was one person that she was thankful for in her life, it had to be Namine. They'd already become great friends in such a short span of time that Kairi didn't know what she'd do without her.

"It'll all turn out fine, Kairi," Namine said optimistically. "Have you gotten much writing done yet?"

Kairi sat up, passing a hand wearily across her face. "Some. I started writing a fake letter to Sora . . ."

"Well, that's good!" Namine gushed, her baby blue eyes lighting up. "Maybe some day you _will _get to show it to him."

"Chyeah," she snorted. "Maybe in an alternate universe where everything goes perfectly for me."

Namine frowned. "Kairi, something's really different about you today," she said sadly. "You're not usually so . . . Cynical."

"I feel like shit, Nami," Kairi mumbled. "I cried all the way to school, and I just want to cry now. I look and feel ugly and I just want to go home."

Namine looked sad. "I'm sorry, Kairi . . . I wish there was something I could for you . . . Hm . . ." Then, she gasped and sat upright in her seat. A few nearby classmates turned from their conversations (Homeroom was really more of a lax study hall) to see what the fuss was about, but lost interest a second later when Namine smiled sweetly at them.

"What, Namine?" Kairi asked, brows knitting together in puzzlement.

"I could talk to him for you," she suggested. "See what he's really thinking."

"No way!" Kairi said, waving her hands back and forth fearfully. "He'd only hate me even more."

"Not if we do this right . . ." Namine tapped her chin, looking down at her sketchpad as if some sort of solution would magically appear there. This was a side of Namine that Kairi liked—the side that just wanted Kairi to be happy. She was always trying to lift her up when she was mad or sad, talking her through her writing process in the Art room at lunch every day. Kairi loved her for it, but sometimes she felt bad because she wasn't exactly the most compassionate of girls. Kairi didn't really know how to be so selfless, even if she wanted to be, though she supposed it had something to do with the loss of Hikari.

"I have an idea," Namine said thoughtfully. "Are you opposed to going to your old girlfriends, Olette and Fuu?"

Kairi's expression soured as her mind rewound back to the first day of school, when she'd heard those girls trash talking her in the bathroom. She wasn't _opposed _to making things right with them, but she wasn't exactly all for it. She wouldn't be able to trust them—not after the way they'd treated her.

Namine smiled knowingly. "I can tell _that's_ not a plan you're down for . . ." She sighed. "Well . . . You guys have that project; maybe you should just invite him over to your house? A calming atmosphere where you guys are alone might give you the chance to actually talk about what happened."

Kairi clenched her teeth, the thought of being alone with him and having to talk about everything seeming stressful and pointless. He wasn't going to care, either way. Any way you looked at this situation, it became so overwhelming that Kairi just wanted to stop breathing.

"What do you think you should do then?" she asked worriedly. "I don't want you to feel depressed, or anything . . ."

"I . . . I don't know." Kairi chewed nervously on her lower lip. Namine _did _have a point, though. Maybe what Sora and her needed was some alone time. But . . . He had said only public places . . . God, why did this have to be so difficult? Why did _he _have to be so difficult?

"Has your letter helped you sort out your emotions at all?" Namine asked. "I feel like maybe you should finish it and give it to him when it's done. Maybe it'll give you the closure that you need?"

"But Nami . . ." Kairi said sadly, looking at her friend imploringly. "I don't _want_ closure. I want _him_."

Namine sighed again and leaned over to pat Kairi's hand affectionately. "Then it'll all work out. Do you believe in the Law of Attraction?"

Kairi tilted her head to the side curiously. "What's that?"

"Well, there's a lot to it, but in your situation, what you need to know is that good things happen to you if you truly believe that they will. Positive energy attracts positive energy, and negative attracts negative," she explained. "I do affirmations every night to ensure that I keep my spirits up and stay positive."

"Affirmations?"

She waved a dismissive hand. "Just things I say out loud or write down that enforce positivity. I would suggest you try to do them, but the letter that you're writing to Sora is already doing that in some ways. So keep doing what you're doing, and it'll all turn out all right."

Kairi said, "Well, maybe it would be a good idea to talk to Olette or Fuu. One or the other, though. The two of them together could be bad news."

"All right," Namine said brightly. "And I'll go with you, so don't worry. They've been nice to me in Art class so far."

And thus it was decided: Kairi was going to try and get her old friends back, all in the hopes that she would one day have the life she had loved once again.

~x~

Namine held the Starbucks door open for Kairi, giving her an encouraging smile as she passed by her. The girls were about to meet up with Olette and Fuu, the latter knowing full well that the former would be there. Kairi was nervous, excited, and a little sad that it had come to this. They had been close for years before Junior year—they'd met in seventh grade in the Library during lunch, and had been a trio ever since then. They'd sworn to be "best friends forever," but forever had come to an abrupt end without any of them knowing it.

"They aren't here yet," Namine announced, eyes scanning the crowded coffee shop. They found a table in the corner, near the window, and sat down beside each other to chat and wait.

The smell of the roasted beans reached Kairi's nostrils, and while the redhead wasn't much of a coffee drinker, she still loved the smell. Sora loved coffee, and she remembered making it for him more than a few times when everyone else was having soda or hot cocoa. She still knew how he liked it, too: black with just a teaspoon of sugar. _"It makes me feel more manly,"_ he'd said when she'd asked him about it in the summer of Sophomore year.

Where was the goofy Sora who used to worry so much about whether or not he was "cool" or "manly" enough? Now he was too _much _cool and too _much _man, and not enough goof. The goof was what was so attractive about him. The goof was what—or _who_—she had fallen in love with.

"You gonna be okay?" Namine asked, touching her shoulder.

"Yeah," Kairi said softly. "Just a little nervous . . ."

Namine smiled, and it went all the way to her eyes. "Remember what I said yesterday morning: Stay positive. Everything will turn out all right if you remain positive, okay?"

"Thanks, Nami," Kairi said with a small, grateful smile.

The girls fell into a comfortable silence, Namine gazing out at the bustling shopping center the Starbucks was located in and Kairi staring at her hands in her lap. Her "little" had actually meant "a lot," and she was close to sweating through her deodorant. Olette and Fuu were nice girls when you were their friend, but when you were their enemy, they could be nastier than an overprotective mother lion. Those girls had claws, and they had already used them on Kairi multiple times. It was going to be a difficult task talking to them, as they hadn't given her a chance last year, but as long as she had Namine for support and positive expectations, she hoped it would go well.

The positivity hadn't worked for Home Ec yesterday, though. It was only two days after the day that Sora and Kairi had fought outside the night club, so when he actually showed up to class, the immediate tension that fell over the room was stiflingly thick. Kairi had wanted nothing more than to go into a corner and cry, and Sora was making it plainly obvious that he was angry with both her _and _Tidus. Tidus had given her a friendly wave that had made Sora shoot him a glare so withering that it even scared Kairi.

The time to work on the day's classwork for the Marriage project rolled around, and the silence that stretched between Sora and Kairi had been stony. In a desperate, last ditch attempt to get some form of approval from him, Kairi had politely offered to complete the rest of the assignment without him since he obviously wasn't comfortable working with her. She knew it was stupid, since there was probably going to be a speech that they would both have to rehearse, but she was at the end of her rope. Kissing Vanitas had only made her want Sora back _more_. She knew that all this violence and anger wasn't the real him, and she just _knew _that if she could get him back, get him to believe the truth about Riku, then he might become himself again.

Anyway, Sora's reaction had been less than enthusiastic, and he had given her a sour look.

"_You're the one who made such a big deal about me working on this with you, so I'm gonna do it. You said I break my promises, right? Yeah, well I'm not breaking this one_."

Kairi had bit back a snarky reply that probably would have been somewhere along the lines of, "_Too bad this promise isn't the one that counted."_

Instead, Kairi had kept quiet and made plans with him to meet up and work on whatever the next homework was going to be, but she didn't count on him calling her or showing up. He had been cold toward her, but not outright mean like he had been before, but she didn't want to get _too _optimistic. In spite of Namine's belief in positivity begetting positivity, Kairi was so depressed that her mind simply wouldn't allow her to think optimistically about Sora.

She had two more cuts on her hips to prove it.

"They're here," Namine said quietly, looking to the door.

Kairi's heart leapt and she sat up straight, clasping her hands in front of her on the table and watching as her two former best girlfriends came up slowly. Their eyes were guarded, but their faces were void of hostility, so Kairi took it as a good sign. More than anything, she just wanted this meeting to go smoothly.

"Hi," Olette said warily, emerald green eyes traveling back and forth between Namine and Kairi.

"Hey," Kairi said, unable to keep the slight tremor out of her voice.

Fuu crossed her arms over her chest and said simply, "Why?"

Kairi and Namine exchanged glances, but before Kairi could say anything, the blonde spoke.

"I thought it might be nice for the four of us to hang out," Namine said kindly. "You guys have been super nice to me in Art, and I thought we'd all get along."

Fuu sat down, but Olette remained standing. She put her hands on her hips and raised her eyebrows. "Don't you know who she is?" She gestured to Kairi. "Don't you know what she did?"

"I know exactly who she is," Namine said firmly. "And I know exactly what _Riku _did."

Olette shook her head, the expression of disgust that I had grown so accustomed to seeing upon everyone else's face appearing on hers. "You must be the only one dumb enough to believe her lies, Namine. Why would you—"

"Riku has gotten a hold of other girls besides Kairi, Olette." Namine's tone was icy. "Please . . . Just sit down."

Kairi gazed at Namine in awe. She'd never seen her be so confident before. Was it because she was helping Kairi out? Or was it because she felt lighter after telling Kairi her secret? Nonetheless, Kairi was eternally grateful for her presence because _good Lord_, this was uncomfortable. Two seconds in, and Olette was already insulting her.

So much for optimism.

Olette sat down hard next to Fuu and glared directly at Kairi.

"We aren't stupid—we know why you invited us here," Olette spat. "So say what you need to say so we can just leave."

Kairi tensed up and looked to Namine. What she saw there was love and friendship, and even a little bit of belief. Namine believed in Kairi, and that gave Kairi the strength she needed. She looked Olette directly in the eyes, and then Fuu, and then she spoke.

"Look, you guys," she said haltingly, hesitantly. "I know . . . Things got weird last year. I know you may not have understood why I accused Riku of raping me. I also know that you may not have wanted to believe that it was true. But . . . Well, I'm just going to come out and say it. It _is _true. He _did_ rape me—for four years, he was raping me, and before that, he molested me for five. It may not make sense to you, and you may not like it, but it happened and it's real. What he did to me . . . Is real." Kairi's voice caught in her throat as her emotions started to sneak up on her, the thought of Hikari coming to her mind.

"I don't know how else to get you guys to believe me," Kairi said thickly, wiping her eyes with her thumbs. "I went to you first, Olette, because you were my best friend and I thought you'd understand. But you didn't, and it hurt _so _fucking bad. First to have Sora and his family turn me away, and my family, and then yours . . . Do you know what that's like? And then after that, _everyone_? This whole city thinks I'm a fucking joke. I'm completely alone, and if it weren't for Namine, I'd have nobody."

Fuu and Olette looked at each other, and then Fuu said, "Proof?"

"I was _pregnant _with his _daughter_!" Kairi exploded, her temper flaring at the gall of these people. "What more proof do you _need_?!"

"How do you expect us to believe that—" Olette started, but Namine cut her off.

"Olette, what kind of life would this be if all the people we trusted never took what we said with a grain of salt?" she said softly, causing everyone at the table to look at her. She arched her brow. "I believed Kairi when no one else did, and I had never met her before. Do you think that's fair?"

"Why?" Fuu asked.

"Yeah, why?" Olette supplied. "Why would you believe her, when everyone else knew she was lying?"

"There you go again!" Kairi cried, waving her hands about in frustration. "What's with the '_knew_'? I had never lied to you guys before and you _know_ that. So how could you already _know _I was lying?!"

"You—"

Namine stopped her again, saying curtly, "I believed Kairi because the same thing happened to me."

Kairi hurriedly reached for Namine's hand. She was about to tell her story again, and it would not be easy if she was facing down Fuu and Olette. Their reaction to Kairi's tale had been pitiless and cold; would their reaction to Namine's be the same?

"Riku raped me at my Sweet Sixteen birthday party," she said with no emotion in her voice. Her tone was nearly robotic, and Kairi would have thought she didn't care if she wasn't squeezing the life out of the redhead's fingers. "He raped me in the broom closet of an ice skating rink, told me that nobody would believe me if I told, and then threatened to hurt me. He did this all on our six month anniversary, too. I dated him for a year. How long do you think I was going through that torture? He raped me countless times for the six months after the first time."

"N-Namine . . ." Olette said, both Fuu and she looking taken aback.

Namine gestured to Kairi. "If that was happening to me for six months, think how long it was happening to Kairi. It started when she was a little kid."

"He was sexually abusing me for _nine. Years_," Kairi said bitterly to them. "_Nine years_. And I was too scared to tell anyone, because he said he would hurt me."

"Kairi," Fuu said softly, reaching across the table for her hand. There were tears in the one crimson eye that showed through her cropped silver hair. Kairi grabbed onto it tightly, her heart swelling and her eyes spilling over. She could see it on her face: the forgiveness, the acceptance.

One down, one to go.

"But then you got pregnant," Olette said in response to Kairi's earlier statement.

Kairi nodded. "Then I got pregnant. And I couldn't keep it a secret anymore. So I told my mom, she panicked, and then my dad and Riku came in and started freaking out. My dad kicked me out, so I went to Sora, and . . . Well, you know the rest."

"Kairi, I'm so sorry!" Olette wailed, falling into bone-shaking sobs. She got up and walked around the table to embrace Kairi, who was now also crying. "I should have believed you. I don't know why I didn't . . . Oh, I'm just so sorry. We left you like that . . . We should have been better friends!"

Fuu joined the hug, and the three girls wept together for a bit while they made sense of their emotions. Beyond all the sadness, though, Kairi was elated. She was overjoyed at the fact that she now had two more people on her side—people that she cared for most. People that she had thought she'd lost. Now, she wouldn't be so alone anymore.

The girls all sat back down, everyone smiling from ear to ear. Namine was obviously elated, too, and she gave Kairi a little hug as well.

"I'm so happy for you guys," Namine gushed.

"Yes, but . . . Why didn't you just go to your parents sooner?" Olette asked, looking horrified. "Nine years is such a long time . . ."

"I didn't know what was going on at first," Kairi explained, wiping her eyes free of all remaining tears. "I was too little to understand. It wasn't until he first raped me that I knew something was wrong. Up until then, I don't know if my brain actually registered that the Riku during the daytime was the same as the Riku who came in the night."

Olette was crying again. "That's _awful_, Kairi . . ."

"I think I tried to tell Sora once," Kairi said absently, closing her eyes. "When I was eight, when it first started. I told him a monster kept coming to my room, so we had a sleepover, and Riku never came that night. Then the two of them got into a fight, and I told Sora that Riku was the monster. I don't think he understood. I don't think that _I _understood. Ugh, it's all so fucked up."

"Infuriating," Fuu growled, slamming a fist down on the tabletop.

"Yeah!" Olette and Namine agreed.

"He's getting away with doing this to you _and _to Namine?" Olette said angrily. "We should go to the police now!"

"It's too late," Kairi said sadly. "There's no point, anyway . . . It's been too long for both of us."

She gazed off out the window somberly. The fact that Riku would never be punished for his crimes was something that Kairi had come to terms with long ago. The only people whose opinions she cared for at the moment were Olette's, Fuu's, and Sora's. They were the three most important people to her at the time it had all happened, and now that she had two of them back, there was only one left. Sure, her father had been important to her and still was, but he was a stubborn guy. Eventually, he would come around and want to come talk to her again. He was nice enough to allow her mother to get her the apartment and the groceries and everything, he just didn't want to speak to her or see her. He had told her "ever again," but her mother had told her "just for right now." Kairi didn't know what to think, so she just kept it out of her mind like she did the matter of Hikari.

"Too long?" Olette's brow furrowed. "How could it be too long? You were pregnant! Isn't that proof enough for the law?"

Namine went pale, and Kairi kept her gaze lowered. This was the one thing Kairi never wanted to talk about aloud. She never even talked about it inside her head. She had told Namine that it was too painful, and she'd _meant_ it.

"I don't want to talk about it," Kairi replied. "I'm sorry."

"But—"

Fuu touched her arm, and a look of understanding passed between Kairi and the silverette.

"Well . . ." Olette sighed. "What I don't get is why Sora of all people didn't believe you. You guys have—er, _had _been friends since you were little . . . He's so _mean _to you now!"

Namine and Kairi exchanged glances.

"We need your help," Namine said sincerely. "Badly . . ."

"Anthing!" Fuu exclaimed, squeezing Kairi's hand in hers.

"Yes!" Olette agreed. "You want us to talk to Sora? We're friends with his girlfriend—we'll talk to her."

Kairi brightened. "You're friends with her? You will?"

"Yeah!" Olette said. "After what we did to you, we owe you so freakin' much, dude! We'll have like, a sleepover thingy. Why don't you come, Kairi? Then you could talk to her yourself!"

Kairi blanched. "Are you sure that's a good idea? I . . ." She trailed off, not wanting to reveal her intense, deep feelings for Sora. Even if Olette and Fuu wanted to be friends with her again, she still didn't trust them the same way that she had before. The only person who knew how she felt about Sora was Namine, and Namine wasn't like Olette and Fuu. Namine was trustworthy.

"Yeah, dude, come on!" Olette insisted. "This Friday, come over and it'll all go well, I promise."

So Kairi agreed, because she _did _want to get some answers, and because she wanted things to be like they once were. Sleepovers every weekend with Olette and Fuu had been standard back in the day. They tried to invite Namine, but she declined, and Kairi knew it was because this was something Kairi needed to do alone. The girls hung out for a couple of hours at the coffee shop, getting to know each other again and having a fun time. However lighthearted and fun their time together was, though, Kairi still couldn't shake the image of Sora's face from her mind.

She was going to make things right, if it was the last thing she did.

~x~

Kairi was sitting in the middle of her bed, working on her Anatomy homework while listening to some Suicide Silence on her laptop when her phone started to ring. It was Wednesday afternoon, and ever since making up with her friends the day before, her phone hadn't left her hip. Fuu and Olette were texting her nonstop, showering her with praise and compliments and apologizing repeatedly for what they had done. Kairi didn't really care for their apologies though, because she had already forgiven them, and was just happy to be with them again. Namine had been accepted into the group fully as well, too, and that day at lunch, the four girls had eaten together in the Cafeteria in full view of Sora and his bandmates (minus Riku, of course, since he'd graduated last year). It felt great to have friends again, so when her phone rang, Kairi answered it without looking.

"Hi!" she said brightly, expecting it to most likely be Olette, since Fuu was a girl of few words.

"Uh . . . Hey?" A cautious voice responded, and Kairi's heart dropped into the pit of her stomach.

"Oh . . . Sora, hey." Kairi immediately lowered her voice, feeling embarrassed for answering his call without first checking who it was. Things were even weirder with him now than before. Ever since their fight, he had been subdued and cold, and while she was happy that he wasn't being downright cruel toward her anymore, she felt as though his frostiness was quite possibly worse.

"Do you want to meet up to work on the homework?" he asked. There was no emotion in his tone—no anger, no hatred, no sadness, no joy . . . Nothing.

"I . . . I already did it," Kairi gulped.

". . . Oh," he said. There was a small silence, and then his voice was muffled as he spoke to someone else who was in the room. Then, he came back, and abruptly said, "Are you and Vanitas hooking up, or something?"

Kairi blinked. "N-No," she said. She hadn't called him back yet . . . She didn't have any plans to, either. Her focus was entirely on Sora.

"Are you sure?" The sharpness and irritation was slowly creeping back into his tone. "Don't lie to me."

"I'm not, Sora!" Kairi protested, her hotheadedness rising to meet his annoyance. "And even if I was, why would _you _care? You have a girlfriend already."

"Tidus saw you guys making out," Sora accused, ignoring her words. "So obviously you are, and you just lied to me, which proves that you're a _fucking _liar."

"Sora!" Kairi exclaimed. "What the Hell? I'm _not _hooking up with Vanitas! We kissed _once_!"

"Yeah, right after you and I get into a fight?!" Sora was yelling back now, and Kairi knew whatever minimal amount of progress they had made was now lost because she, too, was pissed off.

"Sora, I can hook up with Vanitas if I _want_!" she shouted into the receiver. "I'm not your girlfriend; maybe you should be worried about _her_."

"God, you really _are _slutty!" Sora scowled, ignoring her once again. It was like he was _trying _to convince himself that she was all these horrible, untrue things. "To go after my twin? That's fucking golden, Kairi. Just fucking golden. First your own brother, and now mine. Priceless."

Kairi had been on such an emotional rollercoaster the past week that his words breezed past her anger and she began to seethe. "Sora, you're a jerk. You're a horrible friend, and you're a _jerk_."

"Nice comeback, Kairi," Sora scoffed. "You think of that while you were fucking my brother?"

"You know what? Fine!" she yelled. "If you want me to fuck your brother so bad, then I will. I fucking _will_."

"Haven't you already?" he spat.

"God, you're ridiculous!" She combed her fingers through her hair exasperatedly. "_Sora_. I have _never _slept with Vanitas. The only guy I've ever slept with forced me into it and—"

"Why do you keep trying to make me believe that shit?"Sora demanded. "Why? I'm _never _going to believe you. You are a _liar_."

Kairi just about lost it. "_Because you were supposed to be my best fucking friend_! Olette and Fuu believe me, and so does Tidus. Why can't you?"

"Good for them," he said sarcastically. "I don't give two flying _fucks_ who believes you."

Kairi felt the sadness in her torn soul as she started to cry, unable to comprehend why Sora was being this way. He was _trying _to hurt her. Why? Why was he doing this to her? Why would he call her just to yell at her and insult her, and accuse her of things that weren't true?

What was _wrong _with him?

"Sora, please," she sobbed into the phone. "I _needed_ you."

"And _I _needed _you!" _he shouted. "But you're too fucking wrapped up in your own shit that you have to make up lies to get attention when the lights aren't on your stage."

"Sora, what are you _talking _about?" Kairi spluttered.

"Just fuck off, Kairi," he growled before hanging up.

The line went dead, and Kairi threw it across the room as hard as she could. She let out a scream of outrage and began to pace back and forth in her bedroom. She hated when she got angry like this. It was so overwhelming, tossing and turning inside of her and burning her from the inside out. The only thing she wanted to do was cut, but she had already relapsed twice in the past few days—it would be counterproductive if she relapsed again.

"_FUCK_!" Kairi screamed, nearly tearing out a chunk of her hair in the process. She kicked the wall with her bare foot and then cried out in pain. Memory came peeling into the room, panicking and barking at the top of her lungs, and it was just too much for Kairi to deal with.

And so she let the razor kiss her skin again night, feeling the blood sliding down her thigh and the tears against her cheeks.

~x~

**A/N: Well, I hope you enjoyed it! Make sure you LEAVE a REVIEW. Thank you to everyone who HAS reviewed me so far. Your support is phenomenal and makes me enjoy what I do. ^_^**


	7. Next Best Thing

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey guys . . . First off, I keep forgetting to put my author's notes lol. Secondly, yes the rating went up and yes there is a lemon. Get reading, hehe!**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities.**

**NOTES: This story has now gone up in rating. It is rated M from here on out. There is a LEMON in this chapter.**

**ENJOY!**

~x~

_**Chapter Seven**_

_~x~_

**The** first thing that Kairi did when she woke up on Thursday morning was text Vanitas. She did find him attractive, but she was also so mad at Sora that she couldn't seestraight. Who was he to be acting like _he _was the victim, saying that _he _needed _her_? What the actual _fuck_? Sora had never been that kind-of guy. He had always been selfless, caring, and kind. He had been clumsy and a little oblivious, granted, but he was still a great guy. But now he was just a dick, an asshole, a jerk, a douche bag . . . The list goes on.

**Hey, good morning :) **Kairi sent to Vanitas, tossing her phone onto her bed as she got up to get ready. If she had thought she was playing with fire before, now she was standing right in center of the inferno. Sora had been angry at the rumor of Vanitas and her hooking up; if it were true, how would he feel?

Kairi didn't care. He deserved to feel rejected. He hated her, anyway, so why did he even care what she did or who she dated? Vanitas may have been his twin, but he was his own person, and if Kairi wanted to get with him, then it really wasn't any of Sora's business.

But was it wrong to start dating someone purely out of spite? Kairi liked Vanitas, but she liked Sora more. She knew that she was only showing interest in Vanitas now because Sora had gotten so up in arms about it. It was like when a son or daughter does something specifically because their parents tell them _not _to do it. Only Kairi's situation was way more confusing because Sora had made it abundantly clear that he despised her very being . . . But now he suddenly thought he had a say in her life decisions? Well, fuck him.

**What's up, road block? **Came Vanitas's reply.

Kairi smirked as she picked up her phone and tapped out a reply. **Getting dressed ;p Wbu?**

**Pics or it didn't happen.**

**Haha, you wish.**

Kairi turned away from her "sordid" conversation and went to her closet to pick out something to wear. Part of her wanted to just throw on sweatpants and wallow in her misery, but the part of her that wanted to get a rise out of Sora told her that wasn't the best option. She wanted to piss him off, and the best way to do that was to get Vanitas's attention. Obviously, he went to Destiny High now, since she'd seen him in the hall that week, so whatever she chose had to be something that would get him to notice her.

Memory came trotting into her walk-in closet and plopped down, watching Kairi flit about the small room rummaging through her clothes collection.

"Short skirt? No . . . Tight pants? Meh . . . How about an LBD?" She waved a piece of black fabric about in front of Memory's nose. The dog blinked and wagged her tail a little bit, and Kairi sighed in defeat. Who was she kidding? No matter how hot she looked, there would most likely be someone who looked better than her. Especially Namine with her perfect skin, and now that she thought about it . . . What did Sora's girlfriend look like? Was she pretty? Did she have curves, where Kairi did not? Kairi had always been a stick of a thing with chicken legs and no matter how much she ate, she could never seem to gain any weight. Her breasts were a B-cup at best.

'_What does Sora even like?' _she thought miserably, then quickly corrected herself. '_I mean Vanitas. This is about trying to get Vanitas to notice me. Hmph.'_

Kairi stamped each of her feet in turn, wishing that it weren't so hard to be a girl. She began her search anew, knowing that she didn't have much time before school anyway, and settled upon a pair of leather leggings, a white oversized shirt, and the black wedge heels she'd worn at The Secret Spot the past weekend. It was simple, but the legging-wedge combination made her legs look phenomenal, and she was sure it would get _someone's_ attention, if not Vanitas's.

Kairi went into the bathroom, taking her phone with her and setting it on the counter while she finished getting ready. Memory followed close behind, hopping up onto the closed toilet seat and watching her curiously as she put on some false lashes, dark eyeshadow, and blush.

The phone buzzed, so Kairi glanced down at it.

**So when we gonna hang out, girl? **Vanitas had asked, ignoring her question asking him what he was doing. Kairi pursed her lips. Perhaps Vanitas's intentions with her weren't as serious as she thought. Perhaps he truly did just want to upgrade her to groupie status and hook up? It would certainly make things easier for her, but at the same time . . . When she actually thought about _doing _things with Vanitas, it scared her. Riku was her first and her only, and since that hadn't been consensual, Kairi's mindset was completely backwards.

Kairi shook the thoughts from her head—she was getting ahead of herself. Who knew what Vanitas wanted? He probably just wanted to make out with her, like they had in her car. She replied to him quickly.

**Tonight, if you want. **She answered, remembering that she had the sleepover at Olette's the following day.

**Cool. You wanna come over, maybe watch the band practice?**

Kairi felt her heart skip a beat. Come over? To Sora's? She'd be there to see Vanitas, of course, but . . . Then Sora would see them together. Her eyes flashed. God, she was going to get herself in trouble. It had to be because she was a redhead. Redheads were feisty.

**Sure! **She replied, and so the deal with the Devil was made.

~x~

"You guys, I'm going to _freak. Out_," Kairi groaned in the Art room at lunch.

"Why?" Olette asked. She was busy trying to paint Namine's likeness on canvas, and it wasn't going so well. The brunette held up her hands as if trying to envision Namine's face in a frame, her tongue hanging slightly out of her mouth as she thought. She went back to painting, her eyes never leaving Namine's features for more than a moment.

"Because she's going to go to _Sora's_ tonight," Namine teased from her place on the stool in the center of the room.

"No!" Fuu gasped, handing Olette a fresh wheel of colorful paint.

"Yup," Namine giggled.

"Oh, come off it, Nami," Kairi said with a roll of her eyes. "I'm going there to hang out with his brother, Vanitas."

Olette and Fuu stared at her in slack-jawed shock.

"V-Vanitas?" Fuu whispered.

"As in . . . _The _Vanitas? The lead screamer of _Destiny's Embrace_?!" Olette squealed.

"Do you guys know _another_ Vanitas Yoshimura?" Kairi asked sarcastically. She leaned back in her seat at one of the tables, sighing heavily. "I'm not as psyched about it as you, though."

"Why _not_?" Olette handed her paintbrush to Fuu, who took over the painting of Namine, and then came around to slam her hands down on the table in front of Kairi.

"Because," Kairi replied. "I don't _want_ Vanitas. I want _Sora_."

Olette put her hands on her hips. "Kairi Frierson, you're being ridiculous. Vanitas looks just like him, and he's like, literally so hot."

"Yeah, but so is Sora," Kairi countered, raising her eyebrows.

"That is a fact that cannot be denied!" Olette exclaimed. "But nevertheless . . . Sora is a douche bag, and Vanitas . . . Well, he _isn't_. So why are you going to freak out?"

"Becauuuuuse," Kairi whined. "He totally wants to hook up, but I don't know what exactly that entails. That, and what if Sora and I get into another fight, or something?"

"Just ignore Sora, for one," Namine suggested. "And for two, what's so bad about hooking up with Vanitas?"

"Namine," Kairi said flatly, fixing her with a deadpan _Are you serious? _look.

Namine sighed. "Kairi, Vanitas isn't Riku, and you can't live your life in a sexless hole. You'll never get anywhere."

Kairi and Olette narrowed their eyes at the smug-looking blonde. Somehow, they knew she was hinting at something.

"Namine . . ." Kairi asked slowly. "Have _you _hooked up with anyone since Riku?"

Namine's sly grin shocked them all. "I have a boyfriend," she announced.

"Boyfriend?!" Fuu cried.

"You do?!" Olette added, jumping up and down excitedly. "Who is it?"

"What in the—? Namine!" Kairi shook her head slowly in astonishment. "I had no idea!"

Namine fluttered her eyelashes and blew them all a kiss. "A girl like me never reveals her secrets~!"

Kairi threw her head back and laughed incredulously. This was insane! Namine had been so shy and quiet when they'd first met, awkward even. And here she was, saying she had a boyfriend? It _had _been two years since her relationship with Riku, but . . . It was just insane!

"Okay, come _on_, Nami," Kairi pleaded. "You have to tell us! You can't drop a bomb like that and not tell us who he is."

"You're gonna laugh," she grinned.

"Tell ussssssss," Olette begged.

"RoxasYoshimura."

Olette started screaming, Fuu dropped her paintbrush, and Kairi _did _laugh. Roxas was Sora and Vanitas's cousin! He was the other guitarist in _Destiny's Embrace_! He was the boy that Kairi had once dumped soda on at a family reunion of Sora's the Summer of the year she turned ten! Namine was _dating _him?

"Holy shit, Namine," Kairi remarked. "That's . . . Wow."

Namine smirked. "Yep. So I know that it's totally okay for you to hook up with Vanitas, Kairi." She resumed the position she had been poised in for the painting.

Kairi continued to shake her head as Olette and Namine engaged in a conversation about how she had started dating Roxas, her thoughts drifting off into another world. She couldn't believe that Namine was dating Roxas, of all people. Namine was so sweet and gentle, and Roxas was in a band that was anything but. It really was cute, though, and a little bit inspirational. If Namine could recover from her rape, then perhaps Kairi could someday, too.

After lunch, Kairi headed to Home Ec in high spirits. She was starting to think that Namine's fascination with the Law of Attraction was what had brought her to happiness and healing. Kairi wanted to feel that way. She wanted to be able to think so optimistically that nothing but good things happened to her, and be able to say that she reached enlightenment all with the power of her own mind.

Hips swaying slightly from her heels, Kairi walked to her locker and opened it to retrieve her binder from inside of it. She didn't expect Sora to show up to class today, and she had managed to do the homework without him just fine. Their project was completely caught up, though it wasn't really much of "theirs" anymore, now was it? The thought of his slacking off made her jaw clench in anger, but that thought was soon blown from her mind when just as she was closing her locker, someone else closed it for her, and forcefully so.

"Hey!" Kairi cried out in annoyance, swirling around to see Sora standing there.

"So you _were_ lying, weren't you?" he hissed.

Kairi looked around surreptitiously, seeing that the other students in the crowded hall were watching them again. They were always watching Kairi. They may not be bullying her anymore now that she had friends, but they were still very much invested in her life and what she was doing. This encounter with Sora was just going to be another thing to add to their repertoire of things to say about her. She glared up at Sora, recalling the argument they'd had over the phone, and replied to him.

"I wasn't lying about anything, Sora," she said calmly. "I have _never _lied to you. You just _think _I am."

Sora shook his head in repulsion. "So now you're just gonna lie to my face again? Wow, Kairi. Wow. You think I'm stupid? I know you're coming over to hang out with my brother!"

Kairi imploded. "Who the fuck _cares_?! I'll do whatever I want! If Vanitas wants to hang out, I'm not going to tell him no!"

"Well, you should!" he yelled back, adjusting the strap on his messenger bag. He was wearing a long-sleeved gray shirt with a hood on it and black skinny jeans today, and he looked gorgeous, but Kairi purposefully fixated on her anger so as not to get distracted. She wasn't going to let him treat her the way he had been. Not anymore.

"Why, Sora?" she snarled, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling his face down close to hers. "You jealous?"

Sora's eyes flashed, and all in one swift move, he had her pinned up against her locker, hands by her head. He glowered at her, looking as if he wanted to murder her, but Kairi merely smirked.

"Careful, So-_ra_," she said. "Everyone's watching. They might think you're into the 'school slut.'"

"You're a bitch," he spat, tightening his hold on her wrist.

"And you're a jerk," she shot back. "You don't get to tell me who I can and can't date. You're not my boyfriend, and you never _were_."

Something came to his eyes for a brief moment—some sort of emotion that Kairi couldn't place—and then he turned his face away from her. His spiky hair drooped forward, bangs shrouding his eyes, and Kairi could feel his body shaking. There was obviously something on his mind, but she didn't think she'd be hearing what it was anytime soon. Either way, she was just glad that she was finally standing up to him. He was the one who had hurt her, and he needed to be put in his place some way or another.

"Well, Kairi," he said slowly, and when his eyes met hers again, she lost her breath. He leaned forward again, and Kairi went rigid when his breath tickled her ear. "Whose fault is _that_?"

Then he was gone, and Kairi didn't think he'd be coming to Home Ec that day.

The redhead glared around at the kids who were staring at her. "What are you looking at?!" she shouted angrily. "Go back to being the stupid sheep you are."

She stormed off, whipping out her phone to text Vanitas. She couldn't believe Sora's gall. What did he mean by 'whose fault is that'? What the Hell? Pinning her to a locker and manhandling her? What was that? _What the Hell_?! She was so angry now that there was a red haze at the corners of her vision. She wanted him to pay for everything he'd done to her.

**Hey, **she texted Sora's twin. **Instead of going to your house, let's go to mine . . . I have something for you. ;)**

'_You want to fight, Sora?' _Kairi thought bitterly. '_Then let's fucking fight.'_

~x~

When school let out, Kairi was still seething about her argument with Sora. He hadn't gone to Home Ec, as she had expected, but at that particular point in time, she didn't care. She just didn't care anymore, and she was going to get back at him one way or another.

Kairi headed out to her car, eyes poring over the texts she had gotten from her friends while she was in class. It felt nice to actually have a reason to look at her phone, and the smile on her face could attest to that. Olette, Namine, and Fuu were mostly just wishing her luck with Vanitas, but there was one text from Vanitas saying that he'd meet her at her car, and which one was it?

As she quickly typed out a response, she didn't have time to look up before she reached her parking spot. There was someone standing there already, and that someone was not Vanitas. When she saw just who it was, she dropped her phone, her purse, and her backpack to the concrete and stared at him in shock.

"Riku?" she whispered, automatically taking a step back.

The silverette was leaning up against the driver's side of her car, looking tall and imposing in grey skinny jeans and a red-and-white plaid button up. His muscular arms were crossed, and now that Kairi was up close to him, she could see that he had pierced his septum since she'd last seen him in Junior year. He ran a hand through his hair and fixed her with the piercing aquamarine eyes that haunted her every single night.

"Wh-Why are you here?" Kairi gasped, starting to shake with terror.

"Can we talk, Kairi?" he asked, arching one eyebrow at her.

"No!" she cried. "Just go away!"

"Can't do that, little sis." The nickname he'd used countless times when he was having his way with her caused a chill to crawl up her spine. Riku came toward her, saying, "We haven't seen each other in months. I just wanna talk to you."

"Get off of me!" she screamed when he grabbed her wrist to keep her from running off. Tears came to her eyes as memory after memory assailed her, and she wondered why in the Hell Sora didn't believe her. Would a liar react like this?

"Calm down," he said, his voice eerily calm. He grabbed her upper arms so tightly that it hurt and pushed his face close to hers. "Don't fight. I just want to talk to you."

"Please, Riku," she wailed, feeling completely and uselessly weak. "Please, just leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to talk to you ever again!"

Fear. Quite possibly the most hated emotion, yet the one that makes you feel the most alive. Your heart races and your blood curdles and you just want to die because anything is better than being afraid of what lies around the next corner. Kairi was so scared that she wanted to keel over and pass away right in the parking lot of the school. Riku was the monster in her darkest dreams, and he was standing here in front of her, holding her in his wicked claws. She wept openly, because she wanted him to know that he frightened her, and because she was too weak to push him away.

"Hey!"

Riku let go of Kairi as if she were on fire the second Vanitas came jogging up, and he gave his friend a small smirk.

"Hey, Vani," he said, as though he hadn't just been grabbing Kairi forcefully in public.

Vanitas took Kairi's arm gently in his hand, his brow furrowing as he looked at the rapidly-forming bruises underneath her shoulder. Kairi wiped her tears and blushed—she saw so much of Sora in him that it was almost painful. Sora used to look over her wounds like that, when she fell off the swings or hurt herself while playing outside.

"What the Hell is your problem, Riku?" Vanitas whirled on Riku and reached out to shove him backward a few feet. "You can't just grab a girl like that!"

"I wasn't grabbing her that hard, dude," Riku protested. "Quit freaking out!"

Vanitas glared at him for a second longer before he turned back to Kairi. "Let's get out of here, okay?"

Kairi sniffled and nodded numbly, allowing Vanitas to usher her to her car and open the door for her. As she climbed in, Vanitas threw Riku one last withering look.

"It's best if you just stay away from your sister, all right, man?" Vanitas advised him. "It doesn't look good for you."

Riku crossed his arms. "All right," he said begrudgingly.

Vanitas shut her door and walked around the car. Kairi couldn't help but frown. The way Vanitas had said that . . . It was almost as if he believed that Riku had raped her, but that he didn't disagree with it. Not that he _agreed_ and thought it was a _good _thing, just that he simply didn't disagree with what Riku had done.

Was it really a good idea to invite Vanitas over? Kairi wasn't so sure anymore.

As they drove, Kairi did her best to reign in her emotions and put on a smile for Vanitas. She put in a Suicide Silence album and turned it down enough so that they could hear each other talk, and shot him a coy smile.

"Thanks for rescuing me back there," she said. "That was pretty cool of you."

"No prob," he said, leaning back in his seat in a relaxed manner. He was wearing a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and a black-and-white striped tank top today, his casual coordinate only serving to make him look more attractive. His orange eyes seemed to twinkle when he grinned at her, and Kairi had to look away before he reminded her too much of Sora.

"I live pretty far out," Kairi told him, hands at ten and two on the wheel. "I hope you don't mind . . ."

"Where do you live?" he asked, banging his head slightly to the song that was playing. He was attentive to the conversation, but Kairi could tell that he was pretty into the music. She knew she'd be headbanging, too, if she weren't so nervous being in the car with him. The closer they got to the hills, the more edgy she got. She had no idea what was going to happen when they got to her house, but she knew what to expect.

Was she ready for that, though? After the way she had reacted to seeing Riku, she didn't know.

"I live out in the hills, in my own apartment," Kairi said. "My parents pay for it, as long as I promise to pass my classes and go to college."

"Wow, that's pretty sweet," Vanitas replied. "Sora and I live with Roxas now. As soon as we turned eighteen and got signed, we got the fuck out of there."

Kairi frowned, for she remembered the twins' parents as being kind people. Of course, they hadn't believed her story about Riku, either, but that was beside the point. She shot Vanitas a fleeting glance, wanting to keep her eyes on the road.

"How come?" she asked.

"No real reason," Vanitas shrugged. "We just wanted to be independent and . . . Well, _okaasan_ didn't really like our music."

"Not a fan of hardcore?" Kairi raised one eyebrow.

Vanitas chuckled, "Not so much. We needed practice space and a studio, so we moved to a house with Roxas, turned the garage into a studio, and now it's all chill."

"That's pretty cool" Kairi remarked, feeling pleased that things were going so well with her and Vanitas. It was actually pretty easy to converse with him, and he didn't seem like he was planning on having sex with her, or anything. She wondered if maybe he would be fine with watching a movie and eating dinner on her couch? Her smile widened. She could have a fun time with Vanitas and piss Sora off at the same time, and it was great! Sora didn't have to know the details of their hang out. He was going to assume they'd had sex either way, so if they didn't, her plan would still work.

Ah, the mind of a spiteful woman scorned.

"So what's up next for the band?" Kairi asked, giddy at the thought of things actually working out the way she wanted them to. "Shows? Albums? Anything?"

"We have Battle of the Bands on Halloween," Vanitas said. "It's on the mainland—in Traverse Town."

"Neat," Kairi gushed. "I'll have to go see it."

"Yeah, you'd better." She looked at him, and he gave her a half-smile that mirrored the one Sora always used to give her, and her heart fluttered. She turned her eyes to the road again and changed the subject.

"So what do you think of this Marriage Project?" she asked. "The one Sora and I are doing."

"I think he's being an asswipe!" Vanitas laughed, much to Kairi's surprise. "He knows if he doesn't graduate, then he's gonna have to go live back home again. I don't know why he's insisting on being such a fucking dick."

"Did you know he never helps me with any of it?" Kairi said. "None! He skips Home Ec all the time and every time we try to make plans to work on the homework, we get into a huge fight and nothing ever comes of it."

"Shiiiit," Vanitas scowled. "Sora's just an all-around jerk these days. Ever since . . ." He trailed off, and Kairi perked up. Maybe she would get some of the answers she was looking for out of Vanitas?

"Ever since what?"

"Well . . ." Vanitas flicked his chin-length bangs out of his eyes. "Our uncle died last year, right about the time you . . . Well, you know, _told _everyone what happened to you. He was pretty broken up about it."

Kairi's heart stopped in her chest and she nearly crashed into the car in the next lane on the freeway. She stared at Vanitas in alarm. "What?" she asked in disbelief. "Which uncle?"

"Roxas's dad," Vanitas clarified with a sad smile. "He was Sora's favorite uncle—taught him to play the guitar, you know. But yeah, it happened like literally, a week or so before you told. He stayed home from school for so long."

"I thought he was . . . Sick," Kairi said, feeling her stomach twist and turn with nausea. How could she have been so oblivious, so blind to Sora's emotions? Was that why he hated her so much? Why he kept saying that she just wanted attention? But nobody had _told _her Sora's uncle died! How could Sora expect her to just _know_ that kind of thing? And that didn't excuse his horrible behavior and mistreatment! She could understand if he felt hurt and upset, but why didn't he just talk to her? Why did he push her away and call her scum?

"In a sense," Vanitas said with a sigh. "He was hella fucking sick. He couldn't eat anything and he lost a ton of weight. He changed after that, man, I don't know . . . Then we started the band, and he started dating Xion, and he changed even _more_, and now . . . I don't even really know who he is anymore."

"Me neither," Kairi whispered, blinking back tears. This whole situation was fucked up.

There was a long silence for a moment before Vanitas suddenly said, "I'm sorry, you know."

"For what?"

"The way Sora treated you. The way everyone treated you. I know we didn't know each other that well at the time, but . . . It was really fucked up of everyone to just toss you to the side like that. Shiiiiiit, man, I wouldn't even know what to do if that were me."

Kairi held her breath. "Do you believe me?"

". . . Yeah."

Kairi smiled to herself. "Well . . . You don't have anything to apologize for. It's not like you did anything wrong."

"Sora's my brother, my _twin_." He sighed. "I'm responsible for the way he treats his girl."

"Girl?" Kairi arched one eyebrow. "I'm _not _his girl."

"Yeah, well you were. Or at least, he thought so."

Kairi's heart skipped a beat. "He called me his . . . Girl?"

"Chyeah," Vanitas snorted. "When you guys were best friends, as far as he was concerned, you were his."

"But we weren't dating," Kairi protested. "We never were!"

"I know," Vanitas said. "Sora didn't mean it like that. He meant it like, I don't know . . . You were just his. But anyways, it doesn't matter anymore, does it? He's a total douche bag, and his girlfriend is a bitch, and they deserve each other."

"You sound like you really don't like her."

"She's my ex—of course I don't like her."

Kairi winced. Sora was dating his twin brother's ex? That had to hurt . . . But then did that mean something for her and Vanitas? Kairi and Sora had never dated, but maybe in some weird way, her and Vanitas hanging out was sort-of the same thing?

Kairi pulled into the parking lot of her apartment complex, her mind whirling with all sorts of new thoughts. She was still angry with Sora, but the only difference was that now she really wanted to talk to him. Maybe it wasn't that he didn't believe her, he just was hurt and mad at her. He would definitely have some serious apologizing to do, if he was at all willing, because you didn't throw away your best friend. You just didn't, not after what Riku had done.

She was glad that Vanitas believed her, though. It seemed like as long as she was given the chance to explain her side, people were quick to understand and believe. Fuu, Olette, Vanitas, Tidus, Namine . . . all people who were on her side.

For the first time in months, Kairi finally didn't feel quite so alone.

"Just go ahead and lock the door behind you," Kairi said as they entered her dark apartment. Memory immediately came to greet them, barking and jumping up and down excitedly. Kairi leaned down to pet her and give her kisses, and she heard the front door locking after Vanitas closed it.

Kairi let Memory go and then stood up, moving to turn on the light. A hand on her shoulder stopped her though, turning her back around. Confused, Kairi opened her mouth to speak . . .

. . . But was silenced by another pair of lips, crashing down against hers softly yet feverishly. She gasped in surprise, giving Vanitas the chance to slip his tongue inside her mouth and engage hers in a passionate dance. He pushed her against the door in the darkness, hands sliding up and down her arms in a way that rose goosebumps along her flesh. Surprised though she was, Kairi knew this was bound to happen, so she threw herself into the kiss with gusto, threading her fingers through his silken charcoal-black spikes and tugging him as close as she dared.

Did Kairi really still want to spite Sora? Now that she knew the truth about why he was so angry with her in the beginning, she didn't know if her heart was quite in it. More than anything, she wanted him back and right now, making out with Vanitas wasn't going to get her any closer to that ending to her story. Sure, it was making her body tingle all the way down to her toes, the way he was holding her face with one hand and slipping his fingers beneath her shirt to touch her back with the other, but it wasn't what she truly _wanted_.

What she truly _wanted _was Sora.

Kairi gently pushed him away, panting, "Are you hungry? I can cook."

"I'm hungry, all right," he growled, pressing his hips against hers and brushing their noses together. "But yeah, what did you have in mind?"

Kairi turned around and turned the light on, wandering over to the refrigerator. She peered inside, trying to ignore the feeling of Vanitas's eyes burning into her backside, and selected some porkchops that were thawed out. She held them up, and he nodded appreciatively.

"I love porkchops, dude," he said with a grin.

'_So did Sora . . .' _Kairi thought, preparing to cook the food. She seasoned it the way she remembered Sora liked it to be, put it on a pan, and then slid it into the oven.

"It should only take like an hour," she informed him. No sooner than the words had left her lips did she feel Vanitas's hands tickling her sides and his lips ghosting along the top of her shoulder. She shivered and placed her hands on the edge of the counter, closing her eyes. God, she wished that it was Sora that was doing this to her. Vanitas trailed a scorching hot path of kisses up the side of her neck, laving his tongue against her hot flesh, and Kairi allowed herself to pretend that it was Sora. Before she knew it, a small moan had escaped her lips, causing Vanitas to stop briefly and chuckle against the shell of her ear.

"S-Sorry," Kairi apologized breathlessly, blushing bright red. Well, she had certainly never made a sound like _that _before, her only other sexual contact having been with Riku, so she was pretty darn mortified.

"Nah," he laughed, causing her to shudder as his breath hit her skin. "It was hot."

He spun her around and lifted her up onto the counter, mashing his lips against hers in the process. He held nothing back as he kissed her, his hands exploring the front of her torso with wild abandon. He cupped her breasts roughly through her shirt and she broke the kiss to gasp aloud in shock, leaning back on her hands to keep herself from falling forward. Vanitas stood in between her legs, smirking up at her devilishly.

"Too fast?" he queried, a slight tease in his tone.

Blushing, Kairi shook her head vigorously, because as long as she closed her eyes, she could let her mind wander. She could imagine that she was with Sora, and then it wasn't as frightening. As if it wasn't thrilling enough to be making out wildly with one of the lead members of _Destiny's Embrace_, for her, being with Sora would be ten times more thrilling.

Five seconds later, they were kissing their way down the hallway, pushing each other up against the walls and nibbling and biting at one another's lips hungrily. Vanitas tried to ask whose room was the one with the letters on it, but Kairi quickly shut him up when she pulled at the hem of his shirt, bringing it up over his head. She immediately ran her hands all over his chiseled abs and chest, pretending that it was Sora's skin she was touching, and pushed him into her dark bedroom. Memory was barking obnoxiously at their feet, but neither of them paid any heed to it.

Kairi shoved Vanitas down onto the bed, only slightly aware of what she was getting herself into. She hadn't acted promiscuous like this since before she'd found out that she was pregnant, and only when she'd been at Olette's house parties. Even then, though, she hadn't been like this. She never would have torn off a guy's shirt and pushed him into her bed. And she certainly never would had crawled on top of him, straddled his hips, and started kissing his neck. But this wasn't back then—this was now, and she was eighteen, and this boy looked exactly like the boy she loved most.

"_Damn_, girl," Vanitas groaned when she curved her tongue around his earlobe and ground her hips against his. He dug his fingers into the flesh of her waist and gasped at her ministrations, obviously having _much _more in mind than simple kissing. He ran his hands down to her backside, slipping them underneath the waistband of her leggings to grip her bottom and pulled her against his arousal.

Kairi cried out in shock when he suddenly rolled them over and began to kiss her again, pulling her shirt off and palming each one of her small breasts in hand. She arched her back up into his touch, her mind reeling from the rapid pace at which they were going. Namine had said that it was okay to hook up with guys, that it didn't make her slutty, but . . . Was it really about being slutty? Kairi's body was responsive, but her mind and heart just weren't in it. She didn't want to _pretend_ that Vanitas was Sora.

She wanted _Sora_.

One thing led to another, and then Kairi was naked beneath an equally nude Vanitas, feeling him moving against her, hissing and groaning in her ear. He rested his forehead against her shoulder as he slid into her core to the hilt, filling her completely to the brim. Kairi gasped and curled her toes into the blankets, visions of Sora dancing in her head, and clutched him even closer.

"Ah, _fuck_, you're so tight," Vanitas moaned, possessively grabbing her hips and pinning them down to the mattress as he began to thrust in and out of her petite body. He watched his own movements, obviously gaining tremendous amounts of enjoyment from it. His sunset-colored eyes blazed brightly through the dark room, leaving no part of her body unviewed, lingering on her scars and cuts before returning to look at her breasts. He said nothing about her wounds, his mind seeming to be much too preoccupied.

Kairi bit her bottom lip and threw her head back. It felt good, _so good_, but it wasn't everything she wanted. She could feel his pulsating member hitting spots inside of her that made her see stars and whimper in delight, but it just . . . He wasn't Sora. Kairi had never thought about having sex with Sora, but now that his twin brother was on top of her, doing things to her that she had never experienced on her own free will before, it was all she could think about.

There was only one instance where Sora and Kairi had done anything sexual of any sort, and it was something that neither of them ever talked about or mentioned ever again after it had happened. They had been studying together at his house late one Tuesday night the Winter Break of their Freshman year, talking about movies that they wanted to see together on Christmas after their family dinners were over. Sora had been adamant about seeing the sequel to some superhero movie, but Kairi had wanted to see a horror movie because she had no idea what movie he was talking about.

_"No way, Sora," Kairi said, tucking a strand of her short hair behind her ear. "That movie is going to be retarded."_

_ "Aw, come on, Kai!" Sora hung upside down over the edge of his bed, grinning goofily at her. "How can you say that if you've never seen the first one?"_

_ Kairi shot him a murderous glare and playfully smacked him on the nose with her pencil. "Not only have I not seen it, Sora, I haven't even __**heard**__ of it. And I don't care to. No. We're gonna go see—"_

_ "Kaiiiiiriiiii," he sang into her ear, causing a strange shock to go through her body. She shivered and clapped a hand over her ear, looking at him in angered bewilderment. She didn't like when he did things like that. It freaked her out because it made her lower body feel all tingly and weird, and sometimes it made her think of Riku and the things he did to her. Did Sora want to do those things, too?_

_Sora merely smiled like the idiot he sometimes was and slid to the floor beside her, batting his eyelashes pleadingly._

_ "Sora, no," she said firmly. "Superhero movies are dumb."_

_ "That's it!" he said, grabbing her hand and dragging her to her feet. "We're gonna go watch it." He pulled her out into the empty hallway of his house and lowered his voice to a whisper, seeing as his parents were asleep. Kairi could see his twin brother's light on in his bedroom, but they tip-toed past it nonetheless, and then bounded down the stairs two at a time._

_ Sora shoved her down onto the couch and went to put the DVD in, swearing to her that it was the "greatest movie ever" and that she had to watch it to fully appreciate its genius. He'd turned off the lights, plopped down on the opposite side of the couch, and turned his full attention to the TV screen._

_ Kairi had a short attention span. Very short. Like . . . Ridiculously short. Not to mention, she was picky. If it wasn't something she truly wanted to do, she lost interest with the snap of her fingers, and that was that. So needless to say, Kairi hated superhero movies, and she very quickly found that she was __**not **__going to be able to focus on the film._

_ "Sora, we have homework!" she whispered. "Shouldn't we—"_

_ "Shh," he said harshly, never taking his eyes off the movie._

_ Kairi's eyes blazed and she kicked him in the thigh. "Don't tell me to shush! You know I'll beat you up if you do!"_

_ "Kairi, shh!" He glowered at her and threw a pillow in her direction. Then, he grabbed the remote and turned it up a few notches. Sora hated to be interrupted during movies, Kairi knew, but now that he'd already irritated her by forcing her to watch this sack of crap, she was going to make this Hell for him._

_ "That's it . . ." she muttered, lunging toward him to steal the remote. She snatched it out of his hand before he knew what was happening and scooted back across the couch. She pressed pause on the player and turned off the TV, sticking out her tongue smugly when she caught the look of horrified disbelief that plastered itself on his face. He was pretty cute when he was cross with her, with that bushy hair and those bright blue eyes, but now wasn't the time to focus on that. Now, it was time to quickly hide the remote behind her back and lay on it before Sora got the chance to take it back!_

_ "You-!" He cursed in Japanese and whirled on her. "You're gonna regret that!"_

_ Kairi wrinkled her nose teasingly at him. "Nah nah nah nah nah!"_

_ "Kairi, give it back!" he whispered, so his parents didn't wake up and catch them downstairs. Kairi wasn't even technically supposed to still be at the house—she was supposed to have gone home hours ago. "No sleepovers" now that they were older, was their parents' rule._

_ "Nope."_

_ "Please?"_

_ "Nadda."_

_ "Aw, but I wanna watch my movie," he pouted._

_ "Too bad," she laughed. "We're just gonna sit here in the dark and listen to our own breathing."_

_ "That's weird, though."_

_ "Don't care."_

_ So they sat there for a few moments, Kairi feeling triumphant and Sora feeling miffed, until all-of-a-sudden, Sora attacked! He threw himself across the couch, falling on top of her and tickling her sides wildly. She immediately started laughing, squirming beneath him as he exploited her biggest weakness._

_ "N-No fair, S-Sora!" she cried. "No fair!"_

_ "Shh," he laughed merrily. "You'll wake up my parents . . . Now gimme the remote!"_

_ "Never!" She cried, shoving upward with all of her might and sending Sora toppling over onto the floor. Yelping in surprise, he grabbed onto the edge of her dress at the last moment and pulled her down with him. She rolled onto him, head on his stomach, and both of them laughing as they caught their breath. The remote lay untouched on the couch, so Kairi had technically still won, in her opinion. _

_ Just as she was about to sit up and grab the item in question, though, Sora shifted beneath her and his knee brushed the area in-between her legs. A very strange, very new feeling went sizzling through her entire body, head to toe, and she immediately froze. She whimpered, hands on the floor on either side of her and cheeks hot with a cherry-red blush. _

_ What . . . Was __**that**__?_

_ "S-Sorry, Kairi," Sora stammered, his voice catching in his throat. He started to move again, but the position was the same—his kneecap rubbed against her, causing her body to jolt and her eyes to go wide. She stared down at her best friend in confusion, the darkness hiding their blushes as they tried to make sense of just what was going on._

_ "Sora, what was . . . ?"_

_ He quickly pushed her off of him, laughing somewhat nervously as he grabbed the remote._

_ "Haha, I win!" he exclaimed, and the fun was back on._

_ "Hey!" Kairi whined. "No fair!"_

_ Kairi lunged for him again, trying to grab the remote that he was holding just out of reach, ultimately putting them into another compromising position. The fifteen-year-old Sora was sitting with his back to the couch, his arm outstretched above and behind him with the remote in hand. The fourteen-almost-fifteen-year-old Kairi was on her knees, one on either side of his left thigh, as she grabbed his shoulder with one hand and reached for the remote with the other. The two of them laughed and struggled for a moment, until when his other hand moved between them to tickle her belly, she wriggled in such a way as to make his hand accidentally slip lower. His knuckle brushed her sacred area, and it happened again. The sudden movement, the strange feeling in her body, and a silence as thick as a blanket settled over them._

_ Sora asked shakily, "K-Kairi, are y-you okay?"_

_ "Sora," she whispered, her breaths coming in short, quiet, and fast. "What just . . . Huh?" Both of her hands were on his shoulders now, her chest inches from his as they both panted for air. His hand was still between them, though closer to her belly button now, and Kairi was finding it difficult to string together lucid thought. She had never before felt anything like what she had just felt, and while it had felt strange . . . She wanted to feel it again._

_ Their eyes met, blue on blue, and understanding passed between them that could only be explained by the fact that they were best friends, and had been for six years now. His hand slowly slid downward, his heart beating loud enough for her to hear it, and he lightly brushed his fingertip against her panties. Kairi tensed up and gasped, because the feeling went through her again, this time going straight to her lower stomach and gathering there in a pool of liquid fire. Where it had been sort-of chilly in the room before, it was now unbearably warm, and Kairi could feel sweat beading at her temples. Something in the back of her head told her that she was treading dangerous waters, but then a much louder voice said to her, "Doesn't Riku ask you to do this stuff to him? Maybe this is why . . ." _

_ But wasn't it wrong? Wasn't it wrong to do this kind of stuff with your best friend? Kairi had had a major crush on him since she was thirteen, but they weren't boyfriend-and-girlfriend—they were just best friends. She couldn't imagine doing the kinds of things Riku forced her to do—the gross thing where he put himself inside of her or made her touch him—with Sora, because those things hurt and made her feel bad. But for some reason, when Sora had just touched her, it hadn't felt bad at all._

_ It had felt kinda . . . Good?_

_ "D-Do it again," she breathed, brow furrowing thoughtfully as she licked her lips and waited for Sora to continue._

_ Sora merely nodded and did as she asked, applying a little more pressure. The response in her body was immediate and intense and Kairi nearly cried out. She collapsed against him, deciding that even if it felt good, it frightened her, and she didn't want to be scared. She was always scared at night, because that was when Riku came and did bad things to her. She started to cry softly, so Sora panicked and wrapped his arms around her._

_ "I'm sorry, Kairi!" he said sincerely, resting his head on top of hers. "I didn't mean to hurt you . . . I wasn't . . . I'm sorry . . ."_

_ "Sora, can I please sleep over?" she murmured, feeling as if she were eight-years-old again. "If I go home, the monster's gonna come."_

_ "But what if we get in trouble?" He asked worriedly._

_ "Sora, we won't, I promise!" She started to cry harder, burying her face in his chest and curling up against him. "Please? I'll sleep on the floor and I'll leave through the window in the morning!"_

_ "O-Okay . . ."_

_ She didn't sleep on the floor though. She slept next to him in his bed, like they sometimes had when they were children, and was fast asleep within moments. When they woke up, of course they got in trouble, grounded, and all sorts of bad things, but it didn't matter. Because Sora was always there for her, no matter what, and she knew it._

Kairi felt her body tense up and that tantalizing fire danced its way through her nerves as she came. She threw her arms around Vanitas's neck, gasping into his ear and barely managing to stop herself from saying Sora's name instead of his. Her elbow-length hair fell forward as he rolled them back over so that she was on top and thrust upward so quickly that she could hardly take a deep breath. He reached his peak soon after, his body tensing and stomach muscles rippling forcefully.

"_Fuck_," he cursed, laughing somewhat mischievously after pulling out of her. "Shit, girl, you're good."

"Th-Thanks," Kairi panted, lying exhausted on her back and gazing over at Vanitas.

Why couldn't it be Sora?

As Vanitas got up and pulled his clothes back on, Kairi wondered what it would feel like to sleep next to Sora again, his arms enveloping her and protecting her from the monsters. It would be different now, though, because they were older and had so much history between them. She imagined that Sora would be gentle with her, caressing her and kissing her as if she were made of gold. He wouldn't get up right after, either. He would stay there, kissing her to sleep, and she would be happy again.

God, something was wrong with her.

Kairi suddenly sat up straight.

'_The porkchops!'_

~x~

**A/N: Heh ehehe heeehehe I hope you guys liked the lemon, lol. Not as graphic as I've made them in the past, but meh. It was only a VanxKai lemon, so bleargh. If you guys don't think it made sense for Kairi to have sex with Vani, then bye. Nothing makes sense in this world, okie dokie. Kairi's eighteen, so she can do wuteva. Also, Vanitas looks exactly like Sora, and she's in love with Sora, so yeah yeah yeah ok bye. **

**BY THE WAY don't forget that Kairi is barren and cannot have children, which is why she slept with Vanitas without protection. I mentioned that in a previous chapter.**

**That is all.**

**LEAVE A REVIEWWWW.**


	8. Mixed Signals, Relapse, and Positivity

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: And here we are at Chapter Eight. Expect things to pick up and be dramatic from here on out. I just hate boring stuff, and you know me: I love drama and angst and more DRAMAAAAA. This story really isn't gonna be that long, I told you . . . Lol.**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities.**

**NOTES: This story is rated M from here on out. No sexual content in this chapter, but there is cussing.**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Eight**

~x~

"Where are you going?"

Kairi was standing in the kitchen, watching as Vanitas laced his Vans back up on the floor. She was wearing nothing but her panties and a tank top, and her hair was still mussed up from sleep. She rubbed her eyes and yawned, frowning. When she had awoken and found that he was gone, she had at first been upset before she remembered that Vanitas wasn't the only one using her for something.

Vanitas shot her a weird look. "You didn't think we were gonna like . . . _Date_, did you?"

"No," she said flatly, crossing her arms over her chest. "I just thought you'd at least stay for breakfast?"

"Why?" His facial expression made her feel stupid. "We have school."

"Aren't you riding with me? You don't have a car . . ."

"Nah, dude," he said, hopping to his feet. "I called for Tidus and Sora to come pick me up."

Kairi's eyes went wide as saucers. Sora? He was coming to her house? To pick Vanitas up? Even though she had wanted Vanitas to come over simply to spite Sora, faced now with Sora finding out, she was starting to regret her decision.

Vanitas caught the fear on her face and smirked. "And that's why I would never date you."

"Huh?" Kairi blinked and snapped out of her thoughts, narrowing her eyes up at him.

"You like my brother, dude," Vanitas chuckled, running his fingers through his hair to rearrange the soft spikes. "I'm pretty sure that's why you invited me here."

"N-No," she stammered, her cheeks tingeing red.

Vanitas rolled his eyes. "Don't freak out—I'm not complainin'. I just wanted to fuck, and you were good, so there."

Kairi set her lips into a thin, indignant line. Hearing aloud that she was just a "good fuck" to him irritated her. Because that's what she was to Riku—someone he could use and get enjoyment out of. She knew that Vanitas was not Riku, and she knew that he was the lead singer of a band and probably slept with tons of girls, but still. Kairi didn't want Tidus and Sora to find out and started spreading it around the school that she truly was a slut. She was no such thing—she just slept with Vanitas to make Sora mad.

Which was kinda-sorta being slutty.

Kairi mentally facepalmed at her eternal stupidity, and jumped in surprise when Vanitas grabbed her and pulled her into a fierce, passionate kiss. She melted into it for a moment before he broke it and grinned wickedly at her.

"Let me know if you wanna hang out again, road block." He winked at her and then went to the front door.

"Vanitas, wait!" Kairi said quickly.

He paused and eyed her, waiting.

"Don't . . ." Kairi trailed off. She didn't know if she wanted Sora to find out or not. He'd probably get mad . . . And that's what she had initially wanted . . . Ugh, this was so difficult. She couldn't tell what his thoughts truly were. Did he really hate her? Or was he just mad at her? _What, _Sora?

"Yeah?" Vanitas asked impatiently.

"N-nevermind. See you later."

"Later." And he was gone.

Kairi sighed and looked at Memory, who was watching her from the counter.

"Memory, the life of a teenage girl is never easy," she told the dog as she picked her up and gave her a quick kiss on the nose. "Never forget that."

~x~

Well, this was just perfect. Just fucking perfect. Not only did Sora know full well that Vanitas had stayed the night at Kairi's, but he knew that they had slept together. He also knew that Kairi hadn't wanted him to know, and he also knew that Kairi now knew about his uncle and Vanitas had expressed belief in her story about Riku. Basically, Sora knew everything that she had originally wanted him to, but that she now _didn't _want him to know. But despite all of this, his volatile temper overrode any sorts of hope for reconciliation, and Kairi . . . Was in trouble.

He came blasting into Home Ec three minutes before the bell rang, calling her out in front of the full classroom without any qualms or modesty.

"What the actual _fuck_, Kairi?" he shouted irately. "You actually slept with my brother?!

"Sora," Kairi hissed, wary of their nosy classmates. "Can we _not _talk about this right now?"

Sora threw his hands up into the air and kicked the leg of one of the desks. He looked angrier than Kairi had ever seen him, and seeing him like this was only causing Kairi to feel worse about what she had done. She didn't know what to think anymore—all she wanted was for things to be okay. Sora grabbed her arm before she could do anything about it and dragged her out into the hall, ignoring her cries of pain and Tidus calling his name in protest from his seat.

Kairi cried out in pain when Sora pushed her up against the lockers and pinned her there by her shoulders. The redhead immediately fought back, shoving him away from her.

"I told you not to touch me like that," Kairi snarled. "That's abusive, and I won't stand for it."

"Why did you sleep with him?" was all he said, and his voice was calmer but still full of rage. "Why, Kairi?"

"Sora, you already thought I _had _slept with him!" Kairi explained. "Why are you acting like it's such a shock?!"

"Because I didn't . . ." He turned his face away, fists clenched at his sides and chest heaving.

Kairi crossed her arms and regarded him shrewdly. Oh, she knew _exactly _why he was acting like it was such a shock. Because when he'd first accused her of sleeping with Vanitas, he had known in his heart that she hadn't. Now that she actually _had_, he was pissed and astounded. Well, he was going to have to deal with it because if he hadn't made her so mad and treated her like shit, she probably wouldn't have done it.

"Sora, you're sending me mixed signals," she said softly. "I can't tell if you hate me or not, and it's frustrating."

"I don't _hate _you," he spat.

Kairi was shocked. "You . . . You don't?"

"No," he said in a hollow tone. His gaze remained lowered as he said, "But I can't trust you. Not ever."

Kairi bit her bottom lip, her heart pounding wildly and her legs shaking. This was the first time he'd let her in and talked to her without yelling since Junior year, and it was absolutely terrifying. She moved closer to him, hesitated, and then slowly reached for his hand. He flinched and stepped away from her and when he looked at her, she could see his walls come sliding back up.

"Why did you sleep with Vanitas?" he asked gruffly. "Tell me."

"B-Because . . ." She felt like she was on trial, and she felt like she was guilty. Tears came to her eyes but she quickly blinked them away. She didn't want him to see her cry. She didn't want to appear weak before him. "You were horrible to me. You made me so _angry_, I just . . ."

"Kairi, you're the one who's an idiot," he said icily. "Vanitas doesn't want you for you. He only wanted to fuck you. Well, he got to, and now he's going to move on."

"I know that!" Kairi cried. "I knew that when I asked him to come over."

"So you asked my twin brother to come over to your house knowing _full well _that all he wanted to do was have sex?"

"Y-Yeah," she said, hanging her head and hugging herself. "I wanted to . . . I . . ."

"You're a slut, Kairi," Sora said, and it sounded worse to her than any of his insults ever had because it was _true_. "You're a fucking slut, and I hope you go to Hell."

Much to her surprise, he brushed past her and went into class just as the bell rang, leaving her there to decide whether or not she was too embarrassed to go in, too.

Kairi went back into the classroom and took her seat slowly, feeling lower than dirt and like she just wanted to go hide in a hole. When she had slept with Vanitas, she had accomplished exactly what she'd set out to accomplish . . . She just hadn't thought that it would bring her more pain than joy. She had thought that it . . . Well, what _had _she wanted out of it? Had she thought Sora would come running back to her, suddenly willing to listen to her story, believe it, and then they'd live happily ever after? It hadn't done any such thing. It had only hurt him worse.

When it came time to work on their project, Sora surprised her even more by actually trying to help, inputting ideas and things like that. Five minutes into their classwork, Kairi felt so awful about herself that she wanted to run into the bathroom and cut herself in one of the stalls. She literally had never felt so emotional in her entire life, save for when Hikari had died, and with every cold, impassive word that fell out of Sora's mouth, it was that much harder not to cry. Kairi kept her head down all throughout class, barely responding to Sora's questions and statements.

"We should get together to work on the homework this weekend," Sora suggested, his voice sounding detached as he closed his notebook at the end of class.

"Okay," Kairi said quietly, not looking at him.

"How about tonight?"

"I c-can't," she said. "I'm going to Olette's."

Sora was silent and then, "Olette's? But that's where . . . Oh, my fucking—_wow_. Wow, Kairi."

Kairi's head snapped up. "What?"

"My _girlfriend's _going to be at Olette's tonight," Sora said pointedly. He tossed his head to get his bangs out of his eyes. "Are you trying to bother her to piss me off, too?"

"No!" Kairi protested, not even having enough anger in her to stay confident. "I just wanted . . . To talk to her, I—"

"What _for_?" Sora asked incredulously, looking disgusted. "Don't bother trying to get her to believe your stupid lie about Riku, if that's what you're planning. Because she already knows the truth. Just back off of her and back off of me, Kairi."

God, this was so upsetting and _so _embarrassing. Kairi was starting to look like some creepy, obsessed bitch who slept with guys to get attention. Unwittingly, she was making herself look _exactly _like the girl that everyone had _said _she was back in Junior year. She gazed down at her lap sadly, knowing that as soon as she got home, she was going to punish herself for everything that she had done wrong.

Kairi would not be going to Olette's that night, she decided.

The bell rang, and Sora left abruptly without a word of goodbye. Kairi was the last one out, walking slowly. She felt as though each of her feet weighed one thousand pounds, and her heart weighed even more. A single, solitary tear rolled down her cheek, escaping her careful defenses, and that was it. She broke down sobbing, earning herself countless curious stares, and she ran. She ran all the way down the hall and past her locker, straight to her car, just like she had the day Sora had rejected her publicly in front of his locker in Junior year.

She would not return to school for some time.

~x~

_Two Weeks Later_

Kairi stared blankly at the ceiling, the only thing comforting her being the sound of her heart beating steadily in her ear. Memory was curled up on her chest, her white fur tickling the redhead's chin with every breath—the only thing she had left to comfort her. She felt empty these days—like she had when Hikari had died.

It had now been two full weeks since Kairi had stopped showing up to school. She was barely keeping up with her assignments, thanks to Olette and Fuu dropping them off every couple of days. She had no idea what was going on with the Marriage Project, seeing as she hadn't spoken to Sora since the day she'd run out of the school. Her mother was livid with her and had refused to buy her groceries until Kairi went back to school. As a result, Kairi hadn't eaten in nearly five days since her food had run out, though she didn't really notice since she was so depressed that she barely left the bed for water. She knew it was stupid and that she should just stop being a wuss and go to school, but she couldn't. She was weak and she was depressed and she was a lying slut.

That's what Sora had called her, right?

Kairi lifted her forearm and stared at it. It was covered in days-old cuts, some of them as new as the night before, red and screaming self-hatred at her. She hadn't meant to start marking her arm—that's why she had always only cut on her hip before, so nobody saw it. She didn't remember how it had started. She supposed she had just been so upset that she'd started slashing her arm because it hurt worse, and that's what lying sluts deserved.

Namine had been calling nonstop to check on her, so when she called again today, Kairi answered it robotically.

"Hello?" she said in a monotone.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Namine had been excessively worried about her, feeling as though all of this were her fault. She had been the one to encourage Kairi to sleep with Vanitas if she wanted, but Kairi didn't blame her at all. She only blamed herself for being such a useless pawn in the lives of men.

"Shitty," she replied. "You?"

Namine sighed, "Well, worried about you, of course. Has Sora called you or anything?"

"No."

"Gosh, I can't believe he said all those things to you," Namine scoffed. "I didn't think he would react so poorly. I thought—"

"You thought the exact same as me, Nami," Kairi said softly. "You thought it would make him jealous, and that he would come running back to me. So did I. It didn't work."

"I'm so sorry, Kairi," Namine gushed. "I wish things would just work out for you . . . Maybe I could get Roxas to talk to him?"

"No, Nami, that's okay." Kairi frowned. "I'm sure Roxas probably thinks I'm a slut, too."

"That's the thing, though," Namine said a little brightly. "None of them do—it's only Sora."

"His opinion is the most important of all," Kairi groaned, placing her hand to her forehead as if she had a headache. "Namine, I can't go back to school. Not ever."

"Kairi Frierson, you listen to me," Namine said firmly. "What you're doing is not helpful to you at all—it's gonna do more harm than good. Now, you dropped out of school last year because of Sora, and where did it get you? Absolutely nowhere. If you keep running away from your problems, they'll never get solved!"

"But Namine, he _hates_ me!" Kairi whined.

"No, he doesn't. You said so yourself: he told you he just couldn't trust you."

"Then what can I do?"

"Well, you can start by _coming back to school_. Kairi, nobody is even talking about you or anything. If you come back, no one will bully you or call you names. And even if they did, you have friends that love you and want you to be happy. Olette and Fuu want you to come back, too! And so do I!"

Kairi sighed. It would be hard, but Namine was right: her problems would never be solved if she didn't start facing them head on. Whether she one day earned Sora's forgiveness or not, she would need to start by going to school and taking responsibility for herself and her actions.

"All right," she said begrudgingly. "I'll go."

"You will?" Namine squealed with joy. "Great!"

"But there's just one problem . . . Until I can get my grades up to par, my mom's not buying me any gas or groceries."

"Do you have any money at all?"

"I think I have like, one hundred dollars in my account, or something."

"Well, you'll have to try and stretch it and work really hard, okay? What are you behind in?"

"Home Ec's the only class I don't have an A in . . ."

"Then it looks like you and Sora are going to have to work together, because I'm sure he hasn't been working on it, either."

Namine and Kairi both laughed, expressed sentiments, and then hung up. Kairi sighed heavily and stared at the ceiling again. She was doing the right thing, wasn't she? There was no guarantee that Sora would ever forgive her, nor that she would ever come out of her heavy, muddled depression, but if she started by being optimistic, going to school, and getting her Home Ec grade up, then good things would happen to her.

On Kairi's chest, Memory stirred, and Kairi smiled. As long as Memory breathed, there was hope for her and Sora's reconciliation.

~x~

"I'm so excited that you're back, Kairi," Olette exclaimed at lunch on Kairi's first day back. She patted Kairi's back carefully, because Kairi was feeling weak from having not eaten in so long. "Careful eating that . . ."

Kairi slowed down her pace, nibbling on the sandwich that Olette had bought her so as not to upset her ferociously empty stomach. "Sorry," she said with a sheepish grin, already feeling a little bit better now that she was with her friends again. "Thanks for encouraging me to come back, you guys. I barely got out of bed these past two weeks, ugh."

"I think it was _so _rude of Sora to say all those things to you, you know," Olette pointed out. "Part of me wants to go slap him in the face!"

Fuu nodded. "Jerk."

Namine giggled and pushed her half-eaten plate across to Kairi, so she could have more to consume. "I've heard that his girlfriend slaps him around plenty enough for all of us."

Kairi frowned. So Vanitas had been right . . .

"She hits him in public now?" she asked, taking another bite of the sandwich.

"They got into a fight in the Cafeteria last week," Namine informed them, eyes wide. "I saw them when I left the Art room to get us all sodas."

"Oh!" Olette gasped, her hands flying to her mouth. "That day when we were all craving Coke?"

"Uh-huh," Namine nodded. "Everyone was watching them. They were screaming at each other about some girl being all over him at one of their shows that weekend. He yelled that she never went to any of his shows, so how would she know, and that she was a bitch. So she slapped him like, three times and then pushed him down."

"What did he do?" Kairi asked, worrying that he may have hit her back.

"Nothing. He just sat there and took it, cuz she kept hitting him around the head." Namine sighed sadly. "He actually looked like he was about to cry when someone finally pulled her off him . . . Jeez, he's so cute when he's sad, though."

Kairi shot her a look, to which she merely stuck her tongue out at her. As the other girls continued to converse, Kairi focused on her eating and thought of Sora. Poor guy . . . It seemed like Kairi wasn't the only victim. Hearing that his girlfriend was hitting him and screaming at him only made her feel like finding this girl and beating the crap out of her, but she knew that Sora would probably just use it as another reason to hate her.

"Why is he even dating her?" Olette sneered. "She's pretty and all, but when she treats him like that? You'd think he'd dump her—he literally could have anyone."

"Hot," Fuu said with an appreciative grin.

"Hell yeah, he's hot," Namine agreed. "But my boy toy's hotter. They're from the same family, so that's probably why Sora's so hot—cuz they're cut from the same fold."

"And they're Asian!" Olette added. "Asians are always hot."

Kairi interjected, "Did you guys ever invite her over the day that I left the school?"

"Yeah," Olette said. "She used to be cool, but all she wanted to do the whole time was complain about Sora. Every time we tried to offer her advice, she just freaked out and said that she 'wasn't asking us for our opinion'."

"Wow," Kairi said. "I want to see this chick someday . . ."

"You probably will eventually," Namine said. "Once she gets wind that you're back, that is."

"Yeah, she talked about you, too," Olette said, causing Kairi's heart to stutter. "She said she didn't know who you were, but that she wasn't happy that you guys were working on the project together since you had 'history' with him."

Kairi set down her sandwich. "History? Like, she thinks we dated?"

"Yup," Fuu said, taking a gulp of her soda.

Kairi rolled her eyes. "The girl sounds like a stupid bitch who needs to get punched."

"Whoa, hold the fire, Kai," Olette laughed. "Beating her up won't solve anything."

"For Sora it would," Kairi said sourly.

"Try to remember that you came back to solve your problems, Kairi, not cause more," Namine said quietly. "Take it one step at a time, girlie."

"Yeah, yeah."

The girls finished their meals in silence, Namine, Fuu, and Olette getting up to do some painting after a while. Meanwhile, Kairi was having a hard time putting the issue of Sora's girlfriend out of her mind. Was he so angry all the time because of her hitting him? From what she'd heard in the past, she was always accusing him of cheating . . . Was that one of the reasons? God, it could be anything at this point. The whole situation was touch and go from here on out.

Kairi headed to Home Ec alone, realizing that this would be her first time seeing Sora since he'd called her a "lying slut." She was wearing a long-sleeved shirt today, though, so he wouldn't see that she had cut his words into her arm with a knife. If he did, he'd probably just think she was crazy. Anybody would.

She adjusted the hem of her pleated miniskirt, chewing her bottom lip nervously. Peering into the window on the classroom door, she could see that Tidus was already there, but Sora wasn't. Perhaps he wouldn't be coming today? That would be relieving. It would give her another day to gather her wits about her and—

"You look like you lost weight."

Kairi shrieked, nearly jumping out of her skin at the sound of Sora's flat, emotionless voice behind her. She whirled around, placing a hand across her wildly-beating heart and looked him up and down. He was wearing a blue-and-white plaid button up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, black skinny jeans, and a studded belt. His hair looked longer, and Kairi had the incredibly overpowering urge to brush his bangs out of his cobalt blue eyes.

'_I think I forgot how gorgeous he was, sheesh_,' Kairi thought as she tried to rearrange herself into a confident position.

"I did," she said guardedly. "I haven't really had any food at my house."

"Where have you been?" His eyes lingered on her outfit, making her feel sort-of self conscious. Did he think she looked slutty because she was wearing a skirt? "I've had to do the project on my own."

"I was . . . Sick," she lied, averting her eyes carefully.

"Sick," he repeated.

"Yeah."

"Oookay . . . Well, there's still some things I need you to help me with on the House and Home assignment, so we should probably get together after school."

Kairi blinked, surprised that A, he had actually done work on the project while she was gone and B, he wasn't yelling at her. He was detached and distant, mind you, but not yelling, which was a good thing. That was a start, wasn't it? Could it have something to do with the fact that he and his girlfriend were fighting publicly now?

"Sure," she said, trying to keep the brightness out of her tone. "We should go to my house, though, because I need to stop at the store on my way home and get Memory some dog food."

He raised his brow and opened his mouth to speak, but the bell rang, interrupting their brief, awkward conversation. The two of them went into class, and Kairi couldn't keep the bounce out of her step. She didn't know why he was being so neutral toward her, but she seriously was _not _having _any _problems with that. She sat down in her seat, giving Ms. Gainsborough a little wave.

"Kairi! Glad to see you're better!" Ms. Gainsborough said happily. "You should thank your partner for being diligent and keeping up on the project. Now, class, today we're going to . . ."

After class, Sora gave her a small wave—_AN ACTUAL WAVE—_and Kairi practically skipped to her next class. She didn't know where his new attitude was coming from, but damn did she like it. She wondered if maybe he felt bad for calling her names, and it made her happy to think that maybe, just maybe, he did care about her after all!

"Oleeeeeete!" Kairi trilled into her cell phone when the day was over. "Guess where I'm going."

"Where?" Olette asked excitedly.

"Sora and I are going to my house today to work on the project!"

Olette squealed. "Seriously? Oh em geeeee, like for reals?"

"Yeah, dude! He was being like, so much nicer to me today in Home Ec! He's even—get this—he's _even_ going to go with me to the grocery store."

"_What?_" Olette cried. "Kairi, that's what couples do!"

"I know!"

"Whoever sees you guys there is going to think you guys are a _couple_!"

"_I know_!"

"Oh, my God!"

"_**I know!**_"

Kairi and Olette allowed themselves to scream without breathing for a few seconds, and Kairi noticed people staring at her warily. When she finally got a good breath in, Olette was still freaking out. Kairi knew they were most likely overreacting. Sora was only coming over to work on the project, not reconcile their forbidden love, or some shit.

But there was always the hope and promise that _something _good would come of it.

"Okay, Olette, I gotta go," Kairi said. "I've got to go meet him at my car!"

"Omg, okay," Olette hissed. "Keep me posted—text me like, all night."

Kairi pressed the End button and then ran all the way out to her car, glad that she'd worn her furry brown boots today with her skirt instead of heels. Her elbow-length hair flew out like ribbons behind her as she ran, the redhead worrying that Sora would be angry if she was late to meet up with him.

"Hey," Kairi said breathlessly, skidding to a halt in front of him at her car. "Sorry I'm late."

"It's chill," he said abruptly. "Can we go, though? If we have to go to the store, we might catch the storm."

"Storm?" Kairi asked, confused.

"Yeah," he answered, pointing his finger nonchalantly at the sky. "Look up."

Kairi did, and saw the darkening clouds overhead. She grimaced. Storms on Destiny Islands were never mild. They really _did _need to get a move on, or Sora would be stuck at her house. It was unsafe to be driving out in the kind of winds and rain that they got here. As much as she'd _love _to have him stuck there overnight, she knew it would only cause problems.

"Then let's get going," she said with a small, tentative smile as she moved to the driver's side of the car.

"Where are we going first?" he asked, though he sounded like he couldn't give two shits.

"I guess Target," she said. "They've got the cheapest dog food."

He nodded, and then the two of them got into the car.

Kairi didn't realize how nervous she was until they were wrapped up in an uncomfortable silence. Sora hadn't sat in her car in months—the last time he had, they'd had plenty to talk and laugh about. Now? Now, it was just stiflingly awkward. Kairi hurried to put a CD on, choosing Suicide Silence, and pulled out onto the main road.

"I forgot you liked this kinda stuff," Sora mumbled.

"Huh?" Kairi looked at him, absentmindedly beating out the tune of the music on her steering wheel. "Oh, yeah. Your band is actually my favorite band right now."

"It is?" He seemed genuinely surprised.

"Well, yeah, Sora," Kairi said. "You guys are _really _good."

There was some more silence for a while, and then Kairi tried again to make conversation.

"So do you have a job, or anything?" she asked.

"Nah; I get all my money from being in the band and doing shows and shit," he responded, pulling out his phone and beginning to text someone.

'_Well, that's probably the end of us talking,' _Kairi thought sullenly. She firmly sealed her lips, allowing the brutal guitar riffs and heavy growling screams of the music to take the place of words. She had to remember that it was one step at a time, miracles didn't happen overnight, patience was key, etcetera. The fact that Sora had made a conscious effort to keep up on their project while she was out of school, had initiated the plans for them to get together after school to do homework, and was now riding in an enclosed space with her was more than what she ever could have hoped for on her first day back.

Kairi took a deep breath and remembered Namine's words:

"_Always stay positive, and positive things will happen in your life."_

~x~

**A/N: AHMAHGAW WHAT WILL HAPPEN DURING KAIRI AND SORA'S ALONE TIME? Get excited; the next chapter will be a long and bumpy ride.**


	9. Accidental Confessions Part One

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: Here is Chapter Nine. It's not the climax of the story, but it's a major chapter of importance! Also one of my faves by far!**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities.**

**NOTES: This story is rated M from here on out. This chapter contains foul language.**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Nine – Part One**

~x~

**The** car ride to Target was nearly unbearable for Kairi. She could remember the times when they used to drive around, laughing and joking, yelling out the windows for people to "_Pull up your paaaaants!_" Kairi wanted to go back to those days, and having him be so stiflingly quiet was a reminder that they may never again return to normalcy. She kept stealing side glances at him, but every time she did, he was staring out the window or looking down at his phone, and it just plain hurt.

When they got to the store, it was packed, as usual. Kairi grabbed a basket, not really intending to get much more than a few things. However, this was Target we're talking about—Kairi soon sorely regretted her decision.

"Ugh, so heavy," she grunted in annoyance, switching the basket to a different arm for the umpteenth time in the past ten minutes. She moved around a large group of people crowding the walkway, looking at some new DVD release, and hurried to the frozen foods aisle. "Sora, what do you want to eat tonight?" she asked absentmindedly, eyes scanning the colorful selections of food. She wasn't really paying attention to not only the fact that she had actually managed to be in Sora's presence without fighting with him for almost a full hour, but also the fact that Olette was right: they _did _look like a couple. People were pointing, recognizing Sora, calling them a "cute couple," and commenting on how good-looking they were.

"Hm?" He tore his eyes away from the juice section and looked at her. Kairi felt her heartbeat flutter. Under the fluorescent lights of the store, his eyes were so _blue_. Not to mention, he actually seemed genuinely curious to hear what she had to say, not cold and dismissive.

"I asked you what you wanted for dinner," she stammered, averting her eyes from his ~Godliness~.

"Uhh . . . Am I staying that long?" Sora looked a little uncomfortable and slipped his fingers into the pockets of his skinny jeans. "I don't really care, I guess . . ."

"What if I make Chinese? Like, P.F. Chang's stuff?" she suggested, more to herself than to him as she opened the freezer door and pulled out a bag of teriyaki chicken.

"Sure," he said, and then he was looking down at his phone.

They wandered through the food sections some more, Kairi grabbing things she'd think she needed. She knew that she didn't have much money in her bank account, since her mother still wasn't supplying her with groceries until she got her grades up. Now that she thought about it, it was pretty fucked up for her mother to use a necessity like food to punish her daughter for bad grades. After Kairi had first gotten pregnant, her mother had seemed like the only one who cared, but now that Hikari was gone and Kairi was more of a blemish upon their family name, she was starting to believe differently about her adoptive matriarch.

Kairi shifted the basket again, her arms straining, and frowned when she saw Sora looking at the alcohol. Here on the Islands, the drinking age was eighteen, so it wasn't _illegal _for him to buy alcohol . . . It was just odd. When they were best friends, Sora was completely morally against alcohol. Now he was buying it at the store?

Sora grabbed a six-pack of Coors and a bottle of wine, and shot her a raised eyebrow when he saw the look on her face.

"What?" he challenged smoothly.

"N-Nothing," she squeaked, turning and scurrying off to the snack food aisle. By the time she had thoroughly filled the basket, her arms were about ready to fall off. She was practically staggering under the weight of the damn thing—for Christ's sake, she was only five-foot-three!—and Sora was walking beside her with the six-pack in one hand and his phone in the other, texting furiously with his thumb.

"Excuse me," and elderly woman said as she tottered by, stopping Sora with the tone in her voice.

Sora looked at her through his lashes, obviously as confused as Kairi was.

"You should be more gentlemanly to your girlfriend, young man!" the woman scolded. "She's going to fall over if you don't carry that basket! Tsk . . . You should be ashamed."

With that, she gave Sora one last glare and then ambled off down the aisle, leaving Kairi blushing with embarrassment and Sora narrowing his eyes in irritation. He slowly turned to face her, wordlessly held out the six-pack and the wine for her to hold, and then took the basket from her arm. Kairi couldn't help but sigh in relief as the oppressive weight was lifted, noticing that Sora was holding it with ease.

'_Does he work out, or something?_' she thought appreciatively. '_Because that thing was __**heavy**__!'_

"Th-Thanks," Kairi mumbled. She wondered why he hadn't said anything about the fact that people kept calling them a "couple," but at the same time, wasn't too worried about it. Because that's what she wanted, was to be a couple with Sora. If she couldn't have it for real, then she could pretend, right?

As they were heading up to the front lanes to check out, Kairi's cell phone began to ring. She pulled it out and pulled a sour face when she saw that it was her mother. Rolling her eyes, she answered it.

"What?"

"Young lady!" her mother scolded. "Don't you use that tone with me!"

"Well, I'm not very happy with you, Mom," Kairi complained irritably as she watched Sora unloading the food onto the belt. "You won't buy me any food, and I have to fucking use the last of my money to do it."

"Kairi Ann Frierson," her mother warned, "_don't_ talk to me like that. And _don't _use that language! How many times do I have to tell you?"

"Mom—"

"Hi, how are you guys today?!" the cashier's overly-bright, peppy voice interrupted Kairi's conversation. "Did you guys find everything all right?"

"Yeah," Sora said curtly, placing a bar down to separate their purchases and setting his alcohol down after it.

As Kairi continued to argue with her mother, she set her purse on the counter and rummaged through it for her debit card.

"Mom, I haven't eaten in like, four days, and I'm using literally whatever I have left in my account to—"

"Would you guys like to save five percent day by opening up a Target Redcard with us?" the cashier interrupted again.

Kairi smiled briefly at her. "No, thank you. Anyway, Mom; I'm pretty pissed off at you. It's not cool to do this to me."

Sora leaned back against the belt, texting on his cell phone as usual. The lanes were full of people, of course, backed up to the Girl's section, and most of them were watching Kairi. She didn't know why—maybe it was because her hair was such a bright red—but they all seemed completely and totally fascinated by what she was doing. Their eyes flitted from her to Sora, making Kairi feel very uncomfortable. As a result, her palms began to sweat and she swiped her card wrong about four times before she realized what she was doing.

"Mom, I gotta go," she stammered. "I'm feeling . . . I just gotta go."

"Wait, where are you? I have to talk to you!"

"Mom, I _can't_, I'm with Sora at Target, and I'm trying to check out," she snapped, annoyed that her card wasn't working.

"Sora? Sora's there!" herm other's tone brightened. "Let me talk to him! I haven't talked to him in so long . . ."

"Mom, he doesn't—"

"Just let me talk to him," she said.

Kairi scowled and held the phone out to Sora. He looked at her in bemusement and took it.

"Hello? Oh, hey, Mrs. Frierson. Good, how 'bout you?" Kairi couldn't help but notice how much his voice changed when he talked to her mother compared to her, and it made her a little sad.

Kairi turned her attention back to the cashier, asking, "What's wrong with it?"

"Here, let me try and slide it back here." The cashier took her card and swiped it at the register, frowning. "It says we can't accept it. Do you have another form of payment?"

Kairi was so overwhelmed with it being so crowded, everyone staring at her, and her card not having enough money that she felt tears of distress come to her eyes. She had never been one to get anxious, but ever since everything had happened to her in Junior year, she was inclined to sometimes have panic attacks if there were too many people, or if she felt like people were staring at her, judging her.

"O-Oh," she stuttered, her hands shaking at she took back the card and dropped it. "Sorry . . . I guess I just won't get any of it." God, it was so embarrassing. She felt a tear slide down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away and stepped away from the counter. She hoped Sora didn't see . . . Though he probably wouldn't care if he did.

But much to her surprise, Sora pushed past her, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket as he did so. He placed the phone in-between his shoulder and ear and sifted through the wad of bills he had inside of it. Kairi watched in wide-eyed, stunned shock as, in front of everyone, Sora counted out the money for her groceries and laid it out on the counter as if it were no big deal.

"No, that makes sense," he was saying to her mother. "Times are tough these days. Me? Oh, I'm in a band. We do shows and sell merchandise, and that's how we get our money. Yeah. Uh-huh. Thanks!"

"Sora," Kairi whispered as the cashier thanked him, shot her a wink and a smile, and then put the money into the register. "Sora, that's one hundred dollars! You didn't have to do that!"

Sora merely stared at her blankly, completely invested in his conversation with her mother.

"Mrs. Frierson, your daughter and I aren't dating. We're working on a project together," he said as he paid for his alcohol. "Yeah, the one she's behind on. Don't worry, I'll help her get her grades up. Okay. All right. Nice talking to you. Okay, here she is."

He handed the phone back to her without looking, sifting through his wallet again. When Kairi snuck a glance inside, she saw that he had more fifty and one hundred dollar bills in there than she could count. Her jaw dropped—how had he gotten that money? Not that it was any of her business, but . . . Just how much money did _Destiny's Embrace _make?

"Hi, Mom," Kairi muttered.

"Did you buy your groceries?"

"No, Sora did," she mumbled. "My card got declined."

"Why, that was really nice of him!" Kairi's mother exclaimed. "He's such an ice boy. Why did you stop hanging out with him?"

Okay. Kairi was 1000% done with the conversation. Her mother never failed to infuriate her, did she?

"Mom, bye," she said flatly. "I'm going."

"Honey!" her mother said sternly. "I still haven't gotten to talk to you!"

"Well, I have, and I'm done. So bye."

"Is Sora going over to your house? I told you no boys!"

"_BYE, MOM_!"

"Kairi! I'm telling you, you'd better not have him over! I will—"

Kairi pressed the End button on the phone and helped Sora to grab the bags of groceries, her cheeks burning with mortification as they walked out of the store together. She couldn't believe that Sora had just given her a hundred dollars. She couldn't believe that he would pay for her food like that. She was embarrassed—she felt pathetic because she was unable to take care of herself.

"You need to eat better," Sora said as he piled the groceries into her trunk. "How much weight have you lost?"

"I d-don't know," Kairi said, staring at him is astonishment. He was actually being . . . Caring. And mindful. What had brought the change in him? Talking to her mother and being reminded of the good old days? The elderly lady who had told him he was being ungentlemanly? Being around her without arguing?

"Well, now you have food, so you'd better eat it," he muttered, slamming the trunk and walking around to the passenger's side. He got into the car, leaving Kairi dumbfounded in the parking lot.

It was certainly going to be an interesting night.

~x~

Memory remembered Sora the second he walked in the door. She barreled past Kairi, her claws scraping against the kitchen floor as she leapt up into his arms. The brunette barely reacted in time to catch her before she fell back down, and Kairi was surprised to see him smile in recognition.

"Hey, Memory!" Sora said, sounding so much like his old self that Kairi had to turn away and start putting the food away. "Awww, I haven't seen you in forever, puppy. You're so cute~!"

"I can't believe she remembers you," Kairi remarked lightly as she moved about the kitchen. "That's nice."

"I can't believe you still have her," Sora said. "I would have thought you'd have—"

"Given her away?" Kairi stopped and turned to fix him with a very serious, very pointed stare. "Never." She turned and continued her work.

"Hn," Sora grunted, setting the yipping, licking puppy dog down so she could run to her food bowl. "Well, why don't we get started on the project. We don't have much time before the storm hits."

"Okay," Kairi said quietly. The car ride to her house had been silent again, but Kairi had been too lost in thought to really notice it. She just could not get over the fact that Sora had paid for her groceries, effectively making them look like a real couple in front of _everybody_. What if some of those people went to their school, or knew someone who did? This was going to cause problems for Sora if his girlfriend found out, that was for sure.

They took their shoes off at the front door once Kairi had put all of the food in its respective places, and then padded out to the living room. Sora stood in the middle of the room, between the coffee table and the TV, and peered around curiously.

"This is all yours?" he asked, sounding impressed.

"Yeah," Kairi said softly as she sifted through her CD collection. "My parents pay for it."

"Why?"

Kairi flinched. He knew why. She chose to stay silent, selected Memphis May Fire's_ Challenger _album, and then put it into the stereo system. The music began to pound softly out of the speakers, slicing through the awkwardness of the atmosphere and helping to calm Kairi's nerves. She went to her backpack and pulled out her binder, setting it on the coffee table. Sora sank to the floor in his jeans, rolled up the sleeves of his plaid button up, and scooted over to the edge of the table.

"So what are we supposed to be doing again?" he asked.

"Making posters on domestic abuse awareness," she informed him, shooting him a reprimanding look. "Weren't you paying attention in class?"

"Nah," he said.

Kairi rolled her eyes. "Figures."

"What's _that _supposed to mean?"

And just like that, the calmness and serenity was gone, replaced by Sora's ever-fluctuating temper and Kairi's hotheadedness.

Kairi fixed him with a withering glare. "It means that you're a slacker. You slack off in class all the time."

"What the _Hell_?" His eyes blazed. "Kairi, if it weren't for me, we wouldn't even be this far along right now. I was the one who was working on it while you were at home, faking sick!"

"Yeah, because _you _told me I was a slut!" she cried, tears of frustration clouding her eyes. Then, realizing what she had just done, she turned her face away. Great. Now he would know that his hurtful words affected her.

"You stayed at home . . . For two weeks . . . Because I insulted you?"

"Sora, words hurt," she replied. "Badly."

"Yeah?" He placed his hands on the table and used them to push himself up to his feet. "Well, so do lies."

"Sora, I didn't fucking _lie_ to you!" Kairi shrieked, throwing her hands up into the air. "I have _never _lied to you! You're just too self-absorbed to see that! You think because you're in some popular band and you're all cool now that you can pretend we were never friends. Well, that's fucked up!"

"Here's an idea, Kairi!" he said sarcastically. "Shut the _fuck _up."

Kairi scoffed indignantly and started to retort. Upon seeing that this wasn't going to get her anywhere and that she had been deluding herself if she thought that just because Sora paid for her stuff at Target then that would mean that they were going to be friends again, she closed her mouth and rethought her words.

"Let's just . . . Let's just do the homework," she said carefully. "I'll go get some colored pencils from my room . . ."

Over the next hour, they worked in complete and utter silence (save for the music, of course). Kairi was working on the women's domestic abuse poster and Sora was working on the men's, each of them focused solely on their work. The coloring was somewhat therapeutic, calming Kairi down enough for her to start dancing a little bit to the music. Even Sora was into the song, singing it softly under his breath and drawing Kairi's attention to his beautiful vocal talents. Because _hello, _even if he hated her, he was still the lead singer of her all-time favorite band, and he was singing in her living room.

"_Listen closelyyyy, the highways call my name_," he sang under his breath, "_Don't you see this is my everythiiiing_? _It may not seem right to youuu-uuu, and you might not approve but it's reaaaal. This is the only thing that makes me feee-eee-eeel._"

Kairi listened to him sing as she colored, finding herself feeling sadder and sadder by the moment. Why couldn't things go back to the way they had been in the past? Why couldn't they be sitting there, working on a project together that they actually _wanted _to be doing, laughing and joking like friends?

"You know," Sora suddenly spoke up. "What I can't figure out is why you made our thesis sound so sexist."

Kairi froze, pencil poised above paper. She remembered Sora trying to threaten her into changing the thesis, but Ms. Gainsborough had thrown an absolute fit and hadn't allowed them to change it because she liked it so much. But sexist? Sora thought it was sexist to point out the obvious and factual flaws in American society?

Oh, no he did not just.

Her cerulean eyes snapped to meet his and she said slowly, "Sora . . . It wasn't meant to be sexist. It was meant to show that there are serious problems with marriage in America. This is a _marriage _project, and in America, _marriage_ is seriously screwed up."

Sora set his pencil down. "But you can't honestly believe that it's all because of men, can you?"

"I never said that," she replied with raised brows. "I stated facts _about _men in America—facts that have been proven in national and local studies."

"Local?" he scoffed. "Come on, Kairi. You expect me to believe that there are people here on Destiny Islands who actually believe that marriage is a 'complicated dance of tragedy, lies, and deceit'? Kairi, most of the parents on the Islands have been together for years! I don't know any divorced parents. Like . . . At all."

"Just because you, personally, don't know any divorced parents here doesn't mean that they don't _exist_. Fuu's parents are divorced! And besides, the Islands are only a small part of the US. The mainland is probably where—"

"We're talking about local divorcees, Kairi—_local_."

Kairi rolled her eyes. "Whatever. And why do _you _care, anyway?"

"Well, it's not so much the marriage part—it's the shit you wrote about men putting impossibly high standards on women. Like, that's not even true!"

Kairi's jaw dropped. "So you're telling me that if a woman wanted to hook up with you and she weighed . . ." She tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Oh, say about one hundred and seventy pounds, then you would still want to hook up with her?"

"Kairi, that's stupid."

"You're skirting the question because you don't want to admit that you wouldn't," Kairi pointed out triumphantly. "You're just like all the other guys—you want a stick thin rail of a girl who weighs a hundred pounds and hardly eats more than a salad in your presence."

"That's a fucking _lie_," he protested angrily. "I'm not that shallow."

"No, you're just misogynistic."

"How am I a . . . A mysogy-whatever-it-is?" Sora's face screwed up in indignant repulsion. "That doesn't even _sound _pleasant, and I don't even know what it is!"

"You're a person who either hates, distrust, mistreats, or dislikes women," Kairi smirked.

"I can _assure_ you, I like women, Kairi," Sora hissed. "And I certainly don't mistreat them."

"Wooooooow, I guess I have to point out for the second time now that _you punched the locker next to my fucking head_." Kairi enunciated each word clearly, looking Sora directly in the eyes as she did so. "You manhandle me, you yell at me, and you call me horrible names. How is that not mistreatment, Sora?"

Sora's eyes flashed. "You make me sound like some . . . Abuser, or something. What are you trying to say?"

"That you _are_!" she cried, throwing her hands up. "You're a verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive _misogynistic. Asshole._"

"What _are_ you, some feminist?" Sora spluttered. "And I am not abusive _at all_. What the _fuck_?"

Kairi could tell that things were getting heated again, and she knew they were dangerously close to a full-blown fight again. She didn't care, though. She was going to stand up for herself whether he liked it or not.

"Sora, you have called me a slut, a liar, a whore, a bitch, and all sorts of things that make me feel bad about myself," she spat. "Don't you know how badly it hurts to be told by someone you love that you're a worthless piece of shit?"

The second the words left her mouth, Kairi severely, _sorely_ regretted them. The shocked look that replaced Sora's enraged glare was enough to let her know that she had indeed just said what she thought she'd said, and that she was in deep trouble. God, why did she have to be so controlled by her emotions?

"I mean, I . . ." Kairi stammered, blushing bright red. "I was just . . . I don't love you like that, I . . . What I mean to say is . . ."

Just then, there was the loud rumble of thunder followed by a flash that flickered in through the sliding glass door that led to the balcony. Kairi's heart sank as the rain began to pour, and she realized just what that entailed. The highways would flood within minutes, and Sora was staying the night.

"Well, that's just fucking great," Sora muttered, also standing up. He reached into the chest pocket of his plaid shirt and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He placed one in his mouth and walked over to the sliding glass, lighting it along the way. Kairi frowned—when had Sora started _smoking_? Man, he was just _full _of surprises.

Sora stepped out onto the covered balcony to smoke, closing the glass behind him and leaving Kairi in the rapidly-darkening living room feeling like a complete and total idiot. Memory trotted over to her side and wagged her tail expectantly, as if she knew that Kairi was about to die of embarrassment.

"Memory, I oughta have my lips sewn shut," she mumbled despairingly to the fluffy white puppy. "Really."

Memphis May Fire continued to play out of the speakers, following Kairi to her bedroom as she went to change into something more comfortable than the outfit she'd worn to school. There was no way Sora was going home tonight, so she might as well just say fuck it and stop trying to look cute. He didn't care, either way. She had gone so far as to point out that what he'd said to her had hurt her badly, and he still hadn't even apologized.

Kairi wandered into her walk-in closet with Memory weaving her way around Kairi's ankles playfully. She rummaged through her clothes, realizing that things that she considered "comfortable" were somewhat inappropriate to be wearing around Sora. Unfortunately, though, she didn't have anything that didn't show skin, so she settled upon a pair of Victoria's Secret yoga shorts and a faded white V-neck.

"Don't look at me like that, Mem," she said sternly to her dog. "I don't have anything more than shorts, tank tops, and nightgowns. This is as good as it's gonna get."

Memory licked her nose and barked sharply.

"Memory," Kairi warned. "I am _not _trying to seduce him."

The dog blinked.

Kairi rolled her eyes. "Okay, maybe I am. But what would even come of it? Nothing! He has a girlfriend. And he hates me. And he also thinks I'm a liar, a slut, a whore, and a bitch, remember?"

Kairi left the closet and walked back out to the living room. Another flash of lightning lit up the living room, and Kairi began to worry that the power would go out, as was typical during Destiny Islands's storms. She meandered over to the sliding glass, hesitated for a brief moment, and then joined Sora on the balcony. He was leaned up against the railing, gazing out into the dark rain, looking brooding and stoic and unbearably handsome. He brought his cigarette to his lips, barely acknowledging her when she came to stand beside him (leaving a few feet of distance of course).

"What?" he snorted, blowing smoke out from between his lips. "Come to accuse me some more?"

"Nope," she said with a simple shrug. "I just love the smell of the rain."

It was quiet for a long time. Kairi placed her hands on the railing and leaned back on the balls of her feet, pulled herself forward, and leaned back again. It was something she had always done since she was child, pretending as though she had the strength to bend gates and railings with her bare hands, and even at eighteen, she did the same thing. The atmosphere between them was tense as all Hell, but at least Kairi had the calming sounds of the rain pounding down against the ground and roof to focus on.

"Did you come right here when your parents kicked you out?" Sora asked, more smoke wafting outward and up.

"To live?" Kairi shook her head, shooting him a furtive glance. "I went to your house, and then slept in my church lobby.

The tension increased as Sora frowned at her.

"That was the day they kicked you out?" he asked.

Kairi nodded, leaning back on her feet again. "Yup."

Sora didn't say anything, but his eyes lowered and landed upon the halfway-healed cuts that lined her forearm. Kairi was too busy in lala land to notice his lingering stare and the way his body ceased all movements, the cigarette poised halfway to his lips. She tilted her head back, her elbow-length hair falling downward like a sheet, and stared up at the overhanging ceiling of the balcony.

"I slept at my church for a week or two before they finally found out and told my parents," Kairi said distantly as her mind replayed the events of those horrible weeks. "Daddy didn't want anything to do with me, but Momma insisted he give me a place to stay. So they bought me this apartment to wait for . . ."

Kairi trailed off and fixed on a small smile.

"Well, anyway," she went on, though she didn't even know if Sora was listening (he was still staring at her arm). "This is where I get to live all through college and stuff. It's free as long as I keep my grades up."

"Does your Dad still ignore you?" Sora asked.

Kairi smiled sadly. "Unfortunately. But it's okay—I've gotten used to it." She headed for the door, feeling her stomach growl in hunger.

"Used to what?" Sora turned to lean back against the railing and finish the last of his cigarette.

Kairi paused and glanced at him over her shoulder. The winds were blowing the spikes of Sora's hair about slightly, the overhang shielding them from the brunt of the force. His eyes were almost radioactive blue, what with the way they glowed through the night's fallen darkness.

"The loneliness," she said softly, and then went inside the apartment, leaving the door open slightly for him.

Kairi hummed along to the tune of the song that was playing on the stereo and went into the kitchen, flicking on the light as she went. Memory hopped up onto the counter and watched her pull out the P.F. Chang's frozen teriyaki chicken from the freezer, along with a cooking spoon and her wok. She poured the food in the pan with some oil, turned on the stove, and started stirring.

"She still gets up on the counter?" Sora's voice was subdued, but had no sign of emotions in it, positive or negative.

"Hm?" Kairi nodded, still stirring the food. "Yeah. She still hasn't learned that it's off-limits. That, and the guarding of the food bowl. Shit, she guards that thing with her _life_."

Sora made an amused sound, but no more than that, and picked Memory up. He stood next to Kairi at the stove, and Kairi could feel his presence achingly _there_ and _real_. She longed to turn around and throw herself upon him, but she knew she couldn't. Especially not after they'd just had a fight, and not after everything they'd been through. He'd just reject her or worse—call her more awful names like slut or whore.

"Hey," Sora suddenly spoke up nonchalantly.

"What?" Kairi kept stirring.

"What happened to your arm?"

'_Oh, __**shit,**_' Kairi thought in a panic, nearly dropping the cooking spoon into the now-sizzling food. She hurriedly tried to think up an excuse that didn't sound like, _"Hey, Sora, I cut the shit out of my arm because I love you and you hate me, but I'm gonna lie and say it was the dog."_

"Memory and I were playing a little too roughly, and she scratched me," Kairi lied shakily, trying to laugh it off. She knew it was a crock of shit, though, because there were over twenty cuts in haphazard, erratic positions, all different sizes, lengths, and depths. Why the _fuck _hadn't she worn a long-sleeved shirt, or at least bandaged them up? What the Hell was wrong with her?

And was it her, or did it seem like Sora might actually . . . Care?

"Memory, huh?" Sora's obvious disbelief was . . . Well, obvious.

"Y-Yeah." Kairi turned her arm downward so that he couldn't see the ugly wounds anymore. "She can get violent sometimes."

"Well . . ." Sora said. "I hope you didn't do that to yourself. Because that shit is stupid as fuck."

So much for possibly caring . . .

Kairi bristled. "I didn't do it to myself, Sora," she snapped.

"Whatever." Sora set Memory down, shot her one last strange look, and then went to the fridge. "You want a beer?"

Kairi's brow furrowed. She wasn't herself when she was drunk. Well, she was herself, just more . . . Volatile and emotional. It might spell out bad things if she drank with Sora, especially since she was a lightweight since she was so small. But . . . Drinking with Sora could also mean good things like progress and possibly heartfelt confessions?

"Sure," she said quietly, taking the ice cold glass bottle. He watched her as he took a sip of his drink, as if waiting for her to do the same. So she did, tipping her head back and gulping down a few swigs of the foul-tasting liquid. She pulled a face, but smacked her lips anyway.

"Do you drink much?" he asked.

"No," Kairi said before gulping down some more. Soon, she could feel the bottle getting lighter and lighter, and her vision was already beginning to sway. She giggled a little bit for no reason and then stumbled over to the stove to turn it off.

"I can tell," he said, actually sounding genuinely amused.

They plated up their food and then went into the living room to eat it, bringing the rest of the six-pack with them. Kairi put on a movie for them to watch—a scary one, since she remembered they had used to have horror movie marathons together—and then sat own to eat and drink. Of course, she barely took two or three bites of her food, drank two more beers in record time, and was tipsy within ten minutes of the alcohol hitting her empty stomach and rushing through her blood.

Where Kairi was a giggling, loopy mess, Sora was even quieter and calmer. His eyes grew bloodshot, but he was by no means any less aware of his faculties. He watched her antics with the faintest of amused smiles on his attractive male features, leaning back on the couch with his legs outstretched in only the way men do, and holding his second beer on his thigh.

"Do you want . . . Some pajamas or something?" Kairi joked with a laugh, shaking her head as if to rid it of water. "I have _plentyyyyy _of nightgowns you could wear."

"Nah," he said mutedly, eyes fixed upon the movie screen as if it were the most interesting thing in the word. Then, he got up and went to the bathroom, leaving Kairi to sit there alone. The redhead laughed to herself for a moment, resting her head against the back of the couch. She couldn't believe it. Was she really drinking with Sora? Sheesh, she hoped she didn't embarrass herself anymore, though. A drunk Kairi was an overly-emotional Kairi, and that might lead to some more unwanted confessions.

Frowning slightly, she recalled earlier, when she had been cooking their dinner. Looking down at the horrific cuts on her arms, she wondered just what had gone through Sora's mind when he'd seen them. And had she seen him looking at them out on the balcony, or had that just been her imagination? Kairi wanted to believe that he cared for her well-being, but it was so damn hard when he called her names and yelled at her. Perhaps tonight would bring good things for their broken friendship, though. Perhaps the alcohol would bring out the best in him.

Or perhaps not?

Kairi sighed heavily. She didn't know anything anymore.

The redhead got to her feet and swayed her way into the kitchen. Maybe things would be easier if she was drunker? Or maybe that was just the alcohol talking . . . ? Either way, Kairi had already pulled out the cork of the wine and knocked back a couple good gulps. She felt the effects immediately, nearly staggering and collapsing on the ground. She stifled her laughter—how embarrassing. What if Sora came back and saw her sprawled out on the ground like that?

Then, her frowned deepened. Sora had been gone an awfully long time now . . . What was he doing? He couldn't have passed out—he'd only had two beers. Kairi decided to go after him, wine bottle in hand and nearly falling over in the process.

Okay. So maybe she was drunker than she thought.

"S-Sora?" she called, her voice slightly slurred. "What are you . . . ?"

Kairi's voice trailed off into a shocked silence when she saw that Hikari's bedroom door was cracked open about two or three inches. The bedroom of the daughter that she had never got to see—the bedroom that she had absolutely refused to ever set foot in after the miscarriage. Kairi dropped the wine bottle, paying it no heed as the alcohol soaked into the carpet. Her hands flew to her mouth and her heart began to pound wildly in horror.

It was all ruined.

Everything . . . It was all ruined.

~x~

**A/N: Yeah, yeah. Cliffhanger. I know I'm evil. Just be aware—the next chapter will contain some M-rated content. See you next time!**


	10. Accidental Confessions Part Two

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: Here is Chapter Nine – Part Two. It's not the climax of the story, but it's a major chapter of importance! Also one of my faves by far!**

**ALSO IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT**

**I deleted Love Must Come because it was a PIECE OF SHIT STORY and IT WAS MY STORY THAT I WROTE AND I CAN MAKE DECISIONS THAT I WANT TO MAKE PURELY BASED UPON THAT FACT. Stop fucking messaging me and harassing me, you guys. It's immature and rude and I will start reporting everyone who does. I am a HUMAN BEING. I have feelings and emotions, and I can do whatever the Hell I want. And besides: I frequently stated that IF I DID NOT GET MORE REVIEWS I WOULD DELETE THE STORY. I was not fucking kidding. So please leave me alone, I just want to write in peace. One more fucking PM harassing me or I'm leaving the site completely.**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities.**

**NOTES: This story is rated M. This chapter contains sexual content and foul language. AGAIN I WARN YOU this chapter contains sexual content. Be prepared.**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Nine – Part Two**

~x~

Taking slow steps, Kairi pushed the door open slowly to reveal what was obviously a fully-furnished nursery. The crib was made up with cute pink-and-purple bedding and soft stuffed rabbits. There was a rocking chair in the corner, pictures of Kairi at different stages of pregnancy and cute animals like giraffes on the walls. The open closet doors showed that the closet was stuffed full of baby clothes of all colors, all ready and waiting to be worn by a baby that would never be. In the middle of the floor lie a fluffy pink rug; a rug that if lifted, would reveal a sickening, dark bloodstain in the carpet where Hikari had come out of her in a torrent of blood—where Hikari had never gotten to take her first breath, or hear the sound of Kairi's voice.

And there, standing next to the cute pink bookshelf, looking through a photo album of Kairi's from when she herself was a small child, was Sora. His beer bottle lay untouched on the top of the shelf, and he seemed completely absorbed. He hadn't even noticed her yet.

"Wh-What are you doing?" Kairi choked out, tears of panic and outrage flooding her eyes and spilling over without warning. "_What are you doing in here?!"_

Sora jumped, startled at her sudden shrieking, and dropped the photo album to the floor. He looked pale in the darkness of the room, the only light coming from the lightning that periodically struck outside the window. For the first time in a long time, he actually looked cowed.

"K-Kairi, I—" He stammered, cutting himself off. He placed his hands in the pockets of his skinny jeans, looking sheepish. "I'm sorry."

"_Get out_!" Kairi screamed, pointing an angry finger out the open doorway. Her mind was racing at a million miles per second, appalled that the sanctity of Hikari's room had been horridly violated. _Nobody was ever supposed to go in there. _It was _her's_, dammit! How _could _he?

"I—"

"_How could you_?!" Kairi shrieked, scrambling forward and falling to her knees in front of the photo album. She worked as quickly as she could in her drunken state to gather up the pictures that had slipped out of the plastic pages. She wept openly, not even bothering to hide how upset she was.

Sora slowly sank to the floor as well, gingerly picking up a few of the photos himself. Kairi smacked is hands away and glared at him through her tears. He looked completely petrified, guilty, and confused, all at once.

"Nobody was supposed to _ever _come in here again," Kairi whispered, wiping her eyes bitterly as she stuffed the photos into random places. "_Ever_."

"What happened to her?" Sora asked quietly, and Kairi was too aghast at the situation to notice that he wasn't being mean to her—that he was _actually _being kind toward her.

Kairi squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her fists on her thighs as the memories rushed in, hurting her heart and reminding her of that awful day.

_"Kairi, don't forget to put the coats on hangers, too!"_

_ "Yes, Mom!" Kairi rolled her eyes and set the Target bags down on the floor of Hikari's room. She stood in the center of the room with her hands on her hips and smiled appreciatively at the décor her mother had supplied her with. All the pinks and purples . . . It was just so wonderful! She placed a hand fondly upon her swollen belly and giggled. No matter what it had cost her in her life, Kairi was going to love this baby with all of her heart. In fact, she already __**did**__ love Hikari._

_ And then she felt the first stabbing pain, low in her abdomen. She frowned. Was her period starting? How could that be? Did pregnant women even __**have**__ periods? Or was—_

_ There was another one. Kairi grimaced and rubbed her womb tenderly. Well, that certainly hurt. Her blood began to go cold as realization fell over her. Could it really be . . . Contractions? But she was only six months along! It was too early! This couldn't be happening . .. No, God no . . ._

_ "M-Mom!" Kairi screamed when white-hot, blinding pain such as no other rippled throughout her entire lower body and sent her toppling over onto the floor. She shrieked in agony as something began to leak out from between her legs, and she tried to curl up into the fetal position. Another pain that was even worse than the previous one assailed her womb, leaving her trembling and crying out for her mother again and again. _

_ God . . . There was so much blood already . . . It was everywhere . . ._

_ "Mommy!" Kairi sobbed when her mother fell to her knees beside her. Her mother was crying, throwing her arms around her daughter's shaking body, both of them hysterical. "Mommy, it hurts!"_

_ "I'll call the hospital!" her mother wailed. "Just wait here!"_

_ Kairi dissolved into gut-wrenching sobs. She could feel everything coming out of her in a horrific, excruciatingly painful rush. She sat up on her hands and gazed down at the blood-soaked floor. She could see Hikari, a tiny little thing, stiff and frozen and dead. So dead, dead, dead._

_ Gone._

_ A high-pitched, keening noise exited from the bowels of Kairi's chest and she promptly fainted._

Kairi's tears began anew and she whirled on Sora, her rage clouding all judgment. She immediately began to pound her fists against his chest and abdomen, screaming at him to get out.

"Kairi, stop!" Sora shouted angrily, grabbing her wrists and glowering at her. "I had no fucking idea you didn't want anybody in here!"

"You didn't _ask_!" she cried, her eyes widening. "You don't just walk into rooms in people's houses, Sora! It's rude! God, _fuck_, nobody was supposed to come _in _here!"

"Why _not_?" Sora yelled. "It's _just _a room!"

Kairi started crying again, burying her face in her hands and rocking back and forth on her knees. This was why she hadn't wanted to ever set foot in this room again. It was bringing back horrid memories. She could still see Hikari there, lying dead on the floor, and it was all her fault. She had to have been doing something wrong for Hikari to die.

"Oh, God," Kairi sobbed despairingly. "I'm so sorry, Hikari . . . I'm so sorry . . . Mommy wasn't there for you . . . I'm so sorry . . ."

"Kairi?" Sora watched her, horror-struck as his mind worked to piece things together. "Did Hikari . . . Die?"

Kairi was too upset to deny him the answer he sought. She nodded miserably, hugging herself tightly as if she could still feel the agony and smell the blood. "She just . . . She came out of me, and it was all my fault, Sora . . . I must have done something _wrong_, I . . ."

Sora watched her cry for a long moment before he murmured, "What did the doctors say?"

"Stress," she said, taking a shuddering breath. "I was too stressed out, and I was too young, and just . . . Sora, I didn't even get to meet her." She began to weep again, feeling utterly vulnerable. "I didn't even get to _meet _my _baby_."

Then, she turned and shoved him backward so that he fell on his rump and glared at her indignantly.

"Why did you have to ruin everything?!" Kairi screamed through her tears. "Why did you come in here? Why?!"

"I was just curious!" he protested.

They both got to their feet, and Kairi laid eyes on something that made her heart literally stop beating in its chest. She moved past Sora and picked up the picture that she had hidden away when she'd decided to close Hikari's bedroom door and never go into it again. It was the picture of Kairi's first sonogram—of the day she'd picked the name Hikari and realized that she was going to bring a new life into the world, be a mommy that wouldn't abandon her to an orphanage like Kairi's birth parents had. How had Sora found it?

"Just leave, Sora," Kairi hissed, her hands beginning to tremble. "Just . . . _Fucking_ . . . Leave!"

"You're fucking insane!" Sora suddenly blurted out. "You claim that you were raped, yet you're crying over the baby? How does that make sense?!"

Kairi nearly exploded in all directions.

"It's still a human being's life!" she screamed at him. "Whether I was raped or not, Hikari was real and she was mine, and she was all I had!" Her voice broke and she felt her chin quiver. "Sora, you don't understand. You . . . You left me and I had nobody else, and then she died and I had _nobody_! Just leave me alone!"

Kairi pushed past him and stormed out of the room, already feeling the salty, hot tears stinging her cheeks again. She blazed into her bedroom and tried to slam the door behind her, but to her astonishment, Sora had followed her.

"No, Kairi," he growled, his cobalt blue eyes blazing. "You don't get to fucking do that. You don't get to blame the death of your child on _me_."

Kairi was so angry, she just wanted to hit him. She wanted to beat the shit out of him so he could feel the same torment that she had felt since he'd left her out to dry. He had no idea what she'd been through because of him.

"Knock it _off_, Kairi!" Sora suddenly snarled, and he grabbed her hands and held them up in-between them in a vicelike grip. Kairi hadn't realized that she'd been absentmindedly raking her fingernails down her forearms in her judgment-clouding ire. She could see tiny spots of blood welling up in the crevices and broken skin, and she wrenched herself out of Sora's grasp.

"What do _you_ care?" she spat. "You don't give a _shit _about me, Sora, and you obviously never did."

"Stop it!" he shouted. "Stop acting like I'm the bad guy!"

"You _are_!" Kairi threw her hands up. "You _are _the bad guy! You _left me when I needed you the fucking most. _Out of everyone, I thought _you'd_ be the one to be there, but you weren't. You fucking weren't, and for that, you need to take responsibility for _what you did_."

"Dammit, Kairi!"

Kairi suddenly found herself pinned forcefully up against the wall next to her bedroom door, the sounds of Memory growling protectively at their feet and the raging storm outside. A flash of lightning lit up Sora's face, and Kairi had never felt more terrified in her life. Sora had his hands on her shoulders and he was breathing heavily, his long brown hair falling forward as he hung his head.

"_This is why you're an asshole_!" Kairi cried. "You're so violent! Get _away_ from me!"

"Shut up," he spat. "You made me this way, Kairi. _You_. You lied to me, and now—"

"I didn't lie to you!" she screamed. "for the millionth time, I _have never lied to you_. And how did I make you this way? I never did anything—" It was coming, and there was nothing she could do to stop it once her heart got the idea. "—but love you, Sora. I loved you with all of my heart!" Her voice shook and lost its steam when she realized that she had just told Sora she loved him twice in one night.

Sora's hands fell from her shoulders and his body sagged as though he was unbearably tired. He turned away from her, and Kairi took the opportunity to take a few steps away. She had no idea what was going through his mind, but she knew that she couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't keep dancing this awful waltz with him, fighting and screaming and hating. Even if they never became friends again, all she wanted was his respect.

Kairi wrapped her arms around herself and tried to keep herself from sobbing aloud as she wept silently where Sora couldn't see. She felt open and violated all over again, like she had felt the first time Riku had touched her when she was eight. She didn't know what to do with her feelings now that they had been forced out of her—Hikari was her best kept secret, her very own, and now Sora had a hold of it.

What would he do with her heart, now that he knew he held it unprotected in his hands?

"Kairi."

The rumble of thunder, another flash of lightning in the dark room, and then he was grabbing her elbow and turning her around. Kairi looked up, startled at his close proximity, and fearing that he was really going to hurt her now. She attempted to step away from him, but his grip on her elbows tightened. He pulled her closer, and all of the hairs on her body stood up. Just _what _was he _doing_?

"Sora?" Kairi stammered, clutching her hands to her chest. "What are y—"

He silenced her with his lips.

Sora's kiss was not gentle. It was not sweet, slow, or kind. It was fiery and it was passionate, and it was bruising. It took the breath out of Kairi's lungs and sizzled all the way to the tips of her toes, leaving her gasping for air as she tangled her fingers within his soft hair and pulled him into her. She wasn't crying, like she thought she'd be when she first kissed Sora, but her heart was aching. Sora's hands slipped under her white V-neck and his fingers dug into her lower back, pulling against him with ferocious possessiveness. His tongue tasted hers and made her feel as though even if she wanted to step away, he wouldn't allow her to.

Kairi gasped as if she were inside of a small furnace when Sora started trailing scorching hot kisses down the curve of her neck, his tongue lapping at her pulse. He was breathing heavily, raggedly, as if this were causing him as much emotional and mental pain as it was her, and he held her so tightly that it hurt. This was everything Kairi had wanted, but at the same time, it was nothing that she had wanted. She had imagined his kiss coming in tandem with a long, heartfelt apology and a confession of his undying love. This was something else entirely.

This was a sorrowful lamentation of the pain of loss and heartbreak.

Sora's teeth nipped at her collarbone as his hands simultaneously caressed the swell of her rear and along the backs of her thighs, lifting her up into the air. She instinctively wrapped her legs around his narrow hips, already feeling desire pooling in the pit of her stomach. Or was it desire that had already been there, and now it was just igniting, filling her with a fire like no other? Sora's strong arms wrapped around her and their lips met with fervent need, and the next thing she knew, her back hit the mattress and her head was cushioned against the pillows. Sora kissed her with renewed ferocity, one hand placed flat upon the bed to hold himself up while the other one traveled down to the heated area between her legs.

He touched her outside the fabric of her shorts, and she nearly lost her cool right there. Her hands tugged sharply on his hair and her toes curled into the blankets, lifting her hips into his touch. God, she wanted him so badly. More than anyone or anything. This was Sora—she loved him more than the oxygen she needed to breathe, and he didn't even _know_. He didn't even _know _what he was doing to her right now.

And then his fingers slipped past the barrier of her panties and felt her bare flesh. She moaned loudly into his mouth, silently begging him to touch her more. He obliged, thrusting his fingers in and out of her at a rapid pace. Kairi broke their kiss to cry out in bliss again, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him down to lavish her neck with attention. The sensitivity of her flesh coupled with the alcohol that burned through her system was heightening every sensation in her body, bringing her closer and closer to the edge of that sweet, sweet precipice.

"Nnh, S-Sora," she whimpered breathlessly, closing her eyes and arching her back as he hit a spot inside of her that rendered her a shuddering, moaning mess. "Sora, please, I—"

"Do it," Sora hissed, the sudden heat of his breath against the shell of her ear startling her and sending a lance of pleasure down to her core. She tensed up, her hands gripping the sheets tightly as Sora's thumb rubbed the bundle of nerves that brought her the most pleasure. She brought one hand up to touch his face and their eyes met for one brief moment before he kissed her again. This time, it was tender and almost loving, and that was it. Her climax crashed over her in waves of intense ecstasy, causing her muscles and limbs to spasm slightly and her hips to buck as she desperately rode it all the way to its end. She panted heavily, her mind reeling at what Sora had just done to her.

Had that just happened?

Sora started to kiss her again, grabbing her by the hips, rolling onto his back, and forcing her to straddle him. She felt their hips grinding together, and her entire body shivered at the thought of what it would be like to have Sora inside of her. She ran her hands heavily down his chest and back up, undoing each button of his plaid shirt one-by-one. All the while, her lips ghosted along his throat, her tongue tasting his flesh and pulling tiny sighs from him. Kairi felt slightly empowered—so Sora wasn't such a tough guy after all; even _he _had his weaknesses.

"W-Watch the plugs," he breathed when she started toward his jawline, his hands sliding up to palm her breasts through her shirt. She moaned into his ear and continued to roll her hips, teasing him in a way that was taking every line of hardness out of Sora's face and making him look like the naïve little angel he had once been.

For the first time in months, Kairi's mind was blank. There were no memories, no negatives or positives, no nightmares or dreams. There was only Sora, his teasing touch and his fiery lips, and it was all Kairi could hope for. But this wasn't a happy or blissful reunion, nor was it the reconciliation that Kairi had so desperately wished for for so long. This was a tortured dance of sadness, regrets, and distrust, and Sora was taking out his despair and anger on her in the only way he knew how.

The only way that would work.

Kairi's tears dripped steadily down her cheeks as Sora sat up and wrapped his arms around her waist, feathering soft kisses along her angular collarbones. It was like a mixture of sweet and sour, sugar and salt, and she loved him all the more for it. She combed her fingers all throughout his chestnut spikes, trying her hardest not to sob aloud. Because she knew that this would have to end—it was all a lie, anyway. They were doing this not out of love or desire, but out of anger and hurt. They had yelled, screamed, and fought with each other, and now the words had run out. There was no longer any other way for them to get their feelings across.

"Why are you crying?" His voice was breathy and the look in his eyes only made her tears quicken. His hands were sliding up her back, beneath her shirt, scattering her thoughts.

"Because I . . ." She cut herself off, because she knew that if she told him how she felt, it would get in the way.

"What?" He nuzzled into the soft flesh of her throat, kissing it lightly as though he actually cared for her.

_Did _he actually care for her?

Kairi gazed at him through her tears, trying to express as much as she could with that one single look. That this was what she had dreamed of doing with him for months, that all she ever wanted was for him to love her back. That his harsh words hurt and that his hatred killed her inside. Why couldn't he understand?

Sora looked back up at her, his brow furrowing as his mind worked to make sense of what she was saying. His eyes were blue, so blue, and it almost ached to see them disappear when he closed them and kissed her. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the tension and high-running emotions, but Kairi could swear that she felt tears upon her cheeks that did not belong to her.

Suddenly, he was gone, leaving her gasping for air. He turned and placed his feet flat on the floor, hanging his head in his hands.

"I can't do this with you, Kai," he said, and the sudden use of the nickname startled Kairi greatly. He hadn't called her by that since before everything had happened the previous year.

Kairi sat up, tossed her hair back with a flick of her head and frowned at him. "Wh-Why?"

He wouldn't look at her. "You've ruined me. You've fucking ruined me, and I _can't do this with you._"

He started to stand up, buttoning his plaid shirt as he did so, and Kairi was filled with an overwhelming sense of loss. Like when you have something important in your hand, you temporarily set it down, and then consequently can't remember where you put it. She scrambled forward and up onto her knees, wrapping her arms around Sora's waist from behind. She laid her cheek against his warm back and shuddered as she cried. She couldn't lose what little piece of him he had allowed her—she wanted to _fix _everything, damn it!

"Don't go," she whispered with a quiet sob. "Please . . . Don't leave me again."

Sora turned around and gazed down at her. Kairi stared back at him through her tears, her chin beginning to tremble as he leaned closer and closer. Their lips met, and Kairi's mind was blown completely away. _This _was the kiss she wanted. _This _was the kiss that gave her hope that they could someday be all right.

Kairi held his face in-between both of her hands as if to signify that she would never let him go. She was the one to slip her tongue past the barrier of his lips, engaging the brunette in an intoxicating dance of betrayal . He kissed her back, tilting his head and slipping his arms around her waist to hold her closely. Kairi whimpered, because this kiss was a long time coming and also the one she had yearned for. When would the fighting end? The hatred? The deceit and the insults and the pain?

When could they be together like this?

Sora pulled away slowly, and looked at her with all the emotions in the world swirling inside his cobalt blue eyes. He caressed her cheek, and it almost hurt. He was being so gentle . . . Why?

"Kairi," he murmured against her lips. "I cannot _do _this."

"Why?"

He laid his forehead against hers and took a shuddering breath. "There's too much . . . Between us, I . . ." He kissed her again and again, each one deepening until it became apparent that his body was crying out for hers.

Sora scowled and forcibly took a step away, shaking his head at Kairi.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, and then he left the room.

The sudden realization that they had just kissed overrode the unbearably stifling sense of rejection that settled over her body, and Kairi felt the alcohol she had consumed earlier hit her all at once. Her head hit the pillows, along with the gut-wrenching torrent of tears, and the redhead soon fell into a nightmare-riddled slumber that reminded her that she was the reason for all her problems.

Kairi would not only be Sora's undoing, but also her own.

~x~


	11. Neverending Cycle

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: ****Sorry about my freak out in the last chapter, I just wanted to be firm with ya'll. Also, I had writer's block, but now it's gone and I'm back! This chapter is pretty short, like super short, but I really wanted to open up the can and let out the plot bunny! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, and all of the people who support me and my writing. You guys are all my friends, and I love you! ^.^**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities****. Also, I did a thing down there in this chapter, using Namine's line from Chain of Memories. You'll know it when ya see it, hehe.**

**NOTES: This story is rated M. This chapter, however, has no inappropriate parts. There is some cussing, but nothing too crazy. Like I said, this chapter is pretty short, lol.**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Ten**

~x~

Kairi repeatedly pounded her head against the wall of the Art room as her friends looked on, groaning and mumbling obscenities mostly involving Sora under her breath. She slowly turned around and glared at Namine.

"So you're telling me that it's perfectly _normal _for a guy who hates you to try to get it in, and then freak out and basically run off?" She shot the blonde a deadpan expression and put her hands on her hips.

Namine shrugged and dipped her paintbrush into the yellow paint. "Yeah? I guess. I don't know—you and Sora are a special case."

Olette rolled her eyes. "Chyeah, a special case of _crazy_."

"Olette!" Namine scolded as she put the brush to the canvas. "I'll grant you that their 'relationship' is rather skewed, but I wouldn't go so far as to call it crazy."

Kairi scoffed. "Oh, _please_, Nami—anyone with a set of working eyes can see that Sora and I are the definition of crazy. We're crazy fucked up, and there's no solution." With a loud, heavy sigh, she plopped down into the seat next to Fuu at the table.

Fuu gave her a sympathetic look and patted her comfortingly on the shoulder. She opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by Olette.

"So he just like, left you there? What did he do? Did he go home?" she asked, taking a small bite of her sub sandwich. She wiped a small bit of mayo off of the corner of her mouth with her thumb.

"No," Kairi replied. "He slept on the couch. But when I woke up, he was gone. I guess he probably called for a ride home. That's what Vanitas did."

"Yeah, but Vanitas is a douche bag, Kai," Namine said pointedly as she painted. "Sora and you have like, a history or whatever. They both did the same thing, but for different reasons."

"Twins," Fuu supplied.

"They'll both probably do it again, you know," Olette said with a small smirk from Kairi's other side. "You're quite the popular girl around campus."

Everyone turned to look at her in surprise. This, apparently, was news. Kairi hadn't been the "hot topic" of gossip in weeks—it was halfway through October, and all Kairi could hear people talking about were different Halloween parties and plans and things. Could Sora have perhaps told everyone about what had happened between them?

Could Sora have perhaps told everyone the truth about Hikari and what had happened to her?

Kairi went pale.

"Why am I popular?" Kairi asked worriedly. "Why, Olette? What is everyone saying about me?"

"Yeah!" Fuu exclaimed.

"Olette," Namine warned when Olette gulped visibly. "You'd better spit it out right now, or else I'm going to paint your entire face bright green."

Olette looked alarmed. "Bright . . . Green?"

Namine smirked. "Like the grass that grows on my motherfucking lawn, Olette. Don't test me."

"Okay, okay!" Olette exclaimed. "Jesus, Nami, you're scary."

"Spill!" Fuu snapped, slamming her fist on the table.

"All right already!" Olette whined. "It's nothing _dramatic_, it's just . . ." She winced and said hurriedly, "Sora'sgirlfriendmayhavepubliclydeclaredyouhernumb eroneenemy?"

Everybody blinked.

"Okay . . . _What_?" Kairi frowned.

Olette growled, "Sora's girlfriend Xion has been telling everyone she's going to beat your ass for causing so many problems with Sora. _Apparently_ somebody told her they saw you guys at like, Target or something, and he paid for your groceries? What was _that _about?"

Kairi flushed bright red. "It was nothing—my card got declined so he paid for it."

"How much was the total?!" Namine gasped.

"Like a hundred," Kairi said in a dismissive tone, trying to sound as though she could care less.

"Kairi!" Namine set her paintbrush down. "No wonder Xion hates your guts! A hundred dollars is a Hell of a lot of money to give someone who _isn't _your significant other."

Aw, come on!" Kairi protested. "He didn't _give _me a hundred dollars—he bought food from a store, and that food just so happened to make its way into my cupboards."

"Don't be a smart-ass!" Olette cried. "And in any case, that's not the issue here! The issue is that Xion is going to beat the shit out of you when she sees you!"

"Oh, she _is_, is she?" Kairi snarled, hopping to her feet in a fit of indignant rage. "I may have been moping and depressed the last few weeks, but I will _kick _her sorry little _ass_. Where is she? Let's go."

"Whoa!" Fuu rushed to bar her way, shaking her head. "Don't!"

"Don't go actin' all wild now, Kai," Namine advised. "Xion's small, but she's definitely not someone you should mess with."

The redhead whirled on her. "So what? I'm small, too, and I will fuck her up."

"I don't doubt that," Namine chuckled. "But I don't think you should risk anything. No only could you get in major trouble for fighting, but don't you think that'd piss Sora off?"

"So I'm supposed to just let her run her mouth?" Kairi was seething with rage. "I'm not a little bitch, Namine; I should at least stand up for myself."

Kairi brushed past a stunned Fuu and blazed her way out into the hallway. Lunch was almost over and Kairi wasn't sure whether or not Xion would be in the Cafeteria, but she headed in that direction nonetheless. She was absolutely full to the brim with anger. Since when did she get so weak as to let girls like Xion talk shit? Kairi wasn't a weak girl. If Xion wanted to fight, then Kairi was going to defend herself and fight back.

Fuu, Olette, and Namine walked alongside her, each one silent as the grave as Kairi ranted.

"She wants to run her mouth all over the school? Fine. She can run her mouth. And I can put my fist inside of it and knock her head off of her shoulders. I don't give a _fuck_. She's pissed I went to Target with Sora? Well, she'd be pretty fucking pissed to know he got me naked, we made out, _and _he fingered me."

"Jeez," Fuu winced.

"Too much information," Olette added.

"I second that," Namine laughed.

"This fucking slut," Kairi muttered, shaking her head as she stomped down the hall. "She thinks she _owns_ him? Like, what the fuck? I was his best friend since we were fucking _eight_. I know him like the back of my hand. He's not her property, and he _hates_ when girls are catty and talk shit. How can he even date her? Ugh, God, disgusting."

They entered the Cafeteria and like a ripple effect, the loud chatter of happily munching teenagers turn into hushed whispers. As if that weren't proof that Kairi was once again Public Enemy No. 1, all eyes were on Kairi and her three friends, but Kairi had eyes for only one table.

Sora was sitting at the table in the furthest left corner of the room, flanked by Tidus and some of his other friends. Kairi didn't know which one of the girls that was at the table was Xion, but she was sure going to find out. And since everyone's eyes were on her, she was definitely glad she'd chosen to curl her long hair and wear a dress and high heels.

Kairi drew her shoulders back and click-clacked her way across the Cafeteria as if that shit were a runway. She knew Sora was watching her, but she didn't care. She knew who Xion was now by the way she was glaring at the redhead.

Xion was obviously some sort of Asian and she was indeed tiny, automatically making Kairi's temper flare with envy. She was _gorgeous_, with big, angled azure eyes, a pretty mouth, and ebony hair that hung in thick luscious locks to her rear end. She was dressed to kill, and her makeup was flawless. When she looked at Kairi, it was with an expression of disdain that said, "_**This **__is her?"_

"Have you been talking shit about me?" Kairi snarled, putting her hands on her shapely hips and trying to appear more confident than she really was.

"Maybe," Xion smirked. "Have you been hanging out with my boyfriend?"

"Maybe," Kairi shot back, casting Sora a passing glance. He looked angry, and Kairi was sure it wasn't at Xion's behavior. He was wearing a maroon V-neck and light blue skinny jeans, looking attractive as fuck as usual, and his spiky hair was all sorts of unruly.

"You might as well just go away," Xion said with a yawn, turning her attention back to her food. "I'm not in the mood to play with you today."

Kairi and Namine exchanged incredulous glances, and then surprisingly, Namine was the one who made the next move.

"Get your skinny ass up off of the seat before I make you," she hissed, taking a threatening step forward that caused Xion's friends to bristle.

"Why?" Xion asked, arching her eyebrow. "You want to fight?"

"I want to wipe the ground with your face!" Kairi shouted angrily. "Get the fuck up!"

The look on Sora's face was one of definite shock, and Kairi had to force herself not to smile triumphantly. Bet he didn't think that she'd be so feisty, now did he?

Xion's eyes darkened and she slowly rose to her feet and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I'm only going to say this once, so listen up," she challenged, slowly walking forward until she was toe-to-toe and nose-to-nose with Kairi. "Stay the _fuck _away from my boyfriend, or I'm going to make you wish you had."

"I'm so scared," Kairi said sarcastically, shoving Xion away from her. "I'd like to see you try, little girl. What are you, twelve?"

Xion tossed her hair over her shoulder. "For your information, I'm sixteen. And I won't _try_. I _will_. I _will _beat. Your. Ass."

Kairi glanced over her shoulder at the _fucking infuriating _smirk that was playing about Sora's lips, and she exploded. If it weren't for Olette and Fuu jumping to action and grabbing Kairi's arms, she would have landed a royal punch on Xion's small nose.

"Let's just go, Kai," Namine sneered. "She's not worth it."

"Yeah, run away like a little wuss," Xion said smugly, moving to sit on Sora's lap. She crossed her legs and wrapped an arm around her neck, pulling him to her in a fiery kiss. He was obviously surprised by the way his body went rigid and his eyes shot open, but Kairi didn't notice any of that. All she saw were the lips that she wanted more than anything to be kissing again . . . Kissing someone else. God, she loved him so much, and the memory of their brief tryst in her bedroom was burning her up inside.

Tears filled her eyes and she went limp in Olette and Fuu's grasp. This time, when she spoke, it was to Sora and it was something that only she and he would understand.

"Nobody gets left behind, right Sora? Or was that just dust in the wind?" She choked on her words and started to back up.

Sora's eyes went wide and he pushed Xion off of him. He looked genuinely shocked that she would bring that up—the Sophomore class camping trip where they both vowed to stay in each other's hearts so that if one of them got lost in the woods, the other would always be able to find that person.

"K-Kairi," he stammered, earning himself an enraged glare from his girlfriend.

"I'm not in your heart, Sora," Kairi said weakly, still backing up. Everyone was still listening and watching their exchange, but she didn't care. She wanted Sora to know that as angry as she was at Xion, Sora still had the power to bring her to her knees.

"Kairi!" Olette cried as Kairi's tears started to spill over.

"I'm not in anyone's heart!"

Kairi turned and ran out of the Cafeteria, feeling as if she had lost more than she could afford to lose and had only made things worse for herself. The bell rang and rang again, but Namine, Olette, and Fuu ignored it, cornering her in the hall and dragging her to an empty classroom to comfort her. She cried for most of the next class period, refusing to explain what she had meant by what she'd said to Sora, and asking herself repeatedly why she had even bothered to come back to school for her Senior year.

Sora had her in the palm of his hands, and he didn't even realize how much power he held over her. Seeing him kissing Xion, glaring at her, knowing that he hated her in spite of the fact that they had kissed . . . It was unbearable. All of it was beyond unbearable. It was times like these that she wanted to disappear—times where her heart felt like someone was squeezing it in an iron grip and not letting her breathe.

Times like these that she just wanted to die.

~x~

Kairi waited until her friends were out of sight before she turned and made her way to the girl's bathroom. She knew she couldn't afford to skip another class (especially not Home Ec), what with the icy way her mother had been toward her lately, but her emotional state was much too low to sit at a desk and try and pay attention to horseshit for an hour and a half.

'_God, I hate this_,' she thought miserably as she locked herself in a stall, much like she had on the first day of school. She hated how whenever she tried to be strong, it backfired on her, and she ended up a tearful, blubbering mess. Seriously, how _embarrassing_. Why had she said what she'd said to Sora? Why did she have to bring that up? That moment for Kairi and Sora, it was monumental—like signing the Declaration of Independence. Every time she tried to push it away, it just came running back at full force with every intention of rendering her senses useless.

And the look on his face. The _look _on his _face_. It was the first time he had looked genuinely affected by something she'd said to him since he'd started hating her. Even the night he'd slept over at her house he hadn't looked so emotional. Sure, he'd been angry and dare she say passionate, but he hadn't looked so . . . So _sad_.

When was this all going to end? The lies, the hurtful words, the fighting, the hatred . . . Kairi just wanted things to go back to the way they were, even if it meant that she had to go back to living with her parents and . . . Riku.

Kairi shuddered and wiped tears from her eyes. No. She would never sink so low. She loved Sora, but to go through that torment again just because he didn't believe that Riku had actually been sexually abusing her . . . Well, that was just fucked up.

_Fuck_, why couldn't Sora just _trust _her? He had repeatedly stated that "she wasn't there for him," but she didn't even know what he meant by that! What could she possibly not have been there for him for? She had _always _been there for him! And the one time she needed him most, he couldn't even deliver.

Something was definitely up, and Kairi had absolutely no idea how she was going to find out what.

With a sigh, she came to the conclusion that it was probably smart for her to just go to class. Running away and hiding wasn't getting her anywhere. Sora didn't care if she was hurt or sad. Sora didn't care about her at all. It was better for her to gather her wits and appear strong for prying eyes. What she needed to do was go to Home Ec, look Sora in the eye, and act as if nothing had happened between them. It was more important for her to make sure they were working on the project than for her to be crying in a bathroom stall.

Kairi blazed into Home Ec with twenty minutes left in the period, her head held high and her eyes carefully avoiding Sora's. She took a seat at her desk after explaining to the teacher that she had been feeling sick, and immediately got to work on the assignment everyone else was doing. Apparently, there was to be no partner work today, as the state was requiring some sort of assessment to be completed.

As the sounds of pencils scratching paper filled her ears, Kairi chanced a glance in Sora's direction. Her heart skipped a full two beats—both he _and _his friend Tidus were staring right back at her! She quickly looked back down at her paper and pretended to be fully invested in it. When she snuck another peek, Tidus was all but grinning like a madman and Sora's expression was pale and drawn. Had what she'd said to him in the Cafeteria really bothered him that much?

Kairi couldn't help but feel her stomach flutter in excitement. The possibility that maybe—just _maybe_—things might be changing between them was nothing short of exciting, and it made her want to jump on top of her desk and start dancing. But seeing as how she couldn't _do _that, she settled for a mental victory dance.

She gazed absentmindedly at her forearm, where long sleeves were covering her cuts, and sighed. Was that where the change in Sora had begun? When he'd asked her what happened to her arm? But no . . . That couldn't be it . . . He had told her that if she _had _cut herself, then she was "stupid," so he couldn't possibly be looking at her like that because he actually _cared_ . . .

Could he?

Slowly, Kairi lifted her gaze from her upturned forearm in her lap and looked in Sora's direction. It took all of her inner strength to keep her eyes from popping out of their sockets.

He was staring at her, his cobalt blue eyes wide and accusatory as they shifted from her face to her arm and back again.

He knew.

Sora knew.

Just then, the bell rang and everyone scrambled to gather their things and leave. In a panic, Kairi shoved her notebook into her backpack and tried to push her way through her classmates. Knowing Sora, he would try to corner her in the hall. Whether it be to yell at her for starting an argument with his girlfriend, yell at her for cutting herself, or yell at her for existing, if he caught her, he would yell at her.

"Kairi! Wait up!"

At the sound of Tidus' voice, Kairi was so stunned that she halted in the doorway and turned. She cast Sora a wary glance, and then frowned at his friend.

"What?" she grumbled irritably.

The blonde grinned lopsidedly. "You feelin' any better?" he asked. "You told the teacher you were sick."

"I'm fine," she said curtly, unable to keep the suspicion out of her eyes. She never had been able to understand why all of Sora's bandmates were nice to her when Sora himself hated her so much.

Tidus rubbed the back of his neck and looked at Sora.

"Well," he said slowly, "_we _were just a little worried, what with Xion declaring 'girl war' against you, or whatever."

"Why?" Kairi felt _so _uncomfortable.

"Well, because—"

Sora cut him off. "Look, Kairi, quit being a bitch for like, one second. Are you okay, or not? Because you're wasting our time."

Okay, so the douche bag Sora was back.

"_I'm _wasting _your _time?" Kairi scoffed, looking him up and down incredulously. "Excuse me, but _you guys _are coming to _me_, asking me if I'm okay. So check your facts, asshole."

The redhead started to walk off, but a hand around her hurt wrist immediately caused her to halt. She cried out in pain and yanked her hand backward, whirling around to glare at whoever had grabbed her.

Sora's expression would have melted the Polar ice caps.

"Playing with Memory, huh?" He arched one eyebrow and crossed his arms.

All of the color in Kairi's face drained and she clutched her arm close, as if he could see all of the horrendous wounds that lay there. Her heart was beating nearly into her ears. He knew. He just . . . He knew. What was he going to do next?

Tidus frowned. "What are you talking about, Sora?" he asked.

"Kairi." Sora's voice was harsh and firm as he blatantly ignored his friend. His gaze was relentless, and Kairi had to look away. She felt as if she were on a pedestal, naked to the air and being judged. How could this have happened? How could she have been so careless when he was at her apartment, wearing a top that showed her arms?

"I have to go," she said quickly, turning to leave.

Sora reached for her hand again, but Kairi's temper flared.

"_No_, Sora!" she cried out, ignoring the silence that fell over the hallway full of students. She looked Sora directly in the eye, feeling hurt, confused, and defensive. "You don't get to do this to me. You don't get to just act like you care all over again."

Sora flinched as if he had been physically hit and his eyes flashed. "I'm not acting, Kairi. Look!" He grabbed her wrist and dragged her forward. She was so small and he was so much taller and larger that she stumbled and fell against his chest. He caught her with ease, held her arm up for view, and pushed her sleeve back in one swift, fluid movement that left her head spinning with the strength of his grip and the scent of his cologne.

"Kairi!" Tidus gasped in horror, moving closer to look at her wounds. "Did somebody do this to you?"

Kairi whimpered, feeling more exposed than she ever had in her entire life. What in the _Hell _was Sora doing? Who did he think he was? She tried desperately to get out of his arms, but he wouldn't allow her to. He was so close to her, looking at her with so much anger . . . It reminded her of . . . Of . . .

_Riku . . ._

Kairi burst out crying and began to pound her free hand against Sora's chest in a display of emotional rage. Everyone was staring at them in shock, but it was as if the two of them were in a whole different world.

"Let go of me!" she shrieked. "Let go! Let go!"

"What the Hell, Kairi?!" Sora pushed her away to keep her from hitting him again, glaring fiercely.

"Just _stop it_!" Kairi wailed, staring up at him in despair. "What I do or don't do to _my _body is _not your fucking business_. You can't just take someone's heart, stomp all over it, and then pick it back up when you feel like it, expecting it to be okay."

Sora was dead silent, so Kairi took the opportunity to make her leave. She stormed off, her heels sounding unbearably loud against the floor, trying her best not to become overwhelmed by the amount of attention she was receiving. Nobody was bothering to hide the fact that they were gossiping about her. Loudly. Kairi's anxiety was at an all-time high; any more of this shit, and she would surely fall apart.

Kairi headed to her car, careless of the fact that she would probably be in trouble with her mother if she skipped the rest of the school day. Her cell phone was ringing off the hook: it was Sora, texting and calling like a maniac, and it was making Kairi feel as though her entire world had turned upside down.

How could this be happening? How could he be acting like this, like he actually _cared_? She just didn't get it. She couldn't figure out when things had changed. Had it been when he'd kissed her? When she'd told him about Hikari? When he'd seen her cuts? _When_?!

Kairi sobbed uncontrollably into her arms on top of the steering wheel. She couldn't handle all of this. She couldn't handle the fact that she just couldn't understand Sora. She couldn't handle not having him in her life, and she couldn't handle having him in it, either. Everything was fucked, and everything was going to continue to stay fucked.

The "circle of life," right?

~x~

**A/N: Yeah, I know. It wasn't super fantastic, but at least I let you know that something craycray is about to happen. Anyway, leave a review! And again, thank you to everyone who has review, favorite, and followed this story! I love you all! ALSO, I promise the next chapter will be better, hah. I'll pack it with some more lime-y action! –wink, wink-**


	12. Maelstrom

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: ****Hey guys! I surprised you with a quick update, yeahhhh! I know I promised lime-y goodness in this chapter, but I decided not to yet. Tension building and all that, you know. Hehe. Enjoy this chapter!**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities****. **

**NOTES: This story is rated M. That is all, lol.**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Eleven**

~x~

There comes a time in your life when you reach a certain point. A breaking point, if you will. Up until this point, the maelstrom was only just beginning, swirling and heating up as it slowly built up to what surely would spell your demise. It grows and grows until it reaches that "breaking point," and then it consumes you. It opens its great maw and swallows you whole with no qualms—because it doesn't care about you or anyone else. All it cares about is your pain, your sorrow, and your torment. Your confusion. Your anxiety. Your desperation to be happy and normal again. It feeds off of those and all negative emotions, and then it leaves you with nothing in its wake.

Kairi had grown so accustomed to Sora hating her while she desperately yearned for him from the sidelines that when he actually showed signs of caring about her, it sent her toppling over the edge into an abyss from which there was no return. She felt like total shit, to put it bluntly, and nothing—no amount of talking or otherwise—was going to pull her out of the hole she was stuck in.

It had been a couple days since Sora had shown Tidus her cuts and made a huge deal out of it in the hallway, and Kairi had once again taken to wandering around by herself, lost in her own mind. It wasn't how she liked to feel or act or be, or whatever else—it was just how things had turned out. All progress that she had made, such as making new friends or standing up to Sora and Xion or any of that . . . Well, it was almost as if it had never existed. She was back in the mindset that she had been when Hikari had died, and she was self-harming at least twice a day.

Today, Wednesday, the redhead had found a random corner in the Library to sit in during lunch. She'd told her friends she needed another day alone to think to herself and while they were slightly irritated with her avoidance of them, they understood why she was being the way she was being. No matter where Kairi went, _someone _was always bothering her, or gossiping about her, or calling her horrible names. She was being attacked from all angles. All of her peers were very well-informed about her and her life, apparently (no doubt Xion and Sora had something to do with _that_). Kairi couldn't even walk through the hallways without someone calling her an "Emo cutter whore" or a "groupie slut" or any other variation of those words. She didn't know _how _they all knew that she'd slept with Vanitas—er, well Sora kind-of _did _call her out in front of the Home Ec class . . .

Kairi unclasped her high heeled sandals and set them on the carpet next to her, wondering to herself why she was even at school in the first place. It wasn't like she had any plans for her future, anyway. Sure, she liked to write, but she still hadn't even finished her letter to Sora (not that she was going to show that to him, in any case). If she couldn't finish a simple letter, then how would she ever finish a full-fledged novel? And what was the point of even trying? Who would read her work, if she ever managed to write an actual story? She probably sucked at writing, and she didn't even know it. Ugh, this was all so frustrating.

Hugging her knees to her chest, she rested her head back against the many books that lined the shelves and stared up at the Library ceiling. Something had to give, and soon. She was starting to feel more and more desolate by the day. Her increased self-harm was only a small part of the problem, too. Lately, she'd been finding herself going into Hikari's room often, crying over pictures of her sonogram, her crib that was never used, and toys that were never played with. The worst part of all of this was that she _hated _feeling this way, so depressed and weak. She wished she could be feisty and kick-ass _all _the time; not just when she was feeling a tiny bit of random confidence due to anger.

Just then, her cell phone vibrated, indicating that she had received a text message.

**Are you home right now? **It was from her mother.

Kairi frowned in confusion. Why would her mother be asking her if she was at home in the middle of the school day on a Wednesday? Her mother and her weren't exactly on the best of terms right now, but did she really think her daughter was still skipping school? God, and even if Kairi _was_, then shouldn't she be more understanding and know that if she _was _skipping school, then maybe that might mean something was _wrong_? But no, her mother was a cold bitch and only _pretended _to care. Kairi wasn't even sure her mother actually had been on her side after the pregnancy had been announced.

**Yeah, why? **Kairi replied.

**Ok.**

Kairi's frown deepened. "_Ok_?" What was _that _supposed to mean? It made her want to get up and go home right away, because something really didn't feel right.

"Kairi."

A vicious chill ripped down Kairi's spine and she looked up from her phone with a deer-in-headlights expression. Sora was standing there, and the look on his face was _not _one that she had ever expected to see. He looked . . . Well, he looked exhausted, to put it plainly. He was wearing a pair of skinny jeans cut off at the knees, Toms, a wide brown belt, and a maroon hoodie with white drawstrings (his clothing variety was not vast), and he didn't have his backpack with him. His hair was as spiky and unruly as ever, and if Kairi wasn't mistaken, it looked like he'd sized up his plugs.

"What are _you _doing here?" Kairi demanded icily, gripping her cell phone tightly in her hand.

"I've been . . . I've been looking everywhere for you," he said. His voice was guarded, as were his eyes, and Kairi wasn't sure what to make of this situation.

"Why?" she asked slowly, suspiciously.

"I . . ." He sighed and looked up as if exasperated. Crossing his arms over his chest, he said, "I was worried."

Kairi nearly fainted. She scrambled to her feet, grabbing her backpack and her heels.

"I don't have time for this," she said, shaking her head and starting to push past him.

Sora grabbed her wrist tightly. "Kairi, please," he said without turning to face her. "We really need to talk."

Kairi gasped in fury. "We really need to . . . ? Are you fucking _serious, _Sora?" She lowered her voice at a cross look from the Librarian. "I have been trying to get you to talk to me for _months_," she hissed. "_Months_."

"I know!" he whispered, his eyes shining. "I'm sorry, it's just—"

"No," Kairi insisted, shaking her head. "No, it's not this . . . This can't be . . . _No_! Just . . ." She stomped her foot. "Why? _Why _do you want to talk to me?"

"Because, I . . ." And then his eyes slid down to her arm, which was once again covered by long sleeves, and she knew what he wanted to talk about. Oh, she knew, and she knew that she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.

"No," she said, shaking her head wildly and turning to leave. She didn't even bother to put her heels back on, wanting nothing more than to get out of his presence. How could he do this to her? How could he treat her like shit, leave her alone when she needed him most, reject her in her bedroom at her house, show off her fucking _cuts_ to a hallway full of people, and then try to act like he was upset? Kairi's psyche was on overload, and she feared that if she had to deal with any more of this, she might snap.

"Kairi!" Sora called after her, jogging in her wake. The hallway outside the Library doors was empty, but Kairi was too caught up in her anger to notice. She just needed to get out of there, and quickly.

"Kairi, wait!"

She pretended she didn't hear him, running her fingers through her long, wavy hair and keeping her pace quick. Maybe she didn't want to talk to him because she pissed, or maybe she didn't want to talk to him because she was scared. Either way, she didn't want to find out what would happen if she stopped because she feared that if she did . . . She might completely lose herself. It was taking everything she had in her to keep herself from crying, and hearing the desperation in Sora's voice was making it more difficult.

"Kairi, I said _wait_!"

Kairi cried out in shock as she felt her back slammed up against the wall next to the lockers, Sora's strong hands pinning her shoulders to the plaster. Shock lined her pretty facial features and she stared up at him with intense fear. He was breathing heavily, looking at her much like the way he had that night in her bedroom, and it was terrifying.

"Sora, pl-please," Kairi breathed out, turning her face away and squeezing her eyes shut. Every time he did this to her, every time he was rough or forceful or spiteful . . . It reminded her of Riku.

"I just . . . I need you to tell me that it wasn't because of me."

At this, she looked up at him. "What?"

His grip on her shoulders tightened. "Please, Kai," he said, his voice cracking with emotion that shocked the trembling girl. "I have to know."

"To know . . . To know _what_?" Kairi's face twisted with bemusement at the fact that he had used her nickname. The nickname that he hadn't used in over a year. The nickname that proved he actually cared.

"Your arm, Kairi!" he pleaded. "_Please _tell me that you didn't h-hurt yourself because of me!"

Kairi's heart beat wildly and she knew that she _had to get out of here_. She felt stifled and covered and altogether way too hot. Because that was the thing—Sora _was _the reason why she self-harmed. His awful jibes and insults and mistreatment were the reason why. He knew that, though, and that was why he looked so upset and exhausted. That was why he wanted to hear from her own mouth that he _wasn't_.

"S-Sora, I . . . Just please let me . . . Let me go," she murmured.

Sora stared at her for a long moment before he angrily hauled back and slammed his fist into the wall. Kairi shrieked and jumped, freezing with astonishment at his display of ire. He looked at her, chest heaving and teeth flashing white.

"You . . . Are you . . . ?"

"Well, what do you expect me to say, Sora?" Kairi wailed, throwing her arms out to the side. "That I cut myself because I like the way it fucking _feels_?"

"_Fuck_, Kairi!" Sora shouted, tangling his fingers in his spiky hair. "You _know _what I wanted you to say, and what you just told me . . . God, it fucking wasn't it."

Kairi blinked rapidly and gazed intently at the floor. This was unbearable. This was like having all of the sins that you've ever committed laid out to be judged by thousands of people who hate your existence. Her tears started to slide down slowly, one-by-one.

And then his hands were cupping her face, forcing her to look up at him, and each of his fingers felt as though they were lighting her skin on fire. He was looking at her with endless amounts of inner torment in his sparkling azure eyes and it made Kairi wonder: Did he really, truly hate her? Or was something else going on in the background? And if there was, then what was it that he was hiding?

"Someone will see," she whispered, their breaths mingling as his lips hovered over her own.

"I'm sorry," he breathed out, molding his body against hers and trapping her in-between himself and the wall. His nose brushed against hers. "I don't want to be the one that presses the razor to your skin."

Kairi let out a sob in spite of herself and pushed him away before he did something that they would both regret. They stood there, staring at one another for a long time, each for different reasons.

"Sora, remember what you said at my house?" Kairi barely managed to choke out as she took deep, gasping breaths and tears slid down her face. "You told me you couldn't do 'this' with me, whatever 'this' is."

"Kairi—"

"_No_, Sora," Kairi bit back. "This isn't fair to me, okay? You can't just . . . Just _do _this to me. I just . . ."

Kairi couldn't even finish. She had to leave. She threw one hand up in defeat, grabbed her heels and backpack, and walked away. She knew Sora was watching her go, but he didn't chase after her, nor did he call her name. But this was as it should be.

Kairi had a feeling that things between her and Sora had changed, but she wasn't sure if it was for better . . . Or worse.

~x~

"Namine, I don't know what I should do," Kairi said as she pulled her car into the parking lot of her apartment complex. It had been a long day at school, especially with her little encounter with Sora, and Kairi was looking forward to going home and getting some much-needed rest before starting her homework. She had called Namine to tell her about everything that had gone on with Sora, wanting to get some advice.

"So he like, tried to kiss you?" Namine sounded shocked.

"Yeah!" Kairi gushed as she locked her car doors. "Well, I mean . . . That's what it _felt _like. He was really emotional."

"What about?"

"Well . . ." Kairi hadn't told Namine about her self-harming. In fact, nobody knew about that except for her mother and now, most recently, Sora. "He was just emotional about what happened at my house, I guess."

"Hm . . . Well, Roxas did tell me that he's been acting weird . . . Apparently, they had a show this weekend and Sora refused to come, so they had to cancel it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Isn't that weird?"

"I suppose," Kairi said as she got into the elevator. "Sora always was the type of sleep in . . . Maybe he too ka nap and woke up late?"

"Mm . . . No, I'm pretty sure he outright refused to go," Namine laughed. "Roxas said he got into an argument with Vanitas, but nobody knows what it was about. I'm willin' to bet it had to do with _yoooo-ooouuu_."

"What?" Kairi cried incredulously. "No way, Nami . . . Sora may be acting all weird, but he wouldn't fight over me with Vanitas. He's more the type to be mad at _me_, if anything."

"I dunnooooo," Namine trilled. "Maybe not . . . But listen, Kairi: Have you ever thought that maybe his sudden change is a _good _thing?"

"No!" Kairi cried, sticking her house key into the lock. "He doesn't understand that we have like, a _looooot _of shit to talk about before we just go back to the way things were, or start a relationship or anything like that. We have to . . ."

Kairi trailed off, because the second she entered her apartment, she knew something wasn't right. She frowned and peered around curiously. Nothing _seemed _out of place . . . But something . . . Something just didn't . . .

"Hold up, Nami," Kairi said. "I think someone's been in my house!"

Namine gasped. "What? Are you sure?"

"Yeah, hang on." Kairi set the phone down on the counter and started through her house, confused as to why things felt so _off_. Nothing _looked _odd, but . . .

Hikari's room.

The door was wide open.

Kairi felt her heart stop and the panic start to settle deep into her bones. She sped up her pace and skidded to a halt in the open doorway, horrified at what she saw. Or rather, what she _didn't _see . . . She sank to her knees and cried as she had never cried before. Now that she saw, she understood just why her mother had texted her to ask her whether or not she was at home. Now she understood just whose side herm other was on.

Hikari's bedroom was completely empty. All of the toys, pictures, books, and clothes . . . Gone. Her crib was no longer there, and neither was any of the other furniture. The carpet had even been changed, likely to get rid of the bloodstain that had been left there. Kairi felt as though with her one last sanctuary gone, a Hikari-shaped hole in her heart had been ripped open.

In a frenzied, anxious panic, Kairi scrambled to her feet and back to her phone. Namine knew about Hikari, so Kairi felt comfortable spilling the beans to her.

"N-Namine, it . . . It's g-gone," she sobbed, collapsing onto the floor with her free hand covering her face. "My m-mom . . . It's g-gone!"

"What's gone?!" Namine sounded upset now, too. "Your mom is gone? What? What's going on, Kairi?!"

"My mother!" Kairi screamed. "She cleaned out Hikari's room!"

"_What?!_" Namine exclaimed. "Are you fucking kidding me?! How could she _do _that?!"

Kairi just shook her head and wept. She hadn't the energy to speak anymore. She hadn't even the energy to breathe. She fell onto her side and curled up with the phone against her ear and she just . . . Wept. She couldn't take it anymore. None of it. All of it. It was just . . . It was all too much.

"That's it," Namine said matter-of-factly. "I'm calling Olette, and we are coming over!"

"No, it's okay," Kairi sniffled. "I'll be . . . I'll be f-fine . . ."

"No, you won't. We're coming over. Bye."

The line went dead, leaving Kairi to immediately dial her mother's cell phone number.

"Hello?" Her mother's voice was curt, no doubt because she was expecting this call.

"How could you?" Kairi shrieked into the receiver. "How could you do this to me?!"

"Kairi Frierson," her mother said firmly. "Leaving that stuff up was only hindering your abilities to focus on—"

"No, Mom!" Kairi shouted. "Fuck that! Fuck school, fuck my abilities, and _fuck you_! You don't just come into somebody's house and take their stuff!"

"Oh, my . . ." Her mother was flabbergasted. "Do _not _talk to me like that, using that language! My Lord . . . My daughter's got the Devil in her."

Kairi threw her phone across the room without even bothering to hang it up. She screamed at the top of her lungs at the ceiling, causing Memory to come barreling into her lap, kissing and licking her arms worriedly. Kairi clutched the precious animal to her chest and cried into her pure white fur. It was times like these that she wished she had Sora to call or to hug or cry to, but there was no way she could just allow him to do what he was doing to her without a lot of things happening first.

She crawled across the floor to her phone and picked it up. She wiped away her tears and scrolled through the contacts. It was so simple . . . All she had to do was click on his name and then she could talk to him. Would he respond? Would he help her? Should she even call him after leaving him in the hallway like that at lunch?

No. She couldn't. She just couldn't.

Or could she?

Without another moment to spare, she pressed Sora's number and held the phone to her ear. She had no idea if he would even answer, let alone sit and comfort her while she was upset. There was just _so much _between them . . .

"Yeah?" His voice was tentative, but cold.

Kairi bit her lip to keep from sobbing. "S-Sora? Can you . . . Can you t-talk?"

"Uh . . . Well, no; we're having band practice." He sounded confused. "Why? What's . . . What's up?"

Kairi took a shuddering breath. "My . . . My mom, she cleaned out H-Hikari's room."

Sora was quiet, and Kairi could hear rustling.

"Dude, where are you going?" Vanitas's voice.

"I'll be right back, man," Sora said, sounding irritated. "I have to take this."

"Aw, come on! You already made us miss that gig! The Halloween show is like a week and a half away!" At the sound of Riku's voice, Kairi felt her blood go cold.

"I know, man! Just give me like, five minutes, okay?"

Kairi was shocked—Sora was leaving his bandmates hanging to talk to her?

"Okay," Sora said after a few moments. "So _what _happened?"

Kairi blinked. She wasn't used to hearing his voice sound so . . . Not hate-filled?

"M-My mother," Kairi said, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. "She took all of the stuff out of Hikari's room."

"Why?"

"I don't fucking know," Kairi whined.

"Well . . . Do you want me to come over?"

Okay, this was some Twilight Zone shit. Kairi pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at it, as though it had magically sprouted wings. She quickly wiped away the remnants of her tears. Was Sora really this affected by her self-harming?

"Namine and Olette and on their way," she informed him.

"Then why did you call me?"

"To talk," she mumbled. "I don't know."

He was silent again, and then, "You left me hanging in the hallway, and then you call me and expect me to comfort you?"

Kairi retorted, "You left me hanging in my bedroom on Friday, and then expected me to kiss you, Sora."

"Hey!" he barked, and then hissed, "I did not _expect _you to kiss me."

"Oh? Then what the fuck was with the manhandling? Which I told you never to do again, by the way!" Kairi glared at the air in front of her face. "We can't just go jumping into a relationship—"

"A _relationship_?" Sora spluttered. "Kairi, I have a girlfriend! A girlfriend who hates your guts, remember?"

"Then what happened on Friday? And today in the hall?"

"A momentary lapse of judgment!"

"A momentary . . . ?" Kairi rubbed her temple. "I can't deal with this right now. I can't deal with you. Sora, you call me a slut and say I'm a liar and all sorts of things, but honestly . . . Honestly, you should take a look in the mirror before you go accusing me of that shit."

"What the fuck? Okay, now I'm getting pissed off."

"You're always pissed off at me. Why is now any different?"

"Augh, God dammit, Kairi!" he growled in exasperation. "You know, now I know what the fuck you're up to. You hurt yourself for attention, don't you? All those cuts?"

"What?! Sora, no!"

"You just love this, don't you? You're eating this up." He made a sound of revulsion. "I can't believe I fell for your attention-seeking lies. First you sleep with my twin brother, and now this!"

Seething, Kairi told him to go fuck himself and then hung up on him.

"Well, I guess that means you're back to square one."

Kairi whirled around from her place on the floor and was stunned to see none other than Namine and Olette standing in the front entryway. Wondering how they'd gotten all the way out to her house so quickly, Kairi hurried to stand and ran to hug them each in turn.

"Sora's such an asshole," Olette said.

"How much did you hear?" Kairi pouted.

"Enough to know that he's an asshole!" Namine scoffed. "We couldn't hear what he was saying, but from what _you _were saying, it's pretty clear."

The rest of the night passed uneventfully, thanks to the gathered efforts of her friends to keep her spirits up. The three of them watched movies, made dinner, and did girl things until it was time for them to leave. They talked about Hikari most of all, though it was difficult, and they avoided the topic of Sora. Kairi had left her phone in her bedroom, anyway. So when her friends left, the first thing she did was check her cell to see if she'd gotten any calls or texts.

Nothing.

Sighing, Kairi plopped down on the edge of her bed and stared across the room at her reflection in her vanity mirror. At her eyes, puffy from crying and her nose, runny and stained pink. At her elbow-length crimson hair, which hung limply about her body with what seemed like less vibrancy. At her skinny body, her long-sleeved shirt and pajama pants hanging loosely off of her bones.

Kairi looked away, feeling ashamed. Whenever she stopped to think about things, all she could do was wish that she had the life of someone else. She firmly believed that if she were prettier, or perhaps a better person altogether, none of the horrid things that had happened to her would have occurred. She would be happy, and maybe she would be able to call Sora hers.

She then thought of Xion. Just who was Xion to Sora? If Kairi's friends were right, then that meant that Xion was borderline abusive. Why was Sora dating a girl like her? According to Vanitas, all they ever did was fight and argue, so why?

Kairi's arm began to itch. It was times like these—times when she was so overwhelmed that she couldn't even _see _straight—that she wanted to cut. Before, she was strong enough to fight the urge. Now? She wasn't even strong enough to tell herself that it would hurt.

Just as she was about to get up and go do it, her cell phone began to vibrate.

A text from the Devil himself.

**I'm coming over.**

Kairi's mental sanity snapped. She let out a scream of fury and threw her cell phone onto the floor so hard that it bounced twice and hit the foot of her dresser. In a fit of rage, she cried out and tore at her hair. God, Sora was like poison. He was like a burning, deadly poison that crawls slowly through your veins on its way to stop your heart. His ice blue eyes, piercing her soul . . .

The next thing she knew, she was in the bathroom, watching the blood run crimson as it spilled down her wrist and swirled down the drain. She wept bitterly as she wiped her skin clean and looked at herself in the mirror. Oh, how she hated looking at herself in the mirror. How she hated everything about herself, and how she hated everything about Sora.

The knock that came at the door sounded out just after she had placed the bandages over the fresh wounds and pulled her sleeve back down. Her mind clouded over as she realized that this was really happening—that Sora was actually standing on the other side of her front door because he had made the conscious decision to come over.

There was another knock, this time more insistent and louder than the last, and Kairi knew she couldn't ignore him.

Paying no mind to the fact that her pajamas were frumpy and hideous, she swept her hair up into a messy, haphazard bun and stormed to the front door. She was prepared to argue with him, as he was probably planning on starting something with her.

"_What_?" she spat out after she ripped the door open.

Sora pushed into the house, brushing past her, and began to pace the kitchen floor. He was obviously agitated, and his eyes were blazing.

"Sora, what are you _doing _here?" she demanded.

He stopped in his tracks and peered across the room at her in an almost curious manner, still not saying anything. He looked at her for so long that it unsettled something in Kairi's heart—something told her that Sora was not himself right now.

Suddenly, in a few quick, long strides, Sora was standing right in front of her. Kairi gasped in fright when he viciously grabbed her hand and yanked her sleeve up, much like he had at school on Monday. His eyes roved over the wounds and bandages; the bloodstains and scabs and scars, and his facial expression fell.

"Why did you do it?" he whispered.

"Do what?" she whispered back.

"_Fuck_, Kairi!" Sora roared, punching his fist into the door behind her head and effectively bringing himself closer to her. "Don't play dumb. _Why _did you _do it_?"

Kairi felt her chin begin to tremble. "I d-don't know."

"That's not what I want to hear," he growled, turning and walking across the kitchen again. He paused at the stove and placed his hands on the edge of the counter, hanging his head. Kairi stared at him, awestruck at his behavior. She had to admit that she was a little surprised at his behavior. He knew the reason why she self-harmed . . . Was that why he had rushed over? Had he gotten off the phone with her, thought about it, and then realized?

Well, he hadn't rushed over fast enough.

Still facing the stove and away from her, he said mutedly, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak out on you earlier."

Kairi's brow furrowed. "So you can say sorry to me when I hurt myself, but you can't say sorry to me for what you did? You can't say sorry to me for leaving me when I really needed you?"

Sora turned and opened his mouth to speak, but Kairi held up her hand for silence.

"No, Sora," she said with acid in her tone. "No. Don't you dare say that you needed me, too, because whatever it was that you're convinced I did . . . It was _nothing _compared to what I went through. _Nothing_, you hear?" Her voice started to quiver as she pointed in the direction of Hikari's room. "Hikari was _all _I had. Do you hear me? She was _all_. _I. Had._ And now that's gone. So you don't get to try and push all of the blame on _me_. Okay? Because I can't handle it." She started to cry, so she buried her face in her hands to hide. "I just can't handle it anymore."

All-of-a-sudden, Kairi felt strong, muscular arms wrapping around her quivering, petite body. She felt enveloped and warm and cared for, and she completely lost her senses. Clutching at the front of his hoodie, Kairi cried into Sora's chest with wild abandon. She was beyond overwhelmed now. Her mother had taken away the one thing she had left to bring her solace. Even if she never went into Hikari's room, knowing that all of her stuff was still there was what had brought her comfort. Now, there was nothing. Her mother had even removed the letters that spelled Hikari's name from the outside of the bedroom door.

"Why are you doing this?" Sora whispered, nuzzling his face into her hair. He tightened his grip around her, cupping the back of her head with one hand. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Because I need you now, like I needed you then." She slowly tilted her face upward and looked him directly in the eye. At their feet, Memory was weaving around their ankles and barking nervously. Kairi first, ever-so-slowly, slid one hand into the soft spikes at the base of his neck. He gazed back at her with wide, unreadable eyes.

It's easier than you'd think to reach the breaking point. Much easier—like breathing oxygen, or blinking. And when you do reach that point . . . You're lost. You're finished. Done for.

As Kairi and Sora looked into each other's eyes, unspoken words hanging listlessly in the air between them, they both reached their breaking points.

~x~

**A/N: Whoop! Leave reviewsssss.**


	13. Spontaneity, Trust, and Baby Steps

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: ****Quick update again! And the chapters are shorter, lol. But not for long! Also, there's some citrusy fluff in this one, but no lime/lemon. MUST BUILD TENSION**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities****.**

**NOTES: This story is rated M.**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Twelve**

~x~

Kairi closed her eyes and turned her face away, though it killed her to do so. She could feel Sora's eyes burning into her flesh; felt his body pressing up against her in an intimate fashion. She wanted him more than anything—so why was she pushing him away? Perhaps it was because she simply couldn't trust him. He had hated her up until this point and she could hardly believe that he could suddenly care for her overnight. Was it _really _just the self-harm? Or was it something else?

Sora surprised her by placing a gentle kiss to the side of her bared throat, sending a delicious chill down her spine. Kairi gritted her teeth against the feeling and tried to push him away.

"No," he growled, pulling her in closer.

"Stop," Kairi pleaded.

"I won't." He kissed a scorching hot trail up her neck and to her earlobe, causing her to cry out. Her knees knocked together, and if it weren't for Sora's hard body pressing her into the wall, she would have collapsed. Her hands tightened their grip on Sora's jacket, unwittingly keeping him near.

Sora's tongue followed wherever his lips journeyed, and it was all Kairi could do not to rip his clothes off right there in the entryway. She panted heavily as her blood began to heat, on its way to boiling. How could Sora know just what to do to render her so useless? When they had been friends, there had only been that one experimental moment when they were Freshmen, and that had been an excursion led by their hormones. Now that they were older and both had experience (though Kairi had more experience than he ever would, morbid as it was to say), Kairi feared that even if the roof came crashing down on top of them, Sora would get his way.

Suddenly and unexpectedly, Sora let go of her and stepped away. He stood there, eyes on fire and hands shaking, fighting the violent storm that raged inside of him.

Kairi placed a hand to her forehead, as if she had a headache. Her mind was addled—she couldn't think straight. She didn't know why he had stopped, but she knew that she needed to tread carefully.

"Sora," she said slowly. "What . . . Is happening between us?"

"I don't know."

"You have a girlfriend."

"I know."

"And there's too much between us."

"I know."

"Sora . . ."

"Shut up."

And then he was kissing her. He was kissing her with such force and zeal that one would have to be blind, deaf, and dumb to not understand the meaning behind his lips. His fingers tangled themselves in her long, cherry-red hair, pulling hard enough to sting. Kairi did her best to keep up, kissing him back with as much pressure and passion as she could manage. Sora started walking backward, into the kitchen, pulling Kairi along with him as she clawed at his shirt. She moaned, he panted, and then she was sitting on the counter with her legs wrapped around his middle.

You know the feeling of being caught up? Like when you're hanging out with a friend, and then that friend calls for more friends to come over. They bring friends with them, and then all-of-a-sudden, the group plans to go skinny dipping in the neighbor's pool. You never agreed to it, but you're so overpowered by how many people there are that want to break trespassing laws that you're scared to say no. So you do it, and it's awesome, but it leaves you with this tiny little icky feeling in your heart that say, "Hey, you know . . . Maybe I shouldn't have done that." But you can't have any regrets because that's what life is all about, right? "Spontaneity?"

Sora slipped his hands up underneath Kairi's shirt and grabbed her breasts, palming them as if they might break. Kairi exhaled sharply and arched her back into his touch, her stomach twisting and turning at the thought of what was happening. What might be going to happen.

"Nnh, Sora," she moaned loudly when he nipped her collarbones.

"You like that?" he chuckled devilishly, passing the pads of his thumbs over her nipples repeatedly. Her body responded in kind, her hips jerking uncontrollably. Kairi gripped the edge of the counter on either side of her thighs as if it were anchoring her to the Earth and keeping her from floating off into space. This reminded her of the time Vanitas had kissed her in this very spot, on the counter, but this . . . This was much, _much _better.

Kairi nodded rapidly in response to Sora's question, keeping her eyes closed. She was afraid that if she opened them and looked at him, then she would find out that this was all a crazy, stupid dream. Whether her and Sora had things to talk about to mend their friendship or relationship, or whatever it was, she still wanted this. It was like a small bite of the most delicious cake in the entire world, and she wanted to savor it.

Taking his face between her hands, she kissed him slowly and deliberately, pushing her tongue past his lisp in order to taste his emotions. He inhaled through his nose and tilted his head slightly, deepening the kiss and heightening Kairi's senses. His hands gripped her hips and pulled her down off the counter. They continued to kiss, their arms wrapping around one another, and suddenly Kairi didn't feel like this was simply being "caught up" any longer.

They kissed for a long moment before Sora pulled away and rested his forehead against hers. They took some time to catch their breath, and then they looked into each other's eyes. Kairi's bottom lip began to tremble and her eyes filled with tears.

"What are we gonna do?" Kairi whimpered.

"I don't know."

Kairi sighed and pushed him away. She walked a few yards to the right and then crossed her arms over her chest.

"Sora, I can't do this if you're not willing."

"Willing?" Sora's voice was edgy. "What the fuck does _that _mean?"

"You have to be _willing, _Sora!" Kairi yelled, throwing her arms out to the side. "You have to be willing to do whatever it takes to fix us! And that means we have to _trust _each other."

"I . . ." He rubbed the back of his neck and averted her gaze.

Kairi shook her head and walked over to her front door. She turned the knob and pulled it open. With a flourishing gesture, she pointed the way out.

"Leave," was all she said.

Sora stared at her. "Are you being serious right now?"

"Yeah," she replied. "If you're not going to be able to trust me, then leave."

"Oh, and like you can trust me?" Sora scoffed. "You're acting like this is all on me!"

Kairi shot him a look of incredulity. "Of _course_ I trust you! You've never given me reason _not_ to trust you. You may be an asshole, but I trust you with my life, Sora."

He was obviously stunned. "But . . . But how?"

Kairi rolled her eyes. "Sora, how you treat me doesn't affect whether or not I can trust you. It's what a person does that makes them untrustworthy."

The brunette looked down, and it was so much like the old Sora that Kairi nearly burst out crying. Whenever he got in trouble when they were kids, he would hang his head like a lost puppy, apologize, and then trudge off as if he were the saddest boy alive. The fact that he was hanging his head right now proved to Kairi that she still trusted him—he felt bad for his actions, and that made him human.

Sora walked slowly to the front door, and then paused. He glanced at her over his shoulder.

"This never happened, okay? I don't want Xion finding out."

Dismayed, Kairi nodded numbly. For some reason, she had thought—she had _hoped_—that Sora might actually want to work things out. But apparently she wasn't even worth it to him.

"And Kairi?"

"Hm?" Kairi mumbled, eyes downcast.

Sora sighed and turned completely around to face her. Gently, he took her hand and held it to his chest. Kairi stared at him, regarding him with shock.

"Promise me you won't hurt yourself again, okay? Just promise me, and I . . . I promise you that I'll . . . Try to trust you."

Kairi wanted to say so many things. She wanted to call him out and argue that he was being hypocritical; that he had no right to be demanding anything of her when he couldn't even make a solid promise in return. She frowned, but kept her mouth shut. "_Baby steps_," was what Namine would say.

"Are you going to stop being so mean to me?" Kairi challenged.

Sora's lips quirked upward in a lazy half-smile. "Maybe."

Kairi slapped him on the upper arm and blushed. Were things going back to normal . . . ?

"All right," Sora laughed. "Well . . . I suppose we should get together to work on the project soon, but my band is practicing a lot because we have that show on Halloween."

Kairi nodded slowly. "That's fine. The next part isn't due until next week . . . I could just finish it for you?"

He grinned. "Really? Sweet! Thanks!"

He leaned forward and gave her a quick, surprising peck on the cheek.

"Later, Kai." And then he was gone.

Kairi held a hand to her cheek, eyes wide as she stared into the empty air he had just vacated. She couldn't believe it. Things had literally done a complete 180, and now not only was Sora acting _friendly _toward her, but he had _actually _made her a promise. He had always kept his promises in the past . . . Would he keep this one?

Kairi would soon find out.

~x~

It soon became clear the following day, Thursday, that Kairi had been played for a fool. Not only did Sora completely ignore her existence at school when she tried to wave at him, but he actually laughed when Xion and her friends made jibes at her in the hallway. At first, Kairi had chalked it up to him not wanting Xion to find out about what they had done (which was pretty fucked up, when you looked at it), but when she'd tried to talk to him in Home Ec and he'd just gotten pissed off . . . Well, she realized the truth.

After Home Ec, Kairi cornered him in the hall.

"What the _fuck_, Sora?" she hissed. "I understand if you want to keep us a secret, but—"

Sora glared daggers at her, looked around furtively, and then grabbed her roughly by the arms.

"There _is no us_," he growled dangerously. "_None_."

"Then what the fuck happened yesterday?!"

Sora rolled his eyes. "You did my part of the homework, didn't you?"

"Well, yes, but . . ." She trailed off and then her eyes went wide. "You . . . You did _all that _just to get me to _do your homework_?"

He merely stared at her.

Kairi blinked back tears and stepped away from him. Was this _really _happening? Had Sora really changed that much . . . ?

"You don't want to fix things, do you?" she whispered as a tear fell.

"Why, so you can lie to me over and over again?" He snorted. "No, thanks."

"So everything . . . All of it . . . ?" She absentmindedly fidgeted with the hem of the sleeve that hid her cuts. Did he feign caring about her self-harm, too?

He didn't say anything.

"Sora, _why_?!"

He brushed his bangs out of his eyes and looked away as if bored. "I'll admit—I wanted to fuck, but since you put the stopper on _that_ one, I settled for the homework."

Kairi felt all of the breath come rushing out of her lungs and before he saw her break down, she turned and walked away.

She couldn't believe the words that she had just heard. Sora used her. He played with her volatile emotions and _he used her_. Of all people to do such a thing . . . She never would have thought . . . _Did their entire friendship mean nothing to him_? She should have known things didn't seem right. He had changed so quickly, without any warning or cause. She should have known that it was all a façade.

Kairi didn't know how much longer that she could handle this. Things with Sora, with her mother, with school . . . It was all too much. She felt as though she had nothing left and nothing to hold onto.

Perhaps Kairi _hadn't _reached her breaking point. Perhaps the final act had just begun and the curtain was due to close.

Perhaps she just needed one more push to reach her limit.

~x~

The weekend passed by as most weekends had: a depressing, dark blur. Kairi spent her days neglecting her schoolwork and lying in bed with Memory. Whenever Kairi was sad, Memory was sad, and though the dog was a sorrowful reminder of Sora, it was a comfort to have her there.

Kairi stared up at the ceiling, silence ringing in her eardrums, and sighed. There was no other way to explain it: something had to give, and _soon_. She was tired of playing this game with Sora. The push and pull was starting to pull her under the waves. Any more, and she would drown. She needed something to wake her up; something to jolt her out of her stupor. Before she came back to school, Kairi was tough. She was tough, and she was smart. She didn't purposely put herself in stupid situations that would end in her getting hurt. What would it take to bring her back to that state of mind?

At the sound of her cell phone's ringtone, Kairi took her time answering it.

"What are you doing?"

"Hey, Namine," Kairi sighed. This was the umpteenth time that Namine had called Kairi that weekend. The poor blonde was worried sick since Kairi had pretty much been AWOL since her talk with Sora, and she kept calling her, trying to make sure she was okay and didn't need her to come over. "I'm just . . . Sittin' here, I guess."

"Well, now you have plans!" Namine said brightly.

"What? No, I don't?" Kairi replied, confused. Memory yipped and climbed up onto Kairi's chest, curling up into a ball there.

"Yes, you do," the blonde said. "Wanna know what they are?"

"Namine," Kairi whined. "I don't wanna go anywhere."

"Too bad! You're going!" Kairi heard someone's voice in the background. It took her a moment before she realized that it was Roxas!

"Wha—?" Kairi lifted Memory off of her and sat up.

Namine giggled. "Get ready to go, 'cuz we're on our way."

"But where are we going?" Kairi asked, hurrying to her closet to start searching for clothes to wear. Where could they possibly be going that involved Sora's cousin, Roxas?

"Guess."

"Huh?" Kairi frowned, lifting up a couple of dresses and holding them against herself. "No, just tell me!"

"No!" Namine pouted. "You have to guess!"

Kairi scowled. "Are we going to a movie, or something?" She tossed aside the dresses and continued to sift through her closet. She hoped Sora wasn't going to be involved in this little hang out session. Kairi didn't know how she would react to seeing Sora after what he had told her. She still couldn't wrap her head around the lengths that he had gone to to get what he wanted out of her. She didn't want to believe it, but . . . God, if she saw him now, she didn't know if she would kiss him or kill him.

"We're going to The Secret Spot," Namine said excitedly. "_Destiny's Embrace _is having a show!"

~x~

**A/N: MUAHAHAHAHAHA Sora's back to being an ass napkin. And seriously DON'T WORRY there IS a REASON for it. A good one. A shocking one.**

**REVIEWWWWW**


	14. Of Bonfires and Bluebirds Part One

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: I literally do apologize for the past three chapters being **_**so **_**short, but I had to find a way to bridge the gap between events. I was trying to set up for the drama, you know. I know I said this story was gonna be on the shorter side, but it's not looking that way with what I have planned for it! So I thank everyone who stuck with the fic through the last three chapters, and I hope this chapter makes up for it! And in addition: I PROMISE YOU THAT THERE IS A REASON FOR SORA'S ASSHOLENESS. Don't give up on him yet :( All I will say is this—note that there is a pattern to his assholeness. Something is going on in the background, and you will understand when you find out. Patience is a virtue, my friends!**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities. In this chapter, I use the songs **_**"And I Told Them I Invented Times New Roman" **_**by **_**Dance Gavin Dance **_**and "**_**You Only Live Once" **_**by **_**Suicide Silence**_**. Those aren't my songs/bands, obviously, but I encourage you to look up those songs and listen to them while reading so you can imagine them being performed! **

**NOTES: This story is rated M. Part One has no sexual content, BUT PART TWO WILL MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAA!**

**Also, the part with the performance is written differently than I wrote the performance in Chapter 5 because I wanted to see how it played out. This way, you guys can just imagine it if you want, or skip over the song lyrics.**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Thirteen – Part One**

~x~

When Kairi, Namine, and Roxas arrived at the venue, it was already close to half-full. Roxas gave Namine a quick kiss before he hurried up onto the stage to join his bandmates in setting up the equipment. Namine deliberately steered Kairi in the direction of the bar, knowing that Sora was sitting up there, tuning his guitar. He had yet to notice that Kairi was in the room, though it wouldn't surprise her if he was merely ignoring her altogether.

After taking their seats, Namine ordered them both a couple of Sprites. Then, she folded her arms on the bar and looked over at her redheaded friend.

"I hope you're not mad at me," she grinned.

"Of course not," Kairi retorted with a small smile. "I needed to get out of the house and actually _do _something for a change, anyway."

"Good!" Namine praised happily. "I'm glad you're seeing it that way . . . Olette, Fuu, and I were worried that you might be depressed, or something."

Kairi's smile faltered slightly. She hated it when people did that, referred to her mental disorders as if they were frivolous and petty. The thing was, she _was _depressed. In every sense of the word. Of course, Namine didn't know about Kairi's self-harm, nor was she observant enough to notice her scars, but still. How could she treat it so lightly? Kairi loved Namine, but she really could be frustrating sometimes.

"Yo, road block!" Vanitas hopped onto the stroll on Kairi's other side and smirked at her.

"Hey," Kairi said with a bright smile.

"Came all the way out here to see me play?" Vanitas was leaning much closer than he probably should be, but Kairi didn't care. She hoped Sora saw and got jealous, mad, and all kinds of uncomfortable at the sight. He had reacted so violently to finding out that she and Vanitas had slept together that another angry outburst wouldn't seem too out of place.

"Maybe," Kairi flirted effortlessly, taking a sip from her straw and looking at Sora's twin in a way that was exactly as sensual as she meant it to be.

Vanitas's eyes roved over her body, much like they had the last time she'd come to a _Destiny's Embrace _show. Tonight, Kairi was clad in a pleated black miniskirt, a white loose-fitting tank top with a see-through back, and black suede pumps that added at least four inches to her height. It was simple, but it made her legs and body look killer.

"You look fucking _hot_," Vanitas remarked, sounding amused and awed all at once. He leaned even closer.

Kairi batted her long eyelashes at him and her lips curved into a smile. "Thanks. You, too."

Vanitas scoffed, looking offended. "That's all I get? Aw, come on, road block . . . Don't you think I deserve a better compliment?"

Kairi pretended to study his outfit. He was wearing a black V-neck and a pair of light blue skinny jeans. It was nothing special, but with his jet-black spiky hair and unsettling amber eyes, he definitely looked gorgeous. She smirked and opened her mouth to say whatever clever words came forth, but then an image of Sora popped into her mind. She wanted him to see and get jealous, right? She wanted him to regret playing with her emotions, didn't she?

Grabbing the front of Vanitas's shirt, she pulled his lips against hers fiercely. It caught him off guard, but Kairi was one step ahead of the game. The moment he growled appreciatively and started to respond, she pulled away and sat back.

"How's that for a compliment?" Kairi teased, pushing her drink away and getting up to go to the bathroom. Namine was quick to leap up as well, linking her arm through Kairi's. Kairi shot Vanitas one last sultry look before the two girls disappeared from the main dance area of the club and found their way to the bathrooms.

"Oh, my God, Kairi!" Namine cried as soon as they were safely out of hearing range.

Kairi fluffed up the loose waves she'd crafted in her waist-length crimson hair and grinned wickedly at Namine in the mirror.

"Sora was watching, wasn't he?"

Namine nodded slowly. "Um, _hell yeah _he was! Kairi, _everyone _was watching!"

"Omg, did he look pissed?" Kairi asked anxiously, excitedly. "Like, super pissed?"

A knowing look crossed Namine face. "_IIIIIII _see what you did there . . . You're trying to get a rise out of him, aren't you?"

"Um, duh." Kairi turned back to the mirror to check her make-up. "Getting a rise out of Sora is easy, though."

"Chyeah," Namine snorted, taking her ponytail out and changing it to a messy bun at the top of her head. "Like taking candy from a baby."

"Ten dollars says he's going to be standing out there, waiting."

Namine laughed, "_Twenty bucks _says he's going to be standing out there, waiting, _and _he's going to drag you outside to yell at you."

"Fuck that!" Kairi exclaimed. "Sora doesn't mess around—he's going to yell at me right there, where everyone can see."

"He'd better not," Namine warned.

"Even if he does, you know me," Kairi smiled. "I'll stand up to him, fight back, whatever it takes. Bring it on, they say."

Namine's amusement faded to a dull sparkle in her baby blues. She sighed and turned to face Kairi. She looked worried, causing Kairi to cock her head to the side curiously.

"Have you ever stopped to think about things, though, Kai?" Namine asked, seeming slightly uncomfortable. "Like, _why _he acts the way he does?"

"Yeah," Kairi shrugged. "He's an asshole."

"No, I mean . . . Don't you think it's weird that he could suddenly throw away a decade-long friendship because of something that happened to you that didn't even have anything to do with him?"

Kairi frowned. "Well . . . I mean, he _was_—_is_—Riku's friend. He got defensive, and it escalated."

Namine shot her a stern look. "Kairi. That's weird. Don't you see how weird that is? Seriously! Think about it: You guys are best friends, he promises to practically _die_ for you, you guys have the ultimate trust, and then _bam_, he suddenly thinks everything you say is a lie? Does that really make sense to you?"

"Namine!" Kairi cried. "Don't you think I know that? That's what I've been saying to myself since the beginning. Eventually, I'll find out the real reason, but until I do, I'm just going to try and get him on normal speaking terms with me."

Namine's frown deepened. "I dunno . . . Just be careful, Kairi. I think there's something else going on . . . Something weird . . ."

Kairi rolled her eyes. Namine was such a worrywart. "Oh, for Christ's sake, Nami. Let's get back out there and watch your sexy boyfriend play some music with his equally sexy bandmates!"

The two girls click-clacked their way out of the bathroom, giggling amongst themselves as they chattered on, unaware that both of them now owed each other money. Because lo and behold, there was Sora. He had his arms crossed over her broad chest, and he didn't look happy. He was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans, combat boots, and a loose tank top with the band name _Of Mice & Men_ splattered across the front in an edgy black-and-white design. He looked, as Kairi had put it herself, "sexy." "Sexy . . ." and dangerous.

"Oh!" the girls cried simultaneously as they barely managed to stop themselves from running into Sora.

"What the _fuck _was _that_?" Sora muttered with anger-narrowed eyes.

Namine and Kairi exchanged glances.

"This is getting old, Sora," Namine commented, pushing Kairi behind her. "I'm tired of you messing around with my best friend's heart. If she wants to kiss your brother, then deal with it. She's not your girlfriend. Hell, she's not even your _friend_." With one last scathing look, she firmly grasped Kairi's hand and dragged her out of the hall and back out to the main floor.

Kairi stared at Namine in shock as they resumed sitting at the bar. She'd never heard her talk like that before, and she hadn't expected her to even say _anything _to Sora. Well, at least it was nice to know that she had _someone _who genuinely cared about. After what her mother had done . . .

"I'm just getting tired of it," Namine said matter-of-factly, swiveling on her stool to watch all the people gathered in groups on the dance floor. "He acts like a jackass for no reason. I mean, at least before he would tell you what he hated you for. Now, he just insults you and freaks out, and it's fucking dumb." She shrugged and at the sight of Roxas waving to her energetically from the stage, her eyes lit up.

"What?" Kairi asked suspiciously.

Namine's eyes twinkled. "Let's go up there! To the stage!"

Kairi blanched. "Huh? No way! Are you kidding?"

"Yeah, come on! Let's do it," she said excitedly. "They're not performing for like, another half-hour. And besides—even if Sora tries to yell at you, Roxas won't let him."

Kairi shot a furtive glance up to the stage. Riku was there, tuning his bass absentmindedly while he laughed at something with Tidus. She gritted her teeth. She wished that nobody liked Riku. She wished that he was the one who was alone; the one that had to suffer. Having to be in a room with him was tough enough, but to go stand on that stage, a mere few feet away? What if he tried to talk to her, or something?

"It's okay," Namine said, touching her arm knowingly. "The only way to overcome your fears is to face them."

Kairi gulped. "Namine . . ."

"Just come on," the blonde urged, starting to drag her across the crowded dance floor. "Roxas can show you how he plays guitar; it'll be fun!"

"Hey, babe," Roxas greeted once the two girls were standing in front of him.

"Hey!" Namine chirped, giving him a light peck on the cheek. "We wanted you to show us how you play guitar!"

Kairi purposefully ignored Riku's obvious staring and watched as Roxas showed her the basic notes that he used, and how he combined them into a melody. Why _was _he staring, anyway? If he wanted everyone to think he was innocent, then staring at Kairi incessantly was not going to help uphold that falsehood.

Soon, Sora was back on stage with Vanitas, and the two of them were talking in hushed whispers by the front. Kairi fought the urge to roll her eyes—Sora was looking angry as usual, and she had a feeling that the brothers were talking about her. Vanitas even tossed a glance at her over his shoulders, all but proving that she was the topic of their conversation.

"Hey, guys!" Roxas said loudly when he saw that Sora and Vanitas were getting into it. "Did we figure out what we're gonna do before the bridge in the second song?"

"I thought we were gonna up the volume on the bass?" Riku asked, tearing his eyes away from Kairi and looking at Roxas.

"Um, _no_," Roxas replied. "I thought we said we were gonna up the vocals . . . ?"

"Listen," Tidus spoke up to keep _them _from arguing. "We should have had this figured out _way _before now. Let's just make it about Sora's vocals during the last verse before the final run-through of the chorus: we'll keep the instrumentals just the way they are, ride it out, and overlay the vocals. Vanitas can scream while Sora sings his heart out—what the fuck ever. It's gonna sound hella good either way, and since Sora's not singing in the first song . . . It balances everything out."

"Yeah; I have the voice of an angel, you know," Sora agreed with a cheeky grin that earned him a punch on the arm from his brother.

"What are they talking about?" Kairi whispered to Namine.

"I dunno," Namine shrugged.

Roxas smiled at Kairi. "Sometimes, we can disagree on things, believe it or not. Especially when your lead vocalist is full of himself, and your drummer is a spazz."

"Hey!" Tidus made as if to throw one of his drumsticks at Roxas's spiky-haired head.

"You really are a spazz, though," Namine laughed.

Tidus pouted, which made Kairi giggle in spite of herself. Everyone looked at her as if she had just magically appeared there. A blush stained her cheeks and she lowered her gaze to the floor of the stage, wishing that she could just sink into a hole. Being this close to Riku was freaking her out.

"Kairi, you should come here!" Tidus suggested, tossing his head to get his chin-length blonde bangs out of his eyes.

"Why?" she asked warily.

"Don't be rude!" Namine scolded, ushering her in Tidus' direction.

"Wanna learn how to play the drums a little bit?" Tidus grinned widely.

"S-Sure." Kairi kept her eyes fixed on Tidus as she breezed past Riku on her way to the drumset. She could almost feel the tension coming off of his body in giant waves. Anytime she was near him, memories of the horrible things he'd done to her and forced her to do to him would always resurface. She tried to block them from her mind, putting on a small smile as she stood beside Tidus.

Tidus got up and offered her his seat and drumsticks. He proceeded to start teaching her a few things, standing so close to her that his cologne was making her dizzy. He smelled _really _good, jeez. And as time went on, Kairi found that she felt better. It was much easier to forget that Sora and Riku were in the room when she was focusing on remembering the things Tidus was teaching her. Instruments were fun to play!

"Smoke break!" Vanitas suddenly announced, waving a pack of cigarettes in the air.

"Aw, shit, let me bum one of those off you!" Tidus said, abandoning Kairi and jogging off after Vanitas as he left the stage.

Kairi watched as everyone left the stage one-by-one, until it was just her and Sora there. The redhead slowly stood up and made her way to the stairs.

"Wait."

She did.

Both of them wary of the people watching them from the dance floor in front of the stage, Sora came to stand next to her.

"What do you want?" she asked icily.

"Can we go talk?" He looked around as if bored.

"No," she replied flatly.

With a sigh, he hissed, "I need to explain."

"There's nothing to explain," Kairi snorted. "Namine was pretty clear—you're not my boyfriend, and you're not even my friend. So we're done here."

Sora scowled and chewed on his bottom lip. For a moment, it looked as though he were about to say something, but then a strange emotion entered his eyes. An emotion that Kairi couldn't read, but that made Kairi feel suspicious, though she didn't know what of.

"Nothing to say?" Kairi sighed. "Then I guess we really are done."

Without looking back, Kairi went in the direction the rest of the band and Namine went. She really didn't want to deal with Sora anymore. At all. His poor treatment of her had caused her emotional state to go in and out of the "normal" range, leaving her happy and sad at random intervals. Sometimes, she felt like crying and swallowing an entire bottle of pills. Other times, she felt like getting in her car and driving all the way to Sora's house to see if he would want her if she threw herself at him. She was literally starting to feel out of control—like she was walking on a tightrope with poor balance.

Outside, the parking lot was scattered with people. Kairi looked around, finally spotting Namine and the others a ways out. They were gathered together by _Destiny Embrace's _equipment van. Glancing at her cell phone clock, Kairi realized that there wasn't much time before the performance and judging by the amount of people inside and outside The Secret Spot, the venue was gonna be _packed_. She decided to get as much air and alone time as she could before she jumped into _that _mess, so she wandered off around the side of the building so she could look out at the sea.

Nostalgia. That's the feeling that the sea brought for her. The salty air, the smell, the warm breeze, the gentle breaking of the waves against the sand. Even from the distance they were from the actual beach itself, just the sensations made Kairi feel as if she were standing knee-deep in the chill waters, watching Sora swim. Because the beach was their "thing." It always had been.

Kairi wondered if things ever _could _go back to normal between her and Sora. After all the things he'd done, could she find it in her heart to forgive him should he ever seek repentance? It seemed like he was starting to change sometimes, but then again . . . It also didn't. He was hot and cold with her, and it was because of this fact that she didn't think that they could ever be friends again.

And Riku . . . Every time she saw his face, her memories transported her back to that dark place. His glowing aquamarine eyes pierced right through her, and she could almost feel him on top of her again. How did a guy like that manage to get away with something so horrible for so long, and even long after? How was it that Kairi was the one who was being punished? She thought back to the time that he had cornered her by her car after school a few weeks ago, and how _Kairi _was the one who had gotten in trouble with their parents. Sometimes, Kairi wished she had never been adopted. Sometimes, she wished she could've just gone back to the orphanage to wait for a different family.

She quickly caught her tears against her fingers before they fell too far and ruined her make-up. The thought of that, of never meeting Sora . . . It was bone-chilling. Because even if he was a total douche bag now, he hadn't always been. There was once a time where he was the most wonderful, beautiful, caring boy in the entire world. He would have done _anything_ for Kairi.

_Anything_.

Kairi gazed off in the direction of the front parking lot, which she couldn't see anymore from her vantage point. Just how far _would _Sora have gone for her back in the day? Was it possible that the reason why he was so mean to her was because . . . Because he had done something for her that he regretted, and now blamed her for? Or because he had done something for her that was shameful?

"And what's a beautiful girl like you doing hiding in the shadows?"

Kairi jumped at the sudden voice and turned to look. A trio of boys had come from the parking lot, each of them holding cigarettes either in their hand or their mouth. At first, Kairi felt frightened because of the things that had happened to her, but when they didn't come too uncomfortably close, she relaxed.

The three boys stood next to her and looked out at the ocean as cigarette smoke wafted through the air.

"Want some?" one boy said, brushing the fingers of his free hand through his crimson red hair. It fell in oddly-long spikes past his shoulders. When Kairi turned to look at him, she saw that he was taller than Sora, who was already over six foot. This redheaded boy had one small diamond shape tattooed just underneath each of his emerald green eyes. He was definitely hot, dressed in all black, and the way he looked at Kairi made her feel as if he was undressing her in his mind. Respectfully. If that was even possible.

"Why the Hell not?" Kairi muttered, taking the cigarette. She rarely smoked, if ever, but lately she was so stressed out that she felt as though she might as well get some relief _somehow_.

"You excited for the show?" One of the other boys asked her. He seemed nice enough, with his dirty blonde hair cut into a modernized mullet.

"Yep," Kairi said, blowing smoke out of her mouth and handing the cigarette back to the redheaded boy.

There was a long silence before the third boy finally spoke.

"So we saw you standing on the stage," he said. His hair was dyed silver, cropped short all around his head except for chin-length bangs that covered one eyes. He seemed stoic, but his tone was quite warm. "Are you friends with the band?"

"Meh," Kairi shrugged, looking at him. "My best friend is dating one of the guitar players. Roxas."

"And what about Sora?"

Kairi narrowed her eyes. "What about him?"

"Oh, we just saw you talking to him, too," the redheaded boy added. "You know him?"

"Hah, we have a history, you could say," Kairi said. "Why? Are you guys his friends?"

"You could say that," the blonde said. "We go back."

Kairi pursed her lips. "Really? How far? Sora and I have been best friends since we were eight—I've never seen you guys before."

"I thought he hated you, though?" the redhead said with an amused smirk.

Her stomach flopped. How would this kid know that? Was Sora talking shit about her with random people now? What the Hell?

"Look, who _are_ you?" she demanded.

"Friends of Sora's," the silver-haired boy said quietly.

She looked from one boy to the other, and then realized that they were _all _covered head-to-toe in black. Her throat went dry. She had heard stories, but she didn't think . . . On a place as quiet and peaceful as Destiny Islands?

"Are you guys in a gang?" she blurted out.

The three boys exchanged glances and then burst out laughing.

"A gang?" the redhead spluttered.

"Us?" the blonde added.

"Wrong," the silverette chuckled. "Really, Kairi."

"I don't know!" Kairi protested. "I just thought that . . . Wait. How did you know my name?"

All three boys smiled in unison, and it creeped Kairi out so much that she shivered. She couldn't put her finger on it, but something about these boys just seemed really weird. The way they looked at her, as if she were a piece of filet mignon, or a tiny bowl of caviar. As if she belonged to them.

"The show's about to start," the silverette calmly mentioned, tossing his cigarette onto the ground and walking away.

The redhead and the blonde followed suit, leaving Kairi feeling cold all over.

'_Who __**were**__ those guys? How did they know my name?_' Kairi thought uneasily as she watched them all go back around to the front of the club. She looked down at the ground, where three cigarette butts were still glowing red. She had a feeling that she'd be seeing those boys again. Whether or not it would be under positive terms . . . Was uncertain.

Shaking her head, Kairi hurried to the performance.

~x~

"Where were you?" Namine shouted over the sounds of the excited, talkative crowd. The two of them were pressed nearly to the back wall, it was so packed. The heat was oppressive, but Kairi didn't mind it. It was kind-of just one of those things that made a show memorable.

"Just outside," she answered, looking up at the stage where the band was gathered. Her eyes passed over the three boys that she had met, and she gulped. They were staring back at her with literally the _same _grin on each of their faces. The redhead leaned down to say something to the silverette, and instantaneously, their smiles turned more ominous.

"Who are those guys that are looking at you?" Namine asked with a frown.

"I have no idea," Kairi responded. "I just met them outside."

"Hm . . . Well, steer clear of them. They look weird."

"One step ahead of ya!"

Namine giggled and then said, "Well, the boys want to go have a bonfire down at the beach after the show. You down?"

At first, Kairi wanted to say no. The thought of hanging out with Sora at night wasn't exactly promising. The thought of hanging out with Riku? How about no thanks. But then again, when she thought about it . . . Maybe it was a good idea to get out of her house and hang out with people her age. Setting Sora and Riku aside, the rest of the band was nice to her (especially Vanitas). And there was probably going to be a lot of people there, people who had been at the show, so perhaps she should just throw caution to the wind and do something spontaneous?

"Okay," she said to Namine with a tentative smile.

Just then, Sora began to play a little guitar riff to get everyone's attention. It did just that, causing the crowd to raise a cheer to the ceiling that made the ground shake and Kairi's heart beat faster. Vanitas stepped up to the microphone and took it off of the stand. He paced the stage.

"There's two things I want everybody in this room to do with me," Vanitas grinned wickedly. "One—bounce up and down to the beat. Two—sing the words: You only live once, so go _fucking nuts_!"

Sora stepped forward and began to play a heavy melody on the guitar that Kairi had never heard before. Excitedly, she realized that this was a new song, and _much _heavier than any song she'd ever heard them perform. She and Namine exchanged glances, and then Kairi was gone, floating off in the world of heavy metal as she so loved to do.

_With every breath you take, you're dying_

_With every step we take, we're falling apart_

_If we only had one chance we'd breathe_

_Let's take the chance right now and scream_

_You only live one life_

_For a very short time_

_So make every second divine_

_Go!_

_Live life hard_

_Live life hard_

The entire band was performing much better than Kairi had ever seen them perform. Vanitas' screams were _completely _on point, and both Roxas and Sora were playing their guitars in a way that interweaved two separate tunes to form something entirely brutal and heavenly. Kairi had never headbanged, jumped up and down, and screamed so much in her life.

Vanitas grinned that evil grin of his again, put on foot up on the amp, gripped the mike with both hands, and launched into the most epic breakdown Kairi had ever heard.

_For the first time_

_Pushing worry aside_

_For the first time_

_Pushing worry aside_

The next part were all about Sora's amazing guitar-playing skills. His fingers seemed to be exhausting no effort as they flew up and down the strings. He was literally mind-boggling with that guitar. Kairi was beginning to understand why some girls wildly followed their favorite bands all over the country because _good Lord in the Heaven above_, the way he looked at the audience . . . She felt as though he was looking right at her when he wasn't banging his head back and forth.

The last part of the song had everyone going insane, shouting the words of the chorus along with Vanitas. A large mosh pit had broken out in the center of the crowd, and the boys had upped the instrumentals, playing them even heavier than they had previously. Vanitas jumped up on _top _of the amp this time, arching his back and screaming into the microphone.

_You only live once, so just go fucking nuts!_

_You only live once, so just go fucking nuts!_

_You only live once! Go fucking nuts!_

_**You only live once, so just go fucking nuts!**_

_Live life hard_

_Live life hard_

_Live life hard_

_Live! Life! Hard!_

Kairi and Namine threw their arms around each other and shrieked at the top of their lungs, laughing. They were both having so much fun, and Kairi was beginning to wonder why she didn't go to these things more often. With every note that pounded out of those speakers and amps, reverberating throughout Kairi's bones and echoing inside of her bones, she was able to forget everything. She was able to forget about her pain and suffering, and just _exist. _She wasn't quite sure if it was the music . . . Or the fact that Sora was the one playing it.

"Is everyone having a great time?" Vanitas laughed, his voice sounding hoarse. He leaned down and grabbed a water bottle.

Everyone cheered, including Kairi and Namine.

Vanitas threw his head back and laughed, then turned to look at his bandmates.

"What do you say we blow the roof of this shithole, eh?" he purred.

Tidus raised his arms and brought them down in an extravagant show of drum skills, playing a little solo that made all of the girls scream.

Vanitas shook his head. "Mm . . . Nah, I think we need a little more than that. Riku?"

It was Riku's turn to show off on his bass, and while he was good and made everyone go crazy, Kairi and Namine merely rolled their eyes. _They _knew the truth.

Vanitas sighed. "You guys just aren't cutting it." He turned back to the audience. "Who wants to hear Sora sing?"

_That _did the trick, and before the screams had even died down, the band was playing and Sora was singing into the microphone in such an absolutely _gorgeous _way that Kairi thought she would faint. She gripped tightly to Namine's hands, and the two girls grinned mischievously at each other.

_But now you know that I am cold_

_(Take me out now, I've dropped the mast down)_

_And now I am found_

_(Take me out now, I've dropped the mast down)_

_Duck down, then hide, behind the file cabinet_

_Duck down, then hide, behind the file cabinet, down_

_Without ever letting go, I knew you'd gone_

_Duck down, then hide, behind the file cabinet_

_Duck down, then hide, behind the file cabinet, down_

_Without ever letting go, I knew you'd gone astray_

_Stranded here in this cold atmosphere_

_Waiting for the lifeless words to come from your mouth_

_Enduring every sound_

_This is not why the cast is hollow_

_Sending the rats to follow_

_Under the weight of all these eyes_

_Fry_

_But now you know that I am cold_

_(Take me out now, I've dropped the mast down)_

_And now I am found_

_(Take me out now, I've dropped the mast down)_

_I lay without understanding_

_I don't know why I feel this way_

_Oh, lay down girl, take my world_

_I know why I can't see your face_

_I've placed every mole there is to place on your wasted body_

_Oh, lay down girl, and take my world_

_I know why I can't see your face_

_As the window left shattered now_

_We saw the withered body try to shout_

_You thought the price of your life was devout_

_And told us some things you can't live without_

_And was this what was best for us_

_And was this what was best for us_

_Just let it show (Rest where you ought to be)_

_(Block out your misery)_

_I'll bring you far (Wait for the call)_

_Well, I'll go for it (You left in the hallway)_

_I'll beg you when you know (People, they change)_

_(And I would still be ashamed)_

_I'll beg you when it shows (To let the weight of the world)_

_Well, I'll go for it (Rest on your shoulders)_

_I don't believe the lies (I'll fight until the war is over)_

_I don't believe the lies (I'll fight until the war is over)_

_I'll die for you (I'll fight until the war is over)_

_(I'll fight until the war is over)_

_I don't believe the lies (I'll fight until the war is over)_

_I don't believe the lies (I'll fight until the war is over)_

_It's staged for you (I'll fight until the war is over)_

_(I'll fight until the war is over)_

_Left at my feet rests the soul of my brother_

_Vengeance will fall for the deeds of another_

It wasn't until a full thirty seconds after Sora and Roxas strummed the last notes on their guitars that Kairi realized she was crying. Sobbing, really. Namine was hugging her, petting her hair, trying to tell her it would be okay. Kairi hadn't any idea _why _she was crying. All she knew was the Sora was singing to her, looking at her the entire time—there was no doubt about it. All she knew was that he was trying to tell her something, and she was trying to tell him something, and everything was so complicatedly fucked that she could hardly stand it.

"Come on," Namine said. "Let's go outside and get some air."

Sniffling, Kairi wiped tears off of her cheeks. "When are we leaving for the beach, though?"

"Once they finish taking down their equipment. Now, let's go out there and talk."

The girls left the floor, where teens were now dancing to the music that was playing (a DJ had shown up, apparently), and convened outside in the parking lot. Namine embraced her again, and then stepped back.

"So what's wrong?" she asked with a furrowed brow.

"I don't even know," Kairi sighed. "Something about the way he was singing . . ."

"I agree with you on that one—his voice sounded positively _Godly_," Namine grimaced. "But somehow, I don't think that's all there is to it, hm?"

"You know me so well," Kairi said, passing the back of her hand across her temple in a mock faint. "I don't know, I guess I was just overwhelmed. Sora and I have been really weird lately. We keep going back and forth, and I don't know what to think or feel anymore, you know?"

"You want to know what I think?" Namine leaned back against the brick wall of the club. "I think that you and Sora are perfect for each other."

Surprised, Kairi stared at her friend and waited for her to continue.

Namine's lips curved into a small, knowing smile. "You're both lying to yourselves. He's too busy trying to pretend he doesn't care about you, and you're so blinded by your love for him that you can't see what's right in front of your face."

Kairi frowned. "And what exactly _is _in front of my face?"

"Him," Namine shrugged.

The redhead blinked. "Him? What do you mean?"

Namine sighed in exasperation. "Kairi, sometimes you have to live in the now. You can't live in the past forever, because you might miss a promising future. Yes, I understand that you guys have things to overcome, but honestly . . . Sora's not looking like he's strong enough to take the first step. Maybe you need to be the one who initiates it."

"Initiates what?"

"The 'talk' you want to have so badly." Namine crossed her arms over her chest. "Maybe you should just demand to talk to him, tell him what you're feeling, and corner him into talking to you."

"That won't work," Kairi muttered dejectedly. "We'd probably just get into a fight."

"Well, you'll never know unless you try, right?"

Kairi looked over her shoulder at the open door to The Secret Spot, mulling over what Namine was trying to say. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that Namine was right. She and Sora were playing a huge game with one another. The only problem? They were playing by different rules. They both knew they needed to get on the same page, but neither one was willing to make a move. Sora was stubborn and Kairi was scared. But it was time for Kairi to stop being scared and just _do it _already. She was never going to find happiness if she didn't take it for herself.

"Well?" Namine said.

Kairi turned around and, with a determined glint in her cerulean eyes, nodded curtly.

Tonight, she was going to drag Sora to a secluded area on the beach and demand to know why he treated her as horribly as he did, and he wasn't leaving until he gave her an answer.

Tonight, she would have answers.

~x~

**A/N: Well, hope you enjoyed the long chapter! And it's only Part One! Hehe. Be prepared for some drama in Part Two, and something unexpected! How will the bonfire go? Will Kairi and Sora get into another fight, or will Kairi get the answers she seeks? Who were those three boys, and how did they know Kairi's name? And what, JUST FUCKING WHAT, is Sora hiding?**


	15. Of Bonfires and Bluebirds Part Two

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm glad everyone liked Part One! I won't say much, I'll just get right to it! I was going to wait to update, but I'm on a roll lately, so I figured I'd update fast and not keep you guys in the dark, haha.**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities. In this chapter, I mention a couple of songs, but the credit is within the mentioning, if that makes sense.**

**NOTES: This story is rated M. This chapter has intense sexual content, but I won't tell you between whom. Prepare to be shocked, my friends.**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Thirteen – Part Two**

~x~

Kairi loved the beach. It held many different memories for her, all of them bittersweet. It seemed like it had been ages since she'd felt the soft, grainy sand between her toes, heard Sora's laugh fluttering through the wind. Though night had fallen, it was still quite warm out, and the breeze smelled of salt and sorrow. Heaving a sigh, the redhead took off her heels and made her way to where 100 or so people were gathering around a newly-made bonfire. Amongst the unknown faces, she saw many that she recognized, and one face that was filling her with dread.

Riku was helping some of the other boys pile driftwood of the fire in order to make it grow bigger, but he was staring right at her as he did it. He was wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a striped tank top, and his shoes were off as well. His hair, pulled up into a high ponytail, kept falling forward into his aquamarine eyes. Just looking at him, Kairi could see that all the girls were watching him, whispering and giggling, but she just felt sick to her stomach. Riku was a plague, hiding in plain sight. He wore a mask that nobody could see beyond. Nobody . . . Except Kairi and perhaps Namine.

Oh, how she wished he would stop looking at her like that.

Kairi turned around and came face-to-face with none other than Tidus. He grinned at her.

"Want me to take your shoes? We're making a pile over by that rock," he offered.

"Um, that's okay. I can do it," Kairi said shyly.

"Well, here, I'll walk with you. Let's go."

The two of them fell in step and made their way over to the boulder in question, where Kairi could indeed see everyone's shoes. She felt weird walking with Tidus, but at the same time, grateful. She couldn't see Namine anywhere, and it was starting to feel weird standing alone like that. Tidus was nice to her, anyway.

"So how are you doing? Did you like the show?" he asked.

"Yeah, dude!" Kairi gushed. "It was the best one yet. That first song was way more brutal than anything you guys have ever done. I didn't know Vanitas could scream like that."

"Yeah, we're trying new things, I guess," Tidus chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "But um . . . I know you probably don't want me to bring this up, but . . . Ugh, just stick by me tonight, okay?"

Kairi frowned. "Huh? Why? What are you talking about?"

"I mean . . ." They stopped walking and he turned to face her. His eyes were sincere, full of worry. "You know, since Riku's here. Just stay near me, all right?"

"Oh . . ." Kairi lowered her gaze. She had forgotten that Tidus knew the truth . . . Wait. That wasn't right . . . Vanitas and Roxas knew, but Tidus had never told her he knew. Her brow furrowed. First, those three boys had known her name without ever even meeting her before, and now Tidus knew that Riku had raped her? Something was going _on_, and it was starting to get frustrating trying to guess what.

Before she had the chance to call him on it, Vanitas came jogging up, a beer in each hand and a wide grin on his handsome face.

"Hey, there's drinks?" Tidus asked excitedly.

"Yeah, some kids brought like, five coolers full," Vanitas explained. "And someone brought their Bose and Sora's hooking his iPod up to it."

As if on cue, _"Fame Over Demise" _by _Woe, is Me _began to blast out all around them, and thus the party had really begun. Tidus and Vanitas each took a drink and one of her hands and dragged her back over to the crowd of teenagers dancing by the firelight. Kairi spotted Namine and Roxas dancing across the way, and the happy couple came to join the trio.

"Hey, guys!" Roxas said.

"What's up, man?" Tidus greeted. "Did you get some beer?"

"There's beer? Fuck yes!" Roxas cheered. "Where is it?"

"Roxas," Namine whined, throwing her arms around his neck and hanging off of him like a monkey. "Don't driiii-iiiink. You know I hate alcohol."

Kairi stifled a giggle at the crestfallen expression that crossed Roxas's cute face. Knowing Namine, whether he wanted to drink or not, she would get her way in the end. She watched the antics of the two for a bit before she was turned around by Vanitas.

The raven-haired boy pulled her petite frame against him, lowering his forehead to hers and smirking at her.

"And how is the road block tonight?" he asked huskily.

Kairi's arms automatically went around his neck, and she smiled. It was kinda nice having a guy be so into you after he'd already "had the cake and eaten it, too," so to speak. She wondered if perhaps he truly did like her, and she wondered if maybe it wasn't that bad of a thing. Vanitas really wasn't a bad guy; maybe they could have an actual relationship? The thought of getting over Sora was frightening, but there was also a sense of relief inside of her. To not be depressed at the thought of not being with Sora would be nothing short of a relief.

"I'm good," she said. "You were amazing tonight."

"Aw, thanks," Vanitas's lips hovered over her own. "How about we solidify that compliment like we did the last one?"

"Ooh, I see what you did there."

They kissed for a moment, and Kairi tried. She really tried not to imagine that it was Sora she was kissing, but she just couldn't do it. God, she wished that this wasn't so difficult of a situation to deal with. She just wanted to be _normal_, for Christ's sake!

Around them, people had started to whoop and holler, and it was embarrassing, so Kairi pulled away.

"People are . . . People are staring," she breathed with a nervous titter.

"Yeah, so?" His grip on her hips tightened and his body molded against her own. She could hear the song change in the background ("_Rhinestone" _by _Heartist_), and by the way that Vanitas was holding her, she could tell he had _other _things on his mind than just kissing her. Her heartbeat fluttered.

"Don't you care about your 'fans' seeing?" she teased, wrinkling her nose.

The shadows cast by flame flickered across his face. His eyes were serious, but his smile was like liquid gold.

"Nah, girl, you're cool." His eyelids lowered and he gazed at her lips. "Now . . . You were complimenting me on my dashing appearance . . . ?"

Before their lips could meet again, Vanitas was roughly shoved away from her. Collective gasps rippled form the kids nearby that happened to see, and both Kairi and Vanitas glared up at Sora. Why couldn't Sora just leave her alone? He'd made it pretty clear that he wasn't willing to work on _anything _with her, so couldn't he just let her be happy with someone else?

"Sora, for fuck's sake!" Kairi cried, clenching her fists at her sides. "Just leave me _alone_!"

Sora ignored her and glared daggers at Vanitas. Though they were twins, Sora was taller by a few inches and his overall presence was ten times more terrifying. Or maybe it was just because Kairi felt so small compared to him . . . Either way, she had to take a step back to get out of the tension-charged air.

"Back. Off," Sora hissed to his brother.

"She's not your property," Vanitas challenged. "You _know _that."

"If you have any respect for me, you'll back the _fuck _off_, _Vanitas."

"Hold up!" someone in the crowd yelled. "Don't you hate her, Sora?"

"Shut the fuck up!" both Vanitas and Sora hollered simultaneously, confusing not only Kairi, but most likely everyone else assembled. "_No Pity for a Coward" _by _Suicide Silence _was now playing, and Kairi had a feeling that it wasn't helping calm the boys down any.

Kairi tossed her hair over her shoulder and placed a hand on either boy's chest, pushing them away from one another.

"Both of you just _calm down_," she ordered, angrily glowering from one to the other. "I'm nobody's property, never was, and never will be. I'll make decisions on who I kiss or fuck or hug or _whatever_. So both of you can just knock it off, because you're wasting your time."

Sora and Vanitas stared at her as if she had sprouted horns out of her nostrils, both of them obviously shocked by her outburst. Kairi didn't care, though. She was sick and tired of testosterone, dammit!

Namine appeared, grabbing Kairi's hand.

"Come on, Kairi," she urged. "You don't need to deal with this—let's go drink!"

Over the next hour or so, Kairi and Namine occupied themselves by sitting with Roxas near the fire, drinking and conversing about random things. Luckily for them, the earlier excitement with Sora and Vanitas had died down, and everyone at the bonfire was so thoroughly drunk that they probably wouldn't care if the ocean rose up and swallowed them whole. Kairi had already forgotten about it, and she was so drunk that she had already forgotten what she'd said the minute before! She and Namine were red in the face, falling all over each other in the sand, laughing their asses off about God-knows-what.

"Come onnnnn," Roxas was saying as he tried to drag Namine away to the band van. He wanted a little somethin'-somethin', it would seem. He was drunk, too, but apparently he didn't show it as much as the girls did.

"But we can't leave Kairi," she whimpered.

"It's okay," Kairi giggled, waving them off. "Go ahead and go."

She watched them stumble off together, lost in a happy world of their own making. In her drunken state, all Kairi could think about was how _she _wanted that. How _she _wanted to be happy with a boy who was happy with her. Whether it was Sora or Vanitas or even Tidus, she wanted it.

Suddenly feeling stifled, Kairi staggered to her feet. The music was still blasting, but most everyone was either passed out by the fire, or off in random places on the beach, hanging out in groups and talking. Looking around, Kairi couldn't see anyone that she recognized, so she decided to take a walk, maybe ride out the alcohol in her system.

As she walked, she tried to sort through her jumbled thoughts. Thoughts of Sora, Vanitas, Riku, and the seemingly large secret that tied them all together. They all seemed to be in on some big _thing_ that had to do with Kairi, and she was starting to wonder if maybe the three boys in black that she had met before the show were a part of it, too. Of course, that would definitely be reaching, wouldn't it? In any case, Kairi was tired of wondering and thinking and questioning. She wanted some answers, but seeing as she had no idea where Sora had disappeared to, she didn't think that would be happening tonight.

Kairi also thought of her mother, and of the horrible things she had done lately. Not giving her money to eat, taking away Hikari's things . . . It was pretty clear now that her family was trying to cut her off, and as depressing as it was, Kairi had seen it coming. She'd known it was too good to be true that her mother was on her side. Tch, her mom had probably been _relieved _when Kairi'd had the miscarriage. Even though it had brought Kairi more pain and misery than she could ever hope to experience, her mother had probably been relieved.

Kairi kicked a spray of sand up into the air and wandered off behind an outcropping of rock. She was so far away from the bonfire now that she couldn't even hear the music, and she had no idea how she'd managed to go so far in so little time. Either way, she didn't care. Lately, her thoughts about herself were starting to turn darker and darker. It felt like she was wading through the darkness, surrounded by shadowy people who all held lights, but none of them were willing to share. Kairi didn't know how much longer she was going to be able to stand it. It was starting to hurt, deep inside her heart where no medicine could mend.

She froze dead in her tracks when she saw who was standing just beyond the next boulder, ankle deep in the chilly waters.

"Sora . . ." she whispered.

Almost as if he sensed her presence, he turned and looked over his shoulder. The breeze played with his spiky hair, and his eyes glowed cobalt in the moonlight. Kairi felt the breath rush out of her lungs. He was so beautiful, in the deadliest of ways, and seeing him standing there reminded her of the countless times they'd come to the beach together to play as children, swim as preteens, and do both as teenagers.

Slowly, Kairi walked out to meet him, hesitating when she felt the icy kiss of the sea against her bare toes. Sora nodded to her in encouragement, and so she went to stand next to him. The two of them stared out at the dark horizon, at the way the silvery moonlight touched the gently swelling waters. Kairi was reminded of their past in such aching clarity that she had to dig her nails into her palms to keep from crying.

"I haven't been to the beach in so long." Sora's voice was soft and held no trace of any audible emotion. For the first time, he was just being himself. He was simply _Sora_, and it was wonderful.

He went on, "I've been meaning to get back out here, but . . . It just isn't the same when you're alone."

Cautiously, Kairi asked, "Can't you go with Xion?"

"It's not the same," he murmured.

Kairi stared up at him. Was he referencing _her_?

Sora continued as if he hadn't said what he'd just said, "Xion's been getting worse lately. I just don't know . . . Ugh."

"Why don't you break up with her?" Kairi asked slowly, not sure if Sora might blow up and lose his temper. "I mean, if she's as . . . A-Abusive as everyone says she is."

Ignoring her, Sora gestured to her arm. "You sure that's okay? Wearing a tank top like that? Everyone can see."

"So what?" Kairi's face screwed up in confusion. "I'm not going to hide my scars simply because it bothers everyone else."

"You . . . You haven't done it recently . . . Have you?"

Kairi looked at him. "No," she lied.

"Good. Don't." He raised his eyebrows. "I'm gonna check next time I see you, got it?"

Cheeks stained with a crimson blush, Kairi nodded absentmindedly.

Sora was silent, and then he said, "Remember when we used to sneak out at night and come here? And your parents would _always _come out and find us?"

Kairi looked out to sea again, a small smile ghosting across her pretty features. "Yeah . . . I think I was grounded for over half of my seventh grade year."

"Me, too."

And then they were laughing, freely and with wild abandon. They laughed as they had once laughed—they laughed as friends. And when they were done laughing, Kairi threw herself against him, wrapping her arms around his waist and holding him tightly against her. He enveloped her quickly, stumbling backward from the force of her embrace, one hand in her hair, and the other pressed against her lower back. They stood there for as long as they could; until their feet had grown numb and they needed to get out of the water.

"Can we talk now?" Kairi asked. "Please?"

Sora sighed and plopped down in the sand. He pulled his knees to his chest and loosely wrapped his arms around them. The wind caused his loose-fitting band tank top to flutter, matching the speed with which his spiky hair moved in the breeze, and he peered up at her through his lashes.

"Well?" he pressed. "Aren't you gonna sit down?"

Kairi did so, crossing her legs beneath her. They were shaking, though whether or not it was from nerves or excitement, she hadn't the slightest clue. Sora was a few inches away from her, and it felt like the air between them was on fire. She wanted to reach over and grab his hand, as she would have done when they were younger, but she didn't. She couldn't.

"You wanted to talk, so talk," he said.

Kairi blinked, having not expected him to be so blunt. She worried her lower lip between her teeth and tried to think of something to say. Of where to even begin. She had wanted this chance to talk to him for so fucking long, and now that it was finally here . . . She didn't know where to start! She played with the sand next to her, a troubled expression on her face.

"Sora, I . . . I just want things to go back to the way they were."

"Well, they can't." Sora shook his head. "I can't trust you. The fact that you would tell everyone this huge lie, just to get attention? I can't trust you anymore."

"But, Sora; that's just it!" Kairi cried. "_Where _are you getting your information?! I never lied about what Riku did to me. I was telling the truth. Are you forgetting that I was pregnant? Isn't that proof enough for you?"

Sora replied, "Kairi. Are you forgetting that you partied nonstop and had casual sex _all the fucking time_? It's obvious that you got pregnant, freaked that you would get in trouble, and then blamed it on someone else."

Great. Just fucking great. Her one chance to get on the same page with Sora, and he was still spouting the same far-fetched crap. Sora had been her best friend—her other half-for nine years. _Nine years! _She couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that he, of all people, thought the worst of her. She started to cry silently, tears sliding one-by-one down her cheeks like tiny testaments to her internal struggle.

"Sora, please," she breathed, causing him to turn his head and gaze at her in shock. "Please, I am _asking_ you to believe me. What I went through, for all those years . . . It was real. It was real, and I have to relive it in my head all by myself. I am _begging _you to _please _believe me!"

"I . . ." He trailed off, studying her face streaked with tears closely. Slowly, he reached out and wiped away the evidence of her sorrow.

"I can't do this anymore without you," she whimpered, reaching up to hold his hand against her face.

"Kairi," he whispered, and there was so much broken emotion in his voice that it made Kairi start crying again. She knew it. She had known it all along. There was _something _there. _Something _that he was hiding. She had known that it didn't make sense for him to shun her the way he had, when he had always promised not to. Was he finally going to tell her why?

"Please tell me," she implored, her cerulean eyes wide and shining. "Please just tell me what's going on."

A pained look filled his eyes, exiting them in the form of tears. He was crying, and it was only solidifying Kairi's suspicions. Sora never cried. He had never cried when they were children, unless it had to do with her. _He was hiding something._

"Let me kiss you," was all he said, his face beseeching her. "Please let me kiss you."

"Wh-What?" Shock reverberated throughout her body. "Sora, what are you talking about? Just . . . Just tell me what you're hiding!"

"I . . ." He dropped his hands from her and stood up. He started to pace the sand, confusing and angering Kairi. Why was he avoiding telling her, when he was so close? What was he trying to keep from her that was hurting him so much? She scrambled to her feet, swaying slightly from the alcohol that was still fueling her movements.

"Sora, tell me right now," she demanded, fists balled at her sides. "Sora, you had better tell me what's going on right now."

"When I . . . When I found out you were hurting yourself, I almost lost it," he said, turning abruptly and gazing at her with heartbreaking emotion in his eyes. "To see you doing something so permanent and harmful to yourself . . . And because of me? God, Kairi . . ."

"Then tell me why you're doing this to me!" Kairi shrieked, throwing her hands up into the air. "Tell me _now_!"

"Don't you _understand_?!" he shouted back. "I _can't_! I _can't _tell you! I want to, but I literally _can't_!"

Stunned into silence, Kairi's body went rigid and she stared at him.

"What do you mean?" she breathed.

"Exactly what I said," he said gruffly, wiping his eyes."

"But what do you mean, you can't tell me?" she cried. "Are you trying to get me off your back, because let me tell you, Sora—that can be arranged."

"Come here," he said, in his typical way of tactically avoiding her words.

"No!" she shouted, stamping her foot. "You've treated me horribly for the past year, and I deserve an explanation!"

"No," he said. "I can't. I. Can't."

"Are you kidding me?" Kairi buried her face in her hands, exasperated beyond belief. "This is fucking ridiculous. You know what, Sora? If you don't tell me right fucking now, I'm gone. I mean it. Forever. I will leave this beach this second, and then I'll never see or speak to you again. Okay? So this is your one chance. Because I'm not going to let you treat me like shit _anymore_!"

The look on Sora's face was heartwrenching, and it rooted Kairi to the spot even as he crossed the distance between them. He cupped her face with his hands and pulled her closer, holding her gaze as he repeated his earlier words.

"Let me kiss you." His voice was barely louder than the lightest breeze, and Kairi's body instantly began to blaze, burning slowly from within.

"N-No," she said. "You can't use me like this. You need to tell me what's going on."

"I can't."

"You can, you just don't want to."

Sora dropped his hands from her for the second time that night and then said words that horrified Kairi beyond her worst nightmare.

"I can't tell you, Kai, because if I do . . . It'll be the end of both of us."

"The end of . . . What are you talk—mmph!"

Sora was kissing her nose, holding her head firmly between his hands as his tongue delved deep, searching for something that neither of them could name. As their lips separated and mashed together again and again, Kairi found herself gasping and moaning with desperation. When he kissed her, she didn't care about anything else but him. Maybe he knew that, and he was just trying to get her to stop asking questions. Either way, she knew she could kiss him forever.

His fingers gripped her hair and yanked her head back, exposing her throat to the moonlight. He kissed her heavily, leaving her breathless and shivering in his arms. She moaned his name between ragged gasps and dragged him closer to her, wanting this moment and this night to simply go on for all eternity. His hands moved up and down her sides, back, and chest, gripping her possessively and silently telling her that she belonged to him. Was that why he got so angry when she talked to Vanitas? Because he believed that she was his, and only his? But how could he think that, when he had made it abundantly clear to her numerous times that he thought of her as a lying slut? Was he kissing her because he was drunk and he thought she was easy? Were any of his words truthful?

Kairi shoved him away as forcefully as she could and he stumbled backward, staring at her in shock.

"Go away, Sora," Kairi said quietly, seriously. "You don't own me, and we're done."

"Kai, I'm sorry," he pleaded. "I want to tell you, I really do, but I . . . I can't."

"Then I can't talk to you. Go."

He left, and she sank to her knees, sobbing uncontrollably. He was like walking death, leaving behind a trail of despair in his wake. She had given him the chance, and he hadn't taken it. She didn't know why he had done what he'd done—why he'd thrown away their friendship—but she couldn't wait around for him to tell her. In fact, she didn't even know if he would tell her the truth if he "could."

She heard the sand shifting behind her in the quiet, and she scowled.

"God, Sora, I told you to leave. I don't—"

"I'm not Sora."

A blinding pain exploded in her face as she turned to see who had snuck up behind her, leaving her mind reeling and her cheek throbbing. She cried out in shock and tried to crawl away. The person grabbed her ankle and dragged her back. Her hands flew out from under her and her face scraped against the sand. It went up her nose and grated against her teeth, but she was much too frightened to notice or care.

"You're so pretty now, little sis."

Riku. Oh, God, Lord above, it was Riku!

Fear such as no other exploded from within Kairi's heart and she opened her mouth to scream. She kicked her legs and tried to turn around and strike her older brother across the face, but he was so much stronger and bigger than her that it was a fool's errand. He straddled her wildly-struggling hips and wrapped one hand around her throat, choking her air supply off. She gazed up into his aquamarine eyes, saw the glee and triumph there, and she knew she was done for. It had been a year, but he surely hadn't forgotten how easy it was to dominate her.

Sora.

Sora had to be nearby, didn't he?

"Sora!" she shrieked, reaching up to claw at Riku' eyes. "Sora, help!"

"Shut up!" Riku snarled, anger filling his eyes. "Don't call that weak-ass pussy's name." He grabbed her by the hair and dragged her a few yards away fro mthe water, pushing her onto her stomach and pressing her face into the sand. Her stomach flopped with terror as he smothered her, holding her down with so much strength that she thought she would die. Her legs and arms kicked wildly and she fought, oh she fought, but it wasn't enough.

In a daze, Kairi went limp, and Riku finally took his hand off of the back of her head. She gasped desperately for air, coughing as the sand rasped against the insides of her esophagus and breathing tube. Riku made quick work of her clothes, punching her in the face whenever she even attempted to fight him off. She gave up eventually, because that's what she always had done. Ever since she was eight, when he first touched her.

"That's right," he groaned into her ear as he rubbed his nude body against hers and dug his fingernails painfully into her waist. "Just lay there and take it like a good little sister Like you always used to."

"P-Please," she sobbed, turning her face away when he tried to kiss her. "Riku, please d-don't do this to me again."

"Keep begging," he hissed, squeezing her breasts and pinning her down to the wet sand. She could feel the edge of the water soaking her hair, and it sickened her to know that now the sea that she loved so much would forever be tainted. She would never again want to come to this beach, this beach that held so many wonderful memories of Sora upon it. Riku had successfully managed to take everything she loved away from her, most of all Sora.

"R-Riku!" she whimpered when she felt him trying to shove his manhood inside of her. It hurt. It hurt worse than it ever had before. He grumbled in annoyance when her body rejected him, and then sat up, peering down at her curiously. Kairi continued to cry, recognizing the look on his face. He was going to take her another way. He was going to take her in the worst way possible.

Kairi's breathing quickened with fear when he rolled her over, grabbed her hips, and yanked her naked rear up into the air. This had happened before, but not often due to the fact that the first time it had, Kairi had been out of school for a week and had to lie to their parents. She'd told them that she'd "fallen onto her bike wrong," and they'd believed her. Because after all, why would their thirteen-year-old daughter be hurt in that particular place for any other reason?

"Your eyes are like the sea, little sis," Riku whispered as he had countless times before. "Reminds me of bluebirds."

And just as she had when she was thirteen, Kairi left her own mind for greener pastures, and tried to lock herself away in order to escape the pain. It was the only way she could keep her sanity. When Riku left her there, broken and bleeding in the sand, she was still lost in the dark chambers of her innermost heart, weeping the loss of her innocence.

~x~

It wasn't until the morning that Namine and Roxas finally found her, and Kairi was barely conscious when they did. Namine was panicking, crying and calling her name; Roxas had her head in his lap and he was trying his best to wake her with gentle pats to the cheek. She could hear their voices, faint and distorted.

Kairi's eyelids fluttered open and she coughed weakly, her throat dry and sore from the excessive amounts of sand that she had swallowed the night before. Her entire body was aching and bruised, her lower half resting in fiery agony. She immediately squeezed her eyes shut against the torrent of tears that threatened to burst forth, wildly reaching around in the air for Namine.

"Kairi, oh, my God," Namine wailed, holding her hand tightly. "What happened? What happened?!"

"Put your jacket on her, what are you guys doing?!" Kairi heard Tidus's angry voice echoing in her head. "Fuck, Roxas."

A second later, light fabric brushed against her tender skin. She winced, but knew that it was better than lying naked for all eyes to see.

"Get everyone out of here," Tidus urged, and Kairi felt him brushing the hair out of her eyes. "Where's Sora? Make sure he doesn't come over—fuck."

"What the fuck is this?" Sora sounded enraged, his voice getting louder as he came closer. "Why is there blood in the sand? Who is that? Is that . . . _Kairi_?! _What _the _fuck_?!"

"Dammit," Roxas hissed. He gently laid Kairi down and Kairi heard a struggle. "Sora, just stay back! You don't need to see this!"

"I don't need to . . . _What the actual fuck, Roxas?!" _Sora roared. "Who did this? Kairi, who did this to you?"

Kairi opened her eyes and squinted up into his worried, angry cobalt blue eyes. The morning sun was bright, but she could just make out Namine and Tidus as well. She opened her mouth to speak, but something pulled at the corner of her mouth and she tasted blood. Whimpering in pain, she reached up and cradled her cheek. The jacket that had been given to her fell slightly, exposing more of her bruised flesh for their eyes to see.

"Who did this to you, Kai?" Namine asked softly, looking her directly in the eyes.

Kairi was about to tell her just who had done it, when the person in question made his presence known. Dramatically so.

"Who the fuck did this to my little sister?" he demanded, falling to his knees beside Sora and looking determined. "I'll beat his ass—who did this?"

Fear filled Kairi's eyes. "I don't know," she lied automatically, knowing that she couldn't tell them that it was Riku with him sitting right there! Not only would he deny her claims, but she would look like a fool.

"Are you sure?" Namine repeatedly slowly, carefully. She squeezed Kairi's hand, but somehow, Kairi didn't think that Namine's support would help plead her case if she told them that Riku had attacked her and brutally raped her in the sand.

"Y-Yes, I . . . I was drunk. I don't r-remember." She coughed again, and when she pulled her hand away from her mouth, there was blood. Her eyes widened—just how much dry sand had she swallowed?

"Let's get her to the hospital," Tidus suggested.

"No!" Kairi cried, fearful of what her mother and father would do to her. She struggled to sit up, her rear end screaming in protest, and beseeched Namine with her eyes.

"Why not?" Roxas demanded.

As Kairi straightened her back, she stared down at the sand beneath her, horrified to see how soaked with her blood it was. She nearly lost her shit right there and fainted, but knew that she couldn't if she wanted everyone to think she was okay. She looked around at everyone assembled, carefully avoiding looking at Riku. Roxas and Tidus looked worried, and Namine looked pale and ashen. Vanitas wasn't there, and Sora . . . Sora was staring at her as if she would disappear if he were to look away. It was rather unsettling. As if he had a million thoughts that he wanted to say and do, but his concern over her was clouding his judgment.

Just before Roxas and Namine blocked her view of Sora in their rush to cover her nudity, Kairi caught something she hadn't expected to see.

Sora shot Riku a scathing look. A look that spoke words that could only be understood by Sora, Riku, and Kairi. Kairi's eyes widened in stages. Did he . . . Did he know?

"I'll take her home," Sora suddenly announced as he stood up, never once taking his eyes off of Riku. Riku was pointedly staring at Kairi, though, and the entire situation was creepy and weird.

Kairi looked at Namine, and the two girls nodded to each other.

"I think Namine and Roxas can take me home," Kairi said with another slight cough.

"Are you sure?" Sora's eyes were pleading with her.

She nodded. "I just want to go home and rest. I . . . I'll see you at school tomorrow."

Namine and Roxas each took one of her arms and started the painstakingly slow walk back to the parking lot, and to Roxas's car. Kairi kept her eyes ahead of her, trying not to relive the events of the previous night in her head. She had no idea when or how Riku had found her, all she knew was that it had happened and there was no going back. She cast one last glance over her shoulder and saw that Sora was standing there, watching her go.

"Just ignore his weirdness," Namine advised when she caught the redhead staring.

"I've never seen him get that worked up before," Roxas said with wide eyes.

"Chyeah, maybe he should have gotten that worked up the first time," Namine muttered.

Roxas shot her a look. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, come on, Roxas," Namine scowled. "You don't seriously think Kairi doesn't know who did it, do you?"

Kairi blinked and sighed. She might as well just let Namine spill the beans. At least Roxas would believe the truth.

Roxas stopped walking, causing the girls to follow suit. He pushed is chin-length bangs out of his eyes and glared at Namine.

"What are you _talking_ about?"

Namine deadpanned. "Who do you think did it, Rox? Riku! He was sitting right there; of course Kairi wasn't going to tell everyone it was hime!"

"Is that true?!" Roxas gasped. "Kairi, was it Riku?"

Kairi nodded slowly, still not saying anything.

"God _dammit_!"

The next thing that happened was something neither girls had expected to happen. Roxas turned tail and took off down the beach, all the way back in the direction they'd come. Kairi and Namine looked at each other, and then the blonde started helping the redhead go after him as quickly as they could without exacerbating Kairi's wounds too badly.

Roxas met Riku, Sora, and Tidus halfway with a fantastic punch landed directly in the center of Riku's face. The silverette, stunned, reeled and collapsed on the ground just as Kairi and Namine caught up with the group, and everyone stared at Roxas in complete and utter shock. Had he really just punched Riku in the face?

Really?

"What the Hell, Rox?" Tidus exclaimed. "What was that for?"

"He fucking deserved it!" Roxas roared angrily, kicking Riku in the side to keep him down when he tried to get up. His eyes were blazing bright blue. "He can't keep getting away with the same fucked up shit. Not anymore."

"Roxas," Sora hissed, stepping up to Roxas so close that their noses touched. "What the fuck are you doing? You're gonna mess everything up."

"I don't care! I don't fucking care anymore!" Roxas hollered, shoving him away and leaning down to grab the front of Riku's shirt. His fist reared back once again, but Kairi was the one to stop him this time.

"R-Roxas," she pleaded. "Don't. Please. Just calm down."

"Why?" He narrowed his eyes. "This bastard deserves it for what he did to you. For everything he's done to hurt you."

Kairi merely shook her head. She admitted it—she wanted to see _somebody _beat the shit out of her older brother, but she didn't want Roxas to get in trouble for it. And what did Sora mean by "he would mess everything up?"

Roxas moved away from Riku, and Tidus helped the silverette to his feet. Everyone stood there in silence for a moment, each person trying to figure out what to say next. Kairi leaned heavily against Namine for support and waited.

Riku was the one to talk.

"Look, man," he said to Roxas. "I don't know what she's been telling you, but . . . It's all lies."

"No," Roxas growled. "Everything _you _say is a lie. And I'm sick and tired of it. Listen . . . This whole 'thing' we have going on in the background . . . I want out."

Namine and Kairi exchanged bemused glances, and then watched the boys with bated breath.

"Roxas!" Tidus warned. "Seriously—this isn't about _you_. This is about Kairi."

Kairi's frowned deepened. _What _was about her? Was this the big secret Sora didn't want to tell her about? Were they all in on it, in some giant, convoluted plot to keep her in the dark? What the Hell was this?

Roxas shook his head. "Then I'll protect her! I don't fucking care! This is fucking ridiculous, and I'm over it. I'm not kidding—I want out."

"Roxas, you know as well as everyone else here that you don't have the skills or the means to protect her," Riku barked harshly, attracting everyone's attention to him. "Quit kidding yourself and play along—or else you know what's going to happen."

Kairi clenched her fists. "I don't know who you guys think you are . . . But I'm a _human being_. If you're all involved in some sort of weird plot to hide something from me . . . Just stop! Stop. I can take care of myself."

"_That's _apparent," Sora remarked sarcastically.

"Shut up, Sora!" Kairi yelled. "You're not excluded from this. In fact, you're the main person this is directed at. I'm tired of you all using me for your own sick satisfaction. Just . . . Just leave me alone."

She turned on her heel and limped away, Namine hot on her heels.

"That was awesome, Kairi," Namine whispered, wrapping an arm around her shoulders to help her walk. "They needed to hear that."

"Do _you _know what it is they were talking about?" Kairi asked.

Namine shook her head. "Not really . . ."

"Not really?"

The two girls stopped, and Namine looked at her friend with a slight grimace on her face. Kairi narrowed her eyes.

"Namine," she warned. "If you know something . . ."

Namine's hand shot up to her mouth and she began to chew her fingernails. For the first time since she'd first met the girl, Namine looked shy and nervous. She was definitely hiding something, and Kairi was about ready to flip a bitch if she didn't spill it.

"Namine!" Kairi cried.

"Okay, okay already!" Namine exclaimed. "It's . . . I don't know anything beyond this, but . . ."

"Yeah?"

"They're in a gang. Sora, Vanitas, Tidus . . . All of them are in a gang."

Kairi's eyes went wide and Namine sighed.

". . . And Riku's the leader."

~x~

**A/N: MUAHAHAHAAH, so a small part of the secret is revealed. The boys are in a gang. But that is all I choose to reveal for now . . . Tune in next time to see what happens next! **


	16. Abandonment, Mistakes, and Fear

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: Welcome baaaaaack~ Sorry it took me so long to write this, I was having a weird writer's block. I knew what I wanted to have happen, I just didn't have the words. I'm taking this story down a pretty dramatic tangent soooo, yeah. I hope you guys are enjoying it!**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities. **

**NOTES: This story is rated M.**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Fourteen**

~x~

Kairi stared out the window of her Homeroom classroom, watching the clouds moving ever-so-slowly across the cerulean sky. There were a few strands of hair hanging in her eyes, but she was so dazed that she didn't bother to move them aside. At the front of the room, the teacher was droning on and on about the upcoming Halloween and her kids and yadda, yadda, yadda. It was Monday, and the events of the previous weekend seemed to be a thing of the past.

But they weren't. On the contrary, they had dredged up more thoughts and memories than Kairi could handle, and she could feel her spirit bursting at the seams of her body. She was desperate to be free of herself, if that made sense, and it was infuriating that she was unable to do so. The poor girl could still feel Riku inside of her, his fingers digging into her hips as he took the last piece of innocence she had left. Kairi didn't think she would ever be able to set foot on the beach again.

Ever since what Namine had told her, Kairi couldn't stop thinking about the fact that Sora and all of his friends were in a gang. A full-blown _gang_. She had _known _that there was something going on behind the scenes. Something that was keeping Sora in his constant state of negativity. It just hadn't made sense that Sora would suddenly hate her overnight. Kairi could understand him not believing her about what Riku had done, but she couldn't understand his ongoing hatred towards her. His rigid unwillingness to hear her out. But even though she knew now that he was engaged in some less-than-stellar activities . . . She knew that there was more to Sora's story. With the way that they were all acting at the beach, there was no doubt about it: The boys were all involved in something that went way beyond simple gang activity. Kairi was beginning to wonder if maybe the three boys that she had met outside the club were a part of it, too.

Suddenly, Kairi was all too aware of the fact that twenty-odd eyes were resting upon her. She jumped, startled, and realized that the teacher had been calling her name for the past minute.

"Huh?"

The teacher frowned and waved a pink slip of paper about in the air. A Teacher's Aid was standing next to her desk, and both of them were waiting. Kairi's cheeks tinged crimson red with embarrassment as she slowly rose to her feet.

"They want to see you down in the office," the teacher said with one arched eyebrow.

"Mm," Kairi nodded, following the Teacher's Aid out of the classroom. She wondered what they could possibly want to see her for. The Aid wasn't saying anything to her, so she supposed she would find out.

When they arrived at the office and Kairi entered the room, her heart stopped.

"What are you doing here, Mom?" Kairi asked, pale in the face with worry.

Her mother was sitting in one of the chairs that was outside the Principal's office, dressed in a business suit and typing away at something on her Blackberry. At the sound of her daughter's voice, her eyes snapped up and there was no warmth within them. It was at times like these that Kairi was painfully reminded that she was adopted—that she didn't belong, that her mother blamed her for things that birth mother's didn't.

"Kairi," her mother greeted her curtly, slipping her phone into her Coach purse and standing up.

"What are you doing here?" Kairi repeated, aware of the office employees staring at the two of them. She loved her mother, but she knew that if she was here, it wasn't good. Lately, their relationship had been just short of nonexistent, so seeing her was definitely uncomfortable.

Just then, the Principal came out of his office and beckoned the two of them in. Casting her mother one last wary glance, she stepped in after her. They took seats at the cushioned chairs that were situated in front of his rather extravagant mahogany desk. Kairi looked from her mother to the stern expression that was on the Principal's face, and gulped. Somehow she knew: she was in trouble.

"It's been brought to my attention, Mrs. Frierson," the Principal said to Kairi's mother, as if Kairi weren't even in the room, "that your daughter here has been in a few rather . . . _Compromising _situations on campus."

Kairi's mother arched her eyebrow but remained silent. Oh, yeah: Kairi was in trouble.

The Principal sighed and went on, "I'm sure you're wondering what these situations were, Mrs. Frierson . . . If you'd give me just a moment . . ." He flipped through a small pile of papers in front of him. "Ah, yes, here we are: She was seen arguing in the halls with a male student more than a number of times since the school year started . . . She has been repeatedly listless and unresponsive in her classes . . . She is failing every single one of her classes save for Home Economics . . . Oh, and she was seen arguing with a female peer in the Cafeteria just last week." He folded his hands on his desk and sighed.

"I know that this is a public school, Mrs. Frierson," the Principal continued, "and I am aware that your daughter has returned this year after a very emotionally-trying year, but our school has—as I'm sure _you're _aware—a reputation that precedes it. We want students here who want to be here. Students who apply themselves and have goals for their future."

Kairi's eyes blazed with indignation. She wanted to lean across the desk and slap the Principal across the face. How dare he call the _death of her child part _an 'emotionally-trying' year? How dare he talk about her pain as if it were a poison that was ruining the school?

"Well, Mr. Marigold," her mother huffed. "I can assure you that my husband and I are completely aware of this situation, and we will handle it amongst ourselves. Within our family. What, may I ask, is your reason for calling me down here?"

Mr. Marigold sighed and stared at her over his horn-rimmed glasses. "Academic suspension. For the rest of the year."

Kairi's jaw dropped. "That's ridiculous!" she cried, sitting up straight in her seat. "If you do that, I won't graduate with the rest of the class! I'll—"

"Kairi," her mother hissed. "Hush."

Begrudgingly, Kairi shut her mouth and sat back, waiting.

Mr. Marigold regarded her with distaste and then addressed her mother once again.

"As I was saying . . . Academic suspension for the rest of the year is what I'm _recommending_. All-in-all, it is your decision what course to take for your daughter. I do not want to take on the role of parent and discipline your child. However . . . As the leader of my school, I cannot allow anybody, no matter what has happened to them in their personal lives, to throw the good name of the school into the dirt and stomp all over it. She has broken rules and she is refusing to do her part to participate in her classes, and should you choose not to go with the academic suspension . . . Then I will be forced to restrict her to after-school detention for the rest of the year."

There was a tense silence in which Kairi and her mother looked at each other, having a silent conversation between them. There was so much disappointment, mistrust, and anger in her mother's eyes that Kairi's temper wasn't enough to block her from the intense feelings of pain that filled her heart. The feelings of utter loneliness and rejection. Abandonment. She knew that things between her mother were never going to be as they once were. And now that Riku had raped her again, there was no hope. Kairi couldn't tell her mother about that—not ever.

Kairi blinked back tears and turned her face away.

"Mr. Marigold," her mother said decidedly, tight-lipped. "We will take the academic suspension."

Kairi gasped in horror.

Mr. Marigold looked surprised. "You . . . You do know what this means, don't you? She will have to be homeschooled, or she will have to return next year as a Second Year Senior. Are you prepared to—"

Kairi's mother had started to stand. "What?" she challenged. "Are you doling out the academic suspension, or did you call me out of a meeting to simply shoot the breeze?"

"N-No, I . . ." Mr. Marigold shot Kairi a quick glance, but then looked away. "This is a very serious matter, I just didn't think that . . ."

"Didn't think that I cared about my daughter enough to discipline her adequately? You were wrong."

Before the Principal (who obviously hadn't expected Kairi's mother to be so cold) could say anything more, Kairi's mother grabbed the redhead's wrist and dragged her out of the office and out into the hall.

"Mom!" Kairi cried, yanking her hand out of her mother's grip when they got outside. "What the _Hell_ was that?! Academic suspension?! Are you kidding me! That's—"

"Kairi Ann Frierson," her mother scolded, crossing her arms over her chest. "The punishment you're receiving right now is a punishment of your own making. I repeatedly told you to keep your grades up and focus on school. I took things away from you, I warned you multiple times, and I told you that you weren't ready to go back to school. I—"

"And how would _you _know what I'm ready for?!" Kairi screeched, not caring that class was still in session and they were right outside a number of closed doors. "You don't care about me, or about anything that I've been through. You just want to be rid of me! You—"

"You're damn right I want to be rid of you!" her mother shrieked, hair and eyes wild. "You have single-handedly ruined this family with your insipid _lies_. You . . ." Tears started to fall freshly down her mother's cheeks and when she looked at Kairi, Kairi knew exactly what her mother thought of her.

"I thought you . . ." Kairi looked away. "I thought that you believed me."

"Of course I believe you, Kairi," her mother said mutedly. "I believe that you were raped, and I believe that my son did it. But what I don't believe is that you would be so willing to tear our family apart. After all we've done for you. That . . . That is what I don't believe."

"That doesn't even make sense!" Kairi wailed. "Mommy!"

"No!" her mother screamed. "Don't . . . Don't you call me that! You . . . Are _not _my daughter. I never want to see you again." She started to walk away, saying, "You have until the end of November to find somewhere else to live. Your father and I don't want you to contact either of us, nor our son ever again."

Kairi felt as though her heart had been ripped clean out of her chest. Tears were coursing violently down her face as she sobbed, "Did you plan this? Did you have this all planned out?!"

Her mother paused and turned to look at her one last time, a look of utter disgust in his eyes. "We did." And then she was gone, getting farther and farther away.

Around her, classroom doors were opening and people were starting to peek out to see what was going on. Kairi felt horrible. She felt exposed and in despair—that her parents were completely disowning her even though they _knew _what Riku had done to her . . . It was awful. Kairi had never felt so alone and unwanted in her entire life. And now she had to find somewhere else to live? She was practically expelled from school, she had no job, her car wasn't even in her name and neither was her phone . . .

In a whirlwind rush of emotion, Kairi turned and bolted down the hall, looking for the exit. She didn't care that there were people looking at her, or that the bell had just rung, seeing as she was no longer an attendee of the school. Her life was ruined. She had no future without school, and before she could even begin to _think _about GEDs or anything like that, she was going to have to find a fucking place to _live_.

When she got outside, she barely managed to make it to her car before she completely broke down and started to weep inconsolably. She hid her face against the steering wheel and cried and cried and cried. She couldn't do this anymore. Not anymore. It was just too much for her to handle. And the fact that Riku had fucking raped her on the beach a day ago was _not helping_.

What was she going to do? What the _Hell _was she going to _do_? She was only eighteen. She hadn't expected to be forced out of her home like this, and she simply wasn't ready. Where was she going to go? Was this how cruel life could be? Letting her be sexually assaulted and tortured for ten years, lose her friends and family, and push her to the brink?

The boiling point had been reached, and Kairi knew that there was literally nothing to stop her from swallowing an entire bottle of pills. Or slitting her wrists. Or driving her car off of a bridge. She wanted to die in every sense of the word, and it terrified her. She'd never before felt this way, and it fucking _terrified _her.

There was a knock at her window, and when she looked up, she nearly lost her shit.

It was the blonde boy. The blonde from outside the club! He was grinning widely at her and waving energetically for her to open her door. When she looked closer, she could see that he was flanked by—you guessed it—the redheaded boy and the silver-haired one. They were all clad in black skinny jeans and black hoodies, and though they were smiling invitingly, Kairi felt uncomfortable. How had they found her here at this exact moment?

After wiping her eyes, Kairi rolled down her window.

"Y-Yeah?" Her voice was hoarse.

"You doin' okay?" the blonde asked.

"How did you find me here?" Kairi's brow furrowed. "Seriously, I don't even know you guys, and you know my name and where I'm at . . . What the Hell?"

"Consider us friends," the redhead said. "The name's Axel. The blonde is Demyx, and the gray-haired kid is Zexion."

"That still doesn't tell me how the fuck you found me . . . ?" She scowled. "Seriously, you guys, I'm not really in the mood to entertain you, or whatever. I have things I need to do."

Axel leaned against the car and smirked down at her. "Give me five minutes—I can help you."

"Help me?" She frowned, wondering how he knew she needed help with anything. These guys were starting to freak her out. "I don't need help."

Zexion leaned forward. "We can't help you with your problems, but we can help you forget."

Kairi raised her eyebrows. "Help me . . . Forget?"

Demyx smirked. "Come with us, and we'll show you."

Kairi stared up at them, weighing her options. Or rather, weighing the consequences. If she went and ran around all over the place with three guys she hardly knew, there were all sorts of things that could happen, good or bad. She'd never heard of nor seen these guys before recently, so she had no idea what sort of reputation preceded them. They _seemed _nice enough, but Kairi knew better than anyone else that it was easy enough for a person to put on a convincing façade. And yet . . . She _did _want to forget. She wanted to forget all about her day, and her weekend, and her year, and her entire life.

". . . Let's do it," she said after a while, taking the keys out of her car's ignition. She started to get out of the car, but then stopped. Gazing at the keys, she sighed. Her mother was going to take the damn thing soon anyway, so what the Hell was she even doing?

Kairi tossed the keys into the passenger's seat and got out of the car.

~x~

Mistakes. Kairi seemed to be making a lot of them lately. She kept getting herself into situations out of which there was no escape. She had quickly realized that it was a _huge _mistake to leave with those boys the second she got into their car. Not only did they take her cell phone from her the second she pulled it out to text Namine, but Demyx and Axel sat in the backseat on either side of her whileZexion drove the car. She had absolutely no room to move, Axel had his arm around her shoulders in a relaxed manner, and Kairi had a feeling that even if she'd wanted to get out, they wouldn't let her.

They'd driven around for a bit until they'd come to a park. Zexion and Demyx had gotten out and wandered off to a small copse of trees a ways away, leaving Kairi and Axel alone in the car. There was an awkward silence, and then Axel spoke.

"So . . . What's up with you and Sora?"

Kairi's left eyebrow arched. Way to cut to the chase. She still didn't know how they were acquainted with Sora, nor why they were so interested in her relationship with him (or lack thereof), but she figured it couldn't hurt to humor the guy for a bit.

"What's it matter?" she said, relaxing back in the seat. She was getting used to the warmth of Axel beside her.

"No reason," Axel replied nonchalantly. "You guys are just the talk of the town."

"The talk of the . . . ?" Kairi spluttered in shock. "What the _fuck_?"

"Kairi, Sora's a pretty popular guy," Axel smirked. "And your little pregnancy-rape story of last year is well-known news."

Kairi sat up straight in her seat and glared at him. "My _pregnancy-rape story_? Who the _fuck _you think you are? You don't even—_Aaaah_!"

Kairi was thrown back against her seat as Axel leaned over her suddenly, pinning her against the leather by her shoulders. His normally sunny smile was replaced by a hard frown and his emerald green eyes blazed with quiet anger. Fear filled Kairi's heart—fear unlike the fear she experienced with Riku. Kairi didn't know Axel, and she didn't know what he was capable of. This fear was new and it was real. Heart pounding erratically, she stared up at him with a terrified expression on her pretty face.

"Talk to me like that again, and I'll make sure you can't walk for a week. I swear to fucking God, little girl, I will fuck you harder than Riku ever has. You think Riku runs the show?" He tilted his head to the side, his lips hovering over her own. She whimpered, and he continued, "That kid's just the spokesman."

"I w-wanna leave," Kairi stammered digging her hands into the seat cushion beneath her.

Axel smirked. "Well maybe you should have thought about that before you got into my car." He let go of her and sat back, his eyes studying her carefully. Then, he sighed and shook his head. "I was hoping I wouldn't have to resort to such measures. I was _hoping_ you'd be as good a little girl as Riku tells me you are."

Kairi felt sick to her stomach. She was such an idiot. She was _such _a fucking _idiot_. Why the _fuck _had she decided to leave with a group of _men_ that she didn't even _know_? It was obvious whoever they were, they were involved in the gang that Riku, Sora, and the others were—the gang that Riku was supposedly the leader of. Judging by what Axel had just said, though, Kairi could tell that wasn't the case. It was also becoming crystal fucking clear that Kairi was in deep shit.

Tears came to her eyes but she quickly wiped them away. These guys weren't Riku; they didn't have any mental or emotional hold over her. If they attempted to hurt her or rape her, you could be sure as Hell that she was gonna fight back.

At least, that had been her plan at the time.

Fast forward to later that night, and the four teens were at a college house party. Kairi had no idea where they were on the Islands, and she didn't really care. Her main goals were trying to find a phone or an escape route. It was hard, though, due to the fact that Axel wouldn't leave her side. The house was packed wall-to-wall with people, music was pounding against her eardrums, and Axel's hands were all over her.

Kairi was currently pressed up against the living room wall, Axel's lips feathering against her jawline and earlobe. She felt nauseous, her stomach churning and roiling. She tried to push him away, but he was strong, much too strong. God, _why did she get in a car with these guys?!_

"Come onnnn," Axel murmured, his breath stinking of alcohol. His hips were pressing close to hers. "Show me some of that magic Riku's so attracted to."

"There _is_ no magic!" Kairi hissed. "Leave me _alone_."

Axel rolled his eyes. "You're _such _a _bore_." He turned away from her for a moment to get some more liquor, and Kairi took her chance.

She bolted.

Pushing through the half-drunk college kids, Kairi made a break for the back door. The house was located out in the woods, and Kairi knew that if she could just get out to the trees, then maybe she could hide . . . ? She didn't know how long they'd look for her, or if they'd leave her alone until they found her, but it was worth a shot. She had to get out of there before a repeat of Saturday night happened. It was one thing to be sexually assaulted by Riku, the one who had been doing it since she was little. But to be assaulted by people she didn't know, with no way of protecting herself or escaping? Why, it was more horrifying than the worst nightmare of your deepest slumber.

Kairi slammed opened the sliding glass door and ran barefoot through the dirt and sparse grass, toward the thick trees. She could hear Axel's angry snarls behind her, heard him demanding that she stop, heard Demyx and Zexion joining in the chase. Her hair flew out behind her as her feet pounded against the ground, and she flew. Oh, she flew because she knew that if she touched down she would never again see the sky.

"You little bitch!" Axel called, his voice echoing throughout the forest. "Get your skinny ass back here!"

Thankful that she'd chosen to wear a black pleated miniskirt and a light pink tank top that day, Kairi picked up her pace. She pushed herself to her limit because she _had_ to. She ran until their voices faded into the distance, and the rapidly darkening night seemed to swallow her in shadows. Panting heavily for breath, she looked around for a hiding spot. Last minute, she decided the only way to go was up. Finding a tree covered in knots and gnarls, she climbed.

When she was safely hidden in the darkness and the leaves of a thick branch, she relaxed against the tree trunk and attempted to catch her breath. She cursed herself for getting in that damn car. She cursed herself for being too weak. They'd already managed to make her drink something earlier and while she wasn't drunk, she knew they'd put something in it. She could feel the edges of her sanity starting to blur.

It was times like these that she really, _really _wanted Sora to be there. If he were, he'd protect her. He'd hold her hand and speed her along while they were running. He'd stop to fight them off to give her a chance to get away. He'd help her up the tree faster, even if it meant that the bad guys would catch up with him. He'd be her savior, her protector . . . He'd make it all go away.

Kairi had to clamp her hand over her mouth to keep her sobs from sounding out. Tears streamed down her face. She was so scared, so very scared. This was like nothing she'd ever experienced before. She had just been raped on Saturday for the first time in more than a year, found out that she herself had something to do with Riku and his gang, and now three very scary, very dangerous college-age boys were chasing her through a forest and if they caught her, they might do something awful to her.

"Oh, God," she breathed out as she wept. "Oh, _God_."

"Kaiiiiiirrrriiiiiiii." It was Demyx, coming into the area beneath the tree she was in.

"Where _is _that little slut?" Axel growled as he, too entered the area.

"She's probably hiding somewhere near here," Zexion said, his voice soft and wicked. "She can't have gotten far."

"Fuck," Axel cursed, "when Riku said she was feisty, he didn't mention she was a fucking handful. When I find her, I'm going to make her _wish_ I was Riku."

Kairi closed her eyes and held her breath. One little sound in this frighteningly quiet forest, and they'd have her. They wandered around and grumbled to themselves for a while before they moved on. Kairi heaved a sigh of relief and wiped the remnants of her tears away. She started to climb down the tree, making a plan as she went. She was going to head back to the house and find a phone, call Namine, steal a random pair of someone else's shoes, and then hike back to town.

The second her feet touched the ground, she turned to run. It wasn't five seconds before there were hands in her hair, though, dragging her backward. She let out a shriek of shock and terror that was cut off by a vicious blow to the throat. The taste of blood on her lips, Kairi promptly fell to her knees and vomited all over the dirt.

Before she could regain her composure, she received a kick to the ribcage; one that hit her so hard that she could already feel the bruise forming. She cried out in pain and doubled up as Demyx kicked her again, angrily so.

"You wanna try and run from me again, bitch?" he roared vehemently. "You wanna try and escape?" He kicked her again and again, harder with each shake of Kairi's head. She hated Demyx so much right then that if she'd had the strength, she would have killed him with no remorse.

Kairi tried to crawl away, fingers clawing at the grass, but Demyx stepped forward and jammed the heel of his foot onto the back of her hand. She screamed as he twisted his heel and fell against the ground, clutching it to her stomach to protect it.

"Stop!" Axel suddenly yelled, right before Demyx's foot almost connected with the side of Kairi's head. His emerald eyes were icy and cold. She could see his hatred for her on his face—something that Kairi just couldn't understand. Did it have something to do with Riku, or . . . What?

"Let _me _handle this," Axel growled, sending a glare her way that was so heated, she could feel the warmth.

Kairi couldn't help the whimper of terror that escaped her lips as Axel strolled over to her. She shrieked in agony when he slammed the heel of his combat boot upon her wrist and twisted it. She heard a distant crack as the bones screamed in protest, nearly breaking. She gritted her teeth and hissed in pain, determined not to show too much weakness.

"Don't make this any harder than it has to be," he snarled, leaning forward on the foot that was crushing Kairi's wrist, causing more pain to explode within her body. "You're a lesson that needs to be taught."

Though she was confused by his words, Kairi still managed to muster up enough courage and anger to hiss, "Your . . . Breath . . . Smells . . . Like . . . _Shit_." Sweat was beading upon her brow from the mixture of pain and fear, but she held his gaze from her place on the ground. Then, she spat directly into his face.

Rage twisted his face into an ugly, indignant expression, and all Hell broke loose. He tangled his fingers in Kairi's soft hair and yanked her to her feet. She screamed as he slammed her head back into the trunk of the nearest tree. Stars burst like fire in her vision, dancing in dazed circles.

"Who the _fuck _do you think you are, you bitch?!" Axel shouted irately, mere inches away from her. Kairi flinched from pure trepidation, knowing that there was no way she was going to survive this encounter without more than a few bruises. She'd screwed herself ten times over by sending saliva hurtling toward Axel's cheek.

But she wasn't quite ready to give up.

"You're stupid," she choked out, still unable to keep herself from getting smart with him. "Obviously, you've already answered your own question. All in the same sentence."

His eye twitched. "Oh, really?"

Kairi merely stared at him, trying to ignore the pain of him pulling her hair. "You called me a bitch right after you asked me who I thought I was. Obviously, a bitch."

Axel looked about ready to explode from within his core. He studied Kairi's face for a moment, as if deciding whether or not to kill her for her attitude. Kairi was petrified, but she had no regrets. She'd rather go down kicking and screaming than crying like a baby.

"I will make you wish that you never came crawling out of your mother's womb, you stupid. Fucking. _Whore_!" he roared so loudly that a large amount of birds sleeping within the leafy foliage above were woken from their slumbers. His hand flashed back and Kairi saw red. He punched her so hard in the diaphragm that not only could she not breathe, but she nearly wet herself. It hurt . . . _So _bad. It felt like her entire body had been thrust into an inferno. She struggled to stay afloat, close to blacking out completely and struggling to free herself before he could get the chance to strike her again.

"Still wanna spit on me? Still wanna fucking disrespect me?" Axel demanded in a loud voice, shaking her violently for emphasis. "Still wanna get smart?"

"Stop it!" Kairi pleaded, the fear getting the best of her as she fought to stay conscious.

"Oh, so _now _you beg?" Axel sneered.

Zexion suddenly stepped forward. "Axel. She threw up the drugs—we need to give her more. This is getting us nowhere."

The next few moments were a blur. Demyx and Axel wrestled Kairi to her knees in the dirt, rocks scraping at her kneecaps, as Zexion gripped her chin and forced pills onto her tongue. She tried to spit them out, but Axel was squeezing her throat and Demyx was gripping her wrists behind her back in a way that hurt. And while all this was happening, all Kairi could do was wonder why this was happening to her. Why nothing but bad things had ever happened to her. Her entire life had just been one big disappointment, starting with her parents giving her up to an orphanage when she was five. Then came the abuse at age eight, the rape at age twelve, the acting out and partying as a teen, and finally . . . The pregnancy, the bullying, and the loss of the one thing she held most dear.

Kairi started to cry at the thought of Sora, because she wanted him here to rescue her more than anything. She looked up into Zexion's eyes, pleading silently with him.

His face was expressionless. "Swallow the pills," he commanded softly.

She shook her head, feeling them against her tongue.

"Swallow the pills," he repeated.

"No," Kairi sobbed.

"Swallow the fucking pills!" Demyx shouted, scaring her into crying harder.

She did.

"Get her up," Zexion ordered. "We're going to see this out like we promised."

"What do you mean?" Kairi asked, panicked. Demyx and Axel dragged her to her feet. "What are you going to do?" She tried to dig her heels into the dirt, but there were so many rocks and twigs that it was painful. She could feel the drugs already kicking in, and it was making her feel even _more _anxious. If she passed out, if she became incapacitated . . . Oh, God, what would they do to her? It would be ten times worse than what Riku had done to her!

"Shut _up_!" Demyx slapped her.

"Why are you doing this?!" Kairi cried, looking from one to the other. "Just let me go home! Please!"

"You want to know why we're doing this?" Axel whirled on her and lifted her into the air a little bit by her arm, causing her to whimper.

Kairi stared at him.

Axel smirked.

"Why don't you ask your little boyfriend?" His smirk deepened. "I'm sure he'll tell you _all_ about it."

**A/N: Hope you guys liked it! You'll have to wait to find out what happens next!**


	17. Promises Made, Promises Kept

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, so I am awesome because of super special mega awesome double update, yeah! I'm just not a cliffhanger kinda girl, I hate to leave you guys hanging. Be prepared—this chapter is highly sensitive and VERY dramatic. And Sora is a fucking hot ass piece of hotness, too.**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities.**

**NOTES: This story is rated M. This chapter has a descriptive rape scene in it that uses words that might make you cringe. And remember—if there is no consent, it is always always ALWAYS rape. If you say no, it is rape. If you say nothing, it is rape. If you are passed out drunk, it is rape. If you have been given drugs, it is rape. The only way it is NOT rape is if the word "YES" comes out of your lips.**

**~x~**

**Chapter Fifteen**

~x~

_"Wherever you go, I'm always with you, right? That's what we said, isn't it? That no matter what happens, or who tries to tear us apart . . . We'll never leave each other alone. I need you now. More than ever. Will you rescue me?"_

Kairi groaned and shifted awake, her entire body screaming in protest. Bruises upon bruises littered her pale flesh—bruises in places she had never thought could bruise. Her head was killing her, throbbing with each pulsating beat of her heart. Her vision was blurred and her eyes were crusted over from unconsciousness. She rubbed them clean and sat up, her long hair a tousled mass about her trembling body, and she sucked in her breath.

Demyx was lying next to her, shirtless and passed out. Axel was sleeping on his stomach on her other side, naked as the day he was born and an empty beer bottle beside his head. Kairi felt queasy as she connected the pain in her body to what must have happened, and she tried not to scream. Whatever drugs they had given her had knocked her the fuck out, and she had no idea what they'd done to her. When she looked at the end of the bed, she could see Zexion sitting in an armchair by the window, watching her.

"Wh-What did you do t-to me?" Kairi stammered, finding that her throat was raw and hoarse.

Zexion's face remained impassive. He was resting his chin in his hands, elbows on his thighs as he leaned forward and studied her. His silver hair was an unruly mess and he was clad only in his boxers, giving Kairi an even deeper insight to what must have occurred while she was drugged.

"It's not a matter of what we did to you, Kairi," he said quietly, voice hardly louder than a whisper. "It is a matter of what we did, period."

Realizing she was stark naked, Kairi clutched the sheets close to her nudity and tried not to panic. "And what did you _do_?"

Zexion blinked. "It's really never been explained to you, has it? We had expected him to comply by our rules, but we hadn't expected you to be so blind. Riku said you were clever."

"I hardly think my mental capacity has anything to do with this situation," Kairi hissed, her legs shaking violently. She already knew what those boys had done to her and while she did want to know why, she couldn't stay here any longer. She wanted to leave right away. Even though her apartment wasn't going to be her home for long, she wanted to go there right now and fall into a deep, eternal slumber. Memory would be there, waiting for her. There was no way Kairi was leaving her precious puppy behind. Anything to erase her mind of the tortuous images she was seeing. Because how do you cope with being attacked if you can't even remember it?

"GHB," Zexion said, rising to his feet.

"Wh-What?" Kairi's blood iced over.

"I gave you GHB," he repeated, gathering up his shirt from the floor. "I'm calculating, but I'm not cruel. We had to use you to teach a lesson, but I didn't want you to suffer for another's sake. At least, not more than you already have."

Kairi lowered her gaze. "Don't try to soften the blow with pretty words. I know what you guys did to me. You . . . You raped me, didn't you?"

He arched one silver brow. "Did I?"

"I didn't consent."

"You weren't awake to give consent."

"So you did it then?" Kairi couldn't hear anything—it sounded like a violent wind was rushing through her ears. What was she? Just some plaything for men? Did something about her just scream to be used and violated? Was that her purpose on this Earth?

"Put this on and get out of here, before they wake up," Zexion advised, tossing her his shirt. "Like I said, I'm not cruel."

"You're . . . Letting me go?" Kairi gripped the shirt tightly.

"You'd rather stay and see what happens when they wake up?"

"No."

"Then go."

Kairi gingerly stepped over Demyx's prone form and onto the carpet. She was aware of her nakedness, but if what Zexion was implying was true, it was nothing he hadn't seen before. She pulled his shirt on over her head, wincing as the fabric brushed against open wounds and tender bruises, and fought back tears. She would not cry—not for them, and not for this.

"Zexion . . . Why?" she asked, still confused.

"Don't waste time, Kairi," he said, slowly lowering himself back into the arm chair. "I'm letting you go because you have served your purpose . . . For now. Were it to my gain, I would drop you where you stand."

Kairi gazed at him, trying to decide whether or not he was the bad guy.

He looked back at her and then said quietly, "Make no mistake: I took part in what happened to you tonight. I didn't hold back, and I didn't try to stop Axel or Demyx from doing with you what they pleased. I wanted a lesson to be taught, and it was taught."

"Who was the student?" Kairi whispered. "Me?"

"It's not my secret to tell," Zexion said, looking pointedly at the bedroom door. "Go quickly."

Without another second to spare, Kairi limped her way out into the hall, having realized that something was wrong with her leg. She glanced down at it and saw a six- or seven-inch long bruise colored purple-black, and frowned. Not only was that bruise horrendous, but there were several on her side and ribcage, not to mention her loins were on fire and there was blood on her inner thighs. Kairi paused to catch her breath for a moment—there was definitely a problem with her ribs, maybe cracked or broken.

'_You can't cry, Kairi,_' she thought as she stepped around peacefully slumbering college kids. '_You can handle this. You need to get a phone and get out of here.'_

In the living room, Kairi spotted a cordless house phone sitting on the coffee table next to the couch. She hurried toward it, wincing in pain, and dialed Namine's number.

"Hello?" Namine sounded suspicious, as most people who get calls from random numbers do.

"I-It's me," Kairi said, clearing her sore throat. "It's K-Kairi."

"Oh, hey," she said brightly yet worriedly. "Where were you after school? I've been calling your phone and stuff. I was worried after what happened this weekend."

"I need you to come get me," Kairi said slowly and deliberately.

"Get you? Where's your car? Where are you?"

"Don't freak out—I'll explain everything later. I'm outside of town somewhere, like near North Shore I think?"

Namine exploded. "_North Shore?! _Kairi, that's like a half-hour away! That's so far! And that's a really bad side of the Island; what are you _doing _over there?"

Kairi held the phone away from her ear and tried not to cry out. Her head was literally _throbbing_, it hurt like a bitch. "I told you not to freak out," Kairi said meekly.

"Kairi," Namine said warningly. "Are you in any danger?"

"I was, but right now, I'm okay." Hearing the sound of voices, Kairi glanced over her shoulder at the direction she'd come. Were the boys waking up? Would Zexion stop them from coming after her? "Please, just . . . I'm going to walk back to town, if I can make it. I need you to come get me though. It's very important."

"I can't, though . . . I'm with Roxas, and we don't have a car."

Kairi's heart sank. Who else could she call?

"Here," Namine said. "He wants to talk to you. I'm gonna go see if I can't find some money to call you a taxi."

Kairi chewed on her lower lip as the volume of the voices increased. She had to figure out a solution and start walking toward town. Quickly. "Okay."

"Kairi?" Roxas sounded anxious. "Was it them? Did they take you?"

Kairi's eyes went wide. How did Roxas know . . . ? So the three boys _did _have something to do with Riku and his gang! It was relieving to know that Roxas had an idea what was going on, but not relieving to know that he was involved with some really bad guys.

"Yes," she whispered, hurrying toward the sliding glass door as she heard the bedroom door opening and Zexion's hushed whispers. Fear filled her. "They took my phone and drugged me. I don't have much time to get away—can you come get me?"

"Listen, don't panic. Get the Hell out of there and hide in the woods."

"You know where I'm at?"

"Yes," he scowled. "You're at Zexion's house. But you _have_ to get _out of there_, you hear me?"

"O-Okay," Kairi stammered, terrified. "But I can't go too far from the house—this is the house phone."

"Shit," he cursed. "Okay, listen. Go into the garage, and call Sora. Do you know his number?"

"Yes." This was no time to be embarrassed.

"All right. Namine and I will walk over there—you just call Sora, and they'll come get you. Tell him you're in North Shore, and he'll know what to do."

"A-All right."

"Go, go, go!" And then he hung up.

The redhead looked around and then got an idea. She pulled open the front door and left it like that, to make them think she'd run out into the woods. Then, clutching the phone to her chest, Kairi hurried through the kitchen and out into the dark garage before the boys could catch her and know where she really was. She shut the door as quietly as she could, her mind whirling around and around in circles.

She couldn't believe this was happening to her, that she was even _in _this situation. These were the kinds of things that happened in movies, or on TV. Gangs, rape, abuse . . . Those were the kinds of things you saw on shows like _Law & Order: SVU _or _Criminal Minds_; not in the life of a depressed redheaded girl who was lovesick over her ex-best friend. Now, being sexually abused by her adoptive brother was something she had learned to cope with. It was what she could handle and bear. But this? Being kidnapped and raped by three twenty-somethings with the date rape drug?

Kairi felt her cuts itching, her skin begging to be sliced into. She fought the desire down and found a stack of boxes near the garage door that she could hide behind. Ducking down in nothing but Zexion's oversized-shirt (which barely covered her rump), she felt out the numbers in the dark and called Sora.

"Yeah?" He answered on the third ring.

Hearing his voice caused wave after wave of emotion to crash over her, leaving her speechless. If she opened her mouth, she knew she would start sobbing. She wanted him to come so badly—she wanted him to be there to save her.

"Who is this?" Sora repeated.

"S-Sora," Kairi whispered, voice weak and thick with unshed tears. She looked up at the ceiling in the darkness, but it wasn't enough to keep them from slipping silently down her cheeks. Her throat hurt from the effort of trying to hold them back, anyway.

"Who the fuck is this?" He sounded angry. "How do you know my name?"

"Sora," Kairi said a bit louder, not wanting her voice to echo. "Sora, it's m-me. Kairi."

". . . Oh."

She supposed she should cut right to the chase. "Please . . . C-Can you come g-get me? Please?"

"What?" He sounded flabbergasted. "Come get you . . . ? You mean pick you up from somewhere? I'm kinda in the middle of a band practice, and it's one in the morning . . ."

"I'm in North Shore," Kairi said automatically, remembering Roxas's advice. "You have to come, now. Please."

"_FUCK_!" Sora shouted so loudly that it caused Kairi to have to cover her mouth to stifle a whimper. "Tidus, Vanitas, let's go. Now. _NOW!"_

"Sora, hurry," Kairi breathed, for she could hear Axel's angered yelling of her name from outside the garage. It filled her with pure unadulterated terror. If they caught her here . . . Sora would never make it to her on time before they did something horrible to her again.

"Kairi, listen to me," he urged, his voice sounding strained. In the background, she could hear Vanitas and Tidus demanding to know what was going on. Car doors slammed one right after the other. "Are you hurt?"

"I-I . . ." She couldn't speak. They were still outside the garage.

"Kairi, answer me!" he roared. "Did they hurt you?! Did they fucking hurt you?!"

The amount of concern in his voice was unbearable. He was coming to find her. He knew where she was, and he was coming to help her. He wasn't going to leave her behind. It was enough to make her want to break down and start sobbing. Almost.

"M-My leg . . . And my ribs. And . . . O-Other places."

"God _fucking damn it_!" he screamed, and she could hear someone honking the horn, followed by Vanitas yelling at other drivers to move out of the way. "Kairi, where are you right now? In the house, where are you at?"

"I c-called Namine, and R-Roxas told me t-to hide in the g-garage," she whispered, clutching her pained side. Every breath was starting to hurt, agony ripping through her chest like a poison-tipped arrow.

"Good," he breathed. "Just stay right there. We're getting on the freeway, and we'll be there in ten minutes."

"Don't go!" Kairi gasped, squeezing her eyes shut. She didn't want him to hang up. She was afraid that if he did, the trio would find her and hurt her again. She was afraid that they'd kill her, and Sora wouldn't be able to save her.

"Kairi . . ."

"Sora, I'm scared," she whispered. "I'm so . . . I'm so scared."

He was quiet, and then she heard him heave a sigh. Whether it was a sigh of defeat or remorse, however, she couldn't discern.

"I know."

"You promised."

"I know. I'm keeping it; I'm coming."

Suddenly, there was a loud crash as something was thrown up against the garage door, causing Kairi to shriek. Panicking, she held the phone closer to her ear. They were coming for her. Zexion could be heard arguing with Axel, and Demyx was somewhere in the background, too.

"What happened?" Sora cried. "Are you okay?"

"They're coming," she replied.

"I'm hurrying. Vani, drive _faster!"_

"Sora?"

"What, Kairi?"

Kairi took a deep, shuddering breath as the garage door was thrown open and light flooded the garage. Axel and Demyx stumbled in, fully-clothed, and looking angry as all Hell. Their eyes zeroed in on her location, and Kairi knew she was in trouble.

"See you soon," she said before she hung up the phone and tossed it aside. Just as the plastic clattered against the concrete floor, Axel grabbed her by the front of Zexion's shirt and dragged her to her feet. He hauled back and slapped her across the face multiple times, until her entire mouth went numb. She had accidentally bit her tongue, and blood was welling up in her mouth, but she didn't care. As scared as she was, she knew that Sora was coming. He was on his way. He was finally keeping his promises to her.

"You fucking slut," he growled hoarsely, shoving her up against the wall and pinning her there by the throat. His eyes blazed with unbridled rage. "Thought you could escape? Thought we were done with you?"

Kairi didn't say anything. Instead, she looked him straight in the eyes with absolutely no expression on her face. It obviously enraged him, because the next thing she knew, Axel was behind her, holding her up in the air with her legs apart and knees bent. Demyx was in front of her, grabbing her breasts roughly, and grumbling to her about how annoying she was. Kairi's breathing quickened. They were going to take her again, weren't they?

"The lesson has been taught," Zexion said smoothly from the garage door, locking eyes with Kairi. "Is this necessary?"

"You shut your fucking mouth," Axel snarled, breaking the skin on Kairi's bruised thighs with his nails. She arched her back in pain but kept her mouth firmly shut—she didn't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing that she was terrified.

"Yeah!" Demyx agreed as he unzipped his pants and eyed her greedily. "We did it your way first. We let you use the GHB, and it wasn't as much fun. The lesson isn't taught until he hears her scream."

Axel removed his hands from her thighs, wrapped one strong arm around her waist and grabbed her under the chin. He pulled her head back onto his shoulder as Demyx moved in-between her legs, the head of his member brushing against her core. She tried not to show any fear, though her heart was beating wildly with terror.

"He _is_ on his way here, isn't he?" Axel chuckled darkly into her ear before he bit down on it sharply. "You called him and begged him to come rescue you, right?"

Kairi's eyes widened in stages as she felt Demyx pushing into her. He was much bigger than Riku, and since her body was _not_ by any means ready for him, he tore her apart. From end to end, she was split in two, and even though it set her on fire, she didn't give them what they wanted. She didn't scream. She looked across the room at Zexion through lidded eyes, hoping with a small shred of herself that he might help her.

No such luck.

"This . . . Is no . . . Fun," Demyx grunted as he thrust in and out, holding her body suspended between him and Axel with his hands on her bottom.

Axel smirked and the two boys locked eyes over her shoulder. "Allow me to assist you."

Kairi heard the distinct sound of another zipper being undone, and then Demyx was using his hands to spread her apart. Axel's length pressed against an area that was already tender and abused from what Riku had done to her on Saturday, and her eyes rolled up into her head. He rammed into her from behind, little by little, until her flesh tore and her own blood gave him the right amount of slickness he needed. Demyx took her from the front, Axel's hands on her breasts and Demyx's on her rump, and Kairi was sure she would be shorn into a million tiny pieces.

Finally, she couldn't hold it in any longer. She screamed. It echoed through the empty garage, punctuated by the sickening slapping noises and heavy erotic grunts coming from her captors. Her mind was void of anything save the anguish and the agony and the sheer _despair_ that permeated throughout her entire body. Now she understood why Zexion had drugged her the night before. To save her from having to experience _this_ firsthand. This was nothing like what she had experienced with Riku. This was literally a nightmare. A waking, living _nightmare_.

But still, she didn't cry. She absolutely would not let herself cry. It would be like the icing on the cake for them, getting to see that they were succeeding in breaking her. Because they definitely were succeeding. No . . . They _had _succeeded. Kairi was utterly and completely broken, and when they were both done with her and set her down on her feet, she couldn't hold herself up. She crumpled in a heap on the floor, her legs tingling with numbness, body searing with pain, and blood and semen trickling from inside of her.

"Enough." Zexion was there, lifting her up and slapping her lightly on the face to keep her from passing out.

"Aw, come on," Demyx pouted. "I could go another round. I . . ."

Zexion shot him a withering glare and he trailed off, looking chastised.

"He'll be here any moment. The lesson has been taught. Thoroughly so." Zexion's voice was abrupt, and Kairi had a feeling that he wasn't happy about what his friends had done. But she knew it didn't matter. He had probably joined in the night before when the boys were having their way with her drugged body. She forced one foot in front of the other as Zexion helped her into the house.

Keeping his arm around her, Zexion led her through the kitchen. "Why didn't you leave when I gave you the chance?"

"The p-phone," Kairi whispered, her body surrounded in so much pain that she was finding it difficult to form coherent thought.

"Is Sora coming?"

"Yeah."

They came into the living room and went out the front door. Most of the partiers were still asleep on the floor and in random places, but they were just now starting to stir. Kairi supposed it was her fault they'd woken up—she'd been screaming so loud that her throat was even more raw.

"Can you sit?" Zexion asked when they were out on the porch.

Kairi shook her head. "Hurts," she mumbled.

Zexion scowled and opened his mouth to talk, but he stopped himself when tires came screeching into the driveway. Before the car had even parked, Sora and Tidus were out of it, looking at Zexion with the sole intent to murder him.

"Get your hands off of her." Tidus's voice was quiet, dangerous. He and Sora stopped a few yards away from the porch steps and glared up at Zexion.

"If I do that, she'll collapse." Something in Zexion's voice had changed. Or rather, turned on. He sounded frightening, really, with the way his voice rolled like malicious smoke off of his tongue.

"What did you do to her?" Sora demanded, his hands balled into shaking fists at his sides. His face was white as a sheet, and he looked angrier than Kairi had ever seen him in her entire life. It was almost strange, seeing as Sora had done nothing but show anger towards her all school year.

"I told her, and now I'm telling you: It is not a matter of what we did _to _her. It's a matter of what we _did_."

"That makes no sense," Tidus complained.

Sora narrowed his eyes. "Explain yourself."

Axel and Demyx soon joined Zexion and Kairi on the porch. Kairi stiffened, remembering what they had done to her just five minutes before, and what they had done to her while she was passed out. She didn't want to be anywhere near them. She wanted to go to Sora.

"Don't tell us, Sora," Axel drawled, lighting a cigarette and taking a puff of it. "You've already forgotten the rules of our agreement?"

Demyx chuckled and stole a drag off of the cigarette. "Seems like he's forgotten that rules have consequences if you break them."

Sora looked away and cursed under his breath. Something passed over his face—some strange emotion that Kairi couldn't place—and when he turned his face back to them, it was full of hatred.

"Let her go."

"Have you learned your lesson?" Zexion shot back, tightening his grip on Kairi's shoulders.

Sora bared his teeth in a disgusted snarl. He took a threatening step toward them, but in the blink of an eye, Kairi felt cold metal pressed up against her temple. Confusion filled her but it was quickly overshadowed by a tremendous amount of terror at the realization of what it was.

Zexion cocked the gun he was currently brandishing and tilted his head curiously at Sora. "Shall I kill her, then?"

"Shall I kill _you_?" Kairi gasped in horror—Sora had his own weapon, and he was staring down the barrel of it at Zexion right now.

"It seems we're at a standstill."

"Zexion, you know I'm the best shot in the gang. You touch her again, and I'll fucking kill you," Sora said quietly, both hands on the blackened metal in his grip. "I'll put a bullet right through that smug face of yours. Get the _fuck _away from her."

'_Sora has a __**gun**_?' Kairi thought in horrified awe at who he had become.

Slowly, Zexion lowered his weapon and he, Axel, and Demyx moved a safe distance away from Kairi. The girl swayed slightly on her feet, her vision tipping back and forth. She could still feel blood dripping from her orifices, pooling on the porch below her. Was she going to die?

Perhaps that wasn't too bad of an idea.

"You said you wouldn't kill me if I moved away," Zexion said when it became clear that Sora wasn't lowering his gun anytime soon. "Are you going to break the rules of our brotherhood and hold a weapon to my head?"

Sora smirked a depraved smirk, and it chilled Kairi to the bone. "I said I would kill you if you touched her again . . ." He cocked the gun. "I didn't say I wouldn't kill you at all."

"Don't kill him, though!" Demyx cried. "That wouldn't be fair!"

"How is _fair _for you to kidnap and beat a helpless girl, huh?" Sora shot back, his hands beginning to shake as the rage welled up within him.

"You broke the rules," Axel growled.

"_That doesn't make it right_!" Sora roared, the passion and anger in his voice making everyone jump. "Let her fucking _go_."

Kairi looked at Zexion, who gave her a slight nod, and she limped as fast as she could down the stairs, using the banister for support. She hadn't the slightest clue what these boys were talking about, with all the weird "lessons to be taught" and gang stuff and rules, and frankly, she couldn't care less. She was in so much pain that it was taking all of her energy to keep her eyes open. It had reduced her to feeling like a small child, and all she wanted was to be next to Sora.

Tidus wrapped his arms around her and kept her upright. She leaned against his chest for support as he started walking her to their car. Vanitas had gotten out and was watching everything happening. When he saw Kairi headed toward him, however, he quickly moved to help.

"See how easy it is for us to take those dear to you?" Zexion said loudly to Sora. "Have you learned your lesson?"

Sora merely scowled in annoyance and tucked his gun back into the waistband of his skinny jeans, safety on. He turned and started toward the car, Zexion's parting words still ringing in the air.

"_See how easy it is for us to take those dear to you?"_

~x~

The car ride was silent, and for some reason, Sora sat in the front seat and left Tidus in the back with her. Vanitas was ranting about how fucked up Zexion and his cronies were, and Kairi realized that she didn't mind that he hadn't really paid any attention to her. She didn't care one way or the other if Vanitas liked her—all she saw was Sora.

Why didn't he want to sit in the back with her? Tidus was nice, throwing his jacket over her legs to hide the messy state they were in, keeping his arms around her and letting her rest her head on his shoulder, but it wasn't the same. She wanted it to be Sora. Her teeth chattered and her entire body quivered and ached. Only Sora could be the tourniquet.

"Can you tell us what happened, Kairi?" Vanitas asked after a while, looking at her in the rearview mirror.

Kairi gulped, took a raspy breath, and whispered to Tidus, "They convinced me to go with them. At school."

"She says they took her from school," Tidus reiterated, stroking her hair with his fingers.

"What time was it at?" Vanitas asked.

Sora was looking at her in the rearview mirror, too, so Kairi carefully avoided his eyes.

"Before Home Ec," she said, a little louder this time so she didn't need to use Tidus. She curled up against the blonde, feeling much too exposed with her legs down.

"Do we need to take you home?" Vanitas asked.

Before Kairi could protest, Tidus did.

"Dude, no way! We're not leaving her alone after this. She's coming back to our house."

"All right, calm down," Vanitas laughed slightly. "She can sleep in my room while we finish band practice."

Sora shot him a look. "You want to finish _band practice_ after tonight? Are you kidding me?"

Vanitas shrugged. "She's fine now, so what's the problem?"

"God, you're so fucking cynical," Sora muttered, turning his gaze back to the scenery outside the window.

"Sora, it's fine," Tidus sighed. "We really do need to finish recording that song. We need the demo to be ready by Halloween. Roxas didn't agree to us building a studio in his house for nothing."

Vanitas grinned. "Yeah, and Kairi can get some much needed rest. We can talk to her about everything in the morning. We'll figure out what to do then."

When they got to their house, Tidus helped Kairi inside. She saw that the living room was already occupied: Roxas, Namine, Riku, and Xion were there. Kairi pointedly looked away from the two people she hated and looked at the two she didn't.

"Kairi!" Roxas cried anxiously. He and his girlfriend rushed to where Kairi and Tidus were, embracing her in turn.

"Looks like Sora got to you just in time," Namine said, looking relieved. Her eyes went straight to her bruised legs, saw the blood and gunk dried there, and her jaw dropped in horror. "Guys, I'm gonna give her a shower."

"What happened?" Xion asked, slowly edging closer. She stood next to Sora and Kairi saw him go stiff. He brushed past her and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water, as if he didn't just rescue Kairi from three brutal rapists.

"Your brother, Axel, and Demyx got to her," Tidus snapped, fixing the raven-haired girl with an angry stare. "Any idea how that could be?"

Xion put one hand on her shapely hip and Kairi saw that she was wearing a neon pink minidress. A neon pink minidress. To a band practice. Wow, Kairi could get kidnapped and repeatedly raped, and she _still _hated the bitch. And finding out that Zexion was her brother? Xion could go die in a sink now, thanks.

The ravenette stared down at her fingernails, which were painted the perfect shade of rose. "My brother does what he wants—you guys should know that by now."

"So you're okay with the fact that he did _this_ to Kairi?" Tidus gestured to the redhead, who was starting to sway on her feet. If it weren't for Roxas and Namine holding her arms, she would have fallen over.

Xion gave Kairi a once over and sneered. "Looks to me like a repeat of last year—she fucked a bunch of guys, doesn't want to get blamed for being a slut, so she cries rape."

"Get out of my house."

Everyone turned to stare at Sora. He was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, his handsome face twisted with rage, and a half-empty glass of water in his hand. His eyes stared coldly at his girlfriend (or was she soon to be his ex . . . ?), daring her to argue with him.

"Are you serious, Sora?" Xion challenged. "You're really gonna kick me out at one-thirty in the morning?"

"Get _out_ . . . Of my _house_," he repeated, voice low and threatening.

Xion stamped her foot in indignation. "You're gonna choose this lying slut's side over mine? You're the one who said she lied about Riku last year! I'm only saying what everyone else is thinking!"

"That's the thing!" Namine cried. "No one else is thinking that! Everyone here knows what Riku did was real, and you're the only one who thinks different. I don't even know why you're _here_."

Xion whirled on her. "No one asked you, you little bitch. No one _ever _asked you. You're just Kairi's shadow—a little whore who wants to be a big whore."

"Xion, watch your mouth," Roxas warned. "Watch your _fucking _mouth when you talk to my girl."

Riku stepped in to defend Xion, saying, "Is nobody going to consider _my _feelings? I was accused of rape by my own sister. My life could have been ruined. My family could have disowned me."

"Oh, like they disowned me?" Kairi interjected, still using Roxas and Namine for support. She held Riku's gaze, silently challenging him. "That's right. Mom came to school, where she and the Principal decided to kick me out for the rest of the year. She then proceeded to tell me I wasn't allowed to come near you guys ever again. Hence the reason why I got into the car with Zexion—Xion's brother. I wanted to forget, and they promised me they'd help."

Xion threw her head back and laughed derisively. "So you got into a car with them, had sex with them all like a little slut, and now you're deciding to accuse them of raping you? You're _such_ a fucking whore! You—"

The loud crashing and shattering of thousands of shards of glass spraying across the hardwood floor shut Xion up and caused everyone to stare at Sora in alarm. He was seething, his chest heaving with rage.

"_GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE, XI!" _he screamed, pointing angrily at the front door. Blood was dripping from several cuts on his hand, for he had thrown his water glass forcibly to the ground in his ire. "_NOW."_

Xion's jaw dropped. "You're kicking your girlfriend out?"

"We're through. We're fucking done," he growled hoarsely. "Get the fuck out of my fucking house right now before I throw you out onto the street. Riku, you too."

Without another word, Riku grabbed Xion's hand and dragged the spluttering, indignant girl to the door. He pushed her out of the house and just before he left as well, he turned and looked at Sora and his friends.

"I hope you all are aware of what this means," he said softly, his silver hair falling into his aquamarine eyes. His gaze fell upon Kairi, but Roxas quickly stepped protectively in front of her.

"Get out," Roxas hissed.

"So you're all out, then?" Riku said.

"Done," Tidus said.

"Over," Vanitas smirked.

"_Finito_," Roxas added.

Riku shook his head, almost as if disappointed. "Sora?"

"Get the Hell out before I shoot you in the _fucking _throat," Sora snarled.

Riku gazed at Sora, his best friend, and for a moment, he actually looked sad. It disappeared as fast as it had appeared, and Kairi felt almost as if someone had passed away. She looked over at Sora, wishing that he would just _look _at her, but he wasn't looking at anyone—he was watching his blood drip onto the glass-covered floor.

And then Riku was gone, and Kairi blacked out.

"_You kept your promise, Sora . . . You came back for me."_

"_You came back for me."_

~x~

**A/N: Well, that was a very emotional chapter to write. I hope you all enjoyed it, and I hope you're all excited for more! We definitely found a lot out, but there's still a lot more to discover.**

**So here's a recap of what we've found out:**

**RECAP: Kairi was adopted at age 5 by a family of three. Her older brother, Riku, started touching her inappropriately when she was 8. She became best friends with a boy her age named Sora at this age as well, and their bond became unbreakable. When Kairi was 12, Riku raped her for the first time ,stealing her virginity. The rapes continued, and there were a number of times that little Kairi dropped hints to Sora that he didn't comprehend. Kairi became a bit of a party girl in ninth grade, whereas Sora stayed a bookworm and sort-of a nerd. Still, their bond remained as strong as ever. Now, all this time, Riku has been sexually abusing her and raping her on a regular basis. At the age of 17, Kairi gets pregnant. She realizes that she has to tell her mother, at the very least, about the pregnancy and the ongoing abuse. It backfires, and Riku denies it. Her adoptive father thinks she is a liar and a whore and disowns her. She tries to tell Sora, and Sora doesn't believe her because he is also friends with Riku. Sora never speaks to her again after that, leaving Kairi with only her mother as a companion. The bullying at school increases to an unbearable point, so Kairi homeschools for the rest of the year while she carries her baby to term. She falls in love with her child and names her Hikari. Kairi's mother gets her an apartment that her and her father agree to pay for as long as she stays away from Riku. Kairi's mother seems excited about the baby, and the two of them set up a room in Kairi's apartment just for Hikari. Hikari quickly becomes the only thing Kairi has in the world to love-the only one she can trust. But she has a miscarriage six months in, and Hikari is lost. After the pain becomes a little easier to bear, Kairi returns to school for her Senior year so that she can graduate normally. The bullying is bad, and her encounters with Sora are not fun. Sora hates her with a passion, thinks she is a harlot, and believes she is a liar. But with the support and love of her new friend Namine, Kairi is able to make up with her old best girlfriends, Olette and Fuu, and she manages to deal with school a little better. Her grades are less than stellar, and she is assigned to a project with Sora. Their relationship becomes even more strained, with Sora constantly insulting and borderline physically abusing her. They have a few romantic moments that are tortured and heated, but overall, Sora cannot get past his mistrust of her, even though Kairi loves him still. In the background, Kairi's depression is starting to get the best of her, and she starts to cut herself again, nearly every day. Sora sees her cuts and gets emotional, feeling like it's his fault. He tells her not to do it again, and she has'nt since, but everything in her life is starting to overwhelm her. Kairi tries to form a sort of relationship with Sora's twin brother, Vanitas, but she just can't get over her desire for Sora. But as time goes on, it becomes clear that Sora's cruelty toward her is misplaced and unbelievable, and Kairi becomes suspicious of what's really going on. After Riku finds her at a beach party and rapes her again, Namine tells Kairi that Sora belongs to a gang that Riku is the leader of. Then, she is coerced, kidnapped, and raped by three members of said gang who are starting to seem like the _real _leaders! They say it is to "Teach a lesson," and Kairi soon finds out that the student is Sora! She still doesn't know why he hates her, though, and she still doesn't know why he needs to be taught a lesson. She also doesn't know why the three boys chose her to help them teach him said lesson. Everything that's happening to her has pushed her to the breaking point, and she is starting to feel as if there's no way out. Whether or not she succumbs to the darkness and attempts to end her suffering herself, has has yet to be found out. That's about it so far. So there's a lot to be discovered; stick around! :EN****D**** RECAP**

**Until next time!**


	18. Safe

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: I love all of your reviews! Although I don't understand why the recurring theme is that you guys didn't want to read my story at first . . . ? My summary is vague, but it's not bad, so I don't know . . . Feelings are a bit hurt :( I'm very glad that you all decided to give it a chance anyway, though. Anyway, another fast update because I write these in one day and then I get super impatient for you guys to see.**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities. In this chapter, I mention a couple of bands.**

**NOTES: This story is rated M. This chapter has some citrus!**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Sixteen**

~x~

The scent of cinnamon garnished with a touch of vanilla. An odd combination, but familiar nonetheless. It was an aroma that belonged only to Sora—naturally and utterly his. Kairi awoke to it, as gentle as a Summer breeze, as she'd remembered doing so countless times before. Her eyelids fluttered open and she found herself staring at the ceiling. Her entire body was in pain, the sort of dull, constant ache that has settled so deep into your bones that you feel as though it might never come out. She tried to stretch, but it made her ribs crack in a painfully gruesome fashion. Instead, she sat up slowly, wincing at the sound her bones made, and looked around.

Sora's room looked like a shoddily-updated version of the room he'd had as a child. Amongst the teenage clutter that littered the floor and furniture, she could see band posters and heavy metal CDs and black picture frames that held memories of times past. She pretended not to notice the fact that some of those frames contained pictures of her as a little girl—beach trips and sand castles and the day Sora had given her Memory—and she placed her feet flat on the floor. The heavy curtains that were closed against the sunlight were a dark maroon, strewn about with Christmas lights that gave an overall "cozy" appearance to the room.

Kairi placed a hand to her forehead and wrinkled her nose. She still needed a shower. When she looked down, she saw that she was clad in Sora's clothes: a black _Whitechapel _shirt that was much too big for her and a pair of his black-and-red plaid pajama pants, which almost covered her toes. She stood up, swaying a bit dizzily and frowning at the pain in her leg. Limping over to the large mirror Sora had pinned to the wall above his desk, Kairi tried to fix up her eternally matted hair. As she pouted and attempted to do so, something caught her eye.

It was a picture of her. She was about nine or so, and it was from Sora's first camping trip with her family. Her hair was short and she was wearing a pair of jeans and Sora's green windbreaker. He was carrying her on his back, and both of them were gazing directly into the camera. The smiles on their faces, so full of innocence and light . . . Kairi hadn't had any idea that what Riku was doing to her at the time was wrong. Those were the days of naïveté. The days where kisses meant getting cooties, and you only hugged the opposite sex if your parents made you.

Kairi placed a hand over her mouth and fought back tears. She didn't want to cry. Not now, not when she'd been remaining so strong. She was tired of weeping and feeling weak, but it was possibly the hardest battle she'd ever fought. She gazed down at the scars on her arm, at how they were almost completely healed, and smiled slightly. Proof that she was winning the battle, even though the urge was still strong.

"You're awake."

Kairi glanced to her right, arm still held up, and stared at Sora with wide eyes. His cobalt blues flitted down to her arm and then back to her face, and the corners of his lips tugged downward.

"Yeah," she said softly, blushing in embarrassment. Now that she'd had time to sleep, she realized how awful she looked. Her legs were still covered in blood; Sora must have put her in his room right after she'd passed out on his living room floor. Her blush deepened in color at the realization that Sora must have also been the one to dress her . . .

"Namine helped you get dressed," Sora mumbled, as if reading her mind. He was fidgeting with the gauze that was wrapped around the hand that he'd hurt the night before. "And Roxas and Vani brought you into Vanitas's room."

Her brows knitted together in confusion. "Then how did I get in here?"

"You came in at like, three and asked to sleep here. Don't you remember?"

She shook her head and lowered her gaze shyly. Had Sora slept in the bed with her?

"I went to the couch, don't worry," he muttered, crossing the room to stand next to her. She gasped in surprise when he grabbed her wrist and pulled it toward him. Gazing fearfully up at him through her lashes, she watched him inspect her scars.

"I haven't done it since I promised you I wouldn't," Kairi said softly, "if that's what you're worried about."

"Good." He turned and went to his closet. Kairi blinked rapidly, finally noticing that he was shirtless and wearing only his skinny jeans from the day before. She crossed her arms over her chest, feeling underdressed even though she was practically drowning in the fabric of Sora's clothes.

Sora grabbed a white V-neck and pulled it on over his head, his unruly brunette spikes bouncing back into place afterward. He brushed his bangs out of his eyes and scrutinized her quietly. Kairi kept her gaze averted, feeling as though his eyes were boring holes into the very center of her soul. What was he thinking? Was he at all embarrassed about the fact that she had seen the pictures of her in his room?

"Come on," he said, jerking his head toward the door. "We have school. We should go get you some real clothes, or something."

"Oh . . . I can't," she said sadly.

His frown deepened and he tilted his head to the side in question.

She explained, "I'm on academic suspension. For the rest of the year. My mom, she . . . She disowned me, I guess. I've got to find a new place to live by the end of November."

"Can you not go home?"

Kairi felt a little stung. Did he _want _her to go home?

"Well, I guess I could," she mumbled. "I just don't really . . . Want to." She looked at him briefly and then looked away. "I feel safer here."

Sora's facial expression softened for a passing second and then he rubbed the back of his neck. "I can take you to your place to get Memory. If you want."

Kairi's eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"But . . . I mean, what about school? Home Ec? You might have to talk to Ms. Gainsborough about the project, since I can't finish it with you . . ."

"I don't care about that."

Kairi blinked in surprise. "You . . . You don't?"

He turned and walked out the door, saying over his shoulder, "We can leave after you take your shower, if you want."

Kairi worried her lower lip between her teeth and stared at the empty space Sora had occupied, wondering to herself his feelings. He had come to her rescue, broken up with Xion, and kicked Riku out of his house all in one night, and he still hadn't asked her what had actually happened to her. In fact, no one really had. But Kairi wasn't so sure she wanted to talk about it. It was easier to press the memory into the back of her mind, because the slightest image of Axel's emerald eyes, or Zexion's cold stare, or even Demyx's idiotic laugh stilled her with terror.

She turned to look at her reflection one last time. The bruises littered her body like snowflakes upon a country hill in the dead of Winter, as numerous as they were large. Over half of them, she had received while she was drugged. It killed her that she couldn't remember what had happened, yet she dreamed of it. Because obviously she _had _dreamed of it, if she went to Sora's room, half-asleep, and begging to sleep in his bed. Yet she couldn't remember that, either. How infuriating.

Kairi headed out of the room before she upset herself and went to the bathroom to shower. Sora had left a pile of clothes on the counter, at which she smirked. She was about to look like a tomboy Scene kid, because he'd given her a pair of his skinny jeans, one of his black V-necks, and a slouchy beanie. She made a mental note to gather up as much of her clothes as she could while she was at her apartment, in order to avoid having to borrow clothes that obviously didn't suit her (or fit her, for that matter).

What was meant to be a quick shower turned into an excruciating half-hour of her trying not to pass out from the immense amount of pain she was in. She scrubbed as gently as she could, but her sacred area was so tender and sore that it made her eyes sting and her breath rush out. At one point, she sank to her knees on the shower floor in order to catch her breath, and immediately started hyperventilating in her desperate desire not to cry. She clutched a hand to her chest—her heart hurt. It just . . . It hurt. She felt so alone and like she had nobody to go to. Sure, there was Namine, but how could she explain her feelings to her? Namine had been raped once by Riku, yes, but Kairi's felt as though she wouldn't understand. The fear Kairi had experienced, hiding up in that tree and then later, in that garage . . . Being trapped in-between two horribly men while they rammed themselves inside of her from different angles . . .

Kairi began to panic and looked around wildly for something to relieve the pain. The water created steam as it pounded against her body, filling up the shower with a hot, foggy haze. She grabbed one of the many men's shavers that were strewn about the shower caddy, her hands trembling violently as she snapped the head apart from the body and extracted the blades. Choking and gasping for air in her anxiety, Kairi dropped the remnants aside and held out her arm. She couldn't do this . . . She'd promised Sora . . .

But it was all too much. Everything. It was too overwhelming. So before she could change her mind, she moved the blade to the scars on her thigh and added some more, the kiss of the razor slicing through her panic and exiting her body in the form of a sad sigh. She sat there and felt the sting of the water, watched the crimson blood run red down the drain, and she bit her lip. Hard.

"Sora," she whispered below the sound of the pounding water. "I'm sorry . . ."

~x~

Kairi self-consciously scratched at her thigh, shooting Sora a sidelong glance from the passenger's seat of his car. He was driving in a relaxed manner, one hand on the lowest part of the steering wheel and the other elbow on the base of the window as he absentmindedly bit his knuckle. He was deep in thought about something, staring out the windshield as they hurtled down the freeway. In the background, he had put on some _Hearts & Hands_, a band that was rather similar to his own.

"Stop that," Sora said quietly, knuckle still brushing against his lips.

"Stop what?" Kairi asked, still scratching.

"Itching," he answered. "You're making me nervous."

Kairi's hand froze. Of course. She'd forgotten. Sora's biggest pet peeve had _always_ been people itching themselves. He had said that it made his skin feel all "creepy-crawly." She smiled a little bit and stopped. She didn't need to itch her cuts anyway—it was purely out of habit.

She looked over at him fully now, eyes roving up and down his body. He was still so handsome to her, even though she had been through a nightmare. Today, he was wearing a red hoodie and grey skinny jeans, the colors making his eyes stand out brilliantly blue. She felt a shiver run down her spine—she wanted more than anything for him to wrap his arms around her. That's all she'd wanted for months, and she wanted it even more so, to chase away the aches and pains and the fear. That's what she'd yearned for him to do when he'd came to save her from Zexion's hold, but he hadn't.

The redhead gazed out the window, lost in thought herself.

When they got to her apartment, Kairi was starting to feel weak. She hadn't had anything to eat or any water to drink since before Demyx and the others had convinced her to go with them. The moment she and Sora stepped into the elevator, she swooned and fell against the wall. Sora whirled around in alarm.

"Are you okay?" he asked worriedly, his eyes bluer than the sky.

Kairi stared up at him, gulping. He was close enough that all she would need to do was lean up on her tip-toes, and . . .

The bell dinged. They were on her floor.

"I'm okay," she whispered, adjusting Sora's beanie on the back of her head. "Let's go."

Kairi put her hand on the knob and turned it, thankful that she had coincidentally forgotten to lock the door yesterday. She stumbled on the entryway, though, causing Sora to have to reach forward and grab her at the last minute to keep her from completely falling over in her weakness. He missed her hand, though, and ended up grabbing onto her bony hip. Kairi felt the heat of his fingers sear straight through the fabric she was clad in, and she inhaled sharply. She was so much smaller than him . . .

"Sorry," Sora muttered, letting go of her as if she were on fire.

Which she was, in a twisted sort-of way.

Sora pushed past her and knelt before Memory on the kitchen floor. He smiled and lifted the excited puppy into his arms, baby talking to it for a few moments. Kairi watched him, her heartbeat fluttering wildly in her chest. She could still feel his hand on her skin.

"I'm gonna . . . Gonna grab some clothes," Kairi said haltingly, anxiously rubbing her collarbones.

Sora stood up and looked at her, Memory lovingly licking his cheek.

"Sure," he said.

Kairi limped down the hall and into her room, grabbing the big Victoria's Secret PINK bag that she used for sleepovers. She grabbed the things she thought were absolutely necessary: her make-up bag with her foundation, powders, and false lashes, a framed picture of Memory and herself while she was pregnant on the beach (she'd be grabbing the picture of Hikari's sonogram, too, if it weren't for the fact that her mother had taken it), and the letter to Sora that she had never managed to complete. She stuffed them into the bottom of the bag, heading for her walk-in closet. She flicked on the light and scanned the colorful clothes thoughtfully.

As she chose her favorite outfits to bring, Kairi couldn't help but think back to the events of the previous night. She still couldn't believe that Sora had quit the gang, kicked Riku out, _and _broken up with Xion. That was a lot of change. A lot of change that was bound to bring a lot of problems. For one thing, you don't just quit a gang. Kairi had a feeling they'd all be hearing from Riku very, very soon, especially since _Destiny's Embrace _was having a show that weekend, and they couldn't very well perform without their bassist. Secondly, Xion had already made it clear that she hated Kairi's guts. How long would it be before she came for retribution? And finally, just what in the Hell were Sora, Vanitas, Tidus, and Roxas doing in a gang in the _first place_? She knew that it had _something _to do with her, she just didn't know the details of it. What she really wanted to do was ask Sora, but that probably wasn't—

Kairi's thoughts trailed off when Sora's voice broke in.

"She really did take everything, didn't she?"

"Huh?" Kairi called, puzzled.

Sora walked into the room and leaned nonchalantly against the open closet doorway, hands resting lightly in the front pockets of his skinny jeans. He was looking at Kairi in a strange way, with his bangs falling into his face—that way that felt like his eyes were X-rays. She could feel a blush creeping up the back of her neck, so she hurried to turn back to what she was doing.

"I said, she really did take everything, didn't she?" Sora said, his voice sounding unbelievably husky. Or was that just Kairi's imagination? Oh, jeez . . .

"Yeah, I guess," Kairi muttered, holding up a lacy white shirt and debating whether or not to take it. "My mom does what she wants."

"Hm," he said. He watched as Memory came trotting into the closet, which was seeming smaller and smaller to Kairi by the second. "Did she ever tell you why she did it?"

"I dunno," Kairi sighed, tossing aside the lace and picking out a floral dress that she'd ordered from a Japanese brand called _Liz Lisa_. She was definitely bringing that . . . "She said something about my grades, or whatever . . . I don't really wanna talk about it."

Sora watched her pack for a little bit. At first, Kairi felt nervous having him there since the last time they'd been completely alone together, they'd hooked up. She kept her back to him, but she could feel his eyes on her the entire time. Memory was a happy little pup, playing with the clothes Kairi had strewn about the closet floor, making Sora chuckle every now and then. Kairi had to admit: it was nice to be in his presence without fighting, anger, or tension for once. She felt safe, which counted for a lot, and the silence was comfortable.

Instead of worrying about when the awkwardness would hit, though, Kairi focused on making sure she picked out her very favorite outfits, knowing that her mother was getting rid of everything else, so this was her only chance. It felt trivial, but it was helping keep her mind in a sane place. Once she'd found enough clothes, she zipped up the bag and smiled to herself.

"What's so funny?"

Kairi looked at him, surprised. "What do you mean?"

He arched one eyebrow, waiting.

Blushing again, the redhead shook her head dismissively and slung the bag over her shoulder. She brushed past him, and their eyes met briefly before she was out in her room. She set it on her bed and then went back into the closet to grab a pair of Vans.

"So what are you going to do?" Sora asked. "Like, for school and stuff?"

"I really don't know, Sora," Kairi snapped. "I don't want to talk about it!"

And in swooped the awkward silence. Kairi moved around quicker, grabbing more pairs of shoes—high heels, combat boots, and Oxford flats. She was starting to feel agitated, even though Sora wasn't really doing anything annoying. She was trying really hard to repress everything in her mind, but _ugh_, it was so hard.

"Kairi—"

"Just shut up!" Kairi screamed, throwing her shoes onto the floor and tangling her hands in her hair. She stamped her feet in a move reminiscent of a child's tantrum. "Shut up, shut up, shut _up_!"

Sora stared at her in shock, hands still in his pockets and azure eyes wide. Kairi refused to return his glance, though, choosing instead to pace around the closet. She scowled and started picking up her fallen shoes, giving up halfway through when her shot nerves got the best of her. She buried her face in her hands, mentally and emotionally exhausted.

"God, Sora, I just . . . I _don't _want to _talk _about anything!" she cried, eyes darting about the closet.

"Then don't."

Kairi shot him a bemused look, then shook her head. "What . . . What are you talking about?" She started toward him, making for the door. It was time to leave. She needed some fresh air; to be away from this place that was suffocating her. Hikari's room was empty, so there was nothing left for her here.

Just as Kairi passed by him, she felt Sora's fingers catch her by the elbow and physically halt her. Kairi's head turned to look at him in aggravation, but her heart stopped when she saw the look on his face. His gaze was intense, and his expression was serious, but something about the way he said his next words made Kairi struggle for breath.

"Then. _Don't_."

Kairi allowed him to tug on her arm, making her walk backward and around to be in front of him. Her eyes watched Sora reach behind him to pull the closet door shut, and it was at this moment that Kairi realized just what he meant. It was also at this moment that her heart started to beat again, slowly and steadily—this was much different than the last time they'd been alone. Last time, there was heat and passion and a lot of emotional pain. But this time . . . There was something in his eyes that spoke volumes. His fingers danced lightly down her sides, sending electrical tingles throughout all of her nerves, and his eyes never once left hers. When his hands reached her hips, he pulled her against his frontside; she placed her hands on his chest on impulse and gazed up at him shyly. She knew what he was about to do, and she had kissed him before, but this time, for some reason, she was scared.

Kairi barely had time to close her eyes before his lips met hers once, briefly. He pulled away, but only a few centimeters, and waited. Kairi's eyes were still shut. That kiss, though short, had blown her completely out of the water. Her legs were shaking from the force of it. She opened her eyes and gazed at him, and then she opened her mouth to speak.

One of Sora's hands moved to cup the side of her head, near her jawline and her ear, and he shook his head. The time for talking was over. He leaned forward again, his other hand pressing flat against her lower back. His eyes darted from her lips to her eyes and back again, and then Kairi couldn't take it anymore. She closed the distance between them, feeling the soft press of his flesh against hers. Behind her closed eyelids, she saw stars and the feelings she was experiencing were threatening to bring her to tears. She pulled at his shirt and stood on her tiptoes, trying to get him closer, and somehow they ended up turning around.

As Sora tilted his head to deepen the kiss, their passion ignited and Kairi's back hit the closed door. Sora took his hand from her face and placed his forearm against the wall behind her head. He used his other hand to grab her hip, massaging circles into the bone with his thumb that made her lower body tingle in a way that she was entirely familiar with. She was unable to keep herself from gasping, which gave Sora free reign to slip his tongue into her mouth and engage hers in a lazy dance.

They pulled away after a second and looked at each other, each of them with their own thoughts. Kairi couldn't think about anything else but Sora. Nothing else but his lips, and his eyes, and his body, and his closeness, and how fast he rushed to her rescue, and just . . . _Sora. _She panted slightly, because as cliché as it sounded, he took her breath away.

When Sora kissed her again, Kairi couldn't hold herself back. She pressed her body against his with fervor, tangling her fingers in his hair and kissing him back with everything she had in her. She moaned in the back of her throat when his hands slipped up under the shirt of his that she was borrowing and his fingers seared her skin. He pushed her up against the wall again and moved his kisses down the side of her throat. She moaned again, loudly, and it seemed to set him aflame. He grabbed onto her tighter, scraping his teeth against her flesh and pressing his hips against hers.

The more things progressed and the heavier things got, the more images appeared in the forefront of Kairi's mind. Every touch became Demyx's hand upon her. Every kiss became Axel's lips. And every sound Sora made became sounds straight from Zexion's lips. Kairi whimpered more than a number of times, but Sora either didn't hear her or he thought they were something different, because he just kept going. He pulled the shirt up over her head and his eyes scoured her nude upper body. Kairi turned her face away, wishing that she could turn the images off and just be with Sora the way she wanted to be.

Sora leaned forward and ghosted his lips across hers, cupping each breast delicately and slowly passing the pads of his thumbs across her nipples. Each movement made her gasp a little, arching her back more and more. Her gasps turned into sighs, and she thought she heard Sora chuckle a little bit. The second she did, she panicked. She just couldn't do it—she heard Axel in that laugh. When Sora started to kiss her neck again and her stomach began to twist in a pleasurable sort of way, she pushed him away.

The brunette looked at her, obviously stunned, but one look into her face and guilt colored his eyes darker. His hands dropped to his sides and he looked away, seemingly embarrassed.

Kairi hung her head and knelt down, grabbing the shirt she'd been wearing. "I'm sorry," she whispered brokenly, fighting back tears. "I'm s-sorry."

"No." Sora's voice was fierce as he knelt down in front of her. "Don't apologize."

Kairi felt his hand cupping her cheek and they locked eyes. He looked concerned and it reminded her so much of their youth, in the early stages of their friendship that she began to rip apart at the seams. The memories of her ordeal with Zexion, Axel, and Demyx flooded forth, and she lost it. She burst out crying, hunched over on her knees as the sobs racked her body with pain.

Sora stared at her in surprise, and Kairi beseeched him with tears streaming down her face.

"I was so scared, Sora," Kairi sobbed. "They raped me right after I got off the phone with you."

His face went white as a sheet. "Th-They . . . ? Right after . . . ? In the g-garage?"

Kairi nodded, hugging herself in her despair. "B-Both of them."

"Both?" he growled angrily.

Another nod. "Axel and . . . And Demyx."

Sora looked about ready to blow a gasket. He reached for Kairi and pulled her against his chest, wrapping his arms around her so completely and fully that she was engulfed in his scent. She clutched at his shirt and sobbed into the crook between his neck and shoulder, curling up in his lap. And just like when they were younger, he rocked her back and forth, stroking the length of her hair, and it was everything she needed. She cried for what felt like hours, until her throat was raw and her voice was hoarse. Until the tears had dried out, and all that was left was a dull ache in the base of her chest. She no longer cared that she was still without a shirt—she was more interested in closing her eyes against a fresh wave of emotion.

"Get rid of it," she whispered.

"Get rid of what?" he murmured against her temple, pressing a tender kiss of comfort there. He tightened his arms around her trembling, bruised body.

"The gun." She looked up at him, head resting on his shoulder, and reach up with one hand to comb her fingers through his soft brown spikes. "Get rid of it."

"Kairi," he sighed. "I can't. I need it for protection."

"Sora, you made me promise you I wouldn't cut, and now I want you to promise me you'll get rid of that gun." Kairi knew that she had already broken her promise to him, but her fear over losing him was much greater. She couldn't even imagine holding a gun in her own hand, let alone see Sora holding one. It terrified her. What if he accidentally hurt himself? She couldn't bear it.

". . . Okay," Sora said softly.

Relief flooded her veins. "Thank you."

They sat there for at least another ten or fifteen minutes in silence. Memory curled up beside them and went to sleep, and the three of them were a trio of comfort. Kairi's eyelids felt heavy, much too heavy, and she just wanted to sleep, too. She wanted to escape the memories that wouldn't stop playing over and over in her head. Sora was so warm . . . It was just like when they were kids, and she would get scared because of a nightmare, or even something as miniscule as a spider on the wall. Sora was always there, even if it was just a phone call when they were eleven or fourteen or sixteen. She had thought their friendship was over for good. Were things finally going to go back to the way they were?

Could Sora possible love her, too?

Kairi drifted off to sleep after quite some time, safe and sound in the arms of the boy who would do anything in his power to protect her, even if that meant aiming a gun at someone's head.

~x~

**A/N: Annnnnddddd there's a little citrusy fluff for ya :p**


	19. And Then There Were Two

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: ****I am backkkkk. Man, I've been updating really really fast, haven't I? xD Anyway, I hope you guys don't think this fic is moving too fast or too slow. I want to be able to just blurt out Sora's secret, but I can't. It wouldn't be right. Never fear, though! It **_**will **_**happen!**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities****.**

**NOTES: This story is rated M. There's only a little fluff in this chapter, nothing bad at all.**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Seventeen**

~x~

"Sora, are these clean?"

Sora didn't look up from the game he was playing on his cell phone on his bed, causing Kairi to put her hands on her hips. They hadn't hung out in a year, and he was still the same oblivious teenage boy. She sighed in exasperation and continued to bustle about his messy bedroom, picking up the random clothes lying about. She supposed if he wasn't going to give her an answer, she'd just put it all in the laundry with Vanitas's clothes.

It was Thursday, and Kairi's third day staying at Roxas's house. So far, she'd managed to clean the entire house top to bottom, finding that when you didn't have school to focus on, there literally was nothing to do. Kairi had never been much of a TV-watcher (she liked to always have her hands busy), so being alone in that house all day while the boys were at college and high school classes could get, well . . . Boring. The only room that Kairi had left to straighten up was Sora's, and she'd been avoiding him like the plague ever since their little "moment" at her house on Monday.

Kairi didn't exactly know why she'd been avoiding the boy she was smitten with. It wasn't like she was _embarrassed_ or anything, about the making out or the crying, it was just . . . Now that there wasn't really anything besides a few secrets standing in their way, it was kind-of frightening to think about how much had gone on between them. Honestly, Sora had been a total and complete dick to her, and she deserved an explanation for that, because that was just wrong. It was understandable if he was angry with her because he thought she had lied about Riku, but that didn't justify him calling her names and manhandling her and all the yelling he had done.

And yet . . . Kairi was just too nervous to talk to him about that stuff. Now, she was by no means a weak person. That wasn't to be disputed. It was just that talks as serious as that—talks that brought out hidden emotions and inner pain—were the most difficult kind to have. Sora and Kairi were both hot-tempered youths, and a major argument was almost certain to happen when they finally _did _decide to have their "talk" and hash things out.

You may be wondering: How in the Hell was Kairi managing to avoid Sora when she was staying in his house? Well, it was easy. Sora was a wanderer. Always had been, always would be. He never stayed in one room for longer than ten minutes, and he was constantly taking walks, playing outside with Memory, working in the recording studio out in their garage, making junk food runs for band practice . . . You name it, he was doing it. It was rather infuriating, seeing as Kairi couldn't for the life of her find something to keep _herself_ busy. She was a little envious . . .

Kairi tucked her hair behind her ears and shivered a little. It was already a pretty cold Winter, but the boys never turned the heat on in their house. It made it even colder for her, especially since she hadn't been eating very well due to her mother's neglect. She frowned and leaned down to grab one of Sora's hoodies. She pulled it on over her head and tried to fix her hair in the mirror. After a moment, she realized that Sora was watching her from his outstretched position, fingers poised above his phone touchscreen.

"What?"

"Nothing," he shrugged. "You just look cute, that's all."

"_What_?" Kairi turned as red as the cherry hue of her hair.

He rolled his eyes and yelled obnoxiously, "_Nothing, I just think you look cute in my clothes, all right_? Fuckin' Hell, man."

Kairi stared at Sora in modest shock as he tossed his phone onto his mattress, got up, and headed out of his room. However stunned she was, though, this wasn't new behavior from him. Ever since the events of Monday had gone on, Sora did all sorts of weird stuff like that. For instance, on Tuesday after school, him and Vanitas had gotten home before Tidus and seen her scrubbing the tile on the kitchen floor. Her hair was up in a weird knot at the top of her head and she was wearing a tank top and her boy's short underwear (colored an embarrassing shade of lime green, mind you), and she had been so mortified that she'd almost started crying. Vanitas had laughed so hard he'd had to pee, Kairi had spluttered whilst trying to explain that she liked to clean in her underwear and had been way too focused to remember that school was out, and Sora had knelt down in front of her with a curious expression on his face.

"You have soap on your chin," he'd said, staring directly at her lips.

Kairi shot a furtive glance in the direction Vanitas had disappeared off to, and when she looked back at him, he was placing his knuckle underneath her jawbone and guiding her lips to his. She inhaled sharply and closed her eyes expectantly, but when the kiss didn't come, she was in for a surprise.

Sora had cocked his head to the side and brushed is lips against her chin. She had felt the tip of his tongue there, and the feeling of it was so startling and so arousing that Kairi had whimpered. When Sora pulled back, Kairi was too surprised to wonder why he had just licked _soap_ off of her chin, let alone be embarrassed about her state of undress anymore.

That was Tuesday, though, and only the first of many strange actions on Sora's part. The second thing happened on Wednesday in the early morning. Kairi had been woken up from the nightmares she'd been having at around two in the morning by Memory's worried whining (she liked to sleep on the arm of the couch behind Kairi's head), so she'd gone to use the toilet and then went into the kitchen to do some—believe it or not—late night/early morning cleaning. She unloaded the dishwasher in a tired, almost zombielike state, glad that she was unable to remember the dreams and nightmares that attacked her nightly.

Suddenly, as she was standing on tiptoe and trying to put a coffee mug away on the top shelf, someone's hand closed over hers and took the cup from her. She'd started to exclaim in shock, but a hand covered her mouth quicker than she could blink. At first, she'd gotten scared, thinking it was Zexion or Axel or Demyx or even Xion, and she'd felt panicky and anxious. But the second her tears rolled down her cheeks and hit the unknown person's fingers, they turned her around and she'd found herself staring up into Sora's eyes in the darkness. He was clad only in his boxers, and Kairi could feel his toned abs through the fabric of her tank top.

"Why are you doing the dishes at three in the morning?" he'd whispered, but that's not what she heard. What _she _heard was, "_Kiss me you, you silly redheaded girl." _

So because Kairi's overactive imagination was so overactive, she closed her eyes, cupped his face in her hands, and pulled him down to her lips. Before they could kiss, however, Sora had spoken.

"Don't forget to handwash the pans."

Kairi's brow had furrowed in confusion. Her eyelids slowly fluttered open and she frowned at him. "Wh-What?"

"I said don't forget to handwash the pans," he repeated. "If they go into the dishwasher, they'll get all fucked up."

"God, Sora," Kairi scowled in annoyance, placing a hand on his chest and pushing him away. She turned and grabbed the pan in question out of the lower rack in the washer, and then she held it up to the moonlight to inspect it. "It looks fine."

Sora ignored her, saying, "You were having a nightmare again. I want you to sleep in my bed from now on—I'll take the couch."

Irritated at his overall oblivious and uncaring attitude, Kairi had then stormed out of the kitchen and down the hall to Sora's room for the night.

There were many other odd happenings the past few days all-in-all, but none of them as tense and irritating as those events. At the very least, Kairi could handle it, seeing as Sora had _always _been on the naïve side. Kairi had taken to just walking away when he said weird things, finding that she was much too annoyed with him to stick around. She'd been grateful to him for allowing her to use his bed, though, so that was why she was cleaning his bedroom for him right then. Oh, and maybe because she was convinced and hopeful that if he noticed her cleaning and doing nice things for him like cooking him dinner and doing his laundry, his obliviousness might melt away.

Kairi shook her head and picked up Sora's laundry basket, carrying it out into the hall to join Tidus's, Roxas's, and Vanitas's hampers. She glanced up at the clock. She had about an hour or so left before Namine came to pick her up to go to dinner with her, Olette, and Fuu. It had been a collective idea, seeing as much had happened to Kairi since she'd last seen them and they had a lot of catching up to do. Besides, Kairi needed a break from cleaning. All she ever did was clean, clean, clean, and she was paranoid that she might be starting to smell permanently of Lemon Pledge.

"So what did Ms. Gainsborough say about the project?" Kairi asked as Sora came into the hall carrying a can of BBQ Pringles.

Sora shrugged. "Not much; just that I can change the storyline a bit. I'll be finishing it up as a widow."

Kairi raised her eyebrow and started dragging the heavy baskets down the hall. "She's having you pretend I died?"

"Breast cancer. Fatal." He chomped away at the chips. "So you're going to hang out with your friends?"

"Yeah," Kairi said as she came back to get the other baskets. "We're just going to eat, and then I'll come back home."

"When you get back, wanna watch a scary movie?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Sure, why not," Kairi laughed. "It's not like I've got much else to do."

"What time will you be back?"

"I dunno." She glanced at the clock again and then smiled at him. "Like eight or nine. Want me to make you dinner before or after?"

"After's fine. We've got practice, so I wont have time to eat until you get back anyway."

"Cool," Kairi said, running her fingers through her hair. She still needed to get ready . . .

"Oh, I almost forgot," Sora mumbled, disappearing into his room.

Kairi started to say his name, but then blushed. Had they seriously just had a normal conversation? Like, a legitimately _normal _conversation? Wait . . . Not _even _normal. She had called his house "home," and he was asking all sorts of questions about where she was going and when she'd be back. He'd asked her if she wanted to watch a movie with him later on that night, and she was going to cook him dinner. That was a normal conversation, all right. A normal conversation for two people in a relationship who were living together, which Kairi A, wasn't dating him (though she'd love to be) and B, wasn't living there officially.

Although, it was fun to pretend . . .

Kairi was still smiling dreamily to herself when Sora jogged back out to meet her in the hall. He'd changed out of his clothes and into black silk pajama pants and a black V-neck, and he was holding something out to her.

"A cell phone?" Kairi gasped.

He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly. "Just a disposable one. I just . . . Well, with everything that's going on, it's safer for you to have one, since they took yours."

"Thanks," Kairi said gratefully, clutching the phone to her chest and trying to hide a smile. She knew disposable phones were only like twenty bucks at Target, but the gesture was what counted. But then something clicked in her mind.

Just _why _wasn't she safe without a cell phone?

"Are you ever going to tell me why those guys kidnapped me?" Kairi blurted out before she could stop herself.

Sora's expression hardened and he narrowed his eyes, instantly defensive. "No," he said flatly.

Even though Kairi hadn't meant to demand answers out of him, he'd pissed her off anyway. She glowered at him and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Why not?!" she exclaimed. "I think I have a right to fucking know _why _three guys kidnapped me, abused and _raped _me, and then told me I was 'a lesson that needed to be taught.' Like, what the fuck?"

He flinched and turned away from her with clenched fists. "Leave it alone, Kai. You don't want to know."

Kairi threw her eyes skyward for a moment and then reached out to grab his arm, forcefully turning him around to face her.

"Sora, I'm a victim, you hear me? I am a victim, and as a victim, I deserve to know the truth. Don't you think?"

"Leave. It. Alone," he hissed, leaning down close to her and fixing her with a vicious glare. "You have to leave it alone."

"No!" Kairi stamped her foot and frowned up at him. "Sora, please! This isn't like Saturday night, at the beach. It's much worse now. It's not just Riku—though you don't believe me about him, anyway, so I don't know how you believe me about what Zexion did. It's bad, and I _need to know_."

Sora's facial expression looked truly tortured and for a moment, Kairi thought she actually might have gotten through to him. He slowly took the hand of hers that wasn't holding her new cell phone and held it to his lips. His gaze was sincere and sad, and it made Kairi feel sad, too. She was tired of wondering what he was hiding. She just wanted to _know _already! _Why _had those guys taken her? _Why _had they used her body as a way of teaching a lesson, and why had they taught it to Sora? _Why _was Sora in a gang, and _why _had he been so cruel to her for so long? And _why_, oh _why_ had he found it _so fucking easy _to throw away their friendship? When was he ever going to tell her these things, these things that she was entitled to know?

"Kairi," he said slowly. "Leave it alone, or you're going to get hurt."

"What, are you gonna hurt me yourself to see it through?" Kairi challenged. "Because I'd like to see you try—I've already got enough bruises to last me a lifetime."

Sora scowled and dropped her hand. He passed his hand wearily over his face and when he looked at her again, she had to take a step back. He looked sadder than she had ever seen him look before, showing her that maybe she _should _leave it alone . . . But damn it! She didn't want to! She _couldn't_! She wanted. To. Know. The. _Truth_.

"Let me see."

"See? See what?"

"The bruises, Kairi," he pleaded. "Let me see them."

Kairi's first instinct was to shake her head and back away. She didn't want him to see her body. She didn't want anybody to see it. To feel eyes, his or anyone else's, gazing at her naked flesh . . . She dreamed of it every night, and not the kind of dreams she wanted to relive.

"No," she whispered.

"Yes." He took a step toward her.

"Sora, no. No." She shook her head firmly. "They're really bad, but they're . . . They're healing, and—"

"Kairi, I need you to understand something," he said, cutting her off and holding both of his hands up to emphasize each words. "You may be involved in this situation, and it may be about you, but the truth is something you literally will not be able to handle. Why? Because I can't fucking handle it myself. So until further notice, you're going to do as I fucking _say_ any leave things alone. You're going to stay in this house unless you're out with your friends, in which case you'll text or call me every hour to let me know you're safe. I do not give a _shit _what you want when your life is in _danger_, you got it?"

Kairi was speechless. Absolutely speechless. She blinked back tears. Who did he think he was, telling her what to do like that? And just when things had been going so well . . . God, all she wanted was an explanation and some justice. Was that so much to ask?

"Sora, I . . ." She choked on her words, overcome with emotion. "You've changed."

"Tell me something I don't fucking know." And then he turned and went into his bedroom, slamming the door in her face and leaving her to fight back tears in the hallway.

~x~

Kairi walked behind her friends with her hands in the pockets of Tidus's black zip-up, which he'd pretty much forced her to put on before going out into the Autumn rain. Namine, Olette, and Fuu were sharing a huge umbrella in front of her on the sidewalk, and while Kairi knew she could probably share it, too, she just didn't want to. In fact, she didn't have much of a desire to do anything except mope. Her argument with Sora and having to relive the events of her horrifying ordeal while telling Olette and Fuu about it, well it had made her feel shitty. She just wanted to go home to be alone, but she knew that as soon as she did, she'd probably be bombarded by Sora wanting to know she was okay, or Roxas wanting dinner, or something else that made her feel like their mom.

"Kairi, you coming?" Olette asked, still laughing at something they'd been joking about.

"Huh?" Kairi sighed. "Yeah, I'm . . . I know you guys wanted to go get ice cream, but . . . I think I'm just gonna head home."

"Why, is Sora waiting for you there?" Namine teased. "Don't think I haven't noticed you two acting like a comfortable couple lately!"

Kairi felt so shitty that she barely heard her. She smiled wistfully and nodded. "Yeah . . ."

Namine, Olette, and Fuu exchanged weird looks.

"Denial?" Fuu asked.

"Uh . . . I don't think so," Olette whispered in reply.

"Kairi, are you okay?" Namine asked worriedly.

Kairi merely stared through her, the rain pounding down around her and drenching her hair and clothes. She sighed in a depressed sort of manner, and then nodded briefly.

"I'm fine," she said softly. Then, she jabbed her thumb back over her shoulder. "I'm gonna go. I'll catch you guys later."

"Okay," Namine said, smiling encouragingly and giving her friend a good-bye hug. "I'll see you on Halloween."

Kairi nodded. They'd decided to have a sleepover on Halloween night instead of going the _Destiny's Embrace _show, since Kairi wasn't feeling too fond of crowds.

After Kairi parted ways from her friends, she started off down the road in the rain. She hardly knew what she was doing or where she was going, she just wanted to be on the move. Things with Sora had hit an all-time dramatic high, and her nerves were frazzled. She hadn't called him or texted him like he'd told her to do because even if he had made her cry with his yelling, she was going to do whatever the fuck she wanted to do. If he wasn't going to let her in on what was really going on, then she wasn't going to do what he asked her to.

Kairi soon found herself in the nearest park, sitting in an empty swing in soaked clothes, matted hair, and streaked make-up. It was dark out, probably about nine-o-clock. Her cell phone was vibrating in her pocket and she knew it was Sora, but she didn't care. She just wanted to be alone. She'd lost everything and gained nothing, and she just wanted to be _alone_.

Apparently, that wasn't in the world's plans for her that night.

"Well, well, well, what have we here?"

Kairi felt someone grabbing the chains of her swing from behind and twist her around and around fast enough to make her nauseous. The person laughed derisively and kept spinning her until the chains bit into the back of her neck and she couldn't twist around any longer. It was then that the person let go and she spun _again_, the other way around and went toppling off of the swing into the wet gravel. Kairi's vision swam and her head dipped up and down and her stomach heaved in an attempt to keep her dinner down.

Instantly, Kairi's eyes went wide. What if it was Zexion, Axel, and Demyx? Had they followed her and come to harm her again? Her anxiety levels skyrocketed out of the clouds and fear turned her blood to stone. She had to get out of here. She had to get to her feet and _get the Hell out of here_. God, she should have called Sora.

Boy, was she wrong.

"Where do you think _you're _going, bitch? Back to fuck my _boyfriend_?" An angry voice filled to the brim with hoarse, raw rage. The point of a high heel jammed down on her ankle, and if Kairi hadn't rolled onto her back, Xion might have broken the skin. The reprieve was only slight though, because soon enough, all she could _feel _were high heels, kicking and stomping over and over and over until she coughed up blood and could no longer take in a good breath. A blinding pain was splitting her ribcage apart—perhaps an old wound of Demyx's doing re-opened?

Finally, they awful brutality stopped and Kairi was dragged to her feet. She glared at Xion, who was smirking triumphantly at her. She knew Kairi was alone, and she knew she had the upper hand. She had brought two other girls with her—friends of hers that Kairi didn't know. The four girls stood there, in a sort of standstill.

"What do you want, Xion?" Kairi demanded, trying to muster up some courage. Xion was just a girl, and she wasn't much taller than Kairi. A girl was something she could handle.

"You to hop off my boyfriend's dick," Xion snarled, putting her hands on her hips. She was dressed in the most conservative outfit Kairi had ever seen her in (jeans, sneakers, and a hoodie), which was a little bit unsettling. Had she followed Kairi here with the sole purpose of attacking her?

Well, if that was the case, then bring it fucking on.

"Honestly, Xion I'm not . . ." She trailed off, feeling indignant. What did she owe this girl? She didn't know her Adam from Eve to the apple in the tree in the Garden of Eden and fuckin' Satan; this bitch . . . This fucking bitch. She started to slowly push back her sleeves and change her conversation tactics. "I'll see if I have time to pencil you in somewhere in-between our afternoon delights and midnight parties, huh?"

Xion's jaw dropped and her fists balled at her sides. "So you don't deny it, then? You and Sora . . . ?"

Kairi smirked. She knew she was lying, but . . . She was sick and tired of being attacked by everyone. Everybody hated her and for literally _no reason_. If she couldn't fight off Riku, and she could fight off Zexion and his crew, then she could sure as fucking _Hell _fight Xion off.

"I'd tell you to ask him yourself, but, oh wait—we're usually too busy _fucking_." As Kairi had been speaking, she'd been walking closer and closer to Xion, until their noses were almost touching. Xion's eyes were hard as flint and full of hatred, and Kairi knew she'd better be on her toes.

Xion smirked. "You want to know how my brother and his friends found you, Kairi?"

Kairi's brow furrowed. Could this mean . . . ?

"Because I fucking told them where you were." Her smirk deepened when she saw Kairi's face after such a revelation. "Uh-huh. _Thaaaat's _right. They wouldn't have found you if I hadn't told them where you were gonna be. And how did I know where you were going to be?" Xion threw her head back and laughed a derisive laugh that sent chills down Kairi's spine. Xion wasn't her rapist, but she might as well have been after what she'd done.

Xion slowly grabbed the front of Kairi's jacket and pulled her closer, still smirking.

"Ask your new boyfriend, Sora."

When Xion left her there without starting a fight with her, Kairi wasn't shocked. She'd already won. Xion had brought with her a smoking gun filled with ammo, pulled the trigger, and shot her straight through the heart. She turned tail and ran, panting wildly for breath as she struggled not to throw herself off of a bridge. What Xion had said . . . It couldn't be true! Sora would not have told Xion or anyone else where she was if he had known what they were going to do to her, would he? Did he secretly hate her that much?

This couldn't be true. It just . . . It couldn't! Kairi ran and ran and ran, until she stumbled on the sidewalk and collapsed in a crumpled, inconsolable heap in the rain on someone's lawn. She rolled onto her back and covered her face with her hands, going over her life in her mind and trying to pinpoint where she'd gone wrong. What had she done to hurt Sora so badly that he felt she deserved what had happened to her? If what Xion said was true, then . . . Then this was it. Kairi . . . She couldn't do it anymore.

When Kairi finally made it back to Sora's house, everyone was in the living room with their instruments. The second she slammed the door shut behind there and stood there like a vacant, listless zombie, Sora was on his feet.

"Where the Hell have you been?!" Sora shouted. "I've been calling you and calling you! It's fucking midnight, _what _the _fuck_?!"

Tears clinging to her eyelashes, Kairi stared across the living room, past Tidus and Vanitas and Roxas and some guy she didn't know (he was holding a bass; obviously Riku's replacement), and locked eyes with Sora. The brunette took a step back when he saw the immense amount of despair that was in her eyes. He looked down for a moment, as if searching for a reason why she would be feeling so upset, and when he met her gaze again, Kairi shook her head.

"You told them where I was," she whispered.

Tidus jumped to his feet. "What? Who told who? Kairi, are you okay? You look terrible!"

"Get her a towel, or something," Roxas said, brow furrowing in concern.

Kairi's lower lip trembled and her face screwed up into an expression of anguish. She looked away, pouting as tears started to slide down her cheeks. She fisted her hands in her hair. Her heart was hurting again. Badly. All of her memories with Sora were attacking her right now, image after image of play dates and movie nights and camping trips and beach days . . . Had he really done this? Had he really had a hand to play in the horrible things that Zexion, Demyx, and Axel had done to her?

"You _told _them where I _was_!" she shrieked, pulling desperately at her hair. "How could you do that?!"

Sora's eyes looked like they were about ready to pop out of his head. He crossed the room as quickly as he possibly could, the other boys following him, and everyone started talking over one another. Roxas and Tidus were screaming at Sora, who was screaming back at them, and Vanitas was attempting to comfort Kairi and calm her down.

But there was no calming her down. Not now. Not after this final, last straw. Because after this, Kairi was done. She had already started to hyperventilate in her panic, and she felt too big in her own skin. She shoved Vanitas away, gasping and sobbing, and stumbled down the hall to Sora's room. Everyone followed her, clamoring over one another to get her attention, but she was so far gone into her own despondent mind that she heard nothing beyond a rushing wind around her head.

Kairi staggered into Sora's room, vision clouded by sorrow, and started tearing through everything. She ripped open drawers, tossed clothes about, and overturned his bed. She screamed with rage and threw papers into the air, searching for her escape. Her violently-shaking hands grabbed the picture frames he had kept for so long and hurled them against the wall; she cried harder with each shard of glass that rained down to the carpet. She couldn't do it anymore. She was done.

"Kairi, what are you doing?!" Sora tried to go to her side. "Kairi, please calm down. _Please_."

"Where is it?!" she snarled angrily, beating her fists against his chest and clawing at any skin that showed with her nails. She was so livid; all she saw was red. All she wanted was for the pain to stop.

"Where is _what_?" Sora tried to take her by the arms, but she struggled much too wildly for him to get a good hold on her. "Kairi, where is _what_?!"

"_THE GUN!_" she screamed, eyes blazing.

"The gun?!" Sora looked beyond alarmed. "What do you—"

"Tell me where it is!" she continued to shout. "I know you still have it, and you fucking _told them where I was_. So if you want me gone so _fucking _badly from your life, then I'll go. _Where the fuck is it_?!" She whirled around and in one powerful move, swept the entire contents of his desk off of the top of it, laptop, homework, and all.

But Sora's eyes were fixated upon her, and in a move much _more _powerful, he threw his arms around her and held her tightly. She continued to scream and kick and fight, wanting nothing more than to be free. He didn't understand. He didn't understand what she was going through. And he obviously didn't care. She fought so hard against him that he had to hug her around the waist from behind and lift her up into the air, causing the wind to rush out of her and all of the steam to dissipate.

Kairi dissolved into tears again and went limp. Sora finally let her go, and the two of them sank to the complete disaster that was the floor. She curled in on herself as Sora place one hand on the back of her neck, massaging it soothingly. He shushed her in a calming tone, and when she looked at him again, his eyes were shining.

"Just let me die," she whispered desperately.

"Never." He pulled her against him in a bone-crushing hug. "Kairi, who told you that I told them where you were?"

Sniffling and hiccupping, she breathed, "Xion."

"And you believed her?" Sora pulled back and held her face in-between his hands. He gazed directly into her eyes, and it was as though they were the only two in the room. He sighed heavily and wiped her tears with his thumbs. "Kai, I didn't tell them where you were. The only reason why Xion knew where you were is because she's an Office Aid."

"H-Huh?" Kairi blinked.

"She was there when your mom and the Principal called you down," he told her. "and God, for fuck's sake, Kairi, even if I still had the gun, I would never, _ever _let you kill yourself. _Never_."

"Why not?" Kairi whispered, sorrowful emotions laced within her tone as she felt the urge to start crying again. "I can't handle it anymore—everything in my life. I'm worthless, Sora. I'm worthless."

"Shut up," Sora growled desperately, and then he kissed her fiercely, combing his fingers through her hair as if he never planned on letting her go again. Kairi arched her back up into his embrace and kissed him back with fervor. She needed him. She loved him, and she needed him. He was all she had left—how could she have believed Xion's lies so easily? All she'd ever wanted was Sora back, and now that she was coming so close to it, she was too scared to keep herself from fucking it up.

Sora pulled away and, keeping his hand on the back of her neck, he turned to address his friends.

"I think I got it here, guys," he said. "You can finish practice—I'm sure Zidane's probably really freaked out by now, sitting out there like that."

"All right," Vanitas said. "You sure you guys are gonna be cool?"

"Yeah," Sora said.

Roxas looked at Kairi. "You, too, Kairi?"

"Y-Yes," Kairi stammered, quickly wiping her face clean and sniffling. "I'm sorry I worried you guys."

"No, don't apologize!" Tidus said anxiously. "Do you need some water or something?"

"No," Kairi whispered.

"It's okay, guys, really," Sora insisted.

Vanitas, Roxas, and Tidus gave her encouraging words and smiles and then left the room. Kairi and Sora turned their attention back to one another, and held each other's hands between them. Sora placed his forehead against hers.

"Do you remember . . . When we were little, and we went to the beach?" Sora said haltingly, softly.

Kairi kept her eyes closed. "Sora, there were lots of times that we went to the beach."

He chuckled a little bit. "No, I mean . . . We were ten, and it was the time I taught you how to swim. Do you . . . Do you remember what happened?"

"Of course." Kairi could remember every time they'd ever done anything together. Every word shared, every moment . . . Sora was everything to her.

He went on, "Remember how scared you were that a wave was gonna crash on top of you and drown you? Do you remember how frightened you were of death? And you said to me, 'Sora, don't ever let me drown.' Do you remember that?"

"Y-Yes . . ."

"And what did I say to you when you said that?"

Kairi's eyelids fluttered open and she was trapped in the dangerous web that was his gaze.

"Y-You . . . You said . . . You s-said that . . ." She was blushing, looking away.

"Look at me," he ordered, grabbing her chin gently. She did, and he said, "I said, 'I won't let you drown in a river or a lake or the sea or even the bathtub.' It was the first real promise I ever made you, and I intend to fucking keep it, you got that?"

Kairi nodded, her lip starting to quiver. That Sora remembered such a thing when she'd thought that he'd forgotten . . . It made her heart fill to burst.

"Kairi," he said, catching her gaze again. "I won't let you drown."

Kairi ever-so-slowly raised her hand and brushed his cheek with her knuckles. She scrutinized every single beautiful inch of his face and realized. What was she doing, trying to drag Sora's most painful secrets out of him before he was ready? Yes, she had a right to know, and yes, she really _really _wanted the answers to all of her questions, but right now . . . Right now she needed to focus on what was most important: Regaining trust within on another and moving forward.

For the first time in a long, long time, Kairi didn't feel alone anymore.

~x~

**A/N: I just thought I'd note that the Xion storyline is pretty much over. She served her purpose, so don't worry about her anymore, lol. Anyway, I'll see ya soon!**


	20. Calm Before the Storm

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: Here's the next chapter, guizeeee. I hope that you'll like it! I don't have much to say, except to thank you all for your reviews and continued support! You don't know how much it means to me to know that my readers love my story! And remember, you can always leave ideas in your reviews as well; I just might take some of them into account :P If you do leave an idea, though, make sure you leave your name so that I can credit you should the need arise! Anyway, I won't waste time! Here you go!**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities.**

**NOTES: This story is rated M. There's some lime in this chapter, oh ho ho!**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Eighteen**

~x~

_The sun was setting on Destiny Islands, seeking the solace of slumber. The day was Independence Day, and the occupants of the Islands were headed to the western half of the island for the annual fireworks. The scent of barbeque filled the hot, hazy air; the overall atmosphere was one of familial togetherness, laughter, and celebration. _

_ A handsome brunette boy of about fourteen was kneeling down in an empty field, carefully searching the flowers for something. A few yards away, a redheaded girl was crying and anxiously begging him to hurry. The boy was infinitely patient, however, and continued to scrupulously comb the grass for whatever it was that the girl had lost._

_ "Sora, please, you have to find it," the girl cried. "You just have to."_

_ "I know, I know," the boy, Sora, said with slight amusement in his tone. His fingers brushed against blades of green and petals of blue, finding nothing. He narrowed his eyes at the flash of something gold, and then he smiled brightly. Digging into the dirt a little bit, he snatched the object in his sight up and held it up into the air for the girl to see. A diamond pendant on a gold chain dangled before their young eyes, swaying back and forth slightly in the Summer breeze._

_ The redhead girls' eyes lit up like the fireworks they would be seeing later that night, and instead of taking the necklace, she threw herself down into her friend's arms. She hugged him tightly around the neck and pulled back to giggle. Their eyes met and the boy blushed from the tips of his ears to the ends of his toes._

_ "Come on, Kairi," he laughed nervously, pushing her away gently. He took her hand and placed the necklace in it, closing her fingers around it. "Don't lose it again, it—"_

_ "Cost a fortune?" she teased, wrinkling her nose. "I know; you say that every time."_

_ "Because you lose it every time!" His voice was accusatory, but there was a grin on his face. "And for your information, it _did_ cost a fortune. It was like, all my money from mowing lawns."_

_ "And so far, it's the best birthday present you've ever given me," she said, eyes twinkling as she clutched the necklace close to her heart. She jumped a little bit, excitedly so, and her cropped crimson hair bounced along with her._

_ "So, are you ready to go to the beach for the fireworks?" Sora asked eagerly._

_ Kairi blinked and the smile faded from her face. "Oh . . . I guess I forgot to tell you . . ."_

_ Sora frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. "Forgot? Forgot what?"_

_ "I'm . . . I'm going to the fireworks with . . . With somebody." She looked guilty for a moment, but then another smile split her features into a beautiful portrait. "Actually, um . . . Hayner asked me."_

_ "Hayner?" It was clear to see that Sora was disappointed, but that he was trying his best to look as though he were happy for his best friend._

_ "Yeah, um . . . Hayner, from church? Hayner Pendleton." She looked away, her smile seeming false. "He said there's a party afterward."_

_ "A party?" Sora asked, bewildered. "Since when do you go to parties?"_

_ "Since . . . Well, a lot of the girls at school have been talking about high school and how when we start next year, it's better to be popular, and . . . Oh, it sounds stupid when I say it to you."_

_ Sora's brows knitted together and he lowered his gaze shyly. "But Kairi . . . You don't need to go to parties to be popular. You're funny and you're nice and you're really p-pretty . . ." He gulped. "But if you want to go, I won't stop you."_

_ Kairi smiled softly at him and held up the necklace. "Thank you, Sora. Can you help me put it on?"_

_ "Yeah . . ." As Sora helped his best friend to put on the necklace, every emotion he was experiencing flashed across his face like an open book. Sadness, rejection, self-hatred . . . It was all there. It was plain to see that he liked his best friend as more than a friend, and it was paining him to see her going down a path that was different from his own. A path that he was unable to follow her down. _

_ Once the necklace was clasped, Kairi whirled around to give her best friend a hug and a kiss on the cheek._

_ "Anyway, sorry I have to bail on you tonight. I know we've gone like, every year since we were little. But I'll make it up to you with ice cream tomorrow, okay?"_

_ She skipped off and Sora watched her go with a blank expression on his face. Although his face was void, however, his eyes spoke volumes. He had expected and even looked forward to going to the fireworks with her. He had spent an hour in front of the mirror beforehand, planning what he was going to say to her, for tonight was to be the night that he finally confessed his crush on her. But now that would never be, and it was clear to Sora that a girl as cool as Kairi could never like a nerd like him._

_ Sora stood there for a long time after she left. A long, long time._

Kairi caught herself staring out the window absentmindedly, her hands still wrist-deep in soapy dishwater. She shook her head to rid herself of her sad memories and sighed. She was such a naïve little girl at the time. How could she have been so blind to Sora's emotions? Maybe that was why he had been so cruel to her . . . Because she'd ditched him countless times in her search for popularity during high school. She had been so selfish, taking his gifts and putting him last when she should have been putting him first. She had known he'd had a crush on her, but she'd ignored it because he was "uncool." No wonder Sora had thought she was a lying slut.

It was Friday, the day before Halloween, and Kairi was barely holding on. After her major panic attack the day before, her mind was full to the brim with thoughts of her sorrow and mistakes. Basically, she was trying to give herself good reasons not to do the unthinkable, and it was becoming harder and harder to find them.

After finishing up the dishes, she glanced at the clock. Sora would be home soon. Fortunately, she'd managed to get his room all cleaned up after she'd destroyed it, so perhaps he'd be happy about that. He probably wanted to hold band practice right away, too, since tomorrow was their biggest show to date. Record company executives and possible managers were going to be in attendance, so Sora didn't need any of her emotional drama. He had wanted to talk to her last night after her meltdown, but she had claimed she was tired, so he'd gone to the couch to sleep. When she'd awoken, the house had been empty, and she had immediately started to clean.

Kairi stared down at her scars and wondered how easy it would be to press the blade deeper next time. Why not? She had quite possibly the worst hand of cards that life had ever dealt to someone like her. She'd been sexually abused by her adoptive brother for ten years, bullied and ostracized by her classmates at school, disowned by her family, impregnated only to lose the baby at six months, and she'd all but lost her best friend and the only person who'd ever been there for her—Sora. Just because he was being nice to her now didn't mean that she'd won him back.

Before she got too anxious, she dried her hands on a dish towel and then went outside to play with Memory. She knelt down by the fence, unhooked the pretty dog from her leash, and let her run around in wild circles all over the yard. Sometimes, Kairi wished she could be like Memory: wild, free, and most of all _safe_. Memory didn't have to worry about bad people coming after her with the intent to harm her for the sake of sport. She didn't have to worry about someone sneaking into her room in the middle of the night and getting into her bed. The only thing Memory had to worry about was eating, pooping, playing, and sleeping.

Kairi took a seat in one of the patio chairs and thought back to when Memory was still a baby, and how attached she was to Kairi's side. Memory loved her owner, and trusted no one else but her. She growled at her parents and barked at Riku—the only person she wanted near her fur was Kairi herself. Kairi . . . Or Sora. When she thought about it, it was kind of like Memory was a living, breathing symbol of their friendship or relationship, or whatever it was. Sora had always worked his ass off to give Kairi gifts, but this one had cost him a _lot _of hours. Maltese dogs were worth 800$ and up as puppies. So Memory wasn't just a "gift" to Kairi. She symbolized everything that Sora was to her: selfless, hardworking, caring, and thoughtful.

'_Though there hasn't been much of that lately,'_ Kairi grumbled to herself in her head as she leaned down to grab Memory's tennis ball and throw it across the yard. Memory yipped and went careening toward it.

Behind her, the sliding glass door opened and someone stepped out onto the patio. Thinking it might be Sora, Kairi whirled around. However, upon seeing that it was just Vanitas, she was a bit dismayed.

"Disappointed?" he joked, coming to stand next to her chair. He slipped his hands into the pockets of his jeans and smiled down at her.

"Totally," she teased, punching him playfully in the leg. "Did you guys just get home?"

"Yeah, but Sora and Roxas went to go get some beer," he explained. "What have you been up to all day?"

"Oh, nothing," she sighed. "Just the usual."

Vanitas laughed, "You do realize that you don't have to clean the house all the time, right? If you want to live here, just ask."

Kairi blinked and she shot him a look. "Wh-What? That's not why I clean . . ."

He rolled his unsettling amber eyes and shrugged. "Well, what the fuck ever. Either way, you can stay here as long as you want, dude."

"Isn't it Roxas's house, though? You guys already have Tidus, you, and Sora . . . Is there even room?"

"Are you forgetting that Sora kicked good ol' Riku out? You can have his room, I'm sure."

Kairi returned to watching Memory. She _did _need a place to live . . . And it _would _solve 50% of her problems . . . "What does Sora think?" she asked.

"Are you kidding? He'll be fine with it, girl, just chill." He ran his fingers backward through his bouncy black spikes. "And does it really matter what he wants? _I'm _not going to put you out on the streets."

"Okay," Kairi said in a small voice. "Thank you . . ."

"No problem." He smiled at her and then turned to go.

Kairi perked up and jumped to her feet. "Wait, Vanitas!"

"Yeah?" he asked, one foot inside the house and one on the patio.

"Remember when you came over?"

He smirked and looked her up and down. "Hell yeah."

Kairi ignored the look he was giving her and went on hurriedly, "Remember what you said in the car? Something about your uncle?"

The amusement in his eyes faded and he frowned. "Yeah? What about him?"

"Well," she hesitated, wondering if she was being insensitive. "You said that his death was why Sora changed."

"I guess it played a part in it," Vanitas said. He crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes at her. "Why?"

"Is . . . Is that all there is to it?" she asked desperately. "I mean, what would cause him to join a gang and leave me behind like he did?"

Vanitas sighed heavily and crossed the distance between them. He placed a hand on her shoulder and looked her directly in the eyes.

"Kairi, I know what you're trying to do, and I know that you really want to know the answers to your questions," he said slowly, "but Sora's secrets are _his _to tell. If he doesn't want to tell you because he thinks it's best for you, then you should trust him."

"But Vanitas, how is it right for him to keep things that have to do with _me _from _me_?" she protested. "I have a right to know, and you know something. I _know _you know something."

"Kairi, you're killing me," he chuckled somewhat incredulously, scratching the back of his head. "You're never gonna give up, are you?"

Kairi shook her head wildly. "I need to know."

Vanitas glanced surreptitiously over his shoulder and then put his hands on his hips. "All right, I'll do this one thing for you . . . I'm not going to give away Sora's secrets, but I will tell you why I joined the gang."

Kairi opened her mouth, but then closed it again. She supposed it was better than nothing, and perhaps his part of it would give her some sort of insight as to what Sora was hiding.

"I found out about what Riku was doing to you a long time before Sora did," Vanitas said. "Even though I never really played with you guys as kids."

"How?" Kairi asked, stunned.

"Sora mentioned a few things without really understanding them, and I put two-and-two together," Vanitas replied, waving a dismissive hand about. "It doesn't matter. Either way, I knew, and I confronted Riku about it. I told him I was going to tell if he didn't stop."

"How old were we?"

"Like fifteen," he said.

"So you joined way before Sora?"

"Will you hold your horses?" Vanitas said. "I'm tellin' the story! Anyway, I tried to talk to Sora about it, but he didn't—"

Kairi gasped. "You mean you told Sora that Riku was abusing me? When we were fifteen?"

He nodded.

"And he didn't _believe_ you?" She threw her hands up into the air. She couldn't believe this. Sora had already known that she was being abused long before she'd gotten pregnant and instead of talking her to see if it was true, he had just ignored it because he believed it was false.

Vanitas shook his head sorrowfully. "Nope. He was just starting to become friends with Riku at the time, so he thought that kid was golden. So anyway, as I was saying, I tried to talk to Sora, and Riku found out. He flipped his shit and we got into this huge fight at my house. I told him I was going to tell, so he panicked and started beating the shit out of me. I mean, that guy went _crazy_—I've never seen anything like it in my life."

Kairi averted her gaze. _She_ had.

Vanitas continued, "Well, my parents came in and broke it up, and that was it. Ever since then, I've hated the guy."

Confusion filled Kairi's eyes and she crossed her arms. "So then why did you join the gang?"

"Huh?"

Really? Had he really just told her all that in the hopes that she wouldn't ask?

"_Why _did you _join _the _gang_?" she asked through clenched teeth. She was starting to get really pissed off with the Japanese twins.

"Oh, that . . . Well, why do any of us join gangs? To protect someone I care about."

Kairi took a step toward him. "To protect who? Me? Is that why Sora joined? To protect me?"

Vanitas started to say something, but the sound of the sliding glass door being slammed wide open stopped him. Sora stepped out onto the patio, shooting them both suspicious glances. Kairi felt her heart skip a beat—he'd be so pissed if he knew she'd tried to ask Vanitas what was going on.

"What are you guys talking about?" he asked.

Vanitas turned to him and said something in Japanese, to which Sora replied in kind. Vanitas then gestured to Kairi, spoke some more Japanese, and headed back inside the house. Sora turned his attention to Kairi.

"What's up?" he asked warily.

"Nothing," Kairi said, putting her hands behind her back. "How was school?"

"Shitty," he quipped. "Come inside and watch a movie with me."

Kairi blinked. It was kind-of weird hearing him ask her to do things with him, as if they were friends again or a couple, or something. She blushed and nodded. "Okay," she said in a tiny voice. She turned to say good-bye to Memory, and then followed Sora into the house.

"Thanks for cleaning up my room," Sora said as they entered his bedroom. He closed the door behind them and walked over to the Blu-ray stand by his TV. Picking up a stack of Blu-rays, he sifted through them. He was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans slung low about his hips, his black beanie, and a red-and-white plaid shirt. He looked hot, but that wasn't anything new.

Kairi turned off his light, skipped over to his bed, and then jumped onto it, landing on her hands and knees. She smiled over at him, tucking her hair behind her ears. She knew it might look odd to prying eyes that she was automatically going to his bed, but after years and years of watching movies on his bed since they were little, it was pure habit. Besides, she was just happy he wanted to hang out with her like old times.

"Let's watch that scary movie I promised you," Kairi said, sitting cross-legged with her back to his pillows.

"Uh . . . How about _Exte_? It's a Japanese horror movie," he said, holding up a blue case. "Haunted hair extensions."

"Okay, but you have to put on subtitles," she warned him sternly, remembering how whenever Sora put on Japanese movies, he 'forgot' the subtitles. Every time he did that, he was the only one who got to enjoy the film.

Sora grinned to himself a little bit, turned, and put on the movie. Then, he came and climbed onto the bed next to her, lying on his back with his legs outstretched and ankles crossed. He placed his hands behind his head and his gaze zeroed in on the TV.

"I never understood what the obsession is with hair in Japan," Kairi mentioned as the opening credits started to play. "It's like, _why _do they find hair in your face so fucking _scary_?"

Sora chuckled and looked up at her. "Maybe because the fact that you can't see what's lying behind it? It's pretty terrifying, when you think about it."

Kairi deadpanned. Leave it to Sora to be realistic, as he always had.

"Nevermind what I said yesterday," Kairi grumbled. "You haven't changed a _bit_."

Sora rolled his eyes. "Just watch the movie."

So they did. They watched the Hell out of that movie, but halfway through, Kairi was starting to lose interest. It wasn't that the movie was _bad_, it was just that . . . Well, you know . . . Sora smelled really good. And his leg kept accidently brushing against hers, and since she was wearing her floral _Liz Lisa_ dress, it was making her entire body tingle. Oh, and let's not forget the fact that his movie-watching facial expression was attractive as all get out. It was actually kind-of difficult to be on Sora's bed like this without being reminded that they weren't little kids anymore. _Especially _since all he had was a full-sized mattress.

Juuuuussssst enough room for two.

Kairi ran her fingers backward through her hair, feeling a bit flustered. She looked down at her hands in her lap, fidgeting with her bracelet. She jumped, however, when she felt Sora's hand touch her lower back. He tugged playfully at a strand of her long hair.

"Your hair's gotten so long . . ." he said with a wistful half-smile. "Seems like just yesterday it was barely past your ears and—"

"People were telling me I looked like a lesbian?" Kairi pouted. "Don't remind me."

"What's so wrong with being a lesbian?" Sora cried incredulously, his fingers still lightly touching her back. She could feel the heat of his fingers through the fabric of her dress. "You're like, the biggest feminist I've ever met, Kairi!"

Kairi glanced down at him over her shoulder. "You think so?"

Sora raised his eyebrows and shot her a pointed look.

Kairi giggled. "Okay, maybe that's true. But I can assure you . . . I'm _not _a lesbian."

Suddenly, before Kairi knew what was going on, Sora sat up. His movements and her position put their noses within centimeters of each other, and their eyes were completely locked together. Kairi inhaled sharply, nervousness starting to flutter within her stomach. What was he _doing_?

"You're not a what?" he asked huskily.

"A . . . A lesbian," Kairi whispered, gulping down her anxiety.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Sora grinned mischievously. "Show me."

Kairi's eyes went wide. Was he . . . Was he serious? She didn't know why she felt so nervous . . . Christ, she'd kissed Sora more times in the last two months than she'd ever thought she would in her entire life. But something about the fact that they were alone in his room, neither one of them was angry with the other, and it was dark was making it feel as though it were the first time.

"Sh-Show you?" Kairi stammered, reaching up to push her hair back. When she did, he grabbed her hand and laced his fingers within her own. She was suddenly attracted to every aspect of his face, down to the soft curve of his lips and the brilliant blue of his irises. His lips hovered before hers, waiting, and her free hand started a slow descent down the front of his button-up shirt.

"Kairi Ann Frierson," Sora said softly yet firmly. "If you don't kiss me right now, I swear I'll—"

Kairi's eyes twinkled, closed, and then her lips were upon his. The kiss was tortuously slow, and Kairi found her fingers itching to be on his bare skin. Her fingers brushed through his soft, soft hair and down the back of his neck, causing him to shudder involuntarily as the sensitive flesh was touched. He pressed into the kiss forcefully, his hands gripping her hips in gentle contrast, and to Kairi's surprise, nibbled on her lower lip. She was so surprised, in fact, that she gasped.

The second Kairi's lips parted, a switch flipped on in Sora's brain and he pushed her onto her back in the blankets. He kissed her deeply and languorously, eliciting a low moan from the back of Kairi's throat. The redheaded girl arched her back, pressing her chest against his as she struggled to keep pace with him. Her entire body was on edge, her legs quivering and her heart beating—Sora was awakening a fire within her that would burn down an entire forest were it set free.

But Kairi was no virgin schoolchild. She wrapped her legs around his waist and ground her hips upward against his, breaking the kiss to press her tongue against his jawbone. She licked a scorching hot path up to his ear, moving past his plugs, and curving her tongue around the shell of his ear. His body trembled and his fingers dug into her thighs with bruising strength.

"Shit, Kairi," he moaned against her throat when she repeated her movements, adding a little bite to his upper neck. He removed one hand from her leg and slipped it underneath the hem of her floral dress, stroking along the crotch of her panties softly. It caused her to whimper in bliss, yearning for him to be touching bare flesh.

"Mm, Sora," Kairi pleaded as he continued to tease her, his hot kisses burning her collarbone and shoulder. "Sora, pl-please . . ."

"Please what?" he whispered into her ear, sounding amused. He pushed aside the fabric of her panties and brushed his fingertips lightly against her wetness. An electric shock shot through her body and her toes curled. Why was he being so cruel? She just wanted him to _touch her_, dammit.

"Ngh, S-Sora," she groaned as he gently, slowly began to touch her pleasure pearl. She was ridiculously sensitive, her sense heightened by the fact that she was finally able to be with Sora without interruption or problem. Not to mention, he knew what the fuck he was doing.

Kairi smirked into his throat and kissed it lightly, over and over. She was utterly intoxicated, drunk off of her desire for Sora and her happiness at the promise of new beginnings. She slipped her hands up beneath his shirt, pulling apart the buttons as she went, and revealed his bare chest and toned abs. Her eyes drank in the sight, legs still wrapped around him, and she bit her lower lip.

Sora smiled slightly and darted forward to peck her on the lips, one of his hands tracing her breast in circular movements. He nuzzled his nose into hers and kissed her, their tongues tangling in a passionate dance of pent-up arousal. As they kissed, Sora reached in-between her back and his mattress, feeling for the zipper. Kairi began to shiver, though whether it was from excitement or nerves, she couldn't discern.

And then the door burst open, and Tidus came bounding into the room.

"Dude, oh my fucking God, you have to come in the studio with me _rightttt the fuckkkk nowwww_—oh." The blonde froze in the middle of the room, still striking a dramatic pose. Upon seeing the close proximity of the redhead and the brunette, he began to chuckle nervously.

"Wow," Sora said irritably, whirling around to glare at his friend. "Just _wow_."

"I'm sorry, man!" Tidus laughed. "I just really need you to come with me right nowwwww . . . I got the greatest idea for the set tomorrow, and _omg, you have to come with meeeee_."

Sora rolled his eyes and got off the bed. He gave Kairi one last lingering look as he buttoned up his plaid shirt, as if to say he was going to miss her, and then he left the room with Tidus.

The second he was gone, Kairi gasped for air. Had she been holding her breath . . . ? She shook her head wildly to rid herself of her lewd thoughts. She knew for a fact that if Tidus hadn't walked in, she most certainly would have showed Sora exactly why she didn't like girls sexually, and she most certainly would have gotten him out of all of his clothes.

Although Kairi loved Sora, she was starting to get a little bit confused. What _were _they? Were they in a relationship? Were they even _friends_? He was so possessive with her, and he obviously believed that keeping secrets was his way of protecting her. After hearing Vanitas's crock-of-shit story (a story that was most likely told to get her off of their backs), she was pretty sure that Sora had her best interests at heart. It was just a shame that their interests were conflicting.

Feeling tired, Kairi pulled back Sora's covers and slid beneath the silken sheets. She was immediately enveloped in his nostalgic scent, causing her to sigh dreamily. Her eyelids were beginning to feel heavier and heavier. She'd been sleeping in his bed ever since she'd come there (Sora had been sleeping on the couch), but she'd be lying if she didn't say that she hoped that when she woke up from this nap . . . Sora would be lying there next to her.

~x~

**A/N: Welllll, there it was. I promise that next chapter will have some more action. In fact, next chapter will be quite a shocker and kinda depressing, so be prepared!**


	21. The Angel and Her Hero

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay so . . . Get ready. That is all I have to say for this tearjerker of a chapter. **

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities. The song used in this chapter is "**_**Set It Off Like Napalm**_**" by **_**Emarosa**_**.**

**NOTES: This story is rated M. The content in this chapter is duly rated M. I won't tell you why because it's a surprise, but a sad surprise. I will say it's not sexual.**

**ENJOY!  
**

**~x~**

**Chapter Nineteen**

~x~

"Kairi, wake up…"

Kairi stirred from her dreams, feeling a strong hand on her shoulder shaking her. Her eyelids fluttered open, cerulean meeting amber, and she sat up quickly. Vanitas was sitting next to her on the edge of Sora's bed, grinning like a madman. She eyed him warily, running her fingers through her tousled bed hair.

"Vanitas?" she yawned. "What time is it? What's going on?"

Still smiling, Vanitas said eagerly, "It's like, almost midnight. But who cares? You have to come see this."

"See what?" Kairi protested as Vanitas literally dragged her out of the bed in her rumpled dress and tired state. He took her hand and hauled her down the hallway toward the studio in the dark. Kairi stumbled along behind him, bewildered and a little frightened. After the dream she'd been having, she had no desire to go to a dark room at the back of the house with anyone, not even Sora.

However suspicious or apprehensive she was, though, the closer they got to the door to the studio room, the louder the music got. What music, you say? Why, the faint music that could be heard playing distantly, as part of a memory. Kairi gulped and her curiosity grew. What was going on?

"So, you remember when I burst into the bedroom and interrupted your fun time?" Tidus was waiting by the door, bouncing excitedly on the balls of his foot.

"Yeah," Kairi said slowly, cautiously.

Tidus and Vanitas exchanged excited glances.

"Well, this is why," Vanitas explained. "He had an idea and since you're here, you get to be our token audience member."

"Right," Kairi said, crossing her arms over her chest. "And what does that mean?"

"Well, first of all, lower your fucking voice, because he doesn't know you're our token audience member," Vanitas scoffed. "And second, I know you said our band is your favorite, so what better way to show our number one fan we care than letting her hear a song before it's released?"

Kairi looked from one boy to the other. Okay, now she was definitely interested in whatever it was they were selling. She attempted to push past them and go inside the studio, where the music was still playing, but Tidus stopped her.

"Ah, ah, ah," he said with twinkling eyes. "You have to promise us one thing."

"What?" Kairi asked.

"You have to give us your honest opinion, because if you give us the go ahead, we're using the song in the set tomorrow," Tidus said with raised eyebrows. "Can you do that for us?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Kairi said quickly. She wanted to go in there and see Sora in action, recording his vocals. It was like a dream come true for any lover of any musician like, ever. Because regardless of the fact that she knew the members of _Destiny's Embrace _personally, it was still her favorite band and they actually wanted her to listen to a brand new song. They even wanted her to decide whether or not they were going to keep it! How awesome was _that_?

Kairi followed Vanitas and Tidus into the studio, where the new boy with the bass (Zidane was his name) and Roxas were lounging about on the couch with drinks. Sora was in the actual recording room behind the glass, sitting on a stool in the center of it, just below the hanging microphone. He was still wearing his black jeans and plaid shirt, but he'd taken off his beanie so he could put on the big headphones Kairi knew musicians used when laying down tracks. He nodded in greeting to her and then looked to Vanitas.

Vanitas took a seat at the sound board and flipped a few switches and lights. Tidus sat down next to him, at the computer, and did a few things on there as well. The music that was playing changed and then Tidus paused it.

"Ready?" Sora asked after leaning down to grab his water bottle. He placed his feet on the rungs of the stool and held the bottle between his legs in a relaxed manner.

"Yeah," Tidus said.

"Just let me do a few things . . ." Vanitas said thoughtfully, pressing a few more buttons and levers.

Kairi glanced over at Roxas and Zidane, who both gave her a couple of friendly waves and then turned their attention back to Sora. Sensing that if she made too much noise, she might be intrusive, she leaned against the wall next to the door with her hands behind her back and waited.

"All right," Vanitas said, flashing everyone the OK sign.

"Okay, so you know what you have to do, right Kairi?" Sora asked, his voice sounding calm and smooth in the microphone.

Kairi bit her lower lip and nodded. Looking him in the eyes only reminded her of the events that had taken place before her little cat nap . . . They'd come dangerously close to going farther than the first time they'd made out, and if it weren't for Tidus, what would have happened? She swallowed her nerves and put on a small, encouraging msile.

Upon seeing her smile, half of Sora's lips turned upward in a half-smile, and then he pulled the headphones up onto his head. He nodded to Tidus, and the music began to play.

"_Out of place, put him down. He's all strung out._

_Don't hold your breath for too long, this moment's fading out now_

_Our souls have caught on fire_

_Well, I don't really wanna walk that line_

_I don't really wanna cross that line_

_Let's make this now or never_

Kairi's jaw literally dropped ten feet below the ground and her eyes just about soared right out of her head. She'd never before heard Sora sing with such passion, clarity, and emotion. He sounded _Heavenly_, and just watching him, it was plain to see that this song was not only close to his heart, but also meant a lot to him. It was written on his face in a thousand different languages, and whenever Kairi managed to catch his eye, it made chills run down her spine. She even had to fan herself a couple of times.

_Fade it out, the storms that I love_

_The heat is getting stronger and I plan_

_To take advantage, no matter what they say_

_The tide is slowly going out_

_Tonight_

A small section of just instrumentals began to play, Kairi ran her fingers through her hair. Tears were threatening to form in her eyes. This song . . . What was he trying to say? There was a message hidden between the lines, but Kairi couldn't place her finger on what it was. Her throat began to burn from trying to hold in her tears; her vision blurred when she looked at him and she placed a hand over her heart.

The next part, Sora looked her directly in the eyes and sang to her, and only her, his voice ringing throughout every bone in her petite body. She felt as though all of the air had been sucked out of her body, realization starting to creep its way in.

_Oh God, please open your eyes_

_It's time to finalize_

_And make this now or never_

_Set it off and let it burn_

_Take your form_

_Let it be the scariest_

_Let it be most furious_

The tears started to fall, showing no signs of stopping anytime soon. She knew what he was trying to say now. She knew what the hidden message was. Sora was trying to tell her the thing that she'd most wanted to hear: that all that mattered was the two of them, and that it was time to throw everything aside and be just that—_them_. Together. Sure, there were a lot of things standing in their way, and yes, there was a century of questions separating them, but damn it all if he was going to let that stop him. It was common knowledge that he'd had a crush on her when they were kids, and it had formed into full blown feelings in high school—she just had been too blind to see it. Now that they were older, what was stopping them? It was going to be terrifying, but it would be amazing and wonderful and beautiful, and _that's what she'd wanted from the beginning._

_I'm the boy that set your girl on fire_

_When she dances, oh she knows it's right_

_We'll send them all to Hell_

_I am the boy that sets your girl on fire!_

_When she dances, oh she knows it's right_

_We'll send them all to Hell_

_I am the boy that sets your girl on fire!_

_When she dances, oh she knows it's right_

_We'll send them all to Hell_

_I am the boy that sets your girl on fire!_

_When she dances, oh she knows it's right!_

_We'll send them all to Hell!_

As soon as the song was done, Kairi forced herself to stop crying and wiped her eyes before anyone saw. She smiled and clapped her hands enthusiastically.

"That was amazing!" she exclaimed. "Really, really amazing. My favorite song to date."

Vanitas whirled around and smirked. "That's because it's about you."

"What?" Kairi blushed bright red. "No, it isn't. Shut up, Vanitas. Sora, that was really great. You should play it at the set tomorrow."

Sora smiled a small, somewhat secretive smile, his gaze lingering upon her. Everyone in that room knew the song was about Kairi (except maybe Zidane), and there was no use in Kairi trying to pretend that it wasn't. He got off of his stool and exited the room, coming to stand next to the computer.

"Wanna play it back?" Sora asked.

"Yeah, dude," Tidus said happily. "I'm pretty sure you got it in one take."

Sora laughed and shrugged nonchalantly. "Eh, what can I say? It's how I do."

"Oh, shut _up_," Vanitas said amusedly. "Says the person who took like, literally two weeks to record _You Only Live Once_."

"Oh, come on!" Sora protested defensively. "The guitar in that one was Hell. And Kairi, he's lying. It only took me one week."

Kairi forced a smile onto her face, trying not to show everyone that she was still feeling upset. Her emotions were swirling inside of her, and she was feeling more than a little conflicted. She'd basically just heard a confession from Sora, but had no idea what to do with it. Frankly, she just wanted to go back to bed because this was _way _too overwhelming.

Taking a deep, gulping breath, Kairi mumbled about needing to go to the bathroom, and then slipped out of the room. She hurried to the bathroom and locked herself inside, exhaling heavily as soon as she was sure she was safe. She slid down to the tiled floor and brought her knees to her chest.

This was _not _what she had expected. She was scared out of her _mind_. She'd loved Sora from the shadows for so long without any hope of reconciliation, but now that she had it . . . She just wanted to sink into a hole and sleep forever. In her eyes, Sora was the symbol of perfection whereas she believed herself to be less than so. When Kairi looked in the mirror, she saw an ugly, worthless, used up thing that wasn't even good enough to be someone's toy. Why would Sora want someone like her? He'd spent that last two months calling her a lying slut to her face, so _why _would he _want _her?

Kairi buried her face in her knees and dissolved into bone-wracking sobs. This was why she had wanted to kill herself the night before. This was why she had searched so frantically for that gun. Because she didn't believe she was good enough. Even though Sora had literally sang to her that he wanted to be with her, she still didn't believe it. She didn't believe it because she _couldn't_. Who could want a girl with no family and no worth? A girl whose only purpose in life was to be a plaything for other men?

Before she knew what she was doing, Kairi had crawled her way to the bathtub and was climbing into it. Still weeping, she turned on the water and sat there, fully clothes, staring at the broken razor she'd stashed behind the shampoo bottles. It was still stained with her blood from Monday, the last time she'd cut herself. But Kairi didn't want to just cut herself this time.

This time, Kairi wanted the pain to go away because she couldn't handle the torment anymore.

As Kairi lifted the razor to her wrist, she hated herself anymore. People were going to call her selfish. They were going to say that she had people who wanted to see her live, that others cared about her enough to value her life. Everyone would remember her as the selfish little girl who partied her way through high school, got pregnant, dropped out, and lied about her abuse. It didn't matter if she knew inside of her heart that the abuse was real. It didn't matter, because how do you happily live a life that you don't even want?

The first cut was shallow, but the next five weren't. Her rage and anger consumed her, and she hacked and slashed at her wrists until she saw muscle and tissue, screaming her pain aloud. She didn't care if they heard her. She didn't care if they were sad. She didn't care about anything right now, because it just . . . It just hurt. Everything. Her body, her heart, her mind. She couldn't do it anymore, and nobody could protect her from her fate.

Kairi's teeth chattered as the cold water surrounded her frail, shaking body and began to run over the edge of the tub. She leaned back against the wall and sobbed uncontrollably, her arms throbbing in agony and shedding her blood like rainfall. This was it. She was actually going to die. She couldn't say she wasn't scared. No, the poor girl was terrified. She felt like a small child who gets lost in the mall and can't find their mother and father. Only in those cases, the mother and father is usually up in arms trying to get their child back.

This little girl had no mother or father to cry out for.

Black shadows were coming for her. They were flitting about, back and forth in front of her failing eyes. Kairi let her hands sink below the water, watching the water turn crimson with her despair. She sniffled and tried to pray. She'd hadn't been to church in ages, and she certainly hadn't prayed, but right now, she needed to know that she wasn't going to be alone when she crossed over.

She needed to know that someone would care for her on the other side as no one had cared for her on Earth.

"Kairi? Kairi, are you in there?" It was Roxas's voice on the other side of the door.

Kairi didn't respond; she only continued to cry.

"Kairi, are you okay? There's water all over the carpet . . . Kairi?" He pounded his fist against the door again. "Shit," he cursed when she still said nothing.

Kairis' cries subsided as her energy levels depleted. Her head lolled back against the wall, but the pain was minimal compared to the pain in her heart. Not even her gashed-open arms could hold a candle to how badly she felt about herself and her life and just . . . She was glad it was finally ending. She was glad.

Then, there was a loud clamoring of noise on the other side of the door, and Sora began to talk to her.

"Kairi, are you in there?" he asked. "Did you . . . Guys. Guys, there's blood in the water."

"Huh?" It was Vanitas. "How can you tell?"

"Look at the fucking carpet!" Tidus screamed in horror. "There's blood in the water!"

"_FUCK_!" Sora exclaimed at the same time as Roxas cried, "_KAIRI!"_

More than a number of desperate knocks rattled the wooden door, but Kairi couldn't move even if she wanted to. The bathwater was completely red by now, still running freezing cold from the faucet and spreading all over the white floor. Her breathing was shallow, and her tears were silent. The time was coming. Death was nearly here now.

"She must have slipped and fell or something," Sora said. "Rox, help me kick the door down."

After a few tries, the boys got the door lock to break and everyone stumbled in. The sight of Kairi in such a state was not at all what they had expected to see, and their reactions were collectively horrified. They all stood there and watched for a moment, shocked and at a loss as to what to do.

Kairi's eyes were almost shut, and they were starting to glass over. Her body was too weak to hold itself up, starting to slip lower and lower in the tub. In a panic, Sora woke up and scrambled to her side, his eyes wild with terror.

"Roxas, turn off the water," he ordered, climbing into the icy water with Kairi and holding her head above water. "Kairi? Oh, my fucking _God_, Kairi?!"

Roxas turned the water off and then screamed for Tidus to go call 9-1-1. Vanitas was standing there, his face pale, trembling with fear. Roxas had to tell him three times to go get all of the towels from the hallway closet before he finally jumped to it, leaving Sora and Roxas alone with Kairi, who was seemingly dead.

"Did she hit her head . . . ?" Sora asked worriedly, sounding on the verge of tears. He pulled Kairi into a sitting position and cradled her close, his hand searching through her hair for any signs of a head wound. "Kairi . . ."

"Sora, look," Roxas whispered through his own tears, pointing.

Sora looked down, at where Kairi's arm was limply floating on top of the water, and he cried out in alarm. The cuts were there, plain as day and gruesome as can be. He immediately started crying inconsolably, embracing Kairi as tightly as he could while he buried his face in the crook between her neck and shoulder. He rocked her back and forth, and though she was nearly unconscious, she could still feel how hard his body was shaking with the force of his anguished sobs.

"S-Sora . . ." she managed to choke out.

He pulled back, keeping one arm wrapped around her shoulders. Kairi felt his knuckles brushing her cold cheekbones, and she took a wheezing breath.

"Kairi, you promised me," he whispered, his handsome face streaked with tears. "You _promised_."

Kairi was starting to feel slightly delirious, and though she heard what Sora was saying, she couldn't comprehend it. All she could see was that her hero was crying, and she didn't like it when he was sad. Mustering up every single last ounce of strength she had in her body, she raised her right arm and tried to run it through his hair, near his ear. She couldn't do it, though, and instead, her hand fell to his chest. Upon feeling the wild, frenzied beating of his heart, she frowned and looked at his chest through narrowed eyes.

"S-Sora . . ." she gasped. "Wh-Why are you . . . You cr-crying . . . ?"

Roxas let out a dry sob and stumbled out of the room, and then it was just as Sora's song had implied: they were together, just the two of them.

"Because my angel is dying," Sora whimpered, more tears dripping form his shimmering azure eyes. He combed his fingers through her wet hair and pressed his lips to her forehead with aching slowness, as if he though she might shatter.

"I'm al-already b-broken," she breathed, her body seizing as a painful shudder wracked her body.

"Huh?" he said thickly.

"Y-You don't . . . Have t-to treat m-me . . . Like por-porcelain," she murmured, hand still upon his warm chest. "You c-can't br-break what's . . . Already br-broken . . ."

Sora's face screwed up as he fought to keep from sobbing again. He pulled her up against him again and whispered into her ear.

"I was going to put you back together again, Kai . . . I was going to make it all go away."

Kairi gasped and started crying. Sora . . . She didn't want to die anymore. She didn't want to leave him behind. What had she been thinking? And now it was too late . . . Oh, God . . . Oh, please God . . .

"I'm s-so sorry, Sora," Kairi wailed meekly. "Pl-Please . . . For-Forgive me . . . For every-everything. I . . . I should have known you were h-hurting, too. That you n-needed me . . . I was a h-horrible friend, and—"

"No, shhh," Sora pleaded, pushing her hair back tenderly. "Don't waste your strength . . . You're gonna be okay, so there's nothing to forgive, all right?"

Kairi suddenly started to cough, and she felt the last bits of her strength starting to wane. Was this it? Was this the moment?

At least it would be in the arms of the man she loved . . .

"God, _fuck_, I don't want to lose you!" Sora shouted distraughtly, his eyes shadowed with grief. He was fully-clothed in a bathtub full of freezing cold, bloody water, holding his childhood friend, best friend, the girl of his dreams . . . Was this what Kairi had intended when she'd pressed that razor into her veins?

"Sora, I'm sc-scared!" Kairi sobbed, trying her hardest to grip the front of his now-blood-soaked shirt with her violently trembling hands. She wished she could turn back the clock. All the way back to when they were children. She didn't know what she would do differently—all she knew was that she wanted a chance to figure it out.

"Shh, it's okay," Sora breathed anxiously, cradling her gently against him and burying his face in her hair. "I'm here. I'm not going to leave—not ever again. Never, ever again. Fuck, it was the biggest mistake of my life, and Kairi . . . Kairi, I lo—"

Kairi didn't hear the rest, because her world went black and everything faded to darkness.

"_Sora, do you know why you're my best friend?"_

"_Why?"_

"_Because you're the only person in my whole life that hasn't abandoned me. My real mom and dad, they didn't want me. And my adoptive family, well . . . They're more focused on Riku. But you . . . Sora, thank you. Thank you for never leaving me behind."_

"_Aw, of course, Kai. A hero never leaves his angel without her wings."_

~x~

**A/N: Please . . . Don't kill me . . . Is Kairi dead? You'll find out in the next installment!**


	22. Lost and Found

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: All right, here's the REAL Chapter Twenty! I want to say that I'm so so so glad that you guys support my story! I know I can be really over emotional at times, but I can only hope you'll continue to stick with me until the end of this story. To my repeat reviewers also, Naomi, AJ, LoveAnime101, Awesome Twinkies, NoodleOodles34, Jan, etc (I know there's more, I love you all) . . . I love you guys so much for continuously coming back to review! I just love everyone! Yayyyy! Anyway, enjoy the next chapter!**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities.**

**NOTES: This story is rated M.**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Twenty**

~x~

_Kairi's eyelids fluttered open, squinting against the harsh, bright sunlight. She raised an arm to shield her vision and sat up, wondering to herself if she was in Heaven or Hell. Some people believed that suicide got you sent down below, some didn't, and then there were those who believed in nothing at all. However, Kairi hadn't pressed the blade into her vein because she wanted to go to Heaven or to Hell or even to Purgatory. No, Kairi had done what she did because she wanted to be free, and whether that sent her to the fire or the ice, she didn't much care._

_ As long as she was __**free.**_

_ The redhead sat up and looked around at what appeared to be a vast field of daisies. She frowned, for she'd never before __**seen**__ a field of daisies, and stood up. The grass and flower stems brushed against her ankles and the wind kissed her face, but she felt nothing. She closed her eyes and inhaled, but neither did she smell anything._

_ "So this is what feels like to be dead," she said, her voice sounding tiny and empty in the silence. She shivered—she hadn't wanted to be so alone._

_ Kairi looked up. So there was a clear, blue sky and fluffy white clouds in the afterlife? A sun that shone and a breeze that blew? If that were so, then why weren't there any other people? And if this was Heaven, her version of it, or any other variation, then shouldn't it be more suited to __**her**__? _

_ The questions and the feelings of anxiety that they brought her were as fleeting as the wind, and she found that no matter how hard she tried, she could no longer grasp onto and hold any sort of true emotion. Confusion, sadness, relief . . . They were all just dust. It was almost as if this were a nightly dream . . ._

_ "Mommy."_

_ Kairi looked up and whirled around with lightning speed. She'd know that voice anywhere. She may never have seen the true light of day, but Kairi had spent many nights imagining what she would sound like._

_ Hikari._

_ "So this __**is**__ Heaven . . ." Kairi whispered. An intense surge of love welled up within her and the entire sky seemed to change colors. Reds, blues, greens, yellows . . . They all passed across the cerulean as if they were dancing to the tune of Kairi's emotion._

_ She had shoulder-length silver hair, like her father, and brilliant blue eyes that reminded her of—wait. Who did they remind her of? She could see his face and his own sparkling azure irises, but she couldn't remember is name. It made her sad. Was this the sacrifice of giving herself up to Death? Forgetting the ones she loved? But then why did she remember Hikari and—Damn. She couldn't remember Hikari's father's name either._

_ Perhaps this __**was **__Hell._

_ Hikari's hands were behind her back as she bounced back and forth on the balls of her feet—something that Kairi had always done as a child. She appeared to be an age that she had never gotten the chance to grow to (twelve), and her smile was as bright as the sun. Or . . . Was she the sun itself? Kairi looked up at the sky to see if a star had fallen, and when she looked down again, Hikari was standing right in front of her._

_ "You're here, Mommy," Hikari said, eyes sparkling with unshed tears._

_ "Yes . . ." Kairi's voice broke as she reached for her lost child, her own personal star._

_ "I've been waiting."_

_ "I know."_

_ They embraced, and the sky glowed purple._

~x~

"Quick! Get her into surgery! She's lost too much blood—she'll need a transfusion."

"Please, you have to help her! You have to save her!"

"Sora, calm down—you can't go into the operating room with them! They're going to help her, man; it's their job."

"Vani . . . What's gonna happen to her?"

"I don't know, Sora . . . I don't know."

~x~

_"Mommy, what's he like?"_

_ Kairi continued to peacefully braid daisies into Hikari's hair, wondering what her daughter was talking about. It seemed with every question she asked, the more questions Kairi had herself. She sat up straight and asked her._

_ "My Daddy," Hikari went on to clarify. She turned to look at her mother over her shoulder. She seemed hazy for a moment, and then solidified. "Do you remember what he's like?"_

_ Kairi closed her eyes and stopped braiding. Her brow furrowed with the effort she was exuding in trying to remember a memory that seemed to taunt the edges of her mind. She wet her lower lip and said the only thing that she could._

_ "He's a very strong, confident man," she said carefully, resuming the braiding._

_ "Was he handsome?"_

_ Kairi's eyes glazed over. "He was very handsome."_

_ Hikari giggled. "And you're really pretty—was that why he loved you?"_

_ Kairi gulped back tears as her hands began to shake. She had no recollection of her daughter's father, yet her heart was clenching with sorrow and her stomach was roiling with fear. How could she begin to explain to her daughter that she couldn't remember the man, but she could remember how he had hurt her? She didn't want to lie to her, but Hikari was . . . Innocent. She was innocent, and she didn't need to know what terrible things had to happen to bring her to life._

_ "Your Daddy thought I was very pretty," Kairi said softly, hugging Hikari tightly around the shoulders from behind. "Like a bluebird."_

_ As if on cue, a bird began to sing. Hikari and Kairi looked up and saw that a beautiful willow tree seemed to have sprung up out of nowhere. The singing grew, and then a single, solitary bird with feathers of blue flitted out of the thick, hanging braches. It sang and spun and soared until it perched upon Hikari's outstretched hand._

_ "Look, Mommy!" Hikari cried happily. "A bluebird!"_

_ Kairi smiled sadly._

_ It was very, very pretty._

~x~

"Has she woken up yet, Vanitas?"

"Hey, Rox. And nah; she's been out since they finished the transfusion. Where's her parents?"

"I saw them out in the hall. They were fighting about . Where's Sora?"

". . . I don't know. How is Namine holding up?"

"She's upset, dude. Real upset. She'll be coming by later, though. Fuck, this is a mess."

"I'll never get the sight of her in that tub like that out of my head. Not for as long as I live."

"Me neither, Vani. She didn't deserve what she got."

"No, Roxas. She didn't deserve what she got at all."

~x~

_ Kairi and Hikari danced amongst the daises with wild abandon, the wind pushing their hair out of their faces. They laughed merrily, for there were no worries and no strife in this version of Heaven. Hikari was as beautiful as a diamond, glinting in the sunlight of Kairi's love. She had never thought she'd get to see her daughter. She had never thought that such a gift could be granted, in life or in death._

_ Gathering her daughter up into her arms and swinging her around, Kairi wept. She wept for the loss and the suffering, and she wept for the joy of seeing her smile. In Heaven, her daughter was twelve. She was twelve and she was gorgeous and she was everything Kairi could have hoped to imagine and more. It didn't matter that seeing Hikari meant they were both dead. All that mattered was that they were finally together._

_ "Mommy, let's go to the willow tree!" Hikari suggested, pointing to the tree that surprisingly hadn't disappeared yet. The bluebirds were still singing behind the curtain of branches, and Kairi found that it frightened her. Something about that tree . . ._

_ "No, honey," Kairi said, encouragingly grabbing Hikari's small hand and smiling down at her. "Would you like me to tell you about the sea?"_

_ "The sea?"_

_ Kairi's eyes blazed. "The sea."_

_ "What's that?"_

_ "Come over here, and . . ." Kairi trailed off, for as soon as she had turned around, she could see it. Stretching for miles and miles with no stopping was the ocean, blue and calm and majestic. The gentle waves broke against the sparkling sand and Kairi longed to go to it, but she found that she couldn't._

_ "Mommy, is that it? Is that the sea?" Hikari asked quietly._

_ Kairi tucked a strand of hair behind her ears and said nothing. She was seeing his face again—the boy with the name that she couldn't remember. He was tied to the sea in some way, and something wasn't letting her go to him __**or **__the water._

_ "Let's go down there!" Hikari cried excitedly._

_ "I want to," Kairi whispered._

_ Hikari dashed ahead and turned to look at her mother. "Are you scared? Don't know how to swim?" she teased, wrinkling her nose playfully._

_ Kairi opened her mouth to speak, and then she nodded. Yes. She was afraid. That was why she wasn't able to go to the water. There wasn't any invisible wall or anything silly like that—she was just afraid. But why was she afraid? If she was in Heaven, then she couldn't drown. Why not take the first step?_

_ "Mommy," Hikari laughed. "You're being silly! I'm here now, so there's no reason to be afraid. Come to the water! I'll teach you how to swim, and you teach me about the sea!"_

_ Kairi giggled. "How are you going to teach me how to swim if you've never seen the sea before?"_

_ Hikari's smile was eerily beautiful. "Mommy, I was born in water and I died in water. Come to the water, and I will show you how to swim."_

_ Kairi's heart stopped and her tears began to slip down her face. Hikari slowly walked up to her and, standing on her tiptoes, reached up to brush them away. Her hand came away red._

_ "You're crying blood," Hikari murmured. "Your arms and your heart—they're bleeding, Mommy."_

_ Kairi lifted her arms, her eyes widened as they gazed upon the horrific cuts and gashes that hadn't been there the second before. This wasn't Heaven, was it? Was it?!_

_ She screamed so loudly that it woke the bluebirds, and they sang their alarm to the blue sky._

~x~

"What are you doing here, Zexion? You shouldn't be here."

"The simple fact that you choose not to remove me yourself is the reason why she's lying comatose in that bed, Vanitas."

"Fuck off, you prick."

"Where is your brother? Should he not be at her side?"

"It's none of your fucking business, man. Why are you here?"

"An artist has the right to view his art once it is displayed in the gallery, does he not? The same way a writer rereads his prose, or a businessman checks over his presentations for mistakes."

". . . Zexion, as messed up as you are, Kairi's suicide attempt was a long time in coming. She was fucked up in the head before you came along."

"Does the rosebush grow before the gardener comes to tame it? Vanitas, you and I both know that this is a game."

"A game that no one's playing but you."

"Indeed, Vanitas. Indeed. Tell me—are all games multiplayer, or can you sometimes play them on your own? Hm. I thought so. Tell Sora that this doesn't negate the contract, and while the lesson has been thoroughly taught, he is still expected to play by the rules of the game he's—as you say—not playing. Oh, and Vanitas?"

". . . _What_?"

"This is a game you can't simply quit on a whim. This is a game that ends when one of us is dead."

~x~

_ The water was as warm as she'd hoped it was, soothing her spirit and bringing a grin to Hikari's face. Their hair dripping and clothes soaked, the mother and daughter duo laid out in the soft sand, letting the sun dry them off. Kairi still couldn't remember who he was, but she had a feeling that whoever he was, he was as wonderful as the sea she'd just learned how to swim in._

_ "Mommy?" Hikari said. It felt as though it was nearing sunset, but in this world—wherever they were, Heaven or Hell—the day never ended. They never slept and they never stopped loving each other._

_ "Yes, honey?" Kairi replied._

_ "Was Daddy a bad man?"_

_ Kairi sat up, brought her knees to her chest, and then looked at Hikari, who had also put herself into an upright position. Her silver hair had grown nearly to her butt in what seemed like mere days, but Kairi knew better. There was no sense of time anymore. They were in the netherworld of death—they were __**outside**__ of time._

_ "Why do you ask?" Kairi felt sick to her stomach—how could Hikari have guessed such a thing?_

_ "He didn't come here with you," Hikari said, looking down sadly. "He must not have wanted me."_

_ "No, Hikki," Kairi said, her voice cracking with emotion. "That's not true. Your . . . Your Daddy loved me, and he must have loved you."_

_ "Then why didn't he come here with you?"_

_ Kairi bit her bottom lip hard enough for it to hurt, but she felt no pain. She reached out and squeezed Hikari's shoulder affectionately. "Mommy ran away. I ran away because I missed you and my heart hurt."_

_ "Your heart hurt?" Hikari frowned. "Mommy, I'm sorry I left you. I didn't want to. Can you ever forgive me?" _

_Kairi dissolved into tears and pulled her precious, precious daughter into her embrace. There was nothing for her to apologize for. Kairi had run away from a life that had run away from her, and the path had taken her exactly where she wanted to be._

_Then why did she feel like something was still missing?_

"_So my Daddy wasn't a bad man?"_

_Kairi sighed and stroked Hikari's hair._

"_No. He was just . . . Your Daddy was lost and very, very sad about something inside of himself."_

"_Was he broken?"_

"_. . . Yes. There was a hole inside of his heart." She sat back and smiled tenderly at Hikari. There was so much of her father in her, yet there was nothing of him in her at all. "There was a hole inside of his heart that he kept trying to fill with the wrong things, and it made him sadder."_

"_So he did bad things?"_

"_Not bad things. Sad things, Hikki. Sad things."_

"_Oh . . . Mommy?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Why were you scared of the water? Why didn't you ever learn how to swim?"_

_Kairi smiled slowly and caressed her daughter's face._

"_Sometimes, you learn to swim, honey. And sometimes, you have to learn how to swim alone."_

_Hikari beamed up at her mother and threw her arms around her neck in a tight, loving embrace._

"_You're not alone anymore, Mommy," Hikari whispered. "You have me."_

_Kairi hugged her back with as much emotion as she could muster. Hikari was right. Whether she remembered the boy's name or not, she wasn't alone. There was something to be said about that. She had forfeited her life, given up her loneliness for a death much greater, and now she got to share her afterlife with the one person she'd missed more than anything. Yes, Hikari's father had done bad things and sad things and even mad things, but Kairi didn't have to worry about that anymore. She didn't have to be scared of the bluebirds in the willow tree, and she didn't have to be scared of swimming alone in the sea._

_She had found Hikari, and that was enough._

~x~

"Why do you think Sora hasn't come to visit her yet, Vanitas? Shouldn't _he_ be the one sitting by her bed?"

"I don't fucking know, Namine. Why don't you try, oh, I dunno . . . Asking him?"

"Vanitas, don't be mean. I've already tried asking him, but he just looked at me with this . . . This _look _in his eyes."

"Like he's brain dead, and can't hear or see anything? Yep, sounds like my brother."

"Does he know Kairi's alive? That she's just . . . Sleeping? I mean, look—you can see her eyes moving behind her eyelids. She's dreaming."

"Beats me. I haven't seen him since he left."

"Did he even wait to see her come out of surgery?"

"That first night? Nah, he rushed outta there like the Devil was on his fuckin' heels. Namine, he was really upset."

"Well, yeah, he was the one that found her, wasn't he?"

"We all found her. The weird thing was that she heard Sora sing this song he wrote for her, and then she rushed out of the studio all weird and shit, and then we find her with her wrists slit. It was terrifying."

"I just don't understand why she did this to herself. Look at the scars on her arms . . . God, I thought I was helping her get better after everything that happened with Riku. I'm her best friend, and I didn't even know what was going on with her."

"Don't cry, Nami . . . She's alive, and that's all that matters."

"Thanks, Vanitas, I'm just . . . I'm glad she's okay, and I hope Sora will be, too."

"Don't worry about my brother, Namine. He's a tough guy. Strong. He'll come when he's ready. In the meantime, I'm sure Kairi hears our voices and knows that we're here for her."

"I hope so . . . Kairi, if you're listening . . . You're not alone, and you never were. We all love you. _I _love you. You're my best friend, and when you wake up, we are _so _having a major sleepover with Olette and Fuu."

"And Kairi? This is Vanitas. Just want you to know . . . I hope you found whatever it was your were looking for inside your wrists, cuz we sure as Hell don't know what it was."

~x~

_Kairi watched Hikari playing in the sand from her place in the ocean. She hadn't gotten out in what felt like hours, but her skin wasn't pruning or drying out. More proof that they were in a completely different realm._

"_Mommy!" Hikari waved her hands around in the air, trying to get Kairi's attention. "Mommy, come here! I have a question!"_

_Laughing, Kairi started toward the shore. She tasted salt on her lips, the first things she'd tasted since dying. Hikari was just the way Kairi had thought she'd be at age twelve—inquisitive and oddly wise, but still what she was: a child. __**Her **__child. _

_Kairi knelt beside Hikari and smiled as the silver-haired girl showed her the sand castle she'd built by hand. Er, well . . . Her version of a sand castle, because how could she know what a castle looked like if she'd never seen one in the living world?_

"_You're twelve, right Hikki?"_

"_Yes, Mommy." Hikari gave her a weird look. "How could you even ask that?"_

"_Well, this world is different. Before I di—ran away . . . Before I ran away, you weren't able to turn ages. You were still . . . Sleeping."_

"_Mommy, it's okay." Hikari's eyes twinkled. "It's okay to say I was dead."_

_A little shaken, Kairi continued, "You were . . . You were d-dead. So you never turned one, two, or anything else. And anyway, that's not what I'm getting at. I'm trying to ask you . . . What was it like here, by yourself?"_

_Hikari combed her fingers through the sand, a thoughtful expression on her face as she destroyed her castle. "It was . . . Dark."_

"_Dark?"_

"_Yes. I was sleeping. All the time, I was sleeping, and it was always nighttime."_

"_But . . . It's day now, and there's never night. Hikari, how could you be sleeping if we aren't even alive?"_

_Hikari picked up a handful of sand and let it fall through her fingers. "I was sleeping and it was night until suddenly, the sun came out. I saw the daisies, and there you were."_

_Kairi blinked and stared at Hikari in awe. "You mean . . . You really were waiting for me . . ."_

"_Of course." Hikari smiled. "You're my mother."_

_Kairi placed her hand over Hikari's. "Sometimes, you sound like you're much, much older."_

"_Age is a concept of the living, Mommy," Hikari said. "And so is day and night. Here, wherever you are, it is light for me."_

_At her daughter's words, Kairi realized something. Before she'd died, everything had been dark for Kairi. She'd been stuck in a constant state of darkness and despair, and there was no light. But now that they were together, it was translating in this world as perpetual daylight._

"_Mommy?"_

"_Hm?" Kairi said, still lost in thought._

"_They want you to know they're waiting."_

_Kairi's heart skipped a beat and she looked at her daughter sharply. "Wh-What?"_

"_Vanitas and Namine. They're waiting for you."_

"_Hikari, what are you talking about?"_

_ For the slightest of moments, Hikari grew blurry around the edges, and Kairi thought she knew who Vanitas and Namine were. She felt distressed and overwhelmed, and she threw her arms around Hikari to keep her near. She didn't want to leave her. She wasn't ready yet. Wasn't this Heaven? Wasn't she dead?_

_ "Mommy, I think it's time."_

"_Time? Time for what?"_

_Hikari giggled and said, "You found me, didn't you?"_

_Kairi smiled, tears streaming down her face as she hugged her daughter for what was to be the last time. So this wasn't Heaven. This wasn't Heaven, she wasn't dead, and it was indeed time for her to return to the place her memories hid from her. She'd finally found what was hidden in her heart, and now it was time to return to what was missing._

"_Did you remember his name yet?"_

"_Hm?" Kairi wiped her eyes. "How did you . . . ?"_

"_Aw, come on, Mommy—don't tell me you're just gonna give up."_

_The world around them was oddly starting to fall away. In the distance, the willow tree had burned into nothingness and the bluebirds had all flown away. Behind Hikari and Kairi, the sea was rapidly drying out. Underneath them, the sand was shifting and sinking into holes of its own making. And above them, the blue, blue sky was fading to white._

_Kairi's vision began to go dark, as it had when she'd first come to this world._

"_Hikari? I love you . . ." Kairi whispered as the shadows came for her again._

_The last words she heard before the apocalyptic crumbling of her best and worst dream came to an end were the key to her salvation as well as the key to unlocking the memories of the person she needed most._

"_I'll give you a hint, Mommy. It starts with an 'S'!"_

~x~

In the world of the living, a land of disappointment and promise and joy and tears and smiles and air and hope and despair and the entire rainbow of emotions God gifts us the ability to experience, light met darkness.

Kairi Ann Frierson opened her eyes.

"Sora," she murmured, her voice hoarse from disuse.

Across the hospital room, Vanitas was getting a drink of water at the sink. The steady beeping of the heart monitor gave way to his cry of surprise, and he spat water out all over the cupboard and wall. He whirled around, his amber eyes shining with tears that she'd never before seen in them, and Vanitas came rushing to her bedside to grab her hand.

"Kairi?" he cried, sounding so happy that it brought tears to Kairi's eyes. "What did you say? "

"It's Sora," she said softly, the memory of Hikari's face vivid in her mind's eye. She squeezed Vanitas's hand. "His name is Sora. I thought I'd forgotten, but I hadn't. It was just locked away."

"Sure, whatever—if you want to think I'm Sora, then fine. I'm just glad you're awake!" He beamed down at her.

Kairi looked up at him and her own smile grew. What Hikari had said was true. Vanitas had been waiting. And if she truly thought hard, she could remember hearing his voice throughout her dreams. He had been by her side the entire time she was comatose, and if that wasn't proof to the fact that she wasn't alone, she didn't know what was.

"Vanitas, thank you," Kairi said. "Thank you for being here."

"Aw, come on," Vanitas said, rubbing the back of his neck shyly. "You're my friend, and you're my brother's . . . Well, whatever you are, you're his. I couldn't just leave you alone like that. That's what got you in here in the first place."

His words made Kairi look down at her arms. They were completely wrapped from elbow to wrist in white bandages, and imaging the horrible mess they were beneath the gauze made Kairi feel sorrowful. She had hurt herself beyond repair, and yet she was still standing. There was something haunting about that.

"Hey," Vanitas said softly, patting the top of her head tenderly. "Don't worry about it, okay? Everyone's going ot be relived that you're awake."

"But Vanitas, I . . . I tried to kill myself," Kairi breathed, swallowing back tears. "You guys must hate me and think I'm selfish."

"No, Kairi," Vanitas assured her. "None of us hate you, and none of us think you're selfish. We were all terrified that you had died—we don't want to lose you, all right?" He grinned. "Besides, if you died, who would clean our house?"

Kairi smacked him playfully on the arm, and the two of them dissolved into laughter. It was laughter of many things: amusement, grief, relief, and joy. Kairi was glad that she had people who cared about her, and she wished that she hadn't been so blinded by her own darkness to see it. Part of her wanted to go back to before she'd gotten into the bathtub with the razor, to perhaps do things differently, but part of her was glad. She'd finally gotten to see her daughter again, even though that version of her was a figment of Kairi's dreams, and that in and of itself was priceless.

"I think . . ." Kairi said, pushing herself weakly into a sitting position. "I think it's time to call the others."

Vanitas hugged her tightly.

"I second that notion, friend. I highly fucking second that notion!"

~x~

**A/N: Well, Kairi's awake, and she got quiteeeee a few visitors while she was asleep, didn't she? And wtf was up with Zexion's cryptic words? He really believes he's some sort of criminal mastermind, doesn't he? Hm . . . We shall see! And where the Hell is Sora? Why hasn't he come to visit Kairi even once since she was admitted? You'd think he would want to make sure she was okay. So many questions, which will all be answered soon! Tune in next time, dun dun dun!**


	23. Discoveries

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: ****So as I'm sure you've all heard, Kingdom Hearts 3 was announced to be in development for release in 2014 during a press conference with Tetsuya himself at E3 2013. As you are all aware, I died about 99 times and freaked out all over Tumblr and Facebook. We have been waiting for seven long years, like Sirius Black waited in Azkaban prison, and now we can finally awaken. –violently cosplays Kairi-**

**Also, I took down the chapter that was only an author's note, and then put up the REAL chapter 20. If you haven't yet read the chapter about Kairi's dream sequence, please go back one chapter and read it. It is called "Lost and Found." If you don't read it, you'll be a little confused as to how she woke up after her suicide attempt, and you will miss a key plot development.**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities****. **

**NOTES: This story is rated M. This chapter has nothing inappropriate—only some plot thickening.**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Twenty-One**

~x~

It had been two days since Kairi had returned home to Roxas's house from the hospital, and she still hadn't seen Sora. In fact, _nobody _had seen hide nor hair of him, and even Vanitas was starting to get worried. He had tried calling Sora's cell numerous times, but eventually it just stopped ringing and went straight to voicemail. Nobody had seen him in school, and he hadn't come home since a couple of days before Kairi had been discharged. She wasn't sure if he knew she was awake and alive or not, but what she did know was that she was worried.

Scrubbing violently at a spot on the kitchen floor, Kairi squeezed the wet sponge with more strength than she was meaning to. She was still a bit weak after coming home, but she was too anxious _not _to clean. She had known that Sora hadn't visited her while she was comatose, but she had hoped he would be there to welcome her when she returned. When he wasn't, she was instantly worried. Where was he? Was he okay? Did he think she was dead? And why hadn't he stayed to find out?

"Cleaning again?"

Roxas trudged into the kitchen, stepping around the wet spots to get a drink of water at the sink. His hair was a bedheaded mess and he was wearing nothing but a pair of baggy grey sweatpants. He must have just woken up, because he couldn't seem to stop yawning. He turned around and leaned back against the counter, watching Kairi work.

"Yeah," Kairi sighed. "I'm just worried about Sora, and I'm going crazy sitting around the house."

"But should you really be working so hard?" he asked worriedly, his brow furrowing. "You might open up your stitches."

Kairi absentmindedly scratched at her wounds. "I'll be okay," she mumbled. "I just really need to have something to focus on."

Roxas smiled gently and knelt down in front of her. He caught her gaze and tilted is head to the side.

"You want something to focus on?"

"Well . . . Yeah?" Kairi laughed.

"Then here—let's do the most embarrassing thing for Sora that we can think of," Roxas grinned, biting his bottom lip as his eyes twinkled. "Let's look at baby pictures!"

Kairi was on her feet in seconds, her heart beating excitedly. Everyone and their mother new that Sora would flip his shit if he knew that Kairi had seen photographs of him as a fat, bouncing roly poly baby. But she had to know—was the spiky hair something he was born with?

Roxas led Kairi down the hall to the basement door. He disappeared inside for a moment, leaving Kairi to merrily imagine how cute Sora looked. Was he covered in pudgy rolls? Or was he tiny and light? Were his eyes as bright a blue as they were now? Did he smile for the camera? Or did he wail up a storm? Kairi loved babies. She just loved them. And now that she'd had the chance to see Hikari, like she had in her dream, she knew that she was ready to look at pictures of other babies without feeling sad.

"Here we go," Roxas said, grunting as he carried a stack of cushiony blue photo albums out into the hall. He set them on the floor and the two of them simply plopped down to the carpet and each picked an album to peruse.

Kairi flipped through page after page of grainy family photos, birthday parties, cute moments, Sora's first steps . . . In every picture, Sora was as happy as can be, with eyes that smiled as brightly as the sun. She couldn't help but smile herself, wondering what it would have been like to share moments like these with Hikari. She wasn't sad, but it was nice to imagine.

"Aw, look—it's you guys on your first Christmas together!" Roxas showed her a photo of Kairi and Sora when they were eight, standing out in the snow by the snowman they'd made together. They were both beaming to high Heaven, obviously pleased with themselves even though the structure looked like a flying elephant had pooped next to them and thrown some sticks and a carrot onto it.

"We were so cute," Kairi giggled. "Look at this one—was Sora actually eating crayons here?"

Roxas burst out laughing. "Oh my God, _yes_. He used to eat entire boxes and then poop colors for three days straight."

"What?" Kairi's eyebrows shot up. "No way! Really? Sora's so picky with his food, you'd think he'd steer clear of _crayons_."

"Honest to God, it's the truth." He turned his attention back to the album he was looking at. "Hm, this one's mostly pics of my family . . ."

Kairi leaned over and peered down at a picture of Roxas on the beach with a man, playing Frisbee. To her surprise, not only did the man have bright red hair, but Roxas's shiny locks were crimson, too!

"You're a redhead?!" Kairi cried incredulously.

Roxas gave her an odd look. "Yeah," he said slowly, as if it were common knowledge. He tugged on the end of one of his long spikes. "I bleach and dye my hair blonde. Didn't you know?"

"No," Kairi gasped. She looked at the man in the photo. "And this is . . . Your dad? Sora's uncle?"

"Yep," he said wistfully. "By marriage. My stepmom was Sora's aunt. My dad married her when I was three."

"What happened to your birth mom?" Kairi asked curiously, taking the album from him and peering closer at Roxas and his father. She remembered that Vanitas had said he'd died and that Sora and he were close. She wanted to know what he had died of, but she didn't want to seem callous.

"She passed away when I turned three."

"And your dad remarried so soon?" Kairi frowned.

Roxas chuckled sadly. "They were having an affair already. He waited six months, and then we moved across the islands to live with my new stepmom."

"Wow," Kairi said softly. "I thought you, Vanitas, and Sora were cousins by blood. Shows how much I know."

"Yeah, well . . ." Roxas sighed heavily. "Everyone has a past. After my dad passed, Sora was honestly more broken up about it than me. I loved my dad, don't get me wrong, but Sora and he were really close."

"That's what Vanitas told me," Kairi confirmed, nodding. "He said it happened a little before I got . . . Well, you know . . ."

"Pregnant?" Roxas rubbed Kairi's back affectionately for a moment. "Don't worry—I won't judge you. I know what you went through, and I want you to know that I don't see you any differently. What happened to you, none of it was your fault."

Kairi shrugged. "Well, some of it was. I shouldn't have gotten into that car with Zexion and the others. That part _was _my fault."

"No," he said harshly, causing her to look at him sharply. He frowned. "Absolutely _none _of that was your fault."

"Then whose was it?" Kairi knew she was playing with fire. She still wanted to know what it was that Sora and the rest of them were hiding. She still wanted to know why Zexion had used her.

"Sora seems to think that it was his," Roxas scowled, stacking up the photo albums. "But it's not his. It's not his, it's not yours, and it's not mine. It's _theirs_—Zexion, Axel, and Demyx." He stood up and headed for the basement, leaving Kairi alone on the hallway floor.

Kairi looked down at the souvenir she held in her hands. Without Roxas's knowledge, she had kept the picture of him and his father on the beach. She didn't know why she had done it, and she didn't know why she felt so strongly attached to it, but she vowed that she would find out. She now had more questions to add to her already huge list: questions about Roxas, his family, his father, his red hair . . . Kairi was eighteen and Roxas was twenty-one. Three years older than her. And he had said that he'd come to this side of the island when he was three, hadn't he? Kairi didn't want to put too much hope in silly fantasies, but . . . Was it possible that maybe, just maybe . . . She and Roxas might be related?

She shook her head wildly. No. She must have been comatose for too long if she was starting to make conjectures that were as wildly misplace as that. She stood up and went to Sora's room, where she had stashed her clothes for the time being. His room was clean, thanks to her, but the sheets were rumpled from her sleeping in his bed. She took the picture and slipped it into her bag, deep in a side pocket. Later on, she'd have to do some more digging, starting with finding out where in the _Hell _Sora was.

"Kairi?" Roxas knocked on Sora's door. "Are you in there?"

"Yeah," Kairi called as she stepped out of her pajamas and prepared to get dressed.

"Well, I have to go to work; I just got called in," he said through the door. "Will you be okay on your own?"

"Um," Kairi said as she hurriedly scrambled to grab one of Sora's clean V-necks from his dresser. "Can I go with you? I wanna go to the mall and see if I can find Sora."

"The mall? Really?" Roxas snorted. "Sora hates shopping—why would he be there?"

"I don't know," Kairi complained, pulling on a pair of her own black skinny jeans. "It couldn't hurt to try."

"Well, if you insist . . ."

Kairi exited Sora's room and looked up at Roxas. "I'm just really worried about him, you know? I need to find him, make sure he's okay."

"Well, Kairi, I'm sure he's just at a friend's house, or something. Maybe he's doing something for the gang . . ." His eyes went wide and he trailed off.

Kairi slowly lifted her gaze to his. "I thought he quit the gang. I thought you _all _quit the gang."

"Well, he did. I mean, we did, it's just . . . Well . . . Oh, dear." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously in a way that was so like Sora that a rush of emotion nearly overwhelmed Kairi.

"You mean, it was all a show? Was it for my sake? You guys never really quit?!" Kairi wasn't so much worried about the fact that Sora had made a big scene kicking Riku out, as she was worried about the fact that Sora was out there all alone, possibly engaging in illegal or dangerous activities.

"Kairi," Roxas sighed. "It isn't that simple. It never _was _that simple."

"So you're saying that you guys—you, Sora, Tidus, and Vanitas—are all still a part of the gang that not only kidnapped and raped me, but is also led by Riku, the man who sexually abused me for ten years?" Kairi ground out through clenched teeth.

"Come on, Kairi," Roxas whined. "Don't say it all like that—you don't know what's going on here."

Kairi crossed her arms over her chest. "And what _is _going on here, Roxas, huh? Huh? Why is it that every time I turn around, you guys are hiding something _else_? When am I ever going to know the truth?"

Roxas sighed and pulled her into a hug that surprised her as well as calmed her. "I know what this is about, Kairi, and you have to know that Sora never meant to hurt you."

"Well, he's sure doing a damn good job of doing what he never meant to do," Kairi mumbled, voice muffled against Roxas's shirt.

"Would it make you feel better if I told you that Sora is a practical kinda guy? He never does anything without good reason," Roxas said, pushing her away and looking down at her fondly.

"So you think there's a good reason why he's keeping things from me?" Kairi asked, chewing her lower lip. "And why he's not here?"

"Well, I _know _there's a good reason," Roxas said. "But I'm not going to tell you what that is because it's not my place to tell. I will tell you that I have no idea where Sora's at, nor why he hasn't come home yet. I _am _worried, though."

"That's why I'm going to go look for him," Kairi said, determination lighting in her eyes.

"You really think he'll be at the mall?"

"I don't know, but luckily for us, I was his best friend for ten years. I might know better than anyone else the places he'd go to hide." She headed toward the door, Roxas hot on her heels.

"So you think he's hiding?" Roxas asked curiously, holding the front door open for her.

Kairi shrugged into one of Sora's coats, frowning. Was that all there was to it? Sora was just hiding because he was upset? Or could there be more to this story than met the eye? Something about Roxas and his father kept nagging at the back of her mind and she wondered if maybe Sora was hiding more from her than she thought he was. She paused in the doorway and looked up at Roxas.

"I don't know, but I can guarantee you I'm going to find out."

~x~

Kairi waved goodbye to Roxas from the curb, watching him zoom off to work in his car. She sighed heavily—she had quite a search ahead of her. The mall was packed tonight (it was a Friday), and Kairi was glad that she was wearing Sora's clothes; they helped her to blend in and not draw so much attention to herself. She didn't exactly know if she was going to find Sora here, but it was definitely a start.

The redhead pushed through the crowds of raucous teenagers that she didn't recognize and entered the mall, the warm air a harsh contrast to the chill Autumn wind outside. She looked around and decided to head for Zumiez, Sora's favorite store to buy skateboards at. When they were in middle school, he'd spend hours in that store, looking at designs and getting his boards re-gripped. In fact, she herself had been in there with him from time to time, hanging out on the couches and trying on clothes.

"Long time no see, Red!"

Kairi smiled at the store clerk, a girl she remembered from times past.

"Aw, Tifa, you're still working here?" she laughed.

The busty, raven-haired beauty skipped over to Kairi and wrapped her up in a tight embrace. Her eyes twinkled as she grinned down at the eighteen-year-old.

"Yeah, dude; this place is like a second home. What are you doing here? I haven't seen you here in forever!" Tifa cried.

"Just looking for Sora," Kairi said, cutting right to the chase in the interests of time. "He hasn't come by, hash e?"

"Hm . . . No, not in like, a few months I guess. I see him walk by the store all the time, though, but he usually looks busy." Tifa put her hands on her shapely hips. "Why?"

"N-No reason, just looking for him," Kairi lied. "We were supposed to hang out tonight."

"Aw, well that's cute!" Tifa teased, nudging Kairi playfully in the ribs. "You guys have been friends all these years—he hasn't taken the next step yet?"

Kairi blinked and looked at Tifa. Tifa didn't know anything about what had happened with the pregnancy and the dropping out; Kairi had never told her. As far as she was concerned, Tifa probably still looked at Kairi as though she were a fourteen-year-old girl with a schoolgirl crush on her best friend.

"No," she said softly. "That's not it . . . I'm just trying to find him so we can hang out. That's all."

"Dilly-dally, shill-shally," Tifa shrugged nonchalantly. "I saw him earlier tonight, though."

"You did?" Kairi perked up. "I thought you said that he hasn't come in in months, though?"

"He hasn't," Tifa chuckled. "I saw him walking by."

"Was he with anyone? Was he hurt, or anything weird like that?" Kairi asked anxiously, grabbing a tight hold of Tifa's hand.

Tifa gave her a confused look. "Not that I could tell from the register . . . Listen, Kairi . . . Are you guys in any trouble? What's going on?"

Kairi ignored her, her mind solely and completely focused upon finding Sora. "Which way did he go? Tifa, it's really important . . ."

"He was headed down toward the South end of the mall, where PacSun is," Tifa said, her brow furrowed with concern.

"Oh, my God, thanks so much, Tifa!" Kairi whirled around and dashed out of the store. She felt guilty for not visiting Tifa more often and keeping her in the dark when she was likely worried about Sora now, but who knew how much time Kairi had? Now that she was on the trail Sora had carved behind him, she just wanted to find him. She wanted to find him, make sure he was okay, and let him know that she was alive. Sora may have been a practical guy, but he was impulsive. Impulsive wasn't a good thing to be when you thought your best friend had killed herself.

Kairi dashed into PacSun and ran up to the nearest sales associate.

"Can I help you?" the associate asked, looking bewildered.

"Have you seen a boy with crazy brown hair that spikes up all over place? He's super tall—like, over six foot," she panted heavily with exertion. "Please—I have to find him!"

"Um, I haven't, but I just clocked in," the associate said. "I can ask my manager, though . . ."

"Yes!" Kairi gasped. "Get your manager!"

The girl disappeared and Kairi waited, running her fingers through her long, messy hair. God, she hoped she found Sora tonight. He needed to know she was okay, before he did anything irrational. If you looked back at all the things he'd ever done for Kairi, they had been just that: irrational. He'd bought her an expensive gift every single year since they'd turned thirteen, working ridiculous hours to do so. She loved his gifts, but she hadn't needed them—she was just happy to be his friend. But he had impulsively insisted, spending hundreds of dollars every year on jewelry and the dog, Memory. Kairi wouldn't put it past him to do something even more impulsive and irrational after her suicide attempt, _especially _since he'd had to hold her in his arms while she seemingly died.

The sales associate returned with her manager in tow, who looked worried.

"Paine says you're looking for someone . . . ?" he asked, his silver hair falling back away from his face. "My name is Baralai, and I'd love to help you if I can."

"Yeah, I'm looking for my best friend," Kairi explained. "He's really tall and has spiky brown hair. Did you see him come in, or walk by or anything?"

"Well, he didn't come in today," Baralai said.

"Oh," Kairi said sadly, face falling.

"But," Baralai added. "He _was _outside the store. He stood out there until he got a call on his cell from someone, and then I overheard him tell whoever he was talking to to meet him in the food court."

"When was this?" Kairi asked excitedly.

"Not twenty minutes ago," Baralai said, smiling. "He might still be up there if you hurry."

"Thanks _so _much!" Kairi waved and then bolted, hurrying toward the escalator.

As she rode up to the second level, where the food court was, Kairi found that she was more nervous than she was anxious. She was scared of what Sora's reaction would be when he saw her again. I mean, she'd cut herself and tried to commit suicide in his _bathtub_. That would make anyone look at you in a different light. She didn't know whether he would kiss her, hug her, or punch her when he saw her.

The food court was congested with teenagers, parents, kids, and families eating their food and reviewing their purchases. Kairi stood on her tiptoes (damn being short) and peered across the vast area, but she knew it was no use. There was just way too many people. With a sigh, she pulled out the cell phone that Sora had given her and dialed his number. Maybe she'd hit a stroke of luck and hear it ringing?

When he didn't answer, Kairi felt that sinking sense of failure that makes you just want to break down and cry. She'd gone through all this work to try and find him, and the trail had gone cold here. It had only been twenty minutes since Baralai had seen him! Where could he be?

"Look girls, it's the Emo cutter whore."

Kairi closed her eyes and clenched her teeth. She didn't recognize the voice, but she wasn't surprised. Bullies always seemed to find her even when she wasn't in school. During her year off, she'd been verbally attacked at the mall a number of times for being pregnant by people she didn't even know, so she wasn't perturbed by the fact that random people knew about her suicide attempt.

There was a series of derisive laughs, and then, "Ooh, be careful not to upset her . . . She might cut herself again~!"

Kairi's temper snapped and she whirled around to face the unknown girls.

"You know fucking what? Maybe I will. But not before I cut _you _first."

The ringleader of the girls (they probably went to another high school, because Kairi really hadn't seen them before) barely had a moment to look indignant before Kairi was on her. She lunged across the empty space between them and went crashing to the hard floor on top of her. She slapped her across the face and tore at her hair, violently screaming out her pent-up rage. She was tired of being the brunt of everyone's tactless, cruel jokes. She was tired of being weak and sad and not fighting back.

She was tired of letting them win.

Kairi was dragged off of the girl from behind, a clump of her hair in one hand and her skin underneath her fingernails on the other. A mall cop was yelling at them both to knock it off and calm down, but Kairi couldn't hear him or anything else.

Sora was at the far side of the food court, talking rather animatedly to someone that Kairi couldn't see. He was waving his arms about and angrily jabbing the person in the chest, but nobody had noticed because the entire mall's attention was on the display Kairi had just put on.

"Let go of me!" Kairi cried, struggling against the mall cop. "Let me go! Sora . . ."

"What's your name, girl?" the cop growled angrily, shaking her by the back of the shirt. "Where are your parents?"

"I'm eighteen!" Kairi yelled angrily, watching as Sora left in a hurry with whoever it was he was arguing with. Desperation began to claw at her chest. She _had _to get across the food court. She just _had _to.

"Good," the cop smirked. "Then we can call the authorities and have you arrested for assault."

"She attacked me!" the girl Kairi had just been on top of wailed as her friends comforted her.

"Oh, fuck off!" Kairi roared, wrenching herself out of the cop's grasp. She glared daggers up at him.

The mall cop turned away from a moment to pull out his walkie, and Kairi took her chance. She turned on her heel and made a break for the door. She knew that attacking the girl purely because she'd incited her anger had been illegal, but she didn't care. She absolutely had to get to Sora. Before he drove off and she possibly never saw him again!

Behind her, the cop tried to give chase, but the crowd was too oppressive. Kairi made it out the door in two minutes, skidding to a halt on the sidewalk outside. She looked left and right, and then she saw him. He was yelling at a boy with long black cornrows, telling him something Kairi couldn't hear. She started toward him, but was stopped by a hand on her shoulder.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Kairi's heart stopped. She'd recognize that voice anywhere. Image after image of her horrible attack played repeatedly in her mind, reminding her that nightmares don't always fade when you wake.

Axel grinned lopsidedly and turned her around to face him. He looked as frightening as ever, and the way he was looking at her let her know that if she tried to run, she'd be in for a world of hurt. She looked over her shoulder and watched Sora and the cornrowed boy walk across the parking lot together. They got into a car, and drove away. Dismay couldn't even begin to explain Kairi's emotions.

"Why did you do that?" Kairi hissed angrily, smacking his hand off of her shoulder and glowering up at the lanky man. "Who do you think you are?"

"I'm saving you."

"Saving me?!" Kairi snarled, clenching her fists at her sides. "From _what_?"

"From making a huge mistake. If you would have gone up to him, he would have been forced to shoot you where you stood," Axel said, still smirking.

Kairi blinked and took a step back, shock coloring her pale. She gulped and asked, "Wh-What?"

Axel combed his fingers through his crimson spikes and sighed. "In case you forgot, your little boyfriend is part of a _gang_. Guns, drugs, illegal activities . . . He's in the middle of a huge deal. You walked over there, either he or that guy would put a piece between your eyes and blow your brains all over the concrete."

Kairi stared at him in horror. Would Sora really do that to her? No way . . .

"That's not true," Kairi said stubbornly. "Sora would never do that to me."

Axel raised his eyebrow. "Would he?"

"Just . . . Just shut up," Kairi cried. "You don't even know me! You don't even know him, either! Sora would never hurt me."

"Yet he spent the last year doing nothing _but _hurting you, am I right?" Axel shook his head. "You really are dense . . . You got into a car with three strange men, and now this."

"I'm leaving," Kairi said, backing away. "I have to go find Sora."

"Go ahead," Axel laughed, throwing his arms wide. "See what fucking happens!"

"Why are you doing this?!" Kairi shrieked, drawing the attention of some passerby. "You've already took everything I had left in me! What more could you want?"

Axel sighed and grabbed her by the elbow, drawing her close. "Listen to me. What happened to you—what we did—it _wasn't. Personal._ Sora fucked with our shit, so we fucked with his. Plain and simple. He's still a member of our gang. He's still one of our brothers. I'm trying to help you."

"I don't _want _your damn help!" Kairi screamed. "And the fact that you used me as a pawn in some stupid game you're playing with Sora is sick. Just let me go, and _leave me alone_!"

"Seriously, Kairi!" Axel yelled. "The guy he was with? Xigbar? Yeah, if Sora doesn't kill you himself, _he would_."

Kairi froze and turned back to face him. "Okay. I'll bite. Let's say you're telling the truth . . . _Why _would they feel the need to kill me? What are they hiding?"

Axel smirked. "Ah, so he still hasn't told you yet, has he? I would have thought he'd have filled you in by now, you know, since you're best friends."

"Sora likes to think that keeping secrets is his way of protecting me," Kairi said irritably, wondering why in the Hell she was standing around with one of her rapists. She knew it would better not to talk to him at _all_, but her curiosity was getting the best of her. Maybe Roxas and Vanitas were okay with keeping Sora's secrets, but she had a feeling that Axel would sell him out in a heartbeat.

"So he hasn't told you anything?" Axel looked amused and incredulous. "Not even the reason why we took you out to Zexion's place?"

Kairi shook her head. "I've been trying to find out why he ignored me for a year, and then proceeded to treat me like shit when I came back to school. Are you telling me that you might know something?"

"I do know something," Axel said. "But I'm not sure if it'll be to my benefit if I tell you." His eyes roved up and down her body, causing Kairi to take a cautious step backward again.

"Back off, Axel," she warned. "I want to know what he's hiding, but I don't want to know _that_ badly."

"Well, fine," Axel said with a roll of his eyes. "I'll help you out a little bit, though, because you're probably wondering why Sora's still in the gang, right?"

"Well, _yeah_. I thought he quit . . . ?"

"He didn't," Axel shrugged. "He put on a big show for your eyes to see, but he was only fooling himself. All he did was piss your brother off."

"Riku?"

"Yep," Axel said, crossing his arms over his narrow chest. "He flipped his shit when Sora kicked him out, and that's why he had us kidnap you."

"Riku's the one who orchestrated that?" Kairi asked, stunned. She wondered why he didn't just rape her himself if he wanted to punish her. "I thought Zexion was."

"Zexion plays second fiddle to Riku. We all do. He's the real ringleader of this circus." Axel pulled out a cigarette and lit it. "So whoever the leader is, Sora pissed Riku off and he wanted to get back at him. Scared Sora badly enough that Riku agreed to pretend he never left the gang if he promised to rejoin."

"But then . . . Is that why Sora hasn't been home?"Kairi asked, brows knitting together. "Is that why he was with that Xigbar guy? What were they doing?"

"A drug deal," Axel shrugged, taking a drag off of his cigarette. His emerald eyes glowed. "Nothing Sora hasn't done a thousand times before. I just didn't want you to go over there and get yourself killed. Riku has strict rules in place, and so does the gang that Xigbar's a part of. No witnesses. Ever."

"So you really think Sora would have shot me?" Kairi asked, only faintly irritated at the fact that Sora hadn't gotten rid of his gun like he'd promised.

"There's a high possibility," Axel sighed. "Especially if he didn't want Xigbar to hurt you. He would have done it to spare you."

"Spare me from what?"

"What Xigbar would do to you if he decided to play with his food." Axel looked away for a moment, but before he could speak again, his phone began to ring. He answered it, walking a way just far enough to be out of Kairi's earshot.

Kairi leaned back against the stone wall of the mall, gazing out at the parking lot where the car Sora had driven off in had gone. She couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that her best friend wasn't the man she'd thought she'd known. The fact that there was even a _chance _he might kill her for witnessing a _drug deal _that _he _was committing? The Sora she'd known before wouldn't have set _foot _near drugs, let alone a gang member. And now she was being told to steer clear of him when he was "working" because he might shoot her? What the Hell?

"Bad news," Axel said, slipping his phone into his pocket as he walked back over. His face was blank, but his eyes were obviously guarding some sort of emotion he thought she might not like to see.

"What?" Kairi asked, still leaning against the wall.

"A certain someone doesn't want you sticking your nose where you don't belong, i.e. talking to me about things you don't need to know."

"_What_?" she repeated.

"You'd better get home," Axel said, dropping his cigarette into an ash tray. He looked at her rather sorrowfully and then walked away, calling back to her, "We can't ever speak like this again."

Kairi scrambled to grab her phone and call Vanitas. She didn't know where he was, but since Roxas was at work . . . And something about the way Axel had told her to go home was telling her that something was wrong. Maybe she _did _need to get home. Maybe Sora was there . . . ?

When Kairi got home, she was in for a seriously rude awakening.

~x~

**A/N: THE PLOT HATH RETURNEDDDDDD. Tune in next time to see what happens when Kairi gets home!**


	24. Loss, Frustration, and the Truth

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: To the reviewer A, who said they weren't going to have internet, here is your fast update! I will also try to update next chapter by tomorrow or the day after because it going to have something in it that I'm sure everyone's been waiting for for a long fucking time, lol.**

**To everyone else, welcome back! This chapter has definitely got some plot thickening, so get ready! And thank you for your reviews and support! I still love you all today and every day, hehe.**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities. **

**NOTES: This story is rated M. This chapter has some vaguely-described gore, and slight violence.**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

~x~

It wasn't until Kairi sat down in Roxas's car that she realized Axel hadn't been entirely truthful with her. He had said that the reason why they'd kidnapped her had been because Sora had kicked Riku out, yet how could that have been possible if Sora had kicked him out literally the night she'd gotten back? She was grumbling to herself, which caused Roxas to get curious.

"What's up with you?" he asked as he pulled out of the parking lot. He'd come rushing from work when Kairi had called him, frantically demanding that he take her home.

"Oh, nothing," Kairi lied, furiously jamming her seatbelt into the holster. She crossed her arms over her chest. This was starting to get frustrating. Everyone was either lying to her, hiding something from her, or hurting her. It seemed like the only person who wasn't was Namine, and Kairi hadn't seen her since before her suicide attempt. She had called once or twice, but that wasn't the problem here. The problem was Sora and the fact that he was hiding something huge, and also the fact that he had everyone wrapped around his little finger.

"I can tell there's definitely something wrong," Roxas chuckled. "I'm guessing you didn't find Sora?"

Kairi scowled and shot him a look. "Am I just like, a sculpture on display that _screams_ 'lie to me'?" she asked irritably. "Because that's all everyone seems to be doing these days."

It was quiet in the car for quite a bit of time while Roxas thought of what to say next. Kairi was done caring about everyone else's feelings, though. She was tired of being the brunt of some sick joke. She wanted to know what the _fuck _was going on, and right. _Now._

"Roxas, I'm a _human. Being_. A human being!" Kairi exclaimed, turning to look at him. "You can't seriously think that what Sora's doing is okay, can you?"

"No, okay!" Roxas yelled angrily. "I _don't _think it's okay. But it's not my place to tell, all right? Jesus, Kairi—you're gonna have to talk to Sora if you want to find out his secrets."

"Gee, Rox, did you ever think that maybe I already tried that?" Kairi snarled sarcastically. She pouted out the window. "Sora doesn't want to tell me. I've asked him like a million times now, and he won't say anything."

"Because it's kind-of a big deal," Roxas said under his breath, earning himself a slap on the arm by a miffed redhead.

"You're damn right it's a big deal!" she shouted. "It's a big deal when my best friend is part of a gang, and hides shit from me on top of it!"

"Come on, Kairi," Roxas sighed. "You're being ridiculous. Sora will tell you . . . Just not until he's ready."

"And when will _that_ be?" Kairi complained. "When Hell freezes over and they find a cure for AIDS?"

Roxas shot her a sidelong glance. "When he feels like you're safe."

Kairi's heart skipped a beat and she studied Roxas's face closely. The car pulled up to a stop light, and Kairi took a few moments to calm herself. Of course. Sora's main objective. Keeping her safe. But why, if he wanted her to be safe, wasn't he doing whatever it took to keep her safe from herself?

"Look, Kairi," Roxas said slowly. "I know this is hard. Believe me—I _know_. But there's just . . . There's so much you don't know. I know you _want_ to know, but you know what? There's some things you don't have a right to know, and Sora's secrets are _his_. You can't go nosing around, trying to open the lid on his business just because you feel like you're owed it."

Kairi flushed with embarrassment. When Roxas put it that way, he really made her look bad. Tears filled her eyes and she pointedly looked out the window. However harsh his words were, she knew he was right in some aspects. Sora had already told her two or three times that he wasn't going to tell her why he'd ignored her for an entire year, and the fact that she was trying so hard to find out _was_ rather rude. She wanted to know, but maybe she never would.

"I'm sorry," Roxas said quietly at the next red light, the turn signal clicking loudly in the awkwardness.

"It's fine," Kairi said quickly, sniffling.

"No, really," he said apologetically. "I didn't mean to upset you. I'm just looking out for my cousin."

"I know," Kairi whispered, looking down at her hands in her lap. She quickly wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. She said, "I found Sora."

"What? You did?" He looked excited. "Did you talk to him? Where was he?"

Kairi replied, "I couldn't talk to him. He was in the middle of something."

Roxas's face screwed up in confusion. "In the middle of what?"

"Whatever it is that you guys do."

"And how the Hell did you find _that _out?"

"Axel stopped me from going over there." Kairi combed her fingers back through her hair. "He said if I went over there and interrupted, Sora or the guy he was with—Xigbar, or whatever—would shoot me."

Roxas whirled in his seat to look at her in alarm. "He was with Xigbar?! Axel was there?! Kairi, what the _fuck_?! What were you doing alone with Axel?!"

"I don't know!" Kairi cried, hunching her shoulders. "It wasn't like I went frolicking around the mall, singing for Axel to come find me! He stopped me when I was about to go to Sora. He said it was dangerous, and I believed him."

"For good fuckin' reason." He shook his head. "Dammit. What the Hell is Sora thinking?"

Kairi raised one eyebrow. "Is Xigbar a bad guy? Is he someone I should know about?"

"Nobody deserves the pleasure of knowing Xigbar," Roxas grumbled, turning onto the street they lived on. "Saying he's a bad guy would be a serious understatement, and the fact that Sora was with him could spell bad news. Especially if Axel stopped you from going over there."

Kairi perked up, hoping she might get some answers this time. "And why is that?" she asked quietly.

"Because!" Roxas exclaimed. "Sora meeting with Xigbar means that some serious shit is going down. No wonder he hasn't been home—he doesn't want them to know where he lives."

Kairi frowned. "Well . . . What's really weird is Axel got a call right after Sora left with the guy, and then he came back over and told me I needed to go home. What could _that _mean? And why did Sora leave with him?"

Roxas tapped his chin with one hand, using the other to hold the steering wheel. "Maybe they saw you standing there? Or maybe Zexion sold us out?"

"I have no idea," Kairi said quickly, "but something definitely doesn't feel right. Call it women's intuition, or whatever, but I think we need to hurry and get home."

"Right."

As Roxas sped the car home, Kairi found that the closer they got to the house, the more her heart filled with dread. She could just tell that something wasn't right, but she couldn't place her finger on what it was or why. She gripped the edges of her seat until her fingers went numb. It was beyond frustrating being scared of something you couldn't see, but it was even worse to be paranoid of something you didn't know.

Kairi barreled out of the car before Roxas had even parked it, bursting into the house with wild eyes. Vanitas was standing in the living room, about to vacuum, and upon seeing her, he frowned.

"Kairi ,what's wrong?"

"I don't know."

"Ooookayyy . . . Then why do you look so upset?"

"I . . . I don't know. That's the problem."

Vanitas's frown deepened, and he looked over Kairi's shoulder at Roxas. "What's her problem?"

"I don't know," Roxas answered.

"What the fuck?" Vanitas threw his arms up into the air. "Someone better tell me what the fuck is going on around here, or I'm going to _flip _my _shit_."

"We don't know!" Roxas and Kairi cried simultaneously, casting furtive glances around them.

"Did you see anything weird when you got home?" Roxas asked. "Anything seem . . . Off?"

"No," Vanitas said, deadpanning.

"Was Sora here? Or did it look like he had been here?" Kairi queried desperately.

"Um . . . Again, _no_." He put his hands on his hips. "Why are you guys freaking out? Did something happen?"

Kairi sighed. "Looks like nothing, thank God."

"Yeah," Roxas added, looking at Vanitas. "Kairi went looking for Sora at the mall and she found him."

"She did?" Vanitas's eyebrows shot up.

"Chyeah," Roxas snorted. "She found him all right—standing outside with Xigbar."

A dark expression crossed Vanitas's face. "He was with Xigbar? God _dammit, _I should have known that was why he hadn't come home yet. He probably didn't want them to know where he lived."

"That's what I told her," Roxas said. "We rushed home because Axel the douche bag decided to freak her out and tell her she needed to hurry home."

"Oh, God," Vanitas scowled, rolling his eyes. "That prick is such a drama queen. Who the fuck does he think he is, talking to Kairi after what he did?"

"Tell me about it," Kairi mumbled. "So nothing's wrogn here? You haven't seen or heard anything?"

"Apart from Tidus screaming at his Xbox, no," Vanitas chuckled.

Kairi sighed with relief. Perhaps she had been a little too quick to believe Axel. She felt stupid for listening to him when she probably should have just walked away. In fact, he was probably lying to her about Xigbar, too. She highly doubted they were doing a drug deal—all they had been doing was talking. Sora wouldn't shoot her and he wouldn't let anyone else do it. He was probably doing something else, and was just too busy to come home. Not that Kairi was condoning gang activity, but she at least understood his desire not to come home while he was doing whatever it was that she was doing.

"I guess it's time to go back to the normal routine of life then," Roxas laughed, turning to Vanitas. "We really do need to get a hold of Sora, though—the performance for the records executives is this weekend."

"Perforamnce?" Kairi asked curiously.

"Yeah, we never did our Halloween show," Vanitas explained. "We cancelled it once you went to the hospital. But Roxas, don't worry—music is his life. He'll be home before this Friday."

Roxas nodded, and then narrowed is eyes in amusement. "By the way . . . Why the fuck are you _vacuuming_?"

His face went pale and he carefully avoided their gazes. "I didn't want Kairi to have to do it."

Kairi giggled and skipped over to him. She grabbed his cheeks obnoxiously, like a grandmother does her grandson, and grinned up into his face.

"Well aren't you just the cutest little pooper scooper," she teased. "But you don't have to do that! I need to have something to do anyway."

"You want something to do?" Roxas asked. "Make me dinner, bitch."

"Oh, shut up, Roxas—you'll get your dinner," Kairi snapped playfully. "Did anyone feed Memory yet?"

"Not yet," Vanitas said, leaving the vacuum behind and leading Kairi into the kitchen. "I brought her some food from work though—they just gave it to me."

"Perks of working at Petco, huh?" Kairi giggled.

"Yeah, they give things away from time to time," Vanitas told her, grabbing the food bag from the pantry and filling a small Tupperware bowl with some. "Tonight, it was my turn. It's supposed to be food that's made specially for little dogs, and . . ."

There was a loud clattering as the plastic went crashing to the floor and the dog food sprayed all over the tile. Before Kairi could follow him out the sliding glass door, Vanitas whirled around and grabbed her by the elbows.

"Roxas!" he shouted frantically. "Roxas, get your ass out here right now!"

"Huh?" Kairi felt panic fill her veins. "Vanitas, what's going on?" She tried to move past him, but he forcibly held her against his chest so that she couldn't see anything. "Vani—mmph!"

Roxas came skidding to a halt in the kitchen, looking bewildered. "What? What's the matter?" He looked behind Vanitas and walked over to where he was standing with Kairi and peered outside.

"Oh . . . My . . . Vani, call Sora. Get Kairi out of here, and call Sora right the fuck now."

The amount of fear and revulsion in his voice told Kairi that all was not, in fact, well, and something terrible had happened. She fought against Vanitas with all her might, her desperation causing her to start hitting him with her fists. Vanitas tried his best to stop her, but after a very well-placed nail to the eye, Kairi was free. She dashed toward the open door and shoved Roxas aside. She had to see what was out there. If it was . . . If it was Memory, good God . . .

Roxas was like lightning, grabbing her shoulders and whirling her around, but he wasn't quick enough. He wasn't quick enough to shield her from the blood, the pearly white fur, the absolute _horror_ that was the back patio. Kairi's knees went weak and she vomited all over the front of Roxas's shirt, her mind a wild disarray of loss. Roxas's strong arms were forced to hold her up, to keep her from completely collapsing.

"Memory," Kairi sobbed hoarsely, clutching Roxas close when he tried to help her sit down at the dining room table. She couldn't believe that this, of all things, was happening to her. Had an animal gotten to her? Oh, God, if an animal had gotten to her, then it would be Kairi' fault for keeping her little claws trimmed—she would have had no way of defending himself. Kairi buried her face in Roxas's shoulders, weeping unashamedly for the loss of her one and only constant since she was a child.

Vanitas was anxiously pacing the kitchen, leaving Sora a voicemail on the phone.

"Dude, I don't know where you are or what the _fuck _you're doing," Vanitas said into the receiver, sounding distraught and on the verge of tears himself, "but you _have _to come home. Right now. Just . . . They got to Memory, and you just . . . Just come home, all right?"

He hung up and crossed the room, pushing Roxas away so he could embrace Kairi himself. He stroked her hair and tried his best to calm her down.

"Tidus!" Roxas hollered. "Tidus, get out here!"

Tidus materialized out of nowhere, his wireless Xbox controller in his hand, and looked around at the sight before him with confused eyes.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I need you to help Kairi into Sora's room," Roxas said carefully. "Vanitas and I have to . . . We have to deal with something."

"No," Kairi cried, fighting against Tidus's hold. "No. No, no, no, no, _no_! I don't w-want to l-leave her . . ."

"Kairi, it's gonna be okay," Tidus murmured. "Whatever happened, it's going to be all right."

Tidus picked Kairi up in one swift motion, carrying her bridal style to Sora's room. He set her down gently on the bed and left the room, stating that he was going to go help Vanitas and Roxas. Kairi was left alone with her despair.

She couldn't get the sight of Memory lying in pieces on the patio, blood and bits of gore strewn about the grass haphazardly. It was as if whoever or whatever had hurt her had done it with every intention f making it as messy and as horrifying as possible. It looked like a scene out of a _Saw _movie, or a _Silent Hill _game. It was something Kairi would never forget.

Not that she ever _could _forget Memory. They didn't say "dogs are a man's best friend" for nothing. After she'd been kicked out of her house and lost everything, the only one that had been faithfully by her side was Memory. It had been all that she had left of her old life, of Sora. And now that was gone.

God, why did this shit have to happen to her? She had _just_ gotten out of the hospital after attempting suicide. She just wanted to have one blessed fucking day of peace, dammit! Kairi screamed out her rage as an overwhelming sense of despair settled over her. She was never going to be happy, was she? Nobody was going to let her live her life.

Kairi got off of the bed and began to go wild, kicking things about and knocking furniture over. As she had done once before, she completely destroyed Sora's bedroom. After all, this was _his _fault. Maybe if he had just come home. Maybe if he hadn't left her to suffer alone. Maybe if he had just loved her, Memory would still be alive and Kairi's wrists wouldn't be bandaged. He didn't deserve any of his nice things—he didn't deserve to have a bedroom full of family memoirs and clothes and . . . And . . .

"Memory," Kairi gasped, sinking to the floor and burying her face in her hands. Her body trembled violently as she wept for her beloved pet. This felt awful. It just felt . . . Awful.

After some time, Kairi stumbled down the hall in a dazed stupor, her eyes red-rimmed from crying. It was ridiculous, really, how much she felt like she needed Sora right now. She blamed him for all of these horrible things, yet the one person she wanted most right now was him. She wanted him to swoop in like a white knight and carry her off into a sunset that hid her from the darkness.

She needed him.

Kairi sat down in the grass of the front yard, leaving the front door wide open behind her. She drew her knees up to her chest and stared blankly into the air in front of her, counting each second that passed by with aching slowness. She had no idea whether or not Sora was going to come tonight or any other night, but she was going sit right here and wait until he did. And when he did come home, she was going to beat the shit out of him for doing this to her.

She sat there for what seemed like hours, waiting and waiting and waiting. She had long since stopped crying, her tears giving way to an emptiness that was so vast and so deep that tears wasted away to nothing in its endless black abyss. She stared at the ground, picked at the grass until a pile of it had grown beside her, and continued to wait.

Until it happened.

A pair of Vans stopped right in front of her, all black. Her puffy eyes slowly traveled up the length of the skinny jeans-clad legs attached to them, all the way up the white V-neck, and finally came to rest upon the startling blue eyes that haunted her dreams.

Kairi's face was completely void of any emotions besides hatred. She hated this man. She loved him, and she hated him _because_ she loved him. She hated him for everything that he had done to her, everything that he was bound to do to her, and everything that she wanted him to do to her. She hated him for being part of a gang that had gotten her kidnapped, raped, beaten—hated him for being a part of something that had gotten her dog killed. Because she knew that an animal hadn't been the end of Memory. No, it had something to do with either Sora's gang or Xigbar's, and Kairi was beyond livid.

She opened her mouth to speak, preparing herself for the fight of her life. She was going to scream at him until her face went blue and his ears burned off. He needed to know that his actions had consequences. Severe consequences that couldn't be undone for anything. He couldn't keep her in the dark anymore. Not after this.

Not after his secrets had caused the death of her best friend.

But none of that happened. No fighting, no screaming, and no hurled accusations. None of that happened, because the second she parted her lips, she couldn't deal with it anymore. Memory was gone, and Sora was looking at her with _those fucking eyes_, and she just couldn't deal.

"_Sora_," Kairi wailed, bursting out into gut-wrenching sobs.

Sora grabbed her elbows tightly and viciously pulled her against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her upper body and held her close enough to suffocate her, burying his face in the junction where her shoulder met her neck. Kairi clutched at the back of his shoulders, refusing to let him go for anything.

"She's gone," Kairi sobbed. "They killed her."

"I know, I know," Sora whispered desperately. "I'm so sorry . . ."

"Why did they take her?" Kairi whimpered, still weeping inconsolably. "Of all things, why did they take _her_?"

"This is all my fault," Sora said in response, sounding upset. "I'm so sorry, I—"

"_Of course it's your fault_!" Kairi screamed, shoving him away so forcefully that it put at least a yard or two between them. She glared at him through her scalding hot tears, her fists clenched at her sides. "All of this is _your fault_!"

Sora looked as if he'd just been slapped across the face. His chin was trembling, like a child who gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar. His eyes, so big and like the sea, lowered to the ground and he hung his head in shame. He remained silent, waiting for Kairi to berate him.

"You're a piece of _shit_, Sora," Kairi hissed, the pain of Memory's loss throbbing in her heart. "You're a _piece_. Of _shit_. You think you can play around in my life, like I'm some pawn of yours on a chess board. Well, I'm not. I have feelings, and so did my fucking dog. The dog that _you _bought for me, back when you weren't this . . . This _person_. You want to have secrets, fine. Have some fucking secrets. But _don't keep those secrets from me when they can get me and my dog hurt._"

"I'm—"

"_NO_!" Kairi screeched, stamping her feet angrily. "_You don't get to defend yourself!_ Not for this! Are you not comprehending the fact that three people kidnapped me, drugged me, and brutally raped me? Repeatedly? After ten years of sexual abuse from my brother? Three people who were members of a gang that you are also a member of? _What part of that is not fucked up to you?!_"

"It is fucked up!" Sora spluttered. "It's royally fucked up! And believe me, I beat myself up about it every day—"

"_Shut. UP_!" Kairi crossed the distance between them and grabbed onto the front of his shirt, pulling him down to her level. She caught his gaze and held it, hoping to convey her emotions with her eyes. There was so much she wanted to scream at him—so fucking much—but it was all so overwhelming. She felt like she was in the middle of a tornado, being ripped into a billion tiny pieces by the force of a wind she couldn't control.

So she said the only thing she wanted most.

"Sora, tell me."

He looked terrified, but Kairi wasn't having any of it. She was going to get her answers right now.

"Sora, tell me, or you aren't setting foot in that house. I don't care if it's your house. I don't care if you think it'll put me in danger. So far, keeping the damn secrets is what's getting me hurt. So you're going to tell me what the _fuck _I want to know, or _you are not coming into this house_."

"All right!" he roared, grabbing her hand and holding it against his chest. He glared at her even as he said his next words. "But I can't promise you that you'll be safe after this."

"I don't care, Sora," Kairi snarled. "I really don't fucking care. I just want to know why the _fuck _you left me like you did, why you treated me like shit these past two months, and why the Hell you're in a gang."

"Okay," Sora said slowly, taking a deep breath. He dropped Kairi's hand and turned away from her. He put his hands on his hips, as if exasperated, and spoke.

"I'll tell you, but . . . You're not gonna like this."

"Try me." Kairi crossed her arms over her chest and raised her eyebrows. Tears were still clinging to her eyelashes, and when Sora turned back around to face her, there were tears on his as well. Stunned by his sudden display of emotion, Kairi had to take a step back. Why was he crying? Was it because of Memory? Guilt? Sorrow? She hadn't seen Sora cry since they were kids . . . Just what was he hiding?

"Kairi," Sora started, taking one of her hands in both of his and holding her fingers to his lips. He looked her directly in the eyes, as if trying to tell her mentally to prepare herself for what he was about to say. Kairi was starting to rethink her desire to hear the secret.

Almost.

"Sora, just . . ." She had lost her earlier steam. "Just tell me, okay?"

"I will," he said softly, "but first . . . You have to know."

"Have to know? Have to know what?"

"That everything I've ever done from the moment I met you has been _for _you."

Kairi's heart skipped a beat and she stared at Sora with wide eyes. "Wh-What?"

"I joined the gang because I wanted to be able to protect you better. I stopped talking to you and pretended I didn't believe you because I wanted to be able to protect you better. I keep running and hiding from you because _I want to be able to protect you._ Do you understand?"

Kairi merely stared at him. She wanted to believe him, but that couldn't be all there was to it, could it? Who joins a full-blown _gang_ just to protect a girl?

Sora continued, "Kairi, I . . . Maybe we should go inside."

Kairi blinked. "Wait . . . What?"

"Inside." He was looking at her strangely, and behind him, a car was coming down the road at an awfully strange speed. Kairi was starting to feel worried.

"Why do we need to go inside?" she asked suspiciously.

"Kairi, I swear to God, if you trust me at all, you will go inside the house," Sora said, a completely serious expression on his face. Kairi stared at him in shock and then did as she was told, keeping a tight hold on his hand. She didn't want him to leave again—not when he had finally returned and was about to tell her his secret!

The first gunshots rang out just as the car went by, causing Kairi to drop to the ground with her hands over her ears. Sora whirled around, a gun having spontaneously appeared in his hand, and fired one round after the other at the car. Glass from the back window shattered, and the car sped off. All of this happened in the span of three seconds, without Kairi getting the chance to see who had been in the car and had shot at her, leaving Kairi's mind reeling.

Sora grabbed her arm, mindless of her still-healing wounds, and dragged her into the house. He slammed the door and threw the latch. Gun still in hand, he went to the window next to the door and peered out of it for a few moments.

"Dude, what the fuck was that?!" Vanitas had come running, and Kairi could see blood on his hands and jeans. Was it . . . Memory's?

"This is why I didn't want to come home," Sora snapped angrily, more to Kairi than to Vanitas. "Now they fucking know where you are."

"Me?" Kairi cried. "What does this have to do with me?! Why were they shooting at me, Sora?!"

"Those were gunshots?!" Vanitas exclaimed in shock.

Roxas appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, covered in blood himself. "Gunshots? Who got shot?"

Sora's face was hard and angry as he pulled the clip off of the gun and reloaded with a new one from his pocket. He put on the safety and then slipped it into the waistband of his skinny jeans. Despite the fact that she had narrowly missed being shot at (there were two holes in the house wall that could attest to that), Kairi was livid.

"I told you to get rid of that," Kairi hissed menacingly. "Why do you still have that gun?!"

Everyone in attendance seemed to gasp collectively at Sora's response. He whirled on Kairi and, eyes blazing, screamed, "_Stop fucking telling me what to do!_"

Tidus had come out of his room, and now he made his presence known by stepping protectively in front of Kairi. He held up his hands defensively.

"Calm down, Sora," he warned.

"I'm sorry, okay?" Sora sighed heavily, rubbing his temples in exhaustion. "I didn't mean to yell, I just . . ." He looked at Roxas. "It was Xigbar. He must have followed me here."

Roxas's face fell. "What? Who was with him?"

"Xaldin and Larxene."

"_What_? And they shot at you?"

"They shot at Kairi," Sora said, brow furrowing with concern. "I think . . . I think we need to get her out of here."

"Out of here?" Kairi asked, bewildered. "Out of where? Why were they shooting at me?!"

"Agreed," Vanitas said. "If they've got the Organization employed in this, then Kairi's screwed if she doesn't go into hiding."

"Hiding?!" Kairi protested. "What are you guys talking about?!"

"There's no avoiding it," Tidus sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "They've already seen her, and they know she's staying here."

"Pack some things, Kairi," Sora said, going toward the kitchen. "We're leaving in an hour."

"_What_?" Kairi whirled around. "I don't want to leave! This has nothing to do with me, all your gang stuff! Stop trying to pull me into the middle of it!"

"This has _everything _to do with you!" Sora cried after he had turned around to face her. "You just got shot at, and you _want_ to stay here? Come on, don't be fucking stupid."

"He's right, Kairi," Vanitas said. He made as if to put his hand on her shoulder, caught sight of all of the blood that was on his hands, and thought better of it. "It's not safe for you here anymore."

"Oh, not you, too?" Kairi scowled, throwing her hands up in defeat. "Is _someone _going to tell me what's going on around here, or am I just going to have to live in the fucking dark forever?"

"Kairi, honestly, we're all surprised you haven't figured it out yet on your own," Roxas said. "You can't seriously not have any idea what's going on here, can you?"

"No, I really haven't figured it out," Kairi snapped. "Are you gonna tell me, or what?"

"Kairi," Vanitas said slowly. "It's . . . It's Riku."

"What about him?"

Vanitas, Tidus, Roxas, and Sora all exchanged surreptitious glances, sorely reminding Kairi of the fact that they were all hiding the same secret, they just refused to sell each other out.

"Spit it out!" Kairi shrieked anxiously.

"It's . . . He's . . ." Tidus looked uncomfortable, as if he was either scared of telling her . . . Or scared of her reaction.

"Kairi," Vanitas said loudly. "Don't freak out, but—"

Sora crossed his arms and leaned nonchalantly against the doorway to the kitchen. He looked at her through his lashes and raised his eyebrows.

"Riku wants you dead."

~x~

**A/N: AHMAHGAW. Part of the secret comes out! Tune in next time to see what happens next!**


	25. Perfection

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: I SEVERELY APOLOGIZEEEEEE. THIS IS A WHOEL WEEK LATE ALMOST, OH DEAT LAWD. Please forgive me. I hope this super long, super epix chapter makes up for it! I'll hop right to it. Enjoy~**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities. **

**NOTES: This story is rated M. This chapter has an explicit lemon. Yes. It is finally here. What you have all been waiting for.**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

~x~

Kairi slowly picked up her things and packed them, knowing that Sora could walk in at any minute and yell at her for moving so sluggishly. They were due to leave in less than an hour, but she just couldn't find the energy or the drive to move faster. The truth was . . . She didn't _want _to go into hiding. She didn't want to have to worry about strange men coming after her with guns, or coming after Sora and her friends either. She just wanted to be able to live her life so she could figure out what her next step toward her future was.

"Hey," Roxas said from the doorway. His tone was subdued, and he had changed his clothes since cleaning up the horrifying sight that was Memory's last resting place. His facial expression was one of concern, and it made Kairi feel a little better about the fact that her entire life had turned completely upside down in the past year.

"Hi," Kairi murmured, stuffing some of Sora's clothes into a bag with him (he was coming with her, right?).

"You about ready to go?" Roxas asked, brushing his chin-length bangs out of his azure eyes.

"I guess," Kairi replied begrudgingly. "Are you coming with us?"

"Yeah, but I'm probably not gonna stay—Sora thinks it's best if I stay here, so they think we're all still in town," Roxas explained.

"Hmph," Kairi grunted irritably. "That's it, huh? 'Sora thinks' this. 'Sora thinks' that. What about what _I _think?" She grabbed the last of her clothes from Sora's floor and stuffed them in the duffel bag forcibly, as if she had some sort of personal vendetta against the bag.

Roxas sighed. "Look, I know this is hard to understand, but . . . You just gotta trust him. Sora knows what he's doing."

Kairi whirled on him angrily. "Oh, really? Sora knows what he's doing? You think he knew what the fuck he was doing when a car full of gang members rolled by our house and _shot _at me? What the Hell, Roxas?!"

Roxas bit his bottom lip. "Kairi, you _know _it isn't as simple as all that! Seriously . . . You just gotta trust that Sora's going to protect you."

"Yeah, well, he wouldn't _have _to protect me if he hadn't dragged me into all of this," Kairi muttered, grabbing the bag and shoving Roxas aside on her way out of the room. She felt bad for being mean to Roxas, especially since he'd gone out of his way to help with Memory, but she was at her wit's end.

A broad, muscled chest blocked her way, and Kairi glared up into Sora's cold eyes.

"Get out of my way," Kairi snapped icily, adjusting the strap of the bag on her shoulder.

"You wanna know how you got dragged into this, Kairi?" Sora snarled, and his voice was like needles straight to her heart. "I'll tell you how the _fuck _you got dragged into this."

Kairi gulped and tried to keep a poker face on. Sometimes, Sora scared her just with the look he had in his eyes. Sometimes, he scared her with the way he said things. And sometimes, he scared her with the way that he touched her. But right now, he was scaring her with his words.

"You got dragged into this because I care about you, okay?" Sora hissed, pointing at her chest. "You got dragged into this shit because I _care about you_. And as long as I fucking _do_, they're going to keep coming after you. Riku's never going to stop until he's fucking dead, and until that day comes, I'm going to make sure you're safe. Got a problem with that?"

Kairi was speechless. Was that . . . Was that really true? Was that really all there was to it? There was no way that could be true! Could it? God, this was so frustrating. She had told Sora before that she trusted him, but now it was becoming more clear to her.

"Sora, I don't trust a word that comes out of your fucking mouth," she growled, pushing forward and leaving him behind in the hallway with Roxas. She went into the kitchen and stood in the open sliding glass doorway. Vanitas was outside on the patio with a lamp, scrubbing the last of the blood and gore away. He had no gloves on, and his clothes were stained crimson.

"Hey," Vanitas said anxiously when he noticed her staring. "You shouldn't be out here. What are you doing?"

"I wanted to see," Kairi said, her tone muted.

"Well . . . It's all cleaned up now," Vanitas said, slowly rising to his feet. His brow furrowed with worry as he looked into her eyes. "So . . . It's gonna be okay, all right?"

"Yeah," she said softly, tearing her eyes away from his to look down at the place where Memory had once played, slept, and eaten on. Kairi would have loved to have lived in this house with Sora and the rest of the band, playing the part of a "domesticated girl." She would clean, cook, and do their laundry while they were out at work and school, and when they got home, after dinner, they'd all sit in the living room and watch movies until late at night. Memory would get to be inside during those times, and slowly, ever-so-slowly, Kairi and Sora could rebuild their friendship. Kairi could just imagine it—cuddling with him on the couch during movies like she used to, only this time, they'd be an official couple.

Kairi shook her head to rid herself of her frivolous, ungrounded thoughts and sighed. Memory's death and narrowly missing being shot in the chest had addled her brain and made her feel nearly delirious. If Sora was going to pile her into a car and drive her all over the island in the middle of the night, then they'd better get going before she passed out and never woke up again.

"Stay safe, okay?" Vanitas said as she turned to go.

"You're not coming?" Kairi asked glumly.

He shook his raven-haired head. "Too dangerous. We need them to think you're—"

"Still in town," she finished, waving a dismissive hand. "Yeah, I get it. I'll see you later, Vani."

Kairi ran into Tidus by the front door, and he hugged her so tightly that she saw stars and couldn't help but mile. Leave it to Tidus to always be the one to make her laugh, even in the face of hardship.

"I'll see you soon," he said, holding her at arm's length.

"You will?" Kairi frowned. "I was under the impression that I couldn't come back until Riku was dead. Seeing as he's in his early twenties, that won't be anytime soon."

Tidus ruffled her hair, and she didn't even bother to fix it. "We still have our show coming up. Sora's gonna have you come to that so they think you're still in town."

"Wow, okay," Kairi said sarcastically. "Sounds great."

"Aw, come on, Kairi . . ." Tidus pouted. "I know it's difficult, but you have to realize that it's for your own safety, right?"

"That's not what I'm pissed off about," Kairi quipped. "But it doesn't really matter. My feelings don't matter. I don't fucking matter in this entire fucking situation, and I'm just a stupid ass pawn on the chess board of Sora's life." Kairi scowled and looked him up and down. "See you later, Tidus."

Slamming the front door behind her, Kairi stormed up to Sora's car and threw her bag into the backseat. She was so sick and tired of this. All the secrets, all the using, all the lies. She had thought she would be okay, but now with the death of her dog and being completely uprooted from any semblance of normalcy that she'd had . . . She was starting to wish that she had succeeded when she'd gotten into that bathtub.

So much for the hero and the angel, right?

~x~

A road trip with Sora? Not exactly what Kairi expected to be doing in a million years. It wasn't exactly _unbearable_, but it wasn't exactly _bearable _either. Of course, Kairi was sure that if she wasn't pissed off as all Hell at him, she probably wouldn't feel so uncomfortable, but that just didn't happen to be the case. She had no idea where they were going, and Sora had yet to tell her, but she didn't care. She was occupying herself staring out the window as the mountainous landscape of the inner island.

Sora finally leaned forward and grabbed the aux cable, plugging his iPod into the speakers. He selected a song, and then "_POS_" by Death of an Era began to blare out of the speakers. He turned the music up until it filled Kairi's brain, relaxed back in his seat with one hand on the wheel, and then rolled down the window with the other. Kairi watched in shock as he opened the center console and withdrew a cigarette from a hidden pack within.

"You smoke?" Kairi asked loudly, over the heavy guitar riffs and raucous screams.

"Yeah," Sora said quietly, sticking the cigarette into his mouth and lighting it. He drove one-handed, his left elbow resting on the sill of the window.

"When did you start _that_?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Last year," he shrugged. "I dunno. Xi smoked a lot, and I just picked it up out of habit."

Oh yeah. Xion. Kairi had forgotten about _her_. She couldn't help but pout, crossing her arms and staring pointedly out the window beside her. She still didn't know why Sora had sunk so low as to date a girl like _that_. He claimed to care about her more than anything, yet he had so easily given her up and dated _Xion_ for the year she'd been MIA? Perhaps that was why Kairi couldn't really trust him—because he was so quick to date some random girl, like he had been so desperate to have a girlfriend that he'd picked the first one who had pretty eyes.

"What?" Sora asked, turning the music down a little bit.

Kairi shot him a weird look. "What do you mean, 'what'?"

Sora looked at her sidelong, blowing smoke out of the open window. "You're pouting."

"So? What do you care if I pout?" Kairi muttered tetchily. "I can pout all I want. It's a free country, stupid."

Sora looked at her sharply again, smiling a little half-smile. "I'll admit, it's cute as Hell, but let's hear it."

Kairi flushed bright red and glowered out the windshield. "Hear what?"

"Why you're fucking pouting!" he exclaimed, laughing slightly. He blew more smoke out the window, and his eyes glowed in the darkness of the car.

Kairi remained silent, clenching and grinding her teeth. Sora was so infuriating, and all he was doing was calling her cute and asking her a question. Well, fine then. Just fine. If he wanted to know why she was pouting, then she was going to tell him.

"I'm pouting because you're _stupid_," Kairi whined.

"What the Hell?" Sora asked incredulously, flicking the butt of his cigarette out the window. "I'm _stupid_?"

Now she couldn't stop it. It was about to come tumbling out, and Kairi didn't know if she felt relief or regret afterward.

"I'm pouting because you dated that girl! Xion, or whatever! She's literally a terrible person, and you let her treat me like crap!" Kairi whined piteously. "I was already going through so much other shit, and then you let her talk bad about me. You even laughed when she insulted me! I just don't see how you can say that you care about me so much, yet you date a person as dumb as her. So yeah. I'm pouting. I'm fucking pouting, and I don't care what you think about it."

The silence that stretched between them was more than awkward, but it wasn't so much so that Kairi wanted to take her words back. She _did _feel relieved. She felt relieved to finally be able to say that she'd gotten one of the many burdens off of her chest. Maybe Sora wouldn't give her a straight answer (as usual), but at least she could say that she'd spoken her mind.

"You seriously want to know why I dated Xion?" Sora arched one eyebrow.

"No. Yes. I don't know—I guess." She crossed her arms again and looked at him. "Why did you date her?"

Sora sighed heavily and shrugged. "I dunno. I thought she was cool at first, and she was into me, so I asked her out. It went from there. There's not like, some magical reason behind it. I liked her, and that's it."

'_But what about me_?' Kairi thought miserably. Xion was so pretty that it made Kairi feel inadequate. Was it really only because he had liked her? Or was it because Kairi wasn't good enough? She blinked rapidly, fighting back tears. Tonight was more than overwhelming. _Beyond _overwhelming. She didn't know if she could handle any other problems.

"Where are we going?" Kairi asked softly, after fifteen or so minutes of them driving in the quiet.

"Hm?" Sora sounded tired, finally. He yawned. "My uncle's old beach house on the other side of the island—it's past the mountain. No one really knows where it is, so it's the safest place to have you hide until this all pans out."

Kairi nodded slowly, asking, "Why did those guys shoot at me, Sora?"

He looked out the window briefly, then back at the freeway. "I already told you—Riku wants you dead."

"Yes, but why?" she asked. "Why does he want me dead?"

"He's afraid you're gonna tell."

Kairi looked at him. Could it really be possible?

"You . . . You know it's true then, don't you?" she asked softly.

Sora still wouldn't return her gaze. ". . . Does it really matter now?"

"Yes!" Kairi cried. "Of course it matters! Sora, the entire reason why we're in this situation is because you didn't believe me when I went to you for help!"

"Um, no it most certainly is _not_," he retorted, as if she had no idea what she were talking about. "You have _no _idea what you're talking about."

"Well, I _would _know if you would fucking_ tell_ me," Kairi snapped. "Like _that'll_ ever happen."

"Kairi, I have told you _numerous_ fucking times that I'm not going to tell you, so shut the fuck up, and leave it alone!"

Kairi stared at him in shock, having not expected him to yell at her so suddenly and so vehemently. He looked enraged, and the combination of the shouting, anger, and Memory's death completely eclipsed her. She immediately burst out into tears, covering her face with her hands and sobbing. Sora swerved to the right and pulled over. Kairi continued to cry even as he got out of the car, leaving his door open, and came around to her side. He pulled her door open and dragged her out of her seat. She tried to fight against him, but in the end, allowed herself to be pulled into his arms. He held her as she cried, stroking his fingers through her hair and enveloping her in the strongest net of safety that she'd felt in a long, long time. No matter how angry she felt toward him, at the end of the day she loved him, and that was all that mattered.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there," Sora whispered into her ear. "I'm fuckin' sorry, all right?"

Kairi buried her face against his chest and sobbed, "I can't handle this anymore, Sora. I can't handle all the yelling and the fighting and anger, okay? I just want things to go back to the way they _were_."

"They will," Sora replied. "They will—I promise. You just have to trust me."

"I can't," she wailed.

"You _have_ to," he insisted. "Look: I'm sorry I yelled at you, I really am. I'm just frustrated, and I'm scared."

Behind them, cars were zooming past them on the highway, honking their horns angrily for Sora leaving his car door open. Neither Sora nor Kairi cared, however, and the two of them stood there, looking into each other's eyes as if they were the only two people in the entire world. Hearing that Sora was scared was quite possibly the first truly honest thing that she'd heard from him in months.

"You're scared?" She sniffled and passed the back of her hand across her eyes to wipe them free of tears. "What of?"

Sora hung his head and looked away, looking so much like his old self that it was everything Kairi could do not to throw her arms around his neck.

". . . Losing you," he whispered, dragging his gaze back to hers. "I don't want to lose you to them, Kairi. I already let them get to you once, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. And then you . . . And then when I found you, in the bathroom, I . . . I just . . ." Kairi gasped—there were _tears_ in his eyes.

"Sora . . ."

"Kairi, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He was full on crying now, waving his hands about in distress. "I treated you like shit this year. I wanted to . . . I wanted to be there for you, but I couldn't, and it just . . . It just killed me."

"I don't understand," Kairi said, her eyes filling again. "Why didn't you just do it?!"

"Because I couldn't, okay!" He threw his arms out. "There. There it is. The secret you wanted to know so badly. I couldn't."

"What do you mean . . . You couldn't?"

"Literally that." He put his hands on his hips and turned his face away, his tears slipping down his cheeks like cracked diamonds. "Riku told me that if I talked to you . . . Then he would kill you."

Kairi's heart skipped a beat and her eyes went as wide as saucers. Was he serious? Was that really why Sora had treated her so badly? But . . . But why didn't he just continue to ignore her? Why did he feel the need to go out of his way to be cruel toward her? Just . . . _Why_?

"He said that you were his," Sora continued, sounding forlorn. "He said that you belonged to him, and—as cliché as it sounds—he said that if he couldn't have you . . . Then nobody could."

Kairi's brow furrowed and she turned, plopping down sideways into the passenger's seat of the car. She sat with a hunched back and a blank stare, trying to make sense of what she was hearing. No _wonder _Sora had fought so hard to keep this information secret—Kairi had basically had a hit out on her head from the moment she'd told her mother about the pregnancy and the abuse. She slowly looked up at Sora, who was still silently weeping and staring at her beseechingly—he wanted her forgiveness.

"So you . . . You really were trying to protect me?" Kairi asked meekly, balling her hands into fists on her thighs.

Sora knelt down in front of her, grabbing onto those hands and holding them tightly. He gazed up into her eyes sincerely and said, "Of course, Kai. I promised you I would always keep you safe, didn't I? I wanted to make sure we could never be friends again—I wanted Riku to know for sure that I was following his rules. And it destroyed me inside, but . . . I felt that it was necessary for your safety."

"My . . . Safety?" Kairi was looking through him, rather than at him. This was it. This was all that she could handle. She felt completely and utterly drained, and she just wanted to sleep. Her own brother, adoptive though he was, had threatened her very best friend with her life. Riku had taken every single last thing from her, ensuring that she was alone.

Well, he had succeeded.

"Let's go," Kairi said, taking her hands out of Sora's grasp. "I want to go."

"You . . . Are you . . ."

"Mad?" Her voice was monotone as she faced the front and buckled her seatbelt. "No."

Sora stood up and prepared to shut her door. "So you . . . You understand, right? What I had to do?"

Kairi knew he was confused and scared and worried and felt terrible, but she literally did not have the energy inside of her to forgive him. She didn't have the energy inside of her to feel anything. She felt empty. She just wanted to go wherever it was that Sora was taking her so she could lay down and go to sleep. She had cried, yelled, and fought him tooth and nail to drag this secret out of him and now that it was out, it felt awful.

Sora got back into the car, but before he restarted the car, he made sure to reach into her lap and grab a tight hold of her left hand.

He didn't let go for the rest of the car ride.

~x~

The beach house was more of a super nice condo on beachfront property, with grass that sort of melted into the sand. It was white and blue, and looked rather expensive. Kairi got out of the car and stared up at it while Sora gathered their bags from the backseat. Knowing that it belonged to Sora's mysteriously deceased uncle only made it look that much more foreboding to her. She swallowed her fears, though—she was going to be staying with Sora, and if there was one thing she now knew for sure, it was that he would put his very life on the line to protect her.

Kairi followed Sora inside. It smelled musty and unused, and when Sora turned on the in the entryway light, there was so much dust on the lightbulb that it was slightly dim. She stood up on her tiptoes and slapped her jacket against it to clear it, instantly brightening the area.

Sora was so tall that he had to duck a little as he went into the rest of the house, and then it was all high, arched ceilings and impeccably furnished rooms. Kairi wandered aimlessly through the house for a while, studying things. There was pictures on the walls—pictures of Sora's uncle, Roxas, and other various family members. There were a lot of oddly empty spaces on the walls, but Kairi didn't think too much of it. She headed into a random room and sat down on the bed, looking around at the little boys' toys that were strewn about the floor.

It was almost as though time had literally stopped in this place.

"This was Roxas's room," Sora said softly from the doorway. "When he was little—they used to live here, but they turned it into their vacation home."

"Oh," Kairi murmured, looking at the Legos, toy trucks, and various Star Wars toys.

Sora slowly entered the room and came to sit next to her on the mattress.

"I know it's gonna be hard to lay low for a while, but . . . Just trust me," he said. "It'll be over soon."

Kairi grew alarmed and turned to face him on the bed. "What are you going to do, Sora? Kill him? Don't be stupid."

Sora chewed on his lower lip and carefully averted his gaze. "For you, I would."

"For me, you would . . . You would _kill _someone?" Kairi jumped to her feet, scared out of her mind. "Sora, are you kidding me?! No! Just . . . Just _no_. I don't like this. I don't like who you are now. The old Sora never would have—"

"The old Sora is gone," Sora snapped, cutting her off midsentence with a cold gaze. "He's gone. He left when he had to tell his best friend he didn't believe her when she came crying to him in his front yard."

Kairi opened her mouth to argue with him some more, but frowned as she noticed something. There was blood on Sora's shirtsleeve. She darted forward and lifted the sleeve, gasping in horror at the wound there. How had he gotten it? Had one of the bullets hit him earlier? How had she not noticed this _before_? She placed a hand over her mouth in distress. He may have been the one to blame for many things, but this . . . This was all her fault. If she hadn't dragged him into her mess with Riku, then he wouldn't have purposely put himself into the line of fire.

"It's no big deal, Kai," Sora said, the use of her nickname causing her heart to flutter. He pulled his sleeve back down. "Bullet just grazed me—I've had worse."

"One more inch," she started, choking on her words and finding herself unable to finish. She bit her knuckle to keep from breaking down and stared so hard at his bloodied shirt that her eyes began to blur. "One more inch, and it would have gone right through your shoulder."

"So what?" He looked uneasy. "If I hadn't stepped in the way, you might have gotten hurt."

Kairi turned and hurried to the bathroom to look for a first aid kit. She couldn't let this happen again. If Riku wanted her dead, that was _her _fault. Not Sora's. He didn't deserve to be hurt for her. And even though he had shown her nothing but cruelty all year, he didn't deserve to get shot.

She snatched the kit out and threw medical items all over the counter, searching for gauze, bandaids, cotton balls, and rubbing alcohol. She wasn't an expert on cleaning out wounds, but she had to do _something_ for him. She had been so quick to believe that he would throw her away for no reason that she felt horrible. Why hadn't she known sooner? Sora had only been that way towards her to protect her from Riku. He wouldn't have done that for no reason, yet she'd thought he had.

When she found the items she was looking for, she gathered them up and hurried back into Roxas's old room. Sora was getting up, and when he saw her, he sighed heavily.

"No, Kai, I'm fine. Really," he said, putting his hands on her shoulders and gently pushing her away. "I don't need all that."

"_Just sit down_!" Kairi shrieked almost manically. Her hands were shaking. "Just sit down and let me help you."

Sora slowly did as he was told, looking almost chastised as he did so. Kairi ordered him to take off his shirt as she wet the cotton balls with the alcohol. She stepped closer to him, refusing to look him in the eyes as she gently began to wipe away the blood from the edges of the wound. He winced a little, and looked at her.

"You really don't have to do this," he insisted.

"Yes, I do." Kairi continued to clean the wound, wondering to herself about how best to go about things with Sora from here on out. Now that she knew the truth, that is. She almost felt shy around him—like a little girl with a crush on a classmate.

Sora was looking at her again, and Kairi was becoming painfully aware of the fact that he was shirtless and muscular and toned and just . . . Oh, dear God. Today had been a ridiculously long, emotionally trying day. She tried her best to focus solely on cleaning his gashed open shoulder, but it was so hard when she could smell his cologne and feel those endless cerulean depths boring holes into her damn face.

"Will you stop staring at me?" she asked sternly, glowering down at him.

"I'm not staring at you." The ghost of a smile played about his lips as he reached forward and picked up some of her waist-length crimson hair. "Your hair's crazy long, Kairi."

"Yeah, so?" she challenged, remembering that he had always like her hair cropped short. "What do you care? You like short hair anyway."

Sora's eyebrows shot up. "And you care what I like?"

"Well, yeah, I . . ." she trailed off in embarrassment, pausing in her actions. God, why was she suddenly feeling so modest? "I don't. I just . . . I thought you liked short hair, that's all."

"For the record," he teased. "I like you, not your hair. So it doesn't really matter what length it is."

Kairi very nearly dropped the bottle of rubbing alcohol onto the carpet at his words, her eyes widened in stages. Had he just . . . Had he just admitted to liking her? She stared at him, stunned and at a loss for words. It wasn't anything crazy, like a month ago when she'd confessed her love for him in her bedroom on a stormy night, but it was something.

After setting the bottle and used up cotton balls neatly on the dresser, she grabbed the gauze and looked up at the clock. Almost midnight. Man, today had been long. She was still terribly depressed about Memory, but she didn't know how to show it or feel it. She wanted to cry, but she'd cried so much in the past couple of months that she didn't think she could manage any more tears unless they were dragged out of her by forceful means.

"Hey," Sora said quietly as she placed the gauze on his arm. "Do you remember when we went on that camping trip when we were twelve?"

"Um . . . Sure," Kairi said, putting the bandaid on over the gauze.

Sora laughed a little, scratching the back of his head and causing his spikes to get even more unruly. "I tripped over that fallen log and scraped my knee, and you insisted on putting on the bandaid. This is just like back then, isn't it?"

"Haha, I guess," Kairi chuckled, making sure the bandaid was snug. "There. Done. We can change it out tomorrow if it gets any worse. I—"

"Kairi, listen to me." Sora placed his hand on her forearm, and Kairi felt as though his skin were burning her flesh. She blushed bright red and eyed him carefully.

"Y-Yes?"

"I never want you to feel afraid that somebody's going to hurt you again," he said quietly. "Not Riku, Zexion, Axel, Demyx, or anyone else. I'm not gonna leave you again—I'm gonna be here to put the bandaids on your cuts and scrapes, too."

Kairi quickly withdrew her hand and turned away from him, trying her best to quickly gather up the things she'd grabbed from the bathroom .

"The last time you told me that, it was just a lie to get me off your back," Kairi whispered, her voice shaking.

Suddenly, she felt his presence behind her and she froze. He was so close that she could feel his breath on the back of her neck, and all of the hairs on her body raised up. He placed his hands on her shoulders and he slowly pulled her back against his bare chest, wrapping his arms around her in a hug. His skin was on fire.

"Well, I already told you what you wanted to know," he said quietly, his voice right next to her ear now. "So there's no reason for me to lie, is there?"

"Sora, you're missing the point." Kairi made as if to turn around, but he tightened his hold around her and she was forced to relax her arms by her side.

"No, I'm not," he retorted. "You're upset because I lied to you—I get it. And I understand that you may hate me and never want to forgive me. Do you think I never thought of that when I made the decision to push you away like I did? Kai, it was the hardest decision I ever made in my life, but I had to do it or Riku would have killed you."

"Stop saying that," she whispered, shuddering with fear. "I don't like hearing it."

"Okay," he sighed. "Just know that I'm not asking for you to forgive me overnight. I'm telling you that I apologize for every wrong I've ever done you. Every lie, every insult, every time I've yelled at you or scared you . . . I'm sorry. And when you want to forgive me, I'm still gonna be here. Can you promise me you'll give me a chance?"

"A chance . . . ?" Kairi closed her eyes. All she'd wanted from the moment he rejected her was for him to give her a chance, and now he was asking for her to extend the courtesy he hadn't extended to her. She had two choices here. Either she could deny him any further opportunities with her; she could call him a prick, distance herself, and never trust him again. Or she could forgive him because she loved him and move on to learning how to trust him again so that she could be safe from harm and, most of all, happy.

"Yeah . . ." Sora whispered, and his voice had taken on a strangely husky tone. He nuzzled his nose into the side of her neck, and she felt his hair tickling her skin. She tried not to gasp in surprise. "A chance. That's all."

"I . . ." Kairi couldn't find her words. His lips were just barely brushing her sensitive throat and she was rapidly losing control of her breathing. Her eyelids fluttered shut and tilted her head to silently give him better access. After all, this was Sora. A Sora that now, finally, had no secrets. A Sora that didn't hate her and never _had _hated her—he'd just been pretending to keep her brother from killing her. Did he know if Riku would really shoot her? At the time, no. Now? The wound on his arm and the fact that they were alone, three hours away in a secluded beach house that belonged to his dead uncle was all the answer she needed.

"What are y-you doing?" Kairi breathed after the first press of his lips to her skin. He was kissing a line along the curve of her neck and shoulder, sliding his hands lightly down the length of her arms, and it was sparking a fire in the pit of her stomach that she had no intentions of putting out.

"Proving that I'm not gonna leave," he mumbled, his fingers gently gripping her hips beneath the hem of her shirt. The sudden skin-on-skin contact caused Kairi to jump and exhale sharply, leaning forward to grip the edge of the dresser in front of her. Sora's hands pulled her backside against his lower body, and all Kairi could think about was the fact that they had gone from zero to sixty in terms of their friendship or relationship or whatever it was in about five seconds flat. That, and the fact that her heart was pounding its way out of her chest while his hands were starting to wander.

Sora's kisses on her bared throat grew heavier as his right hand began to travel under her shirt. He splayed his fingers out on her abdomen, stoking the fire within her to full flame. She wanted him to touch her more and more, until he owned every inch of her, but she felt too shy to ask him. She had never been shy with anyone else before, but something about the atmosphere and the revelations of that night were making her feel like her innermost personality was coming out. Because she _was _shy. Her false confidence in public was all a façade. A carefully placed façade that helped her cope. But with Sora, right here and now, she didn't have to fake it.

That frightened her.

"Kairi?" Sora said, his voice quiet and breathy in her ear.

"Y-Yeah?" Kairi said just as softly.

"What do you want me to do to you?" He kissed her ear, nibbled on the lobe and sent an electric tingling shooting down to the raging liquid fire that had grown in her loins. His hands were still in the same places: one on her bony hip and the other on her stomach.

Kairi's face turned about five shades darker than the crimson color of her hair and her heart came to a full stop. She wanted to turn around and ask him if he was insane, but she knew she wouldn't dare shatter this moment.

"What did you . . . What did you say?"

"Whatever you want—I'll do it," he murmured. "I just want you to see how much I care about you. How scared I was when I was holding you in my arms and you were bleeding out. How sorry I am for how I treated you. So . . . What do you want me to do to you?"

Kairi closed her eyes. If that wasn't an invitation, she didn't know what was. Before he could react, she whirled around in his arms and grabbed his face with trembling hands. She gazed up into his eyes and pulled him down to her level.

"Kiss me," she whispered in a rushed out breath, pressing her lips to his briefly. "Just kiss me like you mean it."

He smiled, and it was the first genuine smile she'd seen on his face since his last performance on stage. "Gladly."

And then, like a light switch turning on, Kairi was on him. Literally. She threw her arms around his neck and hopped up, wrapping her legs around his waist and kissing him with every last fiber of love for him that she had in her tiny body. He cupped her buttocks and kissed her back, both of them laughing slightly as he stumbled back and fell onto the bed. It was small, since it was Roxas's old bed after all, but neither of them cared. Kairi no longer felt shy, either. Sora's words had undid the clasp on that lock, reminding her that _this was Sora_. Her best friend since they were eight. Her protector. Her healer. Her . . . Her _Sora_.

Kairi sat up on Sora's hips and tore her own shirt off. His gaze traveled over her upper body hungrily and he sat up as well, kissing her with wild abandon as he cupped her bare breasts. If there was one upside to having a small bust, it was the fact that Kairi didn't have to wear bras. This was coming in handy. His fingers and palms, calloused from years of guitar playing, were doing wondered on her skin, raising goosebumps all the way down to her legs and causing her thighs to start trembling. She could feel his arousal beneath her, and she just knew that this time was different.

This time, he wasn't going to leave and she wasn't going to push him away.

Kairi kissed Sora's jawline, earning herself a rather heavy sigh from his lips as she allowed her fingers to roam all over his hard, muscled chest. Her fingertips brushed his nipples a few times and she grinned into his flesh at the quiet moans he was making. Before she could do too much more, he wrapped one arm around her waist and flipped them around so she was lying underneath him. He didn't do anything for a long moment, and when Kairi opened her eyes to see what was going on, she was surprised to see that he was simply staring at her face.

"What are you looking at?" she asked somewhat nervously. Did he think she was ugly all-of-the-sudden? Was he rethinking everything, as silly as that sounded?

"I never told you this, but . . . I think you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

Kairi blushed and she had to swallow back tears. Hard. Hearing those words from Sora . . . They meant more than anything else in the whole entire world.

Sora leaned down to capture her lips in a much gentler, much more passionate kiss, and Kairi's body began to quiver with anticipation and desire. She moaned into his mouth from the sheer excitement, and their tongues tangled in a dance of lust that rivaled no other. He petted her sides heavily, massaging her hips bone and causing her lower body to tingle. She wanted him. She wanted him badly. And when her breasts touched his chest, her skin was so sensitive that it made her cry out. A sound such as that seemed to be the key to awakening the animal that lie dormant inside of Sora, and he tipped over the edge, into carnality.

Kairi felt his kisses starting to headed down past her chest and along her abdomen and she panicked a little bit. She automatically tried to pull him back up to her, but he grabbed both of her hands and pinned them to the mattress beside her hips. She got the message, and tried to lie still while he slowly unbuttoned her skinny jeans and pulled them off of her.

"You're shaking," Sora remarked in-between kisses to her hip bones and pelvis.

Kairi couldn't speak, because in the next second, her panties were flying across the room and he was kissing her in her sacred spot—something she had not expected him to do. She gasped and her legs fell apart to accommodate him as he pleasured her, sending her mind off into a completely different universe and rendering her vocal chords useless. His tongue and lips worked in unison to bring her to the edge, his hands gripping her hips and holding her body down letting her know that he had all the control. She could do nothing except enjoy it, curling her fingers into the blankets as if they could anchor her against the storm that was raging inside of her.

"Sora, I'm . . . Oh, God . . . Sora," was all she could say, over and over until he flicked his tongue against her pearl one final time. Stars danced behind her closed eyelids and she arched her back, her entire body convulsing violently as wave after wave of ecstasy washed over her. Sora held onto her hips tightly, keeping her in place to ensure that he consumed every last drop of her essence, and Kairi nearly lost her mind. It felt beyond good—it was pure bliss, everything she could ever have hoped for with Sora.

Sora had his pants off in five seconds flat, and then he was hovering over her. He grounded is hips against hers, one hand on one of her hips and the other placed flat on the mattress beside her head. His body was so hot that he could have had a fever, and his hair fell forward to shadow his face even as he gazed down into her half-lidded, hazy eyes.

"Ah, shit," he cursed when she bucked her hips up against his hardness. "You're so beautiful, Kai. God."

Kairi reached up for him, pulling his lips to hers. She reached between them and tugged at the waistband of his boxers. Her heartbeat was erratic again; this was it. This was the moment. Doing this would not only mean that they could never go back to being just friends or even best friends again, but it also meant that she forgave Sora. Because would she really be doing this with him if she didn't love him enough to forgive him, after everything that they had been through? And frankly, even though she'd attempted suicide, had been shot at, and had lost her puppy, she needed this, needed Sora. She needed to feel some sort of comfort, and she wanted Sora to chase away the pain that was sure to attack her at any point in time.

"Are you sure you want this?" Sora whispered, his breaths coming in short when he pressed his hardness against her womanhood. The hand of his that was on the mattress was curved so tightly into the sheets that Kairi could see his knuckles going white out of the corner of her eyes. She could tell that he was trying his hardest not to ram himself into her to the hilt, waiting for her permission.

"You said you'd never leave me without my wings," she breathed, raising herself up on her elbow and tangling her fingers in the hair at the back of his head. She looked into his eyes, azure meeting cerulean, and smiled a small smile. "So help me fly."

Sora stared at her for a split second before he kissed her, long and slow and deep. His tongue searched every inch of her mouth and then, he was inside her, _filling _every inch of her body. She gasped and moaned, digging her fingernails into his upper arms as the pleasure of it threatened to drown her. God, she loved this man. He was her everything, and now, they were close in the way that she wanted most. It was perfection.

"Mm, ahh~" Kairi gasped when Sora began to move at a quick pace, delving deep with each thrust. Her fingernails bit even deeper into his skin, almost hard enough to draw blood, and she tried not to scream. It was like her own little slice of Heaven, and she was going to go mad from the sheer beauty of it. Her hips met his in the age-old dance that proved your love for the one you chose, and Kairi knew that she never wanted to let him go again.

"Fuckin' . . . Ah, _shit_," Sora panted, his eyes scouring her body possessively as he slammed into her repeatedly, changing pace and rhythm as he pleased. He was breathing heavily, and to Kairi, he looked more handsome that she had ever seen him look. She bit her bottom lip to stifle her moans, each movement he made sending her body veering off into space. Planets, stars, galaxies—she was seeing them all, intertwining into a beautiful masterpiece that spelled out her love for Sora.

The next thing she knew, he pulled out of her and rolled her onto her stomach. He stroked her thighs tenderly and pulled her rump up into the air. At first, she tensed with a bit of fear, but when she felt him sliding back inside of her womanhood, she relaxed and embraced the immense amounts of pleasure that Sora was giving her. He was growling animalistically, thrusting erratically as he neared his own peak. He leaned forward slightly and reached around between them to touch the bundle of nerves that was hidden at the top of her folds, massaging it in order to bring her to the same end for the second time that night. Kairi spread her legs a little wider and ground her hips against his hand, no longer finding herself able to hold in the noises that were coming out of her.

"Nnh, _fuck_, I . . . I'm c-close," Sora gasped, moving faster and faster, hitting the same spot inside of Kairi repeatedly—the spot that made her scream.

"Ah~ _Please, _Sora," Kairi groaned, burying her face into the pillow. "Please, I-I'm . . . _Please_ . . ."

It happened: Sora obliged, and then the floodgates opened wide for both of them, and they joined each other in the land of bliss, leaving behind nothing to chance. Sora pulled out at the last moment and released into his discarded boxers, tossing them aside when he was done. Kairi's muscles spasmed as her second orgasm hit her, and she bit her tongue in her desperate attempt not to be too loud. It was the first time Kairi had ever felt so close and so in harmony with Sora; she could hear that his heartbeat was the same as hers.

They both collapsed beside each other on the bedsheets, Kairi molding her body to fit against Sora's side as he embraced her. They took a moment to catch their breath, each with their own thoughts about what had just transpired. Kairi felt elated and complete in a way—like every goal she had ever worked toward, she had succeeded in. Or like a thousand birthday wishes had come true. She was so happy and relieved that she began to cry, even though she had thought she couldn't cry anymore.

"No, shh, babe, what's wrong?" Sora asked soothingly.

Kairi blushed at the nickname, but continued to cry. "I'm just . . . I'm really happy, Sora."

"Then why are you crying?"

"Because I'm happy," she sobbed, placing a wet kiss to his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist. The light was still on in the room, but neither of them seemed to care. It was plain to see that they were both exhausted. And while there was still a lot more things to worry about in the morning, right here and right now, Kairi was exactly where she wanted to be., She was content, she was happy ,and she was in love.

"Hey, Kairi?" Sora said sleepily just before Kairi drifted off. He was completely wrapped around her, his face buried in her hair.

"Hm?" she managed to mutter.

"Love you . . ." he mumbled.

Kairi eyes shot open.

_What _had he just said?

~x~

**A/N: I did the thing –sheepish smile- I hope the lemon was awesome enough for you guys to love it! See you next time~ You may think the secret has finally been told. But you're wrong. There's always a little something else that Sora has to hold back. But this time, it's something huge. MUAHAHAHAHA later gators!**


	26. A Family Photograph

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: I. Am. So. Sorry. I am so freaking sorry that I updated so late! I got attacked and maimed by writer's block, MAJOR and finishing this chapter was really hard for me because I wanted to make sure it was a good one, and not pointless. Anyway, be prepared for a shock at the end that won't make much sense now, but will later on. Happy reading!**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities. In this chapter, I mention the song **_**Fame Over Demise **_**by Woe is Me, and I use the song **_**Violent Bounce (People Like You) **_**by I See Stars. I encourage you to look up **_**Violent Bounce **_**because it's literally my favorite song by I See Stars right now!**

**NOTES: This story is rated M. This chapter has some violence.**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

~x~

Kairi stared at her reflection in the mirror, finding that for the first time in months, she actually saw beauty. She smiled a little bit, wondering how such a thing could be. Were Sora's words magic? Did he have some sort of secret, hidden power that washed away all of her negative thoughts about herself and made her feel pretty? It was almost frustrating, as Kairi was such an independent person that she would have wanted to pull herself out of the darkness. However, the fact that Sora had been the one to pull her out was still just as wonderful.

"Babe!"

Kairi perked up at the sound of Sora calling for her attention from downstairs. She still wasn't used to hearing his use a pet name on her, especially since just weeks ago they were constantly at each other's throats. Hell, they still hadn't even gotten around to discussing her suicide attempt! Kairi was beginning to think that she and Sora would forever be a pair of "live in the moment" young adults.

"Yeah?" Kairi hollered back.

"When did you wanna make dinner? Cuz Tidus is coming by before the show, and he's hungry."

"And how do you know that?" Kairi retorted, putting her hands on her hips as if he were standing right in front of her. "Is he here already?"

"Nah, he's on the phone," he replied.

"Oh . . . Well, I'll come down and make something right now. You got groceries, right?"

"Yeah," he said, then she heard nothing more from him.

Kairi turned back to look at herself in the mirror again, fluffing up her carefully-crafted crimson waves. It was nice feeling as though every dream you'd ever yearned for had come true. She didn't mind making dinner on such short notice and without really even being asked politely. She didn't mind because it was Sora, and Sora loved her.

That's right. She'd heard what he'd said. And even though he had playfully and teasingly denied it the next morning, it didn't matter because his words would forever be stuck in the forefront of her mind. Sora loved Kairi, Kairi loved Sora, they loved each other . . . No matter how you said it, it still sounded like music to Kairi's ears.

Kairi took a step back and twirled around, scrutinizing how she looked in her dress for that night. It was the only dress she had brought with her form her old apartment—the floral pink-and-white Liz Lisa babydoll dress—and while it was beyond adorable, she was beginning to think she was in desperate need of a new wardrobe. After all, if she and Sora were going to be living in this house together, she couldn't keep wearing the same things over and over again. Sometimes, she didn't even have enough time to wash her clothes before she had to wear them again.

Thinking about her clothes and her apartment made her think of her mom, and how her family had disowned her, and how Riku was on a wild, evil rampage that nobody seemed to be doing anything about. Kairi was sad about losing the only family that she'd ever know, but she was happy that she was finally going to be able to make a new life for herself. She no longer had to worry about Riku sneaking into her room at night, and now that she was in Sora's sights nearly 24/7 (except when he went to get food that morning), she felt safe. Yes, she hadn't spoken to her mother, and yes, her father would probably rather see her dead than anything, but now that seeing pictures of Sora's deceased uncle had awaken hidden curiosities in her, Kairi had decided that she was ready to do some digging.

Kairi wanted to find her real family, even if it brought her more pain than promise.

"_Baaaaaaaaabe_!" Sora whined up the stairs. "I'm _hungryyyyy_!"

Kairi rolled her eyes. At least Sora was back to his old self.

Heading out into the hall, Kairi snapped back at him, "You shut your whore mouth, Yoshimura! I'm comin'."

"Yeah," he grinned wickedly when she came bounding down the stairs in her cute little dress and pretty wavy hair. "But I'm _your _whore."

Kairi punched him in the chest on her way past him into the kitchen. "Oh, shut it. We've only had sex once—you're not my whore until I pay you, or until we have sex more often."

"_That_, my dear sweet girl, can be arranged," he teased in a British accent, grabbing her hips and pulling her back against him. He hugged her around the shoulders before she could get away and kissed her cheek.

"Sora, do you want a home-cooked meal or not?" Kairi asked, finding it harder and harder to pretend to be miffed.

"I dunno . . ." Sora murmured with a slight chuckle. "I think I might be feeling fast food tonight."

Kairi deadpanned. "Sora, you may be hot as Hell now, with plugs and skinny jeans and all that spiky hair, but you still don't know how to hit on a girl."

"Whaaaa—?" He dropped his arms from around her and pouted. "That wasn't a cool pick-up line? You don't care that _sempai _finally noticed you?"

Kairi shot him a weird, disturbed look and shook her head. Sora sure had changed, but he was still just a nerd inside.

Sora crossed his arms over his chest and leaned nonchalantly against the counter while the redhead bustled about the kitchen, gathering up the materials she would need to make Sora and Tidus some food. Their show was tonight—the show where they would be performing mostly for the sake of signing to a new label, one that was from the mainland and not local—and she knew their excitement was making them hungry.

"So tonight, I want you to stick with Namine at all times," Sora was saying absentmindedly, scrolling through something on his phone. "The guys and I really need to focus tonight, so it would be easier if we didn't have to worry about you the whole night."

Kairi arched one eyebrow as she placed a pound of ground Italian sausage into a heated frying pan on the stove. "You think they'll show up tonight?"

"Think? Kai, I don't think—I _know_. They've been looking for you like crazy since we left. Roxas told me he's noticed people snooping around. He said the neighbors keep seeing the same car driving back and forth past the house," Sora told her, setting his cell phone down on the counter. "There's no doubt in my mind that at least Zexion, Axel, and Demyx will be there. Maybe not Xigbar and his crew, but I don't want to take any chances. You stay with Namine, and you guys try to stay toward the front of the crowd tonight so the guys and I can see where you're at."

"Okay," Kairi said softly, stirring the meat as it browned. She didn't really want to admit it to herself or to Sora, but she was terrified. She didn't want to be kidnapped and raped again, and she didn't want to die. Riku wanted her to be killed, and Kairi hadn't really taken it seriously until now. Seeing that he was willing to employ the use of a completely separate gang from her own just to ensure that she died was scaring her out of her mind. She was sure that one of them had been behind Memory's death, and she was sure that it had been some sort of sick, twisted warning to her. She almost didn't _want _to go out of the beach house and into public again, but she knew that it was safer beside Sora than apart from him.

"Hey."

Kairi shuddered out of her stupor and realized that Sora was standing beside her at the stove. He gently took the spatula from her and set it onto the counter. Then, he took her chin in his hand and forced her to look into his eyes. Kairi's heart skipped a beat.

"It's going to be all right, babe," Sora said quietly. "I told you I would protect you."

"I know," Kairi whispered, reaching forward to grab the fabric of his black _Bring Me the Horizon _tank top at his hips. "I just can't help but feel scared."

Sora cupped her face in his hands and leaned down to kiss her gently, obviously intending it to be an innocently reassuring kiss. Unfortunately, it made Kairi's stomach twist with desire, causing her to stand up on her tiptoes and push deeper into the kiss, which in turn awakened Sora's passions. Their tongues began to tangle and dance, Sora's hands began to wander all over her body, Kairi was moaning . . . It was getting crazy, and then Tidus walked in.

". . . Should I leave for a little while?"

Sora and Kairi stared at him unblinkingly, stunned and in a daze.

Tidus smirked. "I'd only need to leave for five minutes, right Sora?"

Sora narrowed his eyes. "Is that a jibe at my sexual performance, Tidus?"

"No. Maybe. Likely. Yes."

"I'm going to beat the shit out of you."

". . . I'm going to run now."

"You probably should," Kairi advised, turning back to the nearly-burning sausage. She smiled to herself in amusement at the sounds of Sora and Tidus chasing each other around the house. God, she loved this. She loved the feeling of finally being happy and carefree.

Kairi boiled some noodles and poured some spaghetti sauce into the sausage, wandering aimlessly about the kitchen as she waited for everything to be fully cooked. They had about a half hour before they had to leave, but Sora and Tidus had insisted on starting one game of Call of Duty before they ate, so Kairi could hear them cursing and joking around from the living room. Kairi checked through the cupboards in a bored sort of game, looking at all the food they had and trying to plan meals out for the week. She didn't know how long exactly they'd be staying in Sora's uncle's house, but she was hoping Sora was working on a solution to their problem—one that didn't involve any death whatsoever.

As Kairi mindlessly rummaged, she came across something odd. She had gone over to the china cabinet in the dining room, finding the plates displayed inside to be exquisite, and she'd come across something hidden behind a white plate with a painted on unicorn. After carefully moving the plate aside, she pulled out what appeared to be a picture. It was completely covered in dust, so Kairi took it over to the counter and got a paper towel to wipe it off. Curiosity shining in her eyes, she cleared it free off all dust and stared down at the photograph.

It was a picture of a smiling, happy woman with long red hair. She was standing upon a beach (Kairi recognized it at the beach just outside the house they were currently hiding out in), her arms outstretched as if welcoming in the sea breeze. Next to her, a small red-headed child was performing the same stagnant dance, and Kairi recognized him as Roxas by the weird way his blonde hair spiked out. There was a certain joy in the woman's face, and Kairi could tell that it was Roxas's mother.

Kairi frowned. So Roxas's mother was a redhead, too? With blue eyes? Just like Roxas, Roxas's dad, and . . . She didn't want to get too eager or jinx anything, but . . . It was just like Kairi. Was it possible that . . . Could it really be true? And if it were true, then that would mean that both of Kairi's real parents were dead, and none of her questions would be answered. But that would also mean that she had a brother. A brother named Roxas. A brother who might have the answers to her questions.

"Babe, is the food done?"

Sora's voice echoing loudly through the quiet kitchen made Kairi squeal with fright. She whirled around, quickly hiding the picture in her bra before doing so, and glared at the brunette.

"Don't scare me like that!" she scolded, turning to the stove to switch off the heat. "And yes, it's ready now. Are you guys done with your game?"

"Yeah, because Sora killed the other team with his crazy skills," Tidus cheered, entering the kitchen behind Sora.

"Crazy skills?" Kairi asked as she grabbed some plates from one of the cupboards.

Sora rolled his eyes. "Oh, God—it's not that big of a fucking deal, dude."

"Um, I'm sorry, but every kill you made was a headshot. I have never before seen someone do that," Tidus shot back, plopping down at the table.

Sora sat down across from him and stuck his tongue out at his friend in a childish, entirely Sora-esque way. "Whatever, man. You're just trying to get on my good side because Yuna is Zidane's sister, and Zidane was my friend before he joined the band."

"I am not!" Tidus scoffed. "I don't need your _help_ to get Yuna to go out on a date with me."

Sora opened his mouth to respond, but Kairi set their plates full of piping hot spaghetti in front of them to shut them up.

It worked.

As the boys happily mowed down on their fresh food, Kairi went back to the stove and pretended to be getting it ready to go into Tupperware for leftovers. She took the picture out of her dress and glanced at it one last time. The woman smiled back at her, as if she had no idea that she was going to pass away at some point. If this woman was her mother, then Kairi wanted to know all there was to know about her. She wanted to know why she'd given Kairi up, and if she had loved Kairi at all.

Folding the picture into fours, she slipped it back into her bra surreptitiously, and then put the food into Tupperware. She would have to have a talk with Roxas, and then with Sora.

"This is so fucking delicious, Kairi," Tidus cried merrily, mouth full of spaghetti.

"Hell yeah," Sora agreed. "You're such a good cook, babe. What would we do without you?"

Kairi took her own plate to the table and sat down. She smiled and said, "Probably eat Top Ramen or pizza every night."

Tidus and Sora looked at each other for a long moment and then nodded, bursting out laughing as if they had shared some sort of telekinetic joke between the two of them. Kairi merely continued to eat her food, her thoughts preoccupied with the picture of Roxas's mom. She barely responded to Sora and Tidus's jokes, though they didn't really notice because their conversation had turned to their anticipation of that night's performance. Eventually, everyone was done eating and it was time to go.

"You ready for this, man?" Tidus asked as they headed out the door to Tidus's car. "This is it—this is our chance."

"I know, dude, I'm fuckin' stoked," Sora said gleefully. "I'm excited to debut out new song, too."

"What, _Violent Bounce_?" Tidus nodded in agreement. "Me, too. That's got ot be one of our best songs yet—so glad we added keyboards to that one. Who knew Zidane was a bassist _and _a pianist? Well, anyway, I'm gonna call Vani real quick and let him know we're on our way now."

Sora turned to Kairi and took her hand gently in his. She looked at him, but quickly looked away, completely and totally lost in thought.

"You okay?" he asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

"Hm?" Kairi blinked. "Yeah. Yeah! Don't worry about me."

"That' what's funny, though." His thumb caressed the back of her palm and he gazed down at the ground almost shyly. "I always worry about you. I've been worrying about you since the moment we met. Remember when I used to lay in puddles so you didn't have to get your feet wet?"

Kairi's eyes twinkled. "Because you saw them do it in that old cartoon from the fifties, right?"

"Yeah," Sora chuckled. "And you always refused to walk on me—you'd always walk around me and go jump into the next puddle."

Kairi grinned. "I'd get dirty on purpose just to prove to you that I could take care of myself."

Sora chucked her under the chin. "Yeah, well . . . How about tonight, you be careful and let me do the caretaking, all right?"

She nodded, knowing it was better to agree than to argue.

Sora said, "Good. Remember what I told you to do?"

"Stay with Namine, and stay near the front of the crowd," Kairi reiterated dutifully.

"Great," Sora said with a bright smile. "As soon as the show's over and we're done talking with the record execs, Roxas and I will come find you and Namine by the stage, so just wait there after we play the last song. And if you see anyone who looks suspicious, whether you know them or not, don't go near them. At all."

"Got it," Kairi said, saluting with two fingers.

Sora suddenly pulled her into a bone-crushing hug. "You're cute," he said into her ear, kissing her cheek for the second time that day. "Now, get in the car so we can go rock the fuck out."

Soon, the three of them were on the road, the two boys chattering with excitement and Kairi still feeling frightened of what the night would bring.

~x~

Kairi met up with Namine by the front door to The Secret Spot, opening her arms for a long-awaited hug. She hadn't really seen Namine since getting out of the hospital (only a few phone calls), so she was definitely happy to see her sunny smile and twinkling baby blues. Namine enfolded her in a warm, tight embrace the moment she saw her, and the two girls laughed joyously.

"I'm so happy you're okay, Kairi!" Namine gushed as people streamed into the club around them. "How are you feeling? Better?"

Kairi grinned. "Much better."

Namine raised her eyebrows and stepped closer, pointing surreptitiously over her shoulder at where the band had disappeared inside to. "Like . . . Are you guys . . . ?"

Kairi nodded slowly, and the two girls began jumping and squealing excitedly. She supposed it _was _pretty exciting . . . After all, Namine knew how sad Kairi had been at the fact that Sora had been so cruel to her. Namine knew how much Kairi loved him . . . So yeah. Hell yeah, it was exciting!

"We _so _have to talk about this!" Namine yelled over the sounds of the loud music as she led Kairi into the overcrowded club. It was clear to see that tonight had a much wider turnout than the last couple of times Kairi had been here—the dance floor was overflowing onto the surrounding restaurant floor, and Kairi kept bumping into random people. The lights were already turned down low, flashing blue and red, and Kairi could feel the growing burn of excitement within her.

"Two 7-Ups, please," Kairi told the bartender as they took their seats on two of the stools.

"So . . ." Namine wiggled her eyebrows and leaned in close. "Spill the beans, girlie. What happened?"

Kairi laughed slightly and explained the events of the previous few days to Namine, skipping over the horrid details concerning Memory's death. As she was talking, she scanned the crowd periodically, looking for anything or anyone who looked threatening or suspicious. She was still beyond frightened of what could happen to her tonight, and even though Sora believed she was safe by Namine's side . . . Somehow, Kairi didn't think it was going to be that simple. She needed to be on her toes, because if Axel, Demyx, and Zexion showed up, it wouldn't be all that hard to hurt both her and Namine.

"Wow," Namine said after her tale was done. She took a sip of her drink and winked at Kairi over her straw. "Sounds like you and Sora have had a pretty _lewd _few days."

"Namine, it's not like that," Kairi protested, blushing furiously. "We only did it once—ever since then he's been passing out in front of the TV on the floor."

"What? Why?"

"He got the newest Call of Duty, so he can't stop playing it. I don't know where that boy gets the money to buy anything, since he's the only one of them that doesn't have a job. I know they make money off their album and their shows, but it can't be that much if they're splitting it between the band."

"Nope, not at all," Namine said. "Roxas makes money for the bills from his job, and he told me that the money he makes from their album is usually just enough to cover our dates for the month."

"That's what I thought," Kairi said. "I think that's probably one of the reasons why this show is so important to them."

"Yeah, probably," Namine agreed. "I mean, you're gonna be living with Sora, right?"

Kairi nodded. "Yeah . . . I'd better try to get a job, though, since I can't really go to school."

"I still can't believe your mom on that one," Namine snorted, pushing her empty cup away. "I mean, really? What the fuck kind of parent voluntarily allows their child to be suspended for the entire rest of the school year?"

"Tch," Kairi scoffed. "A parent who isn't really a parent. But it's whatever. Let's not talk about her—let's talk about me getting a job. I wanna try and find one in—"

The loud screeching of a guitar amp followed by a short yet brutal guitar riff cut Kairi off, and the girls whirled around on their barstools. The band was gathered on the stage, milling about as they prepared the instruments for the show.

"How's everybody doin' tonight?" Vanitas asked into the microphone with a small smirk, uncapping a water bottle and taking a drink. He was dressed in a black-and-white-striped tank top and a pair of black skinny jeans, and his black hair seemed much spikier than usual. His sunset-colored eyes were full of life and zeal—he was obviously excited.

The audience raised a loud, obnoxious cheer to the ceiling, and Kairi found that for some reason, she wasn't as full of adrenaline as she would have liked to have been. She frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. Beside her, Namine was jumping up and down as the music started to play, eyes zeroed in on Roxas. Kairi watched her for a moment, wondering why in the heck she herself didn't feel as pumped up as she usually was when _Destiny's Embrace _played.

Maybe it was just her nerves acting up, but . . . Was somebody _watching _her?

"This is a song me and brother wrote," Vanitas laughed wickedly into the microphone. "Me and my brother, Sora. We wrote this song for all those motherfucking dicks who fuck with your shit, my shit, any shit, and get away with it. This is a song for that one fucking asshole that gets on your last. Fucking. Nerve."

Sora threw the audience a roguish wink. "We're talking to you, Riku. So listen up."

Vanitas grabbed hold of the mike with both hands and screamed, "_Listen. The. Fuck. UP!_"

Kairi cast a furtive glance over her shoulder, worrying her lower lip between her teeth, and subconsciously took a step closer to Namine's side. The dancefloor in front of the stage was jam-packed with bodies and it was almost impossible to make out one person from the next, yet Kairi felt as though she saw Axel, Demyx, and Zexion in every single one of their faces.

Terror didn't even begin to explain what she was beginning to feel.

Despite her fears, however, music was something that Kairi couldn't resist, and the techno music that was playing over the loudspeakers (something that they must have prerecorded) sucked Kairi back into the world that was Sora and _Destiny's Embrace_.

"_People like you are," _Sora was singing as he strummed his guitar with gusto. "_The reason I keep the good so close. And here you are, so impressed with yourself. I see right through you. I see right through you."_

Kairi started bobbing her head a little, liking the new sound the band was coming at her with. She began to dance, the catchy tune and infectious instrumental

Vanitas placed one foot upon the amp and screamed, "_How many people do you plan to burn? And all the damage left at every turn."_

_ "You watched us struggle," _Sora sang.

"_And now you're parched with a thirst for attention to fuel the fire of your self obsession," _Vanitas roared.

_We'll watch you crumble  
You are the scum of the world  
And we'll watch you fall_

People like you are  
The reason I keep the good so close  
And here you are so impressed with yourself  
I see right through you  
And we intend to  
Let the world know the truth  
Let the world know the truth

You sit there and smile so smug in your skin  
second and third chances gone in the wind  
I lied, and I begged, I swore I would change  
What do expect of me!?  
Fuck,  
you'll never know true unity

Look around you  
Look around you  
Everyone is terrified  
One wrong move  
One wrong move  
And their dream won't survive

You said

"You better keep your fucking mouth shut I gotta closed mind and no time to lose."  
Bow to the stronger element  
The truth will outweigh you  
All it took was a spark right?

People like you are  
The reason I keep the good so close  
And here you are so impressed with yourself  
I see right through you  
I see right through you  
People like you are the reason I keep the good so close

People like you are  
The reason I keep the good so close  
And here you are so impressed with yourself  
I see right through you  
And we intend to  
Let the world know the truth  
Let the world know the truth

Watch your back when your out on the town tonight  
At every corner I lurk in the dark like the shadow on these very walls  
Put the man on trial  
I bet he turn colors that he's never shown.

Watch your back when your out on the down tonight  
At every corner I lurk in the dark like the shadow on these very walls

Put the man on trial  
I bet he turn colors that he's never shown.

The last note rang out throughout the room, and everyone went ballistic, raising cheers to the ceiling. Kairi was dizzy from dancing so much, and she and Namine were grinning at each other whole they cheered. Now that she'd had such a good time listening and getting into the music, Kairi felt silly for actually thinking that someone was watching her. After all, they wouldn't be so stupid as to attack her right in front of Sora, would they?

"I'm gonna go get some fresh air," Namine said over the sounds of _Destiny Embrace's _next song. "Wanna come with?"

"Yeah!" Kairi agreed, and the two girls pushed through the crowd, toward the doors.

Once they were outside, the contrast of the cool air upon her skin was just what Kairi needed to clear her head. The band could still be heard clearly, as the doors to The Secret Spot were wide open, and Kairi and Namine had free reign to stretch their limbs as they saw fit. Namine leaned up against the club wall and smiled over at Kairi.

"I never told you how glad I am that you came out of the hospital okay," Namine said.

"Aw, it's okay," Kairi said, stretching her arms out above her head. "I know you care, so don't worry."

"Except it's not okay," Namine scoffed incredulously. "Kairi, you tried to kill yourself. I think in light of that situation, you really need to know how glad I am that you survived."

Kairi glanced at her in awe, her mind automatically transporting her back to the beginning of their friendship. How Kairi had misunderstood Namine's intentions, how shy Namine had been, how cold Kairi had been toward her . . . Now, Kairi could happily say that Namine was her best friend. Namine had helped her through a lot of things, and even though Kairi was a terrible procrastinator and gave up on tons of things halfway through (i.e. her letter to Sora that still lay unfinished inside her bag at the beach house), it was the principle of the matter that counted the most. Namine's heart was big and pure and golden, and Kairi was lucky to be able to have her as a friend.

"Thank you, Nami," Kairi said with a fond smile. "Thank you for being there for me."

Namine giggled. "Thank _you _for coming back to us, girlie. I hope we never have to go through that type of fear again, thinking that we lost you."

"You won't," Kairi said firmly, eyes serious. "I promise."

"I believe you." Namine walked away from the wall and came to embrace Kairi, the two girls standing in the parking lot and holding one another.

"Well, isn't this _touching_."

Kairi bristled and whirled around, carefully placing herself in front of her best friend. Her eyes narrowed and her heart beat faster; her face darkened with hatred and rage.

"Zexion," she spat out.

The silver-haired fiend put one hand on his hip and the other combed its way through his silken locks. He smirked and looked from one girl to the other as if amused by their very presence.

"Is that any way to greet an old friend?" Zexion spread his arms wide, and as if on cue, Axel and Demyx exited the club.

So someone _had _been watching her . . .

"What do you guys want?" Kairi demanded, reaching behind her to grasp tightly to Namine's hand. "You already killed my dog . . . What, do you want my best friend, too?"

Zexion's smirk turned into a calm smile that was almost eery in the way it shone. "Hm . . . You still believe this whole . . . '_dance_' revolves around you, don't you?"

"Um, that's because it _does_," Kairi retorted. "Riku sent you guys after me, didn't her? You, and that other gang."

Axel chortled and nudged Demyx. "It's like she's so naïve that it's almost sad."

"Tsk tsk," Demyx chided, resting and elbow upon Axel's shoulder and leaning into him jauntily. "And to think Sora warned us how clever you could be."

"There's way more to this than you can even begin to imagine, little girl," Zexion said coolly, slipping his hands into the pockets of his skinny jeans. "You think Sora's told you all of his secrets? Think again."

The music was swelling to a crescendo, signaling that _Destiny's Embrace _was ending their last song of the set. Kairi could hear them playing her favorite song, _Fame Over Demise_, and she bit her lip. Was Zexion right? Was Sora still keeping things from her? But . . . What more could there possibly be to this?

"I'll humor you for like, one millisecond," Kairi said haughtily, putting her hands onto her shapely hips. "Let's say Sora's still keeping secrets . . . What exactly hasn't he told me?"

Zexion looked down at his nails, much like the night he'd played a literary puzzle game with her before letting her try to escape their clutches. "Depends on your definition of the truth. Either he's told you everything that you wanted to know . . . Or really, he's told you nothing at all. Which is it, Kairi? Do you want the whole truth? Or do you want the truth that _you want_?"

Namine stepped forward. "Nobody understand what the fuck you're saying, you crazy asshole!" she cried. "If you're here to hurt Kairi, then you'd better just get ready for a fight, because you're gonna have to go through _me_." She jabbed her own chest with her thumb and nodded determinedly.

"Namine," Kairi warned, touched though she was by her best friend's protectiveness.

"The blonde one's feisty," Demyx cooed, smirking up at Axel.

"I'm guessing Riku didn't send you here for anyone but _me_, though, right?" Kairi snarled, once again pushing Namine behind her.

"So selfish," Axel scolded. "Riku didn't send us at all. Riku doesn't make the rules around here."

"Then you guys are working on your own?" Kairi relaxed a little bit. She wasn't very scared of these twits.

The corners of Zexion's lips twitched and her tilted is chin up, looking down his nose at Kairi.

"Wrong again, little one."

"Then who the Hell sent you?!" Kairi shrieked, growing fed up with Zexion's stupid games.

Without any warning and before either girl could make a move, Zexion produced a black gun from somewhere on his personage and aimed it directly at Namine's face. Kairi sucked in her breath and felt her entire body go cold.

"We don't answer questions," Zexion smirked. "We ask them." He cocked the gun and Kairi heard Namine whimper.

"Please . . ." Kairi whispered, not wanting to move for fear of inciting him to strike.

"There's a new lesson to be taught, girls," Zexion laughed derisively. "This time . . . Kairi's the student."

The gunshot rang out, and Kairi's scream shattered the night air. The music and cheering had come to a stop right after the sounds, and people began pouring out of the club in curiosity and concern. Girls were shrieking and clamoring and boys were yelling, but Kairi was on her knees beside her fallen, bleeding friend.

Namine's fingernails dug into the dirt ground beneath her trembling body. Blood was welling from a wound in the center of her stomach, and fear unlike any other had filled her baby blue eyes. Kairi was panicking just as much as she was, her mind racing as she struggled to remember what the fuck they'd taught her in First Aid class.

"P-Pressure," Namine spluttered, blood speckling her chin and staining her lips red. "Put . . . Put pr-pressure on i-it . . ."

Pale and ashen-faced, Kairi did as she was told, placing her palms upon Namine's wound and pressing down with all of her weight. She looked up, prepared to yell and scream her outrage and desperation, but was flabbergasted to see that the evil trio had disappeared into the night. There was blood everywhere, and Kairi wanted to cry, and they had just left. They had shot her and just . . . Left.

"_Sora!_" Kairi screamed as Namine's eyelids began to flicker shut. "_Somebody call an ambulance! Someone get Sora!"_

Several people were on their phones, calling 9-1-1, and one section of the assembled crowd parted ways so that the band could get through.

"What's going . . . ? _NAMINE!" _Roxas fell to his knees beside his girlfriend and cupped her face in his hands. "No, God no . . . Oh, my . . . Namine? Babe? Nami . . . You're gonna be okay, all right? You're g-gonna be o-okay . . ."

Kairi continued to keep the pressure on Namine's wound, watching as Roxas began to weep unashamedly out of terror. She couldn't help but wonder if that was how Sora had felt when he'd had found her in the bathtub. Kairi was overcome with a sudden rush of determination and she pushed down even more upon Namine's wound, hoping to staunch the blood flow completely.

"Th-That's good, K-Kai," Namine choked out, though her eyes had closed. "Just k-keep . . . K-Keep me from bl-bleeding out . . ."

Sirens were screaming in the distance, and Kairi only had eyes for Namine. Vanitas had Namine head cradled in his lap and Sora's hands were on Kairi's, helping her apply pressure. He was saying something to her, but she couldn't hear him. There was wind rushing past her ears—because this could be it. This could really be the moment where her best friend died right in front of her. She was completely, utterly in despair. The thought of losing Namine, the only other person on the planet who understood exactly what Kairi had gone through with Riku . . . It was nightmarish. Why had Zexion shot her? _Why_?

But most important and strange of all . . .

Who would want Namine dead, and why did Kairi need to be taught a lesson? And by whom?

"I'm gonna be okay," Namine was saying to Roxas a few minutes later, as paramedics wheeled her into the ambulance. Kairi wanted to ride to the hospital with her, but Roxas was so beside himself and in tears that it was probably best if he was the one to do it. With blood on her hands and clothes, she stood there and watch the car scream out of the parking lot, leaving her standing in the middle of the crowd in a bit of a dazed shock.

"This is so surreal," Kairi murmured.

"You heard her, though—she said she's going to be okay," Sora said soothingly, sliding his arms around her.

Kairi stood rigid in his embrace, finding that she felt much too wired after the events of the night. Perhaps she was in shock? Was that why she couldn't form any tears?

"Let's get you back home," Sora said softly. "Vani, I'm taking her back to the beach house. You gonna meet me there?"

"Yeah, but the police are coming. Shouldn't she stay and give a statement, or something?" Vanitas asked.

Their conversation went on around her, but it just sounded like a God-awful buzzing noise. It kept building and building and building, until Kairi felt like her head would explode. She didn't even realize she was screaming at the top of her lungs with her hands over her ears until Sora shook her out of it.

"I want to go," Kairi whispered, staring through Sora as if he were transparent.

Sora frowned and studied her face for a moment before he said, "Dude, you guys, I'm taking her back. Tell them if they want her statement, they can get it from her tomorrow morning. And besides, I . . . I never should have brought her out."

"It's not your fault, man," Tidus said worriedly. "Don't start thinkin' that shit. Just take my car and drive her back to the beach house—I'll ride over with Vani later, okay?"

Sora nodded and Kairi felt his hands on her shoulders, leading her away from the anxious, still-gathered crowd. Kairi blinked sluggishly up at him as the noise grew quieter and quieter. Even in her state of shock, she could see that he was blaming himself for this entire situation. She wanted to say something to him, but she honestly didn't even know what to think about her own part in this play.

Whose fault was this? Was there anyone at fault? Was it Sora? Kairi? Riku? Or was it someone else completely different? From the way Zexion, Demyx, and Axel had been talking, it sounded as though they answered to someone that was above even Riku, and even more malevolent than the Organization (which Kairi didn't even really know too much about).

"Sora?" Kairi said softly when they reached Tidus's car. She placed her hand on the door handle and looked at him. He was still standing next to her.

"Yeah?" There were tears sparkling in his eyes, though whether it was from the guilt or the sorrow over Namine, she could not be sure.

"Why am I not crying?"

Sora blinked. "You're in shock, babe," he said. "You just saw your best friend get shot right in front of you—it's understandable."

"No, it's not," Kairi's brow furrowed. "I should be upset. I should be . . . I should be sobbing . . . I should be . . . I don't know what I should be."

Sora took a step toward her, but she shook her head and put up a hand to stop him.

"I just . . . Just take me home, Sora," Kairi sighed. She felt like something was wrong with her, and her heart felt tired, too tired. After losing Memory, and now not knowing what was going on with Namine or with her own brain, Kairi was just . . . Tired.

"Okay," he sighed, backing away from her. "Okay."

Before they climbed into the car, Kairi lifted her face to the moon and closed her eyes.

'_Please be okay, Namine . . .' _she thought desperately. '_Please, please don't leave me.'_

~x~

**A/N: I FUCKING FINISHED IT, YEAH! Man, that was difficult. I hope you guys liked it enough. I know there wasn't too much plot development, but some of Kairi's family secrets are going to come to light soon! Anyway, it's like one AM, omg. Until next timeeeeee~**


	27. You've Changed

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: OH MY FLIPPING GOD I AM SO SORRY FOR HOW LATE THIS IS. It was a combination of horrible writer's block and a sudden depression and man just, my life has been hectic this past month. Anyway, I should be back now, and I really hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**DISCLAIMER: ****This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band **_**Destiny's Embrace, **_**the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities.**

**NOTES: This story is rated M. This chapter has violence and death in it.**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

~x~

No more than a few days passed before Kairi realized that she was growing restless. Namine was okay after a short surgery, recuperating in the hospital, Roxas watching her dutifully every night. Sora and his brother were preoccupied with school, so she didn't see too much of them, and Tidus never stopped by the beach house unless she was cooking his favorite (deep fried Pizza Rolls). Kairi spent her days obsessively cleaning, as usual, and watching the only thing that came in on the TV—Korean soap operas with no subtitles. Whenever Sora came home from school, if he didn't bring Vanitas over so they could play video games on the Xbox, he sat down on the living room floor in front of her and did his homework at the coffee table. It was a quiet existence, borderline boring, and that was why Kairi was restless.

Looking at the picture in her hand, the picture of the redheaded woman and the young Roxas, Kairi bit her bottom lip. She'd been wondering and wondering who this woman really was for days now, but was no closer to finding any answers. She'd searched every box, closet, and shelf in the entire house, but she hadn't found any more pictures of this woman. If this woman was really Roxas's mother, then why weren't there anymore pictures? Kairi had thumbed through every single family photo album that had been left in the house, but all she'd found were ripped out pages, empty spaces, and a whole lot of nothing. She knew she could probably ask Roxas or Sora about it, but she was too afraid to be rude or sound crazy.

Kairi put the picture back into the back pocket of her black skinny jeans and walked back into the living room. Sora was due home at any moment, and then she was forcing him to take her to the store. She figured it would be okay, since it was just a local market on the corner for the people who lived in North Shore. Destiny Islands was huge, and if Riku and his minions hadn't found out about the beach house yet, then it was probably okay for Sora to drive here ten minutes to go get a freakin' soda. Ooh, and a Reese's. Kairi was in some definite need of chocolate.

Sora walked in about five minutes after Kairi had slipped her feet into her combat boots and pulled on one of Sora's much large V-neck shirts. He paused in the entryway, narrowing his eyes in confusion at the fact that she was dressed and ready to go somewhere.

"Over fifty percent of the time, I come home and you're wearing my clothes," he said.

Kairi smiled sweetly, knowing that she had to convince him to take her to the store still. "Better than you coming home over fifty percent of the time to me wearing someone else's."

Sora's smile slowly widened. "To be honest, I'd rather come home over fifty percent of the time to you wearing _no _clothes, but then we can't have everything, can we?"

Kairi fixed him with a stern yet playful glare and then pranced over toward him. "Come on—you're taking me to the store."

"To the store?" He looked bewildered, his keys jangling in his hands as he turned to watch her breeze past him. "What's at the store?"

She grinned at him. "Candy! Come on, let's go!"

"Whoa, Kai!" Sora cried incredulously, grabbing her hand tightly to stop her. "You can't be serious . . . After what happened at the show last week? You want to risk going out?"

"Awwww, come on, Sora," she pouted, holding his hand and swinging it lightly. "I'm hungry for chocolate."

Sora eyed her carefully. "Why do I feel like there's more to this than just candy cravings?"

"Because you're delusional," she giggled. "But you're a cute delusional. So let's go!"

Kairi let go of his hand and left the house, expecting him to follow her out to the car (which he, of course, did). The two of them climbed into the car and put on their seatbelts, and soon enough, they were on the road.

As they drove, Kairi barely noticed that Sora couldn't put his cell phone down. He usually texted and drove (like a reckless idiot), so it wasn't out of place for him to be doing what he was doing. Instead of berating him, she occupied herself with looking out the window at the shoreline, commenting on how pretty the waves looked this late in the afternoon.

"Sora, let's go night swimming!" Kairi suggested excitedly. "Shit, that'd be so fun!"

"Sure," he mumbled absentmindedly, his thumb flying across the touchscreen on his cell while his other hand controlled the steering wheel. He was wearing a black V-neck and black skinny jeans today, causing his spiky chestnut brown hair to look longer and spikier, and his cobalt blue eyes to sparkle like sapphires.

"We should invite everyone over and barbeque tonight, too," Kairi went on eagerly. "Oh, please, Sora? Can we?"

"Sure," he repeated.

Kairi narrowed her eyes. Now she _knew _he wasn't listening to her. Seriously—how suspicious would that look if every single person who lived in Sora's old house was gone all at once? Riku and his little minions would increase their search for her tenfold. They might even find them, and do something terrible. Why in the Hell would Sora agree to such a stupid thing?

Deadpanning, Kairi pointedly said, "And then, after barbequing and swimming, we can have an orgy with the band while we're all high on heroin."

"Sure, babe," Sora answered automatically. "Whatever you want."

"_Really_?" Kairi sneered in disgust and then pushed the limits. "After the orgy, can I put a dildo in your butthole?"

"Sure, babe. Whatever you . . . _WHAT_?!"

Kairi screamed with laughter, her stomach aching and tears streaming down her face. "NOPE!" she shrieked. "You already agreed to it! Now it's gonna happen!"

"What?! What the _fuck_?!" Sora roared indignantly, eyes wild. He dropped his phone to his lap and, while half-paying attention to the road, he reached over to tickle Kairi's sides. "Take it back! My answers don't count if I' not really listening!"

"No, no, no!" Kairi sang, batting his hands away and giggling madly. "You already said yes, so now it has to happen."

"No way!" he whined, pouting the adorable little pout he used to use with her when he was a child. "I don't want you to put _anything _in my butt."

Kairi, still laughing, said, "Okay, okay. Since you're so adorbs." She reached over to tug on a strand of his spiky hair playfully.

Sora grinned wickedly. "But since you were so mean to me, that means that I get to put it in _your _butt."

Knowing he was only playing, Kairi wrinkled her nose and shook her head. "Mm . . . Nah."

"Yeah-huh," Sora said. "By the logic of the time-space continuum and all that."

"By the logic of . . . ? Sora, what the fuck?" Kairi laughed incredulously, turning her attentions back to the scenery outside. A faint smile played about her lips. She loved this, this playful banter and joking around. It reminded her of when they were younger, and everything was fun and games.

The car was comfortably silent, and Kairi had long since realized that Sora had driven past the corner store. She didn't really care to ask him why he hadn't stopped, though. Perhaps he just wanted to spend more time with her? Who knew? All she knew was that this was Heaven.

"I'm really glad Namine's going to be okay," Kairi said after awhile.

"Hm?" Sora was back on his phone.

"I said I'm really happy about Namine," she replied, brushing her bangs behind her ears. "That she's going to be okay."

"Oh . . . Well, remember what the doctor said?" Sora said softly. "Her condition is unstable. She's all right now, but she could get worse at any moment."

Kairi blinked rapidly, trying to make sense of what he had just told her. She stared at him in utter shock. He had some nerve . . . Why was he being so pessimistic? She glared out the window and fought back tears. She _knew_ that it was possible that Namine's condition could worsen at any moment. She _knew _that it was all her fault. How could Sora talk about it like that? How could he _remind _her of her sins? She was speechless, and couldn't find words for what felt like hours. She could feel Sora's eyes burning into the side of her face from time-to-time, and the silence in the car wasn't so comfortable anymore.

"Please don't say that stuff," Kairi finally said quietly.

Sora sighed eavily. "I'm . . . Look, I'm sorry. I didn't . . . I just . . ." He reached over and took her hand, rubbing the back of her palm affectionately with his thumb. "I just want you to be realistic."

"I don't want to be realistic," Kairi whispered. She stared at their clasped hands, tears slipping silently down her cheeks. She hadn't cried when Namine had gotten shot, but she was crying now.

"Babe . . ." He sighed again. "I . . . I know."

"Then why did you say that?" she wailed, letting out a sob and covering her face with her hands.

"I didn't . . . Aw, come on, Kai!" He squeezed her hand. "Don't cry. Please? I just—" He was cut off as his cell phone began to ring, and he let go of Kairi's hand to answer it.

Kairi sniffled and wiped her eyes, trying her best to stop crying. She didn't even know why she was crying, to be honest. Sure, there was always a possibility of Namine's condition taking a turn, but who in their right mind _wanted_ to think that way? Kairi just wanted Namine to be _okay_. She didn't want to be sitting around, waiting for her to get sick. What the Hell?

"No," Sora was saying. "Not right now."

At the tone in his voice, Kairi couldn't help but look at him. Her brow furrowed in confusion—why did he sound so quietly enraged?

"Because I'm fucking _busy_," he snarled into the receiver. "Now, I _told _you not to call me unless it was-Yes, I—No—But—_Fuckin'_ . . . !" He tilted his head back and scowled. "Where? Fine."

Kairi frowned. Sora was turning the car around and looking at her strangely, in an almost worried sort of fashion. What for? Were they going back home? Why was he so angry and agitated?

"Sora?" Kairi asked curiously. "Where are we going?"

"Don't talk right now," Sora ordered sharply, causing Kairi's heart to skip a beat.

Why was it that every time they were together, things went from happy to sad to angry in a matter of mere moments? Kairi sighed and sat back in her seat. She didn't even care that Sora was being rude—she just wanted this to be over with so she could go back to her bed in the beach house and go to sleep.

The tension in the car was nearly unbearable as they drove and drove and drove, all the way to the heart of North Shore. Sora pulled into the parking lot of an old, run-down motel with the kind-of sign that constantly flashes Vacancy in the middle of the day. He parked at the far end and sat there for a long moment, glaring out the windshield.

Kairi gulped. "S-Sora? Why are we at a motel?"

Sora lowered his head and clenched his fists around the steering wheel. "Stay in the car. Under no circumstances are you to come out, you hear?"

The bemused redheaded girl blinked and stared at him. "What are you talking about?"

Sora looked at her, then quickly looked away—as if it pained him too much. He pointed to one of the doors (Room #201), and then spoke.

"I'm only going to be in _that_ room for five minutes tops. Any longer, and you get in the driver's seat and get the Hell out of here, got it?" he instructed her.

Kairi gulped. "Okay, but what are you going to be _doing_ in there?"

He opened the car door and got out, completely ignoring her question. He ran his fingers through his spiky, unruly hair, and then headed across the lot to Room #201. Irritated, Kairi unbuckled her seatbelt and crawled across the seat to his side of the car. She watched him walking, watched him throwing furtive glances around willy-nilly, and she realized just what the Hell was going on here.

"He's doing a _drug deal_?" Kairi whispered aloud to herself. "Is he fucking _serious_?"

It was a well-known fact to her by now that Sora dealt drugs for Riku and his gang. And it was also a well-known fact to her by now that Sora hated this part of himself. He hated this part of himself, but he was stuck doing it because if he didn't, Riku had threatened to kill the people he cared about most, including Kairi (though Kairi was on a separate hit list of Riku's all on her own now). It was frustrating to watch him do these things to himself, though. He was never "this" kind of guy. It was almost horrifying to think of who he had become.

Kairi sat up straight. She had to go after him. She just had to. She didn't care how dangerous it was, and she didn't care that he had specifically told her to stay. She loved him, and she wanted to protect him. She couldn't let him go in there alone.

Bolting from the car, Kairi dashed across the parking lot. Her heart was pounding quickly, for she had no clue what awaited her on the other side of the door to Room #201. Taking a deep breath, she placed her hand on the doorknob, and prepared for the worst.

Kairi burst into the room, and all Hell broke loose. She saw Sora exchanging hands with the boy that she'd seen outside the mall and the house, Xigbar, and then all-of-a-sudden, her face was slammed against the wall. Someone's body pressed fully up against hers, pinning her against the plaster with her hands up above her head.

"Fuck, Yoshimura!" Xigbar snarled, producing a gun from nowhere and using it to force Sora into the same position as Kairi. "We said no witnesses! Those are the fucking _rules_!"

Kairi gritted her teeth as she felt hands squeezing at her breasts, a voice hissing in her ear that he was "checking her for weapons." She didn't even bother to struggle, knowing that it could mean Sora's life if she did. She turned her face so that she was looking at Sora, and her heart skipped a beat.

The look on Sora's face was terrifying.

"Get your fucking hands off of her, Luxord," Sora snarled, his hands held up by his head and Xigbar's gun digging into his throat. His cobalt blue eyes flashed, seeming more threatening than any weapon could ever be, and Kairi gulped.

"No deal," Xigbar said. "You tell your boss we said no deal."

Sora turned his malevolent glare upon Xigbar and sneered. "Don't give a fuck. Let her go."

"You really don't care?" Xigbar sounded incredulous. "That bitch matters so much to you . . . ?"

Kairi bit her bottom lip, half-expecting Sora to say no. After all, what was so special about her? She really had fucked up this time. She'd interrupted a legitimate drug deal, put the both in terrible danger, and at any moment, Xigbar could snap and shoot them both. Now that they were staring Death directly in the face, Kairi couldn't even remember what had possessed her to come into the hotel room after Sora.

Xigbar chuckled darkly at Sora's silence. "That's what I thought. Still cowering in your shoes, afraid of Riku. You always were a fucking weak punk, just like when you first joined up."

"Fuck you," Sora spat, earning himself a vicious knee to the gut that forced him to double over in pain.

Kairi felt herself being physically dragged backward and thrown onto the bed. Her first instinct was to cower away and curl up into the fetal position, but then she stopped herself. Why was she so afraid? She'd already been through every horrible trial and tribulation possible, and she'd overcome them all. Sora was here in the room with her—he wouldn't let anything bad happen to her. That, and she was strong. She would fight back.

Xigbar placed the barrel of his gun against the back of Sora's neck and used it to force Sora onto his knees in front of the bed. The brunette stared at Kairi intently, every trace of anger giving way to intense concern.

"What do you think we should do about this, smartass?" Xigbar sneered, jabbing the back of Sora's head. "You're the one who thinks he can order us around, tell us what to fuckin' do."

Sora remained silent, though there was a nerve working in his jaw that showed just how livid he was at the moment. Kairi kept her eyes on his even as Luxord climbed onto the bed and started to pull off his shirt.

"Go ahead," Sora said softly, darkly.

"What?" Luxord and Xigbar said simultaneously. Xigbar was still aiming his gun at Sora, and Luxord's body was hovering over Kairi's.

"Go ahead and do it." Sora's smirk was bone-chilling. "See what fuckin' happens."

"Says the idiot on the other end of a gun," Xigbar snorted. "You really think you have any sway here?"

Kairi swallowed, feeling a bit scared. Xigbar was right—Sora didn't really have the upper hand. Luxord's hands were suddenly all over her, and no matter how hard Kairi tried to push him away, it only seemed to excite him more. She remained calm though, knowing that the worst had already been done to her. Nothing Luxord had in store for her could be worse than the pain she had endured in her past.

But really—was this seriously going to happen to her _again_?

"So here's what we're gonna do, while your little girlfriend is busy over there," Xigbar went on. "You're gonna leave the money on the dresser, and then you're gonna leave. Got it?"

"Without the stuff?" Sora arched one eyebrow, his fists clenching in his lap. He was clenching his teeth, watching Luxord struggling to undress Kairi with blazing blue eyes.

"You pissed me off, so no deal. But you're gonna leave the money anyway, and then you're going to _fucking_ leave. Do you _fucking _got it?"

"Not without Kairi, I'm not."

"The girl stays until I'm through with her. You leave the money. You get the fuck out of the room." Xigbar knocked the barrel against Sora's neck again for emphasis. "_Comprende_?"

"You can go fuck yourself," Sora said incredulously. "No fucking way am I leaving my girl in here with you. Last chance, Xigbar—let us go, or you're gonna regret it."

Kairi tried not to be physically ill as Luxord started to kiss her neck. She looked down and saw that somehow, a small switchblade had mysteriously appeared in Sora's hand, and nobody had noticed it yet. He was still smirking, and somehow, Kairi knew that this was going to end in bloodshed.

Suddenly, Kairi screamed as Luxord's fingers found their way inside of her without much warning or prediction. It was more out of surprise than pain, though, but it was enough to incite Sora's rage. His face twisted in ire and in one swift movement, his hand darted up and slashed a gaping hole in Xigbar's wrist. Blood rained down upon Sora's head, but he was on his feet in an instant. He managed to grab the gun from Xigbar, who was roaring in agony, and the gunshot that rang out was enough to cause Luxord to stop.

Luxord fumbled for his gun on the mattress, but Sora was too quick for him.

Kairi felt her blood run cold as she stared at the two dead bodies that littered the room. Nausea threatened to overwhelm her, but there was no time to be weak. Sora grabbed her hand and pulled her off of the bed, half-clothed, and cupped the back of her head.

"Are you all right?" he asked huskily.

The redhead could only nod, and she couldn't tear her eyes away from the unseeing gaze of Xigbar, blood pooling on the carpet beneath him. Behind her, Luxord's own life force was drenching the comforter of the hotel bed, and no sound was issuing from either man's mouth.

Sora had changed, and Kairi wasn't so sure if it was for the better.

In the car, Kairi could barely speak. She couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that Sora could so easily waste two lives. Granted, they weren't the greatest of people, but . . . Had they truly deserved death? In her seat, she pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, staring ashen-faced out the windshield as Sora made a number of phone calls to all sorts of different people, known and unknown.

"Won't the police be looking for you?" Kairi whispered after a time of driving in silence.

Sora was holding the wheel with both hands. "No," he said softly. "What we do is beneath the law."

"What you 'do'?" Kairi was horrified. "You've killed before?"

Sora was pale. ". . . I have."

Without really meaning to, Kairi burst out into violent, gut-wrenching sobs. She hadn't truly cried in what felt like ages, and she hadn't wanted Sora to see her so weak again, but this new information was information that she just couldn't handle. Hearing that Sora—her Sora, the math nerd who was more worried about her scuffing her shoes than he was about his own health—had taken lives? It was official. Her life was a nightmare. A living, breathing nightmare.

"Aw, Kai . . . I'm sorry, I . . ." He reached over to touched her arm, but she smacked is hand away.

"Don't touch me," she hissed through her tears. "Don't even touch me."

"Kairi, I—" He was cut off by the sound of his phone ringing. He looked at the caller ID. "I have to take this—it's Rox."

Kairi didn't move to acknowledge his words. She felt dirty and disgusting. She was in love with a murderer. Sora had changed so _fucking_ much, and this was overwhelming her so much that she almost wanted to cut again.

Almost.

"Hey, man," Sora sighed into the phone, sounding subdued and upset. "Wait . . .Wait, slow down. _What's _going on?"

Kairi immediately turned to look at him, wiping her tears away. Something wasn't right. Something didn't feel right.

Sora listened to whatever it was Roxas was saying, and Kairi watched as his eyes went as wide as saucers. Her heart skipped a beat. Things were getting worse by the second, she just knew it. Sora was turning the car around and getting onto the freeway now, heading out of North Shore.

"We're on our way, man," Sora said. "Just stay calm—we're coming."

"Sora!" Kairi cried as soon as he dropped his phone into his lap. "Sora, what's going on?!"

"It's Namine," he said, refusing to look her in the eyes.

"What _about_ Namine?!" Kairi's voice was seedy and high-pitched, wavering with more tears that had yet to be shed.

Sora's knuckles went white on the steering wheel. "Her condition suddenly took a turn for the worse, and . . ."

"And _what_?!"

". . . She's slipped into a coma, Kai. She's slipped into a coma, and they don't know why."

~x~

**A/N: Good dear Lord. I hope that chapter was good enough to make up for my absence. Again, I apologize and hope to update more rapidly in the future! Until next time, dear readers!**


	28. Of Choosing Strength Within

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okayyyy, so that literally was the longest hiatus I've had in a while. I really honestly just had no inspiration to write, but I finally got it back, so here's the next chapter! I know this chapter is short, but it's sort of a bridge to get us to the next portion of the story: the final arc!**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band Destiny's Embrace, the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities. Alexisonfire is not my band, nor is their song that I use some of the lyrics from later on in this chap.**

**NOTES: This story is rated M. This chapter has a surprise in it...**

**Also, I went back and fixed some of the monstrous typos, lol**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

~x~

Kairi stared at Namine's prone form, lying in that hospital bed, and she felt nothing. What was she supposed to feel, anyway? Sadness? Worry? Concern? God, how could she be expected to feel such trivial emotions when she still saw the lifeless bodies of Xigbar and Luxord in her mind? She wanted to curl up in a hole and die herself, if only to never have to think about the fact that the man she loved was a killer.

"They said they're running some tests," Namine's mother was saying softly to Roxas in the hallway. Namine's father stood beside her, affectionately rubbing her shoulder. The two of them looked pale and upset.

"And then they'll know why she's in a coma?" Sora asked. He had an arm around Roxas, who was crying silently.

"Hopefully," she replied. ". . . Hopefully."

Kairi continued to stare at Namine, half-expecting her to simply open her eyes and give the redhead some random tidbit of advice on life. She made no movements, though, and looked for all the world to be dead. Why wasn't Kairi more _upset_? She could cry over Sora, but she couldn't cry over her own best friend? Was she really that selfish?

Clenching her fists at her sides, Kairi wished for all the world that she was someone else. Some other girl, with a different life and a different personality altogether. She wanted to be able to wake up with a family of her own and go to school like other girls her age. That's all she wanted-to just be able to go to fucking _school_, at least. She was sick and tired of everything in her life being so fucked up and complicated. Normalcy was something she could only dream of, and dream of it she did.

Sora and Roxas entered the room, the cousins still clinging to one another.

"She's gonna be okay, man," Sora was trying to reassure Roxas. "I know she will."

Roxas kept his eyes on Namine's pale, slumbering face and he looked so damn sad that it hurt Kairi's heart. She had to turn away from him, and she had to leave.

"Kairi, where are you going?" Sora called after her as she breezed out of the room.

"Away," Kairi snapped back. She hadn't meant to be so sharp, but . . . Perhaps she was just jealous, envious of the fact that Sora and Roxas could show emotion over Namine's condition, whereas she could not. She was selfish, so selfish, and she couldn't stand to be in the vicinity of that selfishness. She had to leave, or else she was going to suffocate.

Kairi didn't even realize she was sobbing until she got into the elevator. She wildly pressed all of the buttons on the panel and sank to the floor against the wall. Her hands pulled at her crimson hair and her tears streamed in rivers. She felt so ridiculous-she was crying over the fact that she hadn't been able to cry for the right reasons, and she was crying over the fact that she was crying. Could she be any more of a child?

Everything was all wrong. She had nothing left, and even though she had Sora, she didn't really have him, did she? Not if she hadn't known just how much he'd changed. Drugs, violence, even murder had become as much a part of him as music had always been. There was no going back from that; no striking those facts from her memory.

It was becoming clear to Kairi that maybe she was regretting surviving her suicide attempt, and maybe . . . Maybe she was regretting ever being born in the first place.

The elevator finally stopped on the entrance floor, and Kairi flew out of that hospital as if the Devil were on her heels. She didn't know where she was going to go, and she didn't care. She didn't care about Namine or Sora or Roxas or any of her friends. She didn't care about her adoptive family, nor finding out about her birth family. She didn't care about anything. She just wanted to be alone.

Kairi sat in Sora's car and cried for hours. She cried until her head was pounding in agony, and blood dripped from the wounds she'd absentmindedly scratched into her arms. She felt even worse than she had before: she was a failure for self-harming again, wasn't she? She was worthless and unwanted again, wasn't she?

Namine had wanted her, even when she wasn't wanted . . . Remember? Namine had wanted her when nobody else had, and now, because of Kairi, she could be dead by the end of the week.

The door to the passenger's side opened and Sora knelt down beside her seat. He gingerly held her hands and inspected her wounds. Now no longer crying, Kairi merely stared at him with blank eyes. He looked worried, but he didn't look angry at her for running off.

"They don't look too bad," he said softly. "You shouldn't need any bandages."

"I'm sorry," Kairi whispered quickly, feeling ashamed as she remembered how heartbroken Sora had been when he'd found her in the tub.

Sora reached into the glove box and pulled out a napkin or two. He dabbed the crimson liquid away from her forearms, his brow furrowed as if he were concentrating really hard on something. Or perhaps trying not to cry . . . ?

"Let's get you home," Sora said.

"What about Namine?" Kairi asked.

"There's nothing we can do-it's all up to the doctors and fate now," Sora said, squeezing her hands encouragingly and forcing a smile on for her sake. "For now, I think we both need a nap."

~x~

Kairi woke up on the couch, and it was dark. Sora was nowhere to be seen, and Kairi's head felt as though someone was repeatedly hitting it with a ballpeen hammer. She hissed in pain, placing a hand to her forehead and cringing. She was definitely in need of a Tylenol or two.

Stumbling to the kitchen in the darkness, Kairi didn't expect to run into Vanitas in the hall. He grabbed onto her elbows to keep her from falling onto her rump and gave her a small, sad smile.

"How you holdin' up, Road Block?" he asked quietly.

"I literally don't even know how to answer that question," Kairi muttered, eyes squinting from the pain of her migraine. "I need Tylenol. Like . . . Immediately."

Vanitas followed her into the dark kitchen. It had to have been around eight at night by now if it was dark, and Kairi was shocked that she'd napped for so long. She quickly swallowed two pills and some water, and then turned to face Vanitas.

"When did you get here?" she asked, still feeling groggy.

"After I got off work," Vanitas explained. "Sora called me, and he sounded really upset so I rushed over."

Kairi shot him a quick look, wondering if Sora had told Vanitas about the events that had taken place in the hotel. About how he had . . . How he had actually taken two lives. Granted, now that Kairi had slept on it, she was starting to see Sora's reasoning behind-wait. What was she thinking? Murder was _never_ okay, even if they were two gang bangers who wanted to kill them both.

"He did what he had to do, Kairi."

Kairi blinked, both from the shock of hearing Vanitas use her real name and also from the realization that Sora had indeed told his twin brother everything.

"What?" she whispered.

Vanitas reached for her hand and gave it an affectionate squeeze. His eyes flashed. "Sora did what he had to do to protect you. You know that. He _always_ does whatever it takes to keep you safe."

Kairi looked away. "I . . . I know. It's just . . . I mean, he killed someone, Vani. Actually _killed _two people. How am I supposed to act like he was justified, when I remember us being children and playing in the _sand_? For fuck's sake!"

Vanitas sighed heavily. "Look, I know this is hard for you to understand-what we do. But it's all in the job description. Sora knew what he was signing up for when he joined Riku's gang."

"But those guys weren't _in _Riku's gang," Kairi protested, dropping Vanitas's hand as if it were on fire. "Xigbar and Luxord were part of the Organization."

Vanitas was dead silent for a long time, and Kairi knew then that Sora hadn't told his sibling the whole truth. All around them, the air was heavy and darker than the night itself. Kairi gulped and took a step back. Just how big of a mistake had she just made?

"He knows what he's done," Vanitas hissed. "He knows what he's done, and he comes back _here _with you? That fucking asshole. _Kuso_!"

Kairi blinked at hearing him curse in Japanese, and then confusion filled her. What did Vanitas mean by that? How bad had Sora made things?

"Are they . . . Are they going to find me?" Kairi breathed fearfully. She could pretend not to be afraid of Riku and his gang, but she couldn't fake fearing the Organization. She couldn't fake fearing the unknown.

"Wait here," Vanitas ordered tersely, storming out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Kairi waited with bated breath while Vanitas began screaming at Sora at the top of his lungs. Obviously, Sora had been asleep as well, because he wasn't shouting back-a trait most unlike the temperamental brunette.

Kairi looked down at her hands, at the way they were trembling. She was terrified. Now she was going to have two separate gangs coming after her, each one yearning to be the one to strike her down. Riku didn't know where they were hiding out, but the Organization at least knew they were in North Shore. The motel was going to have security cameras, wasn't it? They'd easily be able to get footage of Sora's license plate with a scare tactic or two, and then they'd be barreling through the beach house door with guns blazing.

"Jesus, Sora, what did you do?" Kairi whispered to the empty air in front of her.

Finally, Sora started fighting back against his brother.

"Dude, what the _fuck _was I supposed to do?!" he roared at Vanitas. "Watch that bastard fuck her right in front of me?"

"No! God, no!" Vanitas snarled. "You could have knocked them out, beat them up, taught them a little lesson . . . Anything but what you did!"

"I had to save her, Vani." Sora's voice was quiet now. "I've stood by for too long while this shit happens to her, pretending I didn't give a crap. Seeing it happen right in front of me was not something I was prepared for. It wasn't something I was fucking okay with, hear? So I fucking did what I _had. To. Do."_

Kairi felt her heart skip a beat. She could hear the tears in Sora's voice, threatening to overcome him.

"_Nii-san," _Vanitas said, sounding apologetic and stern all at the same time. "Don't you understand what you've done? Don't you understand what danger she's in now?"

". . . I know." Sora sounded lost, broken. "You know I'd die for her, right? I'd . . . I'd do anything for her . . ."

"I know."

They were both quiet, and Kairi felt her knees go weak. Hearing that Sora would die for her, hearing him say it with such conviction . . . It wasn't sweet or romantic like in the movies. Not when the possibility of such a thing happening was more likely than it was for it to rain.

Kairi remember those months after Hikari had died, the darkness and despair she had felt. She had thought nobody loved her or wanted her. She had thought that Sora wanted her to disappear or to die. She had loved him from afar and cried herself to sleep at the thought that he'd spurned her. It had hurt more than _anything _when he'd shunned her . . .

Oh, how wrong she'd been.

The hatred had all been a facade. All of it. He had only been pretending, all because Riku had threatened her life. Sora was upstairs right then, likely crying in his brother's arms about the fact that he loved Kairi so much that he'd die for her. What was Kairi doing? Cowering in the shadows and selfishly refusing to understand Sora's reasons for killing those two men.

Right then, Kairi strengthened her resolve. She was going to have to start standing up for _herself_, and not relying on other people to. She was going to have to protect herself and her friends. She was going to have to be willing to lay her life down for those who had already laid their life down for hers. Namine was lying in that hospital bed for Kairi, and Kairi wasn't going to let her die. She wasn't going to let _anyone _die for her: not Sora, not Namine, not Vanitas, Tidus, Roxas, or even Zidane for Christ's sake. She may not have had a real family, but these people were the closest thing she had to one, and she wasn't going to let it go for her sake.

Pulling the picture of the redheaded woman from her pocket and smoothing out the wrinkles as best she could, Kairi gazed longingly at it. Whoever this woman was, whether she looked like Kairi or not, she had been strong for her family. After her death, her family had been strong for her. And now, Roxas was being strong for Namine and for Kairi, and for everyone else.

So many people, so many sacrifices, and so, so much strength. Kairi wanted that strength, and she knew she had it inside of her. It was all a matter of bringing it out.

"Please, whoever you are . . ." Kairi whispered to the woman in the picture. "Watch out for me while I watch out for everyone else."

The woman silently smiled back, emerald eyes seeming to shine from the photograph.

~x~

Kairi woke up on the floor some time later, having not realized that she'd fallen asleep in the first place. Sora and Vanitas were standing over her, gazing down at her in concern.

"You all right?" Sora asked.

The redhead looked up at him intently, searching his eyes for any signs that he had been upset previously. She saw naught but steady, unwavering resolve-the same resolve that had gotten him through years of being bullied in elementary, middle, and early high school. Grabbing mental hold of that resolve, Kairi hauled herself to her feet and gave him a disarming smile.

"I'm fine," she said honestly. "What's going on?"

Sora and Vanitas were both holding backpacks in their arms. Kairi gulped. They were leaving, weren't they?

"We're going to a hotel on the other side of the hospital," Sora informed her. "Just for a little bit."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Kairi asked worriedly, chewing her bottom lip. "Won't they think to check the hotels?"

"We don't really have any other choice, Road Block," Vanitas said gently. "Unless you want to leave the Islands and fly to the mainland, we've got to do what we can."

"No," Kairi said firmly. "I'm not leaving. Not while Namine's in a coma."

"Then to a hotel it is," Sora said.

They all piled into Vanitas's car, abandoning Sora's car to be found by the Organization. It was decided that they wouldn't return to the beach house ever again, not while a bounty was on Kairi's head, and they set off for the freeway.

After driving for a while, they stopped at a random McDonald's to pick Roxas up (apparently he was pitching in for the hotel), and Sora surprised Kairi by climbing into the back with her. Roxas and Vanitas turned on some music and began to talk amongst themselves about Namine, leaving Kairi and Sora in the darkness of the back of the car.

Kairi couldn't look at him. She just couldn't. She knew she had made the decision to be strong, but . . . She couldn't get the sight of the rage in his eyes out of her mind. She couldn't stop smelling the tangy scent of blood. The gunshots could still be heard to her, clear as if she were still in that run-down room. She knew he had done it for her, and she knew he was just as upset about it as she was, but . . .

_So wait up, I'm not sleepin' alone again_

_ Tonight_

The lyrics of the music the boys were listening to up front wafted in the back, and Kairi felt that it calmed her nerves a bit. Music had a way of healing every wound she had inside, even when she was a child. She could remember listening to music when she was a child to escape the nightmares she had about Riku. The melodies, the harmonies, the notes . . . It was all a way for her to escape.

Right now, she needed an escape.

_There's so much to dream about_

_ There must be more to my life_

Kairi felt something brush her fingertips where her hand was lying on the seat beside her. She opened one eye and peered sidelong at Sora. He was looking at her with the puppy-dog eyes he always used to use on her when he wanted her to share her snacks at lunchtime in seventh grade. Or when he wanted her to go see stupid movies with him. Or when he wanted her to make him cheesy garlic potatoes from scratch, even though he knew she hated mashing potatoes by hand.

"I'm sorry, Kai," he whispered.

Kairi did her best to keep herself from smiling. She knew this was way more serious than him wanting her to share her snacks. "It's not that simple, Sora," she whispered. "I can't just forgive you."

He scooted a bit closer, obviously having not put on his seatbelt. "Why not? I don't like all this animosity."

"It's not about the animosity," she hissed. "It's about the fact that you commited murder right in front of me, with no regards to how I would feel about it."

Sora blinked, looking thoroughly chastised. "Oh . . ."

"Yeah," she snapped, crossing her arms over her chest and pointedly glaring out the window. "Tch. '_Oh' _is right."

It was quiet, save for the music of Alexisonfire for a moment or two. Kairi tried not to be angry with Sora, but sometimes he could be pretty selfish, too. It was one thing to want to protect her, but it was another thing altogether to be okay with taking lives in front of her eyes.

Suddenly, Sora's arms were around her and he was holding her tightly against him. It was all Kairi could do not to melt against him. She could remember the first night they'd slept in the beach house, when they'd finally . . .

Pushing the memory of their lovemaking aside, Kairi focused on demanding to know Sora's reasons.

"Why are you hugging me?" she asked curtly.

"Because." His voice was soft in her ear. "I like you."

"You're stupid," she murmured.

"Stupid because you make me stupid."

"How do I make you stupid?"

"Haven't you ever seen _Hercules_?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"People do crazy things when they're in love, Kai."

And then she couldn't stop herself. She pressed her lips against his and kissed him. In this kiss, she poured all of her mingling emotions. Every last one, so he could understand why she was feeling the way she was feeling. He clutched at her waist, his fingers searing through her flesh and setting her on fire. He smelled of vanilla and it was making Kairi's head swim with passion for the one she loved. Their tongues touched briefly, and Kairis' stomach flopped.

How was it that kissing him could make her want him so badly, yet it wasn't enough for her to be able to forgive him?

Kairi pushed him back, both of them panting slightly, and gazed up at him through her eyelashes. The music and Vanitas's chatter were enough to mask the noises they had made, so nobody had noticed that the two were practically one in the backseat. Sora's eyes were lidded, and Kairi could see that he wanted her just as badly, but he also understood why she still couldn't forgive him.

"Kairi, I _am _sorry. I . . . I really do apologize," he murmured, caressing her face with one hand. "I wasn't thinking when I did what I did-I just did what I thought I had to do to protect you."

"I know, Sora," Kairi replied softly. "I know, and . . . I just need some time. That's all."

Sora nodded, and then their moment was interrupted by Roxas's cell phone ringing.

"Hello?" He placed his hand over the reciever. "It's Nami's mom," he told everyone, leaning forward to turn down the music.

Everyone waited with bated breath while Roxas listened carefully to Namine's mother on the other end of the line. Kairi found that were it not for them being twisted in the fabric of Sora's V-neck, her hands would be shaking again. She didn't want to lose anyone, especially not Namine. Not after everything she'd done for her. Kairi loved Namine, and the fact that she had been shot was all her fault.

Roxas dropped the phone to his lap, his entire body trembling violently. He hung his spiky-haired head and began to sob wretchedly, and Kairi's heart sank to the depths of her stomach. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong, and Roxas couldn't get the words out.

Vanitas hurriedly swerved off the freeway and put the car in park, reaching across the seat to touch Roxas's shoulder. Sora let go of Kairi and did the same, rubbing Roxas's back soothingly. The twins each tried to get Roxas to calm down long enough for him to get a single word out, but it was impossible.

Could it be? Could it really be?

"What's wrong, man?" Sora asked, beside himself with desperation and concern. "Is it Namine? Is she okay?"

Roxas only continued to weep bitterly, tearing at his hair in anguish and telling the rest of the teens in the car by his actiosn just what was going on. Vanitas hurriedly turned the car back on and got back on the freeway, yelling about how he was going straight to the hospital.

"Don't bother," Roxas finally spat, head still hung low.

"Is she . . . ?" Sora drew back, a horrified expression on his handsome face. He reached blindly for Kairi's hand.

"She's gone."

Like a dam breaking forth, the tears came pouring out of Kairi's eyes as an immensely deep emotional pain washed over her heart. Namine was gone. She was actually . . . Gone. How could this be happening? The doctors had said she'd make it through and she'd been awake, and then suddenly in a coma, and nwo she was dead? How could this _be_?

Doubling over and burying her face in her hands, Kairi sobbed uncontrollably. She cried just as hard as she had cried for her lost daughter, if not harder, and begged God to help her through this horrid agony that was assailing her. Beside her, Sora was combing his fingers through her hair, trying to calm her down even though he, too was crying. Vanitas seemed to be the only one who wasn't freaking out, as he was too busy trying to driv re with one hand and use his other hand to stop Roxas from clawing at his own body. It was a nightmare.

Namine, the shining ray of light in their small group of friends, was dead.

~x~

**A/N: I know, it was way shorter than what you were expecting, but like I said-it's merely a bridge to the final arc. See you next time! Hopefully it won't take me so long xD**


	29. Sanctuary

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: Quick update, I bet you're all excited to see what's gonna happen. Well, I'll hop right to it! Thanks to all my reviewers for the last chapter~ I love my readers~**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band Destiny's Embrace, the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities. Anberlin is not my band, and neither is the song '**_**Unstable'**_**, which I used in this chapter. I encourage you to go listen to it on Youtube so you can get a feel for the part!**

**NOTES: This story is rated M. This chapter has a sort-of violent death in it.**

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

~x~

Hundreds of people were crowded around outside the church, their clothes as bleak as their moods. The bells tolled, signifying that a memorial was about to take place. Dressed completely in black, the parents of the deceased welcomed each and every guest with teary-eyed smiels and tight hugs, expressing their gratitude. After all, they weren't the richest of people and they weren't the most benevolent, but all these people were here to mourn their daughter's death and celebrate her life.

How fragile life is, that it can be taken away at any age with no regards for the living. Death cuts with his scythe and silences with a kiss, leaving the body behind and taking the soul. But who is left to deal with the remains? We're expected to act as though nothing has happened, and we're told to move on, but . . . Sometimes, it's just not that simple of a matter, nor is loss a clean severing of emotions.

Kairi stepped out of Vanitas's car, clad in black skinny jeans and a long-sleeved babydoll shirt made of the blackest chiffon. She wore her crimson hair up in a tight ballerina bun at the top of her head, and though her face was still, her eyes held endless depths of sadness. Her best friend was gone-the only one to accept her when no one else had, and she was lying six feet under. Kairi was walking into a church to pay her respects, something she had never dreamed she would have to do for any of her friends for a long, long time.

The redhead was closely followed by Roxas, Sora, Vanitas, Tidus, Olette, and Fuu. Everyone was somber and quiet, occasionally giving out a tiny sniffle or sob here and there. Nobody had expected something like this to happen, and especially not to Namine. Namine was a wise spirit; gentle and kind. She hadn't deserved what had happened to her.

And worst of all? It was because of Kairi that she was dead.

Sora tried to grab her hand for the ten millionth time in the past few days, but Kairi carefully avoided his touch. She didn't want to be caressed or comforted or embraced, not when she didn't deserve it. She deserved to be miserable and guilty. Kairi deserved every tear she shed for bringing death upon poor, poor Namine. Maybe if she hadn't been so selfish . . . Maybe if she hadn't ever brought Namine in on her horrid life . . . Maybe she'd stil be alive . . .

Roxas threw his arms around Namine's mother, holding her close as the two of them wept unashamedly. Roxas had loved Namine for God knows how long, and they'd been together for longer than Kairi had known. If anyone had the right to be upset, it was him. He'd been staying at the hotel room with them ever since she'd passed, and Kairi had heard him cry himself to sleep every single night. It broke her heart. Roxas didn't deserve this pain. None of them did.

Vanitas and Sora joined Namine's parents and Roxas in a group embrace, and Olette came to put an arm through Kairi's.

"How are you feeling?" she whispered. "You were there . . . When she first got hurt, I mean."

"It doesn't matter how I'm feeling," Kairi said honestly. "How are _you _feeling?"

Olette's eyes were rimmed in red, but she smiled brightly nonetheless. "I only wish I would have visited her while she was in the hospital. I tried to go a couple times, but something always came up. But then again . . . Isn't that what always happens? Anyway, let's get inside with the others."

Kairi blinked, noticing that everyone had gone inside the church to sit in the pews. She followed Olette inside and they took seats in the front row, beside Tidus and Fuu. Tidus and Fuu had started dating at some point, so the two of them were clinging to each other and barely noticed Kairi and Olette sitting down.

Glancing behind her, Kairi was shocked and pleased to see how full the church was. The sanctuary was moderately-sized, so there had to be at least two or three hundred people here: family members, islanders, and even students Kairi recognized from school were in attendance. In the front, up on the stage, there were countless bouquets of beautiful flowers, a picture of Namine smiling on the beach with Roxas, Tidus, and Fuu on an easel, and a grand piano off to the side. At center stage, beside the picture, there was a microphone, at which Namine's parents were trying desperately to keep it together while they spoke of their daughter to the assembled crowd.

Kairi bit her bottom lip sharply. She wasn't going to allow herself to cry. She might as well be the one who killed Namine, what with how big of a hand she had to play in this situation. If Kairi cried over Namine, it would just be selfish. Kairi was _tired _of being selfish. She wanted to be there for her friends-she needed to be the pillar of strength for them to look to and stay grounded. She glanced down at her lap, her vision blurring and her jaw aching as she clenched her teeth and forced her tears back.

Feeling eyes upon her, Kairi looked over her shoulder again. Sora was on the oppsoite side of the room, back a few rows in-between his parents and Vanitas. She hadn't seen his parents in ages, so it was strange to see them looking so much older now. Sora's cobalt blue eyes gazed back at her, silently asking her if she was okay.

Kairi quickly turned back to face the front. She hadn't spoken to Sora since that night. She felt guilty, but she didn't know what to do in these situations. Whenever she got truly upset, she ignored the person that mattered most to her, and while she knew it was wrong, she didn't know how else to cope with her emotions except to ignore him and get angry at everyone (especially him!).

"If anyone else has anything they'd like to say about the deaceased," the pastor was saying into the microphone as Namine's parents returned to the pews. "Please do not hesitate to come up to the stage at your discretion." He smiled sadly, and then turned to go sit at the piano and play soft music for the assembly.

Kairi lowered her head and closed her eyes, as if she were going to pray. Which she was, though unconventionally. She wasn't praying to God, per se, but to God and also to Hikari. She prayed that the Lord would protect Namine and love her always, and she also prayed that Hikari would be her friend and companion up there, in Heaven. Namine deserved to be happy, even in the afterlife.

"She was beautiful."

Kairi's head snapped up at the sound of Roxas's voice. It was strong and sure, but it quavered with emotion. Silent tears were streaming down his face, and just the pitiful sight of the blonde was enough to break Kairi's heart all over again. She didn't know why, but for some reason, when he cried . . . She wanted to cry, too. Almost like . . . Almost like the older boy's emotions were linked with hers in a way.

Well, now that sounded silly. The photograph of the redheaded woman was really starting to eclipse her thoughts and addle her brain.

Roxas went on, "God, she was so beautiful. Everything about her was gorgeous, from the way she wrinkled her nose when she was reading, to the way she talked in her sleep. She used to . . . She used to do this thing where she predicted what I wanted to eat, and she always got it right." He laughed a little bit, his eyes big and blue. "She always got it right."

"He must have really loved her," Olette murmured, arms still linked with Kairi's.

Kairi merely nodded, feelign as though if she were to open her mouth, she might break down.

Roxas buried his face in his hands and began to sob, and Sora ran up to the stage like lightning to be by his cousin's side. He murmured soothing things to him and rubbed his back comfortingly, reminding Kairi why she had fallen in love with him. He was so caring and sensitive, yet also fiercely protective, as he had been when they were children. Sora was taller than Roxas, so he pulled the violently shaking boy against his chest and tucked his head beneath his chin to assuage him.

"I want her back," Roxas could be heard whimpering. "I just want her to come back."

Kairi bit her knuckle as hard as she could, feeling her nose and throat prickle with emotion. This was nearly too much. Roxas was so God-damned broken. He was in so much anguish and grief . . .

"I want to sing for her," Roxas said to Sora, as if nobody else was in the room. "Let's sing a song for her."

Sora pulled back and smiel gently down at his cousin. "Together?"

Roxas nodded. "_Hai_." He pointed to the piano. "You know the song."

"I do."

Everyone in the church seemed to go collectively silent as the two boys walked to the piano and sat down next to each other on the bench (the pastor had moved out of the way, and then moved the microphone over closer to them). It was well-known that Sora could sing with feeling and emotion, but Roxas? There wasn't going to be a dry eye in the pews by the time the saddened boy was done singing.

Sora started to play the notes on the piano, and instantly everyone's backs went straight. Roxas started to sing, and soon after Sora joined in so that his tenor met with Roxas's baritone in perfect harmony.

_You came out of nowhere_

_But who could you hold, wild horse; unstable_

_Do you still do as youre told?_

_Think youre wild and youre free now_

_Think you can cover me, well save yourself_

_Pretend like you dont do what youre told_

Before she knew what she was doing, Kairi's body had risen up from the pew. Her feet took her in the direction of the stage, where the boys were singing. All eyes were on her as she wordlessly turned to face the assembly, steppign out of her shoes and standing barefoot upon the carpeted sanctuary floor. Pouring all of her pain and sorrow and guilt and anger into her movements, the redhead began to dance.

_Come around, let me in_

_How can I talk you down from that ledge_

_Unless you let me in?_

_You heard when I called you_

_But you still lost your way_

_Are you able?_

_To do just what youre told?_

_Taught me to trust now_

_Yet you have no faith_

_in yourself_

_Why cant you believe in what you know?_

Kairi danced for Namine. She didn't dance for Namine's friends or family. She didn't dance for Roxas. She danced for Namine, and she hoped to God that wherever the beautiful blonde was, she was happy. Twirling and spinning, leaping and hopping and swaying to the rythmn of the haunting melody, Kairi closed her eyes and tried her best to tell everyone what she was feeling with just her dancing. She wanted everyone to know how wonderful Namine was-how much she had meant to Kairi.

Roxas's voice was pain.

Sora's voice was sorrow.

Kairi's dance was grief.

_Come around (darling)_

_Let me in_

_How can I talk you down from that ledge_

_Unless you let me in?_

_How can I talk you down unless you come around,_

_Come around, come around?_

_Come around, darling_

_Let me in_

The thing was, Kairi wasn't only sad about Namine. No, she was sad over everything she had lost. She was sad over Hikari and sad over Memory. Sad over her family, her birth parents, and the life that Namine would never get to have, She was sad because Roxas was so lost and lonely, and she was sad because all of her friends were sad.

Kairi was sad, and so she danced the sadness out. She would not allow herself to cry, so she expressed her tears through her footsteps and the gentle movements of her hands through the air. Her hair whipped around her body with each twirl and while she knew she was not a dancer by any means, it was not about the skill in this instance.

It was not about the skill at all.

_How can I talk you down from that ledge_

_Unless you let me in?_

_Come around_

_Let me in_

_Ill talk you down from that ledge_

_Unless you let me in, lovely._

The last notes blended in with the soft sobs of the filled-up pews, and Kairi sank to her knees on the carpet. A moment of silence washed over the crowd, and Kairi remained hunched over on the carpet.

So this was what the dark side of life was like, wasn't it? Constant pain and loss as everything you hold dear is violently torn away from you, leaving you reeling and unable to recover before the next nightmare attacks you. It was all a matter fo deciding whether or not to give up. Kairi had tried to give up on life, but Sora had saved her. Why hadn't Namine gotten the chance to be saved? The doctors had explained why Namine's organs had failed, but Kairi was so depressed that she couldn't retain any new knowledge and thus had no idea why Namine was gone.

Hearing Roxas weeping at the piano with Sora holding him against his side like a child proved that Roxas had no idea either.

~x~

Sora hadn't wanted Kairi to go to the memorial. In fact, _nobody _had wanted her at the memorial. Nobody thought it was safe. The memorial of a best friend is exactly where someone out for blood would expect their prey to be, and it would be the perfect place to cause a scene.

And cause a scene is what the predators did, spraying bullets into the air above everyone's head and filling the sanctuary with blood-curdling screams. The entire Organization, familiar and unfamiliar faces all, burst into the church with no regards for anyone else save for themselves. THey were grinning maniacally, and while they weren't aiming at anyone in particular and were instead aiming at the ceiling, it was terrifying nonetheless.

Kairi felt someone grabbing her and hauling her to her feet, dragging her along behind them.

"Vanitas!" Kairi cried, throwing a wild glance behind her. All she could make out amongst the commotion and stampeding people was horrid, screeching laughter. Horrid, screeching laughter that belonged to a blonde woman with bright green eyes and had a gun in each hand. She was pulling the trigger on each weapon over and over again, pelting the ceiling with bullets.

"That's Larxene," Vanitas said as he dragged her down a hallway outside the sanctuary that led deeper into the church. "You definitely don't want the pleasure of meeting _her_. Now come on! There's a back door out here somewhere."

"What about Sora and the others?" Kairi cried worriedly, though she allowed herself to be whisked along.

"Don't worry about them," Vanitas said. "We'll meet up with them at the hotel room. Right now, we just need to get you out of here."

As they ran down the hall, Kairi could feel her heart pounding and fear pulsing through her blood. Sora had been adamant that she not go to the memorial, as had Vanitas and the others, believe it or not.

_"That's just asking for trouble, Road Block," _Vanitas had said.

"_No way are you going, not when the Organization has two kills on their side," _Tidus had snapped.

"_Kairi, honestly, I think it's best if you stay hidden," _was what Roxas had implored. "_It's too dangerous._"

"_It's not safe for you out there anymore, Kai,_" Sora had said. "_I know you don't ever want to do what I say, but this time is as good a time as any to start. They'll be expecting you to be there. You should just stay here."_

But Kairi wasn't having any of it, not for a second. She had made a vow to herself to be strong, and that's just what she was going to do. She wasn't going to cower and hide anymore. She was going to stand up and fight for herself, and dammit, she was attending her best friend's memorial! So Kairi's solution had been to take Sora's switchblade and stick it into the pocket of her jeans. She had also taken one from Tidus, but it was tucked into her combat boot . . . All the way back in the sanctuary, where she'd left her shoes in her hurry to escape.

'_Should I feel guilty for the Organization ruining the memorial?' _Kairi thought miserably as they went through a side door and came out in the church office. The door to safety was just ahead. '_They only came because I was here . . .'_

Vanitas stopped her before they went too much further and grabbed her shoulders.

"It isn't your fault," he said, reading her mind for the umpteenth time since they'd started hanging out. "They would have come whether you had stayed at the hotel or not. They were looking for you, and they probably didn't really expect to find you."

Kairi nodded miserably and opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off.

"Aw, don't lie to her, Vani." Heavy bootsteps against the wooden floor. The cocking of a gun. The dark, low chuckle of someone evil who's just realized he's won. "We knew she'd be here. We knew we'd find her, and we knew we'd kill her."

Vanitas thrust Kairi behind him protectively and squared his shoulders against the man who was currently aiming a gun at the two of them.

"Get out of the way, Vanitas," the man ordered, his blonde hair fallign forward over hsi shoulders. He looked to be older, nearing his forties. "My quarrel is not with you."

"You have no quarrel with Kairi, either, Vexen," Vanitas said calmly. "Your fight is with Sora."

"Exactly," Vexen quipped smoothly. "And that's exactly why _she's _the one who has to die."

"I won't move," Vanitas said.

"Then I apologize for what I'm about to do."

Kairi's eyes widened in stages as realization dawned upon her. The look in Vexen's eyes . . . The way he was holding his gun . . . It was just liek with Namine. This couldn't happen! She couldn't let them do this again! She refused to use her friends as shields.

"_NO_!" Kairi screamed just as Vexen pulled the trigger, surprising him and causing his aim to move to the right and miss Vanitas entirely.

Vanitas was lithe and fast. He lunged forward and with his left hand, grabbed the still-smokign barrel of the gun. Yanking Vexen forward, his right hand came up like a lightning bolt and wrapped its fingers around the blonde's bared throat. Vanitas fell to one knee and slammed the back of Vexen's head into the linoleum _once, twice, thrice-_

"Forgive me, Father," Vanitas laughed maliciously as Vexen's blood pooled and his legs twitched. "For I have _sinned_."

Kairi shrieked in horror as Vanitas slammed Vexen's head against the floor one final time, using all the force of a madman and silencing the Organization member forever. Her hands flew to her mouth. She didn't know if she was more shocked at seeing a man die so brutally, or more terrified of how bad things were going to get when the Organization found out that another of its members had been killed.

Blood smeared on his hands, Vanitas stood up and gestured to Kairi.

"Let's go."

Wordlessly, Kairi stepped over Vexen's prone form and grabbed the gun Vanitas had tossed aside. Vexen's gun was small but it looked deadly. She inspected it for a moment and wondered . . .

"You think Sora's gonna let you keep that?" Vanitas raised his eyebrows, completely unaffected by the murder he had just commited. He came to her side and clicked on the safety after checking to see how many bullets were left.

"Let me keep what?" Kairi took the gun back and tucked it into the waistband of her skinny jeans. She couldn't help but smirk. It was so much easier to be strong than it was to fall to weakness.

Vanitas flashed his pearly whites and chucked her under the chin. "I like the way you think. It'll be our secret-you need protection, anyway. Later on, I'll show you how to use it properly."

The two of them exited the church office. The back parking lot was quiet save for the faint sounds of people screaming coming from the front of the church, police sirens (though the police officers on Destiny Islands were oblivious and lazy about these kinds of things since they never saw them happen save for on TV), and tires screeching down the road. Kairi felt a little nauseous; she hoped nobody had gotten hurt in the sanctuary . . . Most of all, she hoped her friends were okay . . .

Vanitas and Kairi climbed into his car and immediately set off for the hotel, where they would meet up with everyone else and be safe.

Hopefully . . .

~x~

**A/N: Well, there you have it! The war has begun! And wasn't Vani just a right little BAMF? Ooh, I love it. And I know this chapter was even shorter than the last one, but it's sort-of supposed to go in conjunction with the previous one, as a means of "Beginning" the next arc. See you next time!**


	30. Run and Hide

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: Another quick (and shorter, lol) update! Thanks to all my reviewers, you guys are SO freaking awesome, and you really make me happy, and that's something I need in my life. You're all such wonderful people with kind hearts to take the time out of your days to leave such heartfelt reviews, so I thank you from the bottom of my heart. ^_^**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band Destiny's Embrace, the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities. **

**NOTES: This story is rated M. **

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

**~x~**

Kairi may have been on some left-field vendetta of inner strength, but there was no denying it any longer. She was worried-absolutely out of her mind worried-about Sora. Vanitas had long since brought her back to the hotel room, and over the course of the couple hours after the ordeal at the memorial, everyone else had returned (sans Olette and Fuu, of course) save for him. Nobody had seen the spiky-haired brunette escape, as they had all scattered and gone in opposite directions with the crowd.

Vanitas walked over to the window and peered out the curtains, frowning.

"Where _is _he?" he grumbled. "He better not be doing anything brave."

"Are you kidding?" Tidus spluttered. "Of _course _he's probably doing something brave. That's likely the reason why he isn't here."

"I know," Vanitas spat. "And that's what worries me."

Kairi glanced over at the bed, where Roxas was sleeping soundly. Even in his slumber, he looked grieved. A frown tugged at the corners of the redhead's lips at the thought that poor Roxas was probably dreaming of Namine. God, why did the Organization have to come and ruin the memorial? Why did Kairi always have to be at the foundation of everyone's problems?

From her place standing against the wall by the TV, Kairi could feel the metal of Vexen's gun against her hip. It was warm from her body heat, but had an icy coldness to it all of its own. She gulped. She'd never held a weapon like this before, and the last time she'd wanted one, it was because she was tearing apart Sora's room in search of a way to end her own life. Having one now when she was in a more solid state of mind felt very different and very, very scary.

"Kairi, cummere real quick," Vanitas said, tearing his eyes away from the window and holding his hand out to her. "I wanna show you how to work that thing."

"What thing?" Tidus asked curiously.

Kairi lifted her chiffon top and withdrew Vexen's gun from her waistband. Tidus's eyes just about popped out of his head and his jaw dropped. Looking from Kairi to Vanitas, the blonde looked uneasy.

"Uhh . . . Guys?" he said. "You don't seriously think Sora's gonna let her have that, do you? He's going to flip his shit."

"That's why he isn't going to _know _I have it," Kairi said pointedly, handing the weapon to Vanitas.

"Well, I won't say anything," Tidus assured her. "Since frankly, I think you need a way of protecting yourself, too, but . . . Just be careful. You know how Sora can be when he gets pissed."

"Oh, come off it," Vanitas said with a roll of his eyes as he inspected the gun closely. "Sora's not even here, and who knows when he'll be coming back. Anyway, Kairi, look . . ."

Vanitas proceeded to show Kairi all the ins and outs of using a gun, but Kairi found that she just couldn't focus. How could she, when Sora could be hurt or worse? The Organization was going to increase their search for her tenfold when they discovered Vexen's body, and then they were all going to be in serious trouble.

"You're not listening, are you?" Vanitas sighed in exasperation. "Kairi, if you're serious about protecting yourself, then you really need to get your head out of the clouds. Now come on, listen up!"

Kairi nodded sheepishly. Vanitas was right. Who knew how much down time they were going to have left before the Organization finally caught them? She needed to get her head in the game, so to speak. This was serious.

They spent the next hour or so practicing aiming without actually pulling the trigger, followed by Vanitas and Tidus teaching her a few basic moves to use in case of a fight. Kairi had never been in any fights before, but she was short and small, and she was fast. She learned quickly, and after only a few tries, was able to knock both Vanitas and Tidus flat on their backs much the same way Vanitas had done to Vexen. Unlike Vanitas though, Kairi's strength was in her feet and not her fists. She used low, sweeping kicks and spins to their ankles and calves to knock them over most of the time; the rest of the time was spent using their pressure points against them, which Tidus had taught her how to find.

"Remember that they'll always be armed to the teeth," Vanitas was saying. "So you have to start fast, and _stay _fast. If you pause for even a second, they'll fuck your shit up."

Kairi nodded gravely. "Okay . . . But what if I can't hit them hard enough to knock them out?"

"It's not about knocking them out," Tidus interjected helpfully. "You just have to give yourself a chance to get their weapon from them. So, for instance, you chop one of them on the neck pressure point, and they'll be weakened enough for you to grab the gun or knife, or whatever."

"All right," Kairi said. "Let's just hope I won't-"

"Don't even bother saying it, Kai," Tidus said with a wistful smile. "We all know you'll have to fight at some point. This has gone beyond you just hiding away."

"Yeah," Vanitas agreed. "Now . . . You're on the run."

Kairi looked from one boy to the other, her blood chilling in her veins with fear. She couldn't pretend she _wasn't _scared. Even the strongest of warriors feels terror before the first strike of battle. If the woman in the photograph she had found at the beach house was indeed Roxas's mom, then that would mean that she had been a warrior of strength, too. Roxas's mother had passed away for some reason unknown to Kairi, but she had to have felt fear just before her death, hadn't she?

"Okay, fine," Tidus said, "We'll bite. What's on your mind that's got you so lost in thought?"

Kairi blinked rapidly and then bit her lip. She pulled out the photograph she'd been hiding, supposing that now was as good a time as any to get some questions answered. Tidus may not have known much, but Vanitas definitely would. It was just a matter of getting him to talk if there _were _any secrets to hide. He hadn't been very forthcoming when Sora had had secrets to hide, and frankly, Kairi wasn't expecting to get _anything _out of _either _of them.

"Who is this woman?" Kairi asked the boys, pointing to the redhead in the photo that was beaming out at them.

"Whoa!" Vanitas cried out in surprise, snatching the picture from her and holding it close to eye level. "That's Roxas when he was little."

Tidus gasped. "Roxas is a redhead?"

"Yeah, didn't you know?" Vanitas grinned a half-smile. "He bleaches his hair blonde."

"Nice," was Tidus's reply as he glanced over at the still-snoozing Roxas.

"So who is she then?" Kairi asked, steering them both back on topic. "Is that his mother?"

Vanitas exchanged glances with Tidus, and the second they did, Kairi knew this was going to be a repeat of the past month. God dammit, she hated secrets! She hated secrets, and she hated how good the boys were at keeping them.

"Why do you want to know so badly?" he demanded. "And how did you even find this picture?"

"I was snooping," Kairi shot back, crossing her arms over her chest. Her hair had long since fallen out of its tight bun, and only a ghost of the former hairstyle remained. Brushing her bangs out of her eyes, she glowered up at the ravenette. "And I'm still snooping. So who is she?"

"Yeah, she's his mom," Vanitas said cautiously.

"Vanitas," Tidus said, his tone a warning.

"Shut up, Tidus!" Kairi cried. "No more secrets, you guys! Whatever it is that Sora's forcing you guys to keep from me, if it has anything to do with me, you'd better spit it out! I'm not going to be kept in the dark anymore-not when I have people coming after me and trying to kill me."

Again with the glance exchanging, and then Vanitas sighed.

"It's not . . . It isn't that simple. This time, it's a secret that you literally won't be able to handle right now," he said. "And honestly, it's not really relevant to your situation with the Organization."

Kairi bristled. "So it _does _have to do with me then? Since when do you guys think you have the right to keeping secrets from _me _about _my life_?" She was getting angrier and angrier by the second, and not just at the two boys standing in front of her. Sora was in on this, too, wasn't he? Oh, for fuck's sake. This was just ridiculous.

"Kairi, will you stop being so _selfish_, and just trust us for once?" Vanitas spluttered, throwing his hands up into the air.

Before Kairi could react, there came a heavy, insistent knocking at the hotel room door. Everyone froze, the photograph in Vanitas's hand forgotten, and stared at the door in terror. Sure, it could be Sora, finally safe and returning. But it could also be much worse. Much, _much _worse. What if they had captured Sora and forced him to lead them to Kairi? What if they had killed him and then come to kill her, too?

Vanitas quickly whirled to face Kairi. He looked her in the eyes. "You have the gun? You know what to do if they come at you?"

"Y-Yes," she whispered.

Nodding his approval, he turned and inched his way toward the window. As he peered through the tiny slit that the curtains allowed without him drawing any attention to said window, Kairi tried to remain calm. This could be it for her, and it was difficult to come to grips with it. As far as she knew, she was the only one in the room who was carrying a weapon, and she barely knew how to work the damn thing properly. If it _was _the Organization . . . Then it was highly possible that they just might be screwed.

Kairi made an executive decision and drew her weapon, pointing it directly at the door. She placed her finger on the trigger, held the hilt with both hands, and sighted along the barrel, just like Vanitas had taught her to do. Her heart was pounding rapidly and hard, and if Sora came in and saw the weapon, he'd be angry with her, but . . . God, it was all so fucked. This was so bizarre! She was eighteen years old, hiding away in a hotel room from a vicious gang, and pointing a gun at a door that possibly had her best friend and lover on the other side of it. She had never imagined that this was what she would be doing at eighteen, on the day of her best girl friend's memorial.

Tidus crouched down in-between the two beds, his eyes narrowed at the door. Vanitas looked at him and then Kairi, inched his way to the door, and then placed a finger to his lips to signal for them to stay silent. A slight noise to her left indicated to Kairi that Roxas was awake and aware, but she didn't tear her eyes away from the wood and she most certainly didn't lower her gun.

The incessant knocking continued and as Vanitas slowly turned the doorknob, Kairi's palms began to sweat and her heart beat even _faster_. This was it . . . This was it . . .

Sora came stumbling into the room, pouring sweat from every part of his body and wheezing almost violently. He was covered in scrapes, bruises, and blood, and his black clothes were ripped in numerous places. He collapsed on the floor, clutching his side desperately and screaming for Vanitas to hurry and shut the door.

"Dude, are you okay?!" Tidus scrambled to Sora's side.

Sora ignored him. His eyes were on Kairi, who was still aiming the gun at him.

"Who gave you that?" he growled through clenched teeth. Kairi didn't know whether he was gritting them in pain or in rage. "Who _fucking _gave you that shit?!"

Kairi hurried to click the safety on and then she tucked the gun back into the waistband of her skinny jeans. "I'm an adult, Sora. If I want to have a weapon to protect myself, then I-"

"_VANITAS, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO_?!" Sora screamed at his brother so loudly that it caused everyone to jump in terror and go dead silent. Sora looked like his head was about ready to explode into a million pieces.

"What do you _mean_, what did I do?" Vanitas roared back.

"You fucking killed Vexen, didn't you?" Sora snarled, teeth bared. "Do you know what the _fuck _you've _done_?"

"SAYS THE GUY WHO KILLED _TWO _OF THEIR MEMBERS JUST DAYS AGO!" Now Vanitas was screaming, and Kairi didn't think she'd ever seen the twins this angry at one another.

"Do you know what the fuck I've just been through?" Sora doubled over in pain and hugged his middle. He coughed a little bit, and Kairi rushed to help Tidus hold him upright. "Do you know . . . Do you know what they almost _did _to me?"

Vanitas looked like he was going to be sick. "Did you . . . ?"

"I killed Lexaeus," Sora said with a bone-shuddering coughing fit for emphasis. "But not before he beat the shit out of me."

"Did they follow you?!" It was the first thing Roxas had said, and everyone turned to look at him except for Sora.

"Sort-of," Sora hissed. "I lost them a few blocks back. But it's only a matter of time before they figure out where I went. We've got to leave. Now."

"Leave? Again?" Kairi complained. "Can't we just take a stand against whoever's left? You guys have already killed off four of them, haven't you?"

Sora's face was full of disgust as he looked her up and down in incredulity. Then, he turned that same look upon Vanitas.

"This is why I didn't want her getting her hands on a weapon. She thinks she's invincible." He turned back to Kairi. "Well, you're _not _invincible, Kairi. You're not strong enough to stand up against _any _of them. You hear me? They'll _kill_ you. They'll shoot you before you even think to pull the trigger."

Something about the look in his eyes told her that he wasn't kidding. Kairi felt her stomach flop with nervousness and terror, and she quickly snatched her hand back from Sora's arm. She swallowed her nausea and tried to stand up for herself.

"I'm not incapable of protecting myself, Sora," she insisted. "And what happens if I'm all alone at some point? I need a gun so I can fight back."

"You're not ever _going _to be alone," Sora challenged. "That's why the four of us are here in this room with you. We're here to protect you."

"Well, here's some news for you, Sora!" Kairi shouted angrily, gesturing to the blood that was seeping through the fabric of his shirt. "You're not invincible, _either_! Quit acting like you know everything there is to know, and deal with the fact that I'm an _adult, _and I'll do whatever the _fuck _I want!"

The air between them was silently, but charged with tension as the two held each other's glares. Vanitas stepped up to the plate, though, and cut through the quiet.

"Look, we don't have time to argue things pointlessly. Right now, in the Organization's eyes, we are a rival gang. To them, we're a _rival. Gang. _That has _murdered _four of their members. All they have left is Xemnas, Xaldin, Larxene, and Saix. I'm not too worried about Xaldin, but the other three? They will rip our limbs off and make us eat each other if we don't get the Hell out of here and _go_."

"I'm with Vani," Tidus said.

"Me, too," Roxas mumbled.

"Then everyone grab what you can," Vanitas said, helping Tidus haul Sora to his feet. "And let's get the Hell outta here."

~x~

How long was this going to continue, this endless running and hiding? Sora had promised Kairi that he would keep her safe, but for how long could he keep protecting her? In spite of what he believed, he _wasn't _invincible and the Organization was very, very dangerous. When they were kids, Sora used to pretend that he was a knight with a steed and a blade.

But this was real life. There were no longer any knights in shining armor. Sora didn't have a royal steed or a blade. If he couldn't protect her, how could he protect himself?

Kairi looked across the seat, where Sora was sitting beside her. He was busy talking in low voices with Tidus, the two boys inspecting Sora's wounded side (it was bruised something terrible) and discussing the best ways for him to help it heal faster. Kairi took the opportunity to stare at him and wonder just what was going through his head.

After all of this, was he still glad they had become best friends and were now somewhat more?

"Where are we headed again? Vanitas asked, turning down the music.

"Uhh . . . _Okaasan_ . . ." Sora then began to speak a long stream of words in Japanese that Kairi couldn't understand, and she blushed a bit. Sora was so attractive when he spoke his native tongue . . .

"_Hai_," Vanitas said, and then turned the music back up.

"We're going to your parents' house?!" Roxas exclaimed from the passenger's seat. "Isn't that kinda dangerous?"

"No, because we're not going to their actual house. We're going to the old house," Sora explained.

"Your parents moved?" Kairi interjected curiously.

"Yeah, they live up in the hills now," Vanitas answered her. "But they never sold their old house, so we hide out there from time to time."

Kairi raised her eyebrow at the fact that the boys had had to hide _before_, but said nothing. She supposed it was their safest bet, at least for now. The Organization probably had no idea where Sora and Vanitas had lived as children. The only person who _would _was Riku, but he wasn't exactly who they were afraid of right now.

At least, not _yet_ anyway.

When they got to the house, Kairi wasn't surprised to see that the inside was empty and barren of all furniture. It was sadly nostalgic to stand in the midst of all that emptiness, reminiscing to herself about the countless hours she'd spent in this house when Sora and her were kids. So many memories, mostly good . . . And then the one bad memory, when Sora and his parents had spurned her on the front lawn. She wondered what his parents thought of her now, and whether or not they knew that Sora and she were kinda-sorta dating?

Sora went straight to the bathroom with Tidus to look at his bruises in the light some more, and Kairi watched him go with mixed feelings. They still had a lot of things to talk about. Sure, she now knew his reasonings behind shunning her all year, but she still wanted to know _why_. Why exactly had Sora joined Riku's gang in the first place, and why would that mean he needed to be cruel toward her? And even if he had been faking his hatred, there was no mistaking that over fifty percent of their arguments had been Sora spilling his true feelings.

She just didn't know which of those feelings were the truth . . . Or a lie.

Kairi clenched her fists at her sides and went to Sora's old room. Seeing it without his bed and toys in it was definitely weird, but it was weirder to be in such a big house with no electricity or ways to muffle the echoing of their voices. It sounded as though there were twenty or thirty people in the house, all chattering at once, and it was rather eerie. She hugged herself and shivered.

What _would _happen if the Organization caught her? There was no doubt that they'd kill her, and that wasn't exactly what scared her the most. No, she was more frightened at their _method_. _How _were they going to kill her? Would they make it slow? Fast? Creative? Conventional? It was odd to think about one's death.

"Hey,you. What are you doing in here?"

Kairi turned at the sound of Vanitas's voice and smiled at him. Just seeing him reminded her that she had a gun tucked into her pants, and she bit her lower lip.

"I'm just thinking," she said softly.

"Yeah, me too," Vanitas agreed. He walked over to the window and made sure it was locked. "You gettin' scared yet?"

Kairi couldn't help but laugh incredulously. "A group of people who I don't know are chasing after me with the intentions of killing me, Vani. How else do you think I'd feel?"

Vanitas scrutinized her for a moment, half of his mouth turning up into a lazy smile. His hands were in the pockets of his skinny jeans. "You know, this is nice."

"What's nice?" Kairi looked puzzled.

"You calling me Vani. Sora not being mean to you anymore. The rest of us to having to hide any secrets. It's nice." He sighed. "Almost makes me forget about Namine."

Kairi turned her face away. Namine. How easy it was for her to have gotten caught in the web that had been laid out for Kairi, not her. Kairi fought back the tears that were trying desperately to flee her body. She would not cry. It was pointless, because no amount of tears shed were going to bring Namine back.

"Vanitas?" Kairi asked, voice wavering only slightly.

"Road block?"

"Earlier, you . . . You were going to tell me about the woman in the picture-Roxas's mom." She lowered her voice so that it wouldn't echo and alert Sora to their conversation. She didn't know why, but she didn't want Sora to know she was trying to find out about the woman.

"Oh . . ."

Kairi kept her head lowered and her gaze averted. "She . . . How did she pass away?"

". . . In childbirth."

Kairi frowned. Childbirth? But if Roxas was a toddler of about three in the photo, then that would mean . . . She whirled around, her heart pounding, and stared up at Vanitas in shock. Could it be true? Were her suspicions correct? But . . . No way. No freaking way.

If what she was thinking turned out to be true, then that could spell out disaster for her and Sora.

Absolute and total disaster.

When she looked at Vanitas again, he wasn't able to look her in the eyes. In fact, he looked a little guilty. Another secret that was meant to be kept hidden from her? Well, if this was what she thought it was, then this was _not _something that they had the right to be hiding at _all_.

"Vanitas," she said slowly. "Tell me now."

"Kairi . . ."

"Tell me. _Now."_

Vanitas merely looked defeated, imploring with his eyes for her to drop it and let it be. Because Vanitas didn't want to keep secrets from her. Vanitas didn't agree with the way Sora worked, and he never had. He wanted to tell her everything. Didn't he?

"Vanitas . . ." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Once she said the words, once they were uttered into the air, then that was it. There was no taking them back.

"Kairi, don't ask me," Vanitas begged, grabbing onto her hands and bringing them to his lips in a brotherly gesture. "_Please _don't ask me."

Kairi's lower lip trembled and her eyes shone. She couldn't hold it in any longer. This was it. She _had_ to _know._

"_Is Roxas my brother_?"

~x~

**A/N: I'M SORRY! I know it was a short chapter again, but I HAD TO LEAVE YOU AT THE CLIFF. WHAT WILL HAPPEN?! WHAT WILL VANITAS SAY?! ARE WE FINALLY FINDING OUT MORE OF THE TRUTH?! You'll have to find out next time, muahaha!**


	31. Shoulder to Cry On

**MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry this update took longer than the last ones, but I was trying to decide where I should cut this chappie off. I figured it out, though, so don't expect a LONG chapter, but it's decent. WITHOUT FURTHER ADO!**

**DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band Destiny's Embrace, the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities. I also don't own Doritos or Revlon, lol.**

**NOTES: This story is rated M. **

**ENJOY!**

**~x~**

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

**~x~**

Kairi had never thought she'd say it, but . . . She was bored. Out of her mind, amazingly _bored_. It had been two days of nothing but sleeping, and practicing fighting and sparring with Vanitas and Tidus. Roxas did nothing but mope and pace around the kitchen all day, speaking to no one. Sora was never around, though nobody knew where he was going off to, nor how he was managing to disguise himself and all that spiky hair.

Just what was he doing out there all the time?

Kairi flicked a strand of her crimson bangs out of her eyes and frowned. She wished she had a rubberband to tie her hair up, but alas, she was without many things in this empty house. She knew it was a frivolous thing to be worried about in the situation she was currently in, but it kept her mind off of darker things. Darker things such as the imagery that flashed through her mind when she thought about what could possibly happen to them if the Organization caught up to them. If they found them, would they kill her? Would they kill everyone? What could they have in store? She couldn't remember ever being more frightened, save for the times that Riku had gotten to her.

"Good, Kairi!" Tidus exclaimed happily as Kairi blocked one of his punches with a swift, spinning kick in mid-air. "You're getting so much better, seriously."

Kairi merely smirked and got back into her base position, fists up and knees bent-just as Vanitas had taught her. The raven-haired boy himself was standing off to the side with his hands on his hips, watching Tidus and Kairi train in silence.

"What?" Kairi complained, shooting him a sour look. "What am I doing wrong _this _time?"

"It's your form!" Vanitas spluttered, throwing his arms wide as if he'd been waiting to say this. "You're not loose enough; you're being too rigid. The more tight your body is, the harder it's going to be for your reflexes to kick in fast enough. Remember, these guys are seasoned. They'll shoot you mid-punch if you can't disarm them."

Kairi rolled her eyes, though she knew in her heart he was right. She _was _being too rigid. But it wasn't that she was doing it on purpose, honest! Her mind was too preoccupied, and she couldn't stop wondering if one of these punches or kicks might be what saved her in the near future. She was just plain _scared_. Not to mention, she hadn't really spoken to Sora since their argument back in the hotel room. She was still a bit miffed with him for always being so distant and controlling.

"Try it again," Vanitas ordered, crossing his arms over his broad chest. "Try it again, and don't stop until you get it right."

"But how do I know when I've got it right?" Kairi protested, still crouched in base position.

"When you aren't doing it wrong anymore," Vanitas said with a disarming grin.

Well, looks like Vanitas and Sora shared the same smartass attitude.

There was a flash of blue in the corner of her vision, and Kairi barely had time to duck before Tidus punched her in the side of the head. Gathering her wits about her, she placed on hand on the floor behind her and swept her left leg out in a half-circle, knocking Tidus off of his feet. He fell backward, and Kairi lunged forward with catlike grace, landing on top of him with her gun (safety on, of course) pointed directly into her face. He grinned up at her, both of them panting.

"How was _that_ for doing it right?" Kairi asked, sticking her tongue out at Vanitas.

Vanitas merely raised one eyebrow as if to say, "_What are you talking about?"_

Confused for only the briefest of moments, Kairi's gun was knocked out of her hand and her wrist was grabbed in a vicelike grip. Wrapping one leg around her hips, Tidus rolled her beneath him and wrapped one hand lightly around her throat, pinning her opposite wrist to the carpet.

"Never lower your guard," Tidus teased, getting to his feet and dusting himself off.

"Ugh, this is so stupid!" Kairi muttered, rubbing her rump gingerly and glowering over at Vanitas. "When do I win?"

"Who says this was about winning?" Vanitas asked incredulously. "This is about preserving your life and giving yourself the chance to either kill or escape. So far, Tidus had killed you a hundred times over, road block. In real life, all it takes is once."

Kairi pouted and stormed off to the bathroom to spalsh water upon her sweaty face. This was getting frustrating, and Kairi was starting to get discouraged. Every time she thought she was doing things right and finally able to say she could do it, it was wrong. She was trying so hard, and it wasn't good enough, and it was overwhelming her.

But she knew she couldn't dwell upon it. Kairi had made a vow to protect her friends and get stronger, and this was how she was going to do it. She needed to listen to Vanitas if she wanted to stand a chance against the Organization.

Her faculties settled, Kairi held her head high and strolled back out to the sunlit living room. She saw that Tidus was waiting for her and so was Vanitas, so she quickly lowered herself into base position. Narrowing her eyes, she wasted no time.

Kairi made a dash for Tidus and he immediately aimed a left hook toward her. She faked toward it, ducked to the right and rammed her open palm into his gut. She was much smaller than him, but it winded him nonetheless. As he leaned forward, the breath rushing out of him, Kairi was like lightning. She fisted her hands in his hair and yanked his head downward to meet her knee. He cried out in pain as a distinct _crunching _noise sounded out and stumbled backward, one hand gripping his now-bleeding nose and the other arm flailing about wildly in shock. Kairi jumped up a foot or two into the air and whirled around, her hair a crimson fan around her body, and the heel of her foot smashed into his cheek. He spun around twice and collapsed onto the ground just as Kairi landed deftly on two feet and turned to salute Vanitas.

"I thought you said this wasn't about winning?" she challenged.

Vanitas's jaw had dropped and he was staring at her in dumbfounded awe.

"I . . . I take it back. Holy fucking _shit_, Kairi, that was . . . What the _fuck _just happened?" he cried, running his fingers through his unruly black hair and grinning like a madman.

"What just happened?" Kairi repeated as she knelt down beside the unconscious Tidus and pinched the bridge of his nose to quell the bleeding. "I did it right. Now, help me get him up and into the bathroom . . ."

Sora came home at some point while the three friends were in the empty bathroom, using Tidus's own tee shirt to staunch the blood that was flowing from his nose. Tidus was exclaiming how proud he was of Kairi for finally getting it down when Sora materialized in the doorframe, looking alarmed.

"What the fuck happened to you, dude?" he demanded, looking around at the three in bewilderment.

"Kairi happened to me, dude!" Tidus laughed in awe, his blue eyes sparkling. "She knocked me out in two moves."

"You know how to fight?" Sora asked her, eyebrows shooting up.

"Vanitas and Tidus have been teaching me," Kairi explained as she worked to help Tidus.

Sora exploded a split-second later and began roaring, "You've been teaching her to fight?!"

"Oh, calm the fuck down, crazy," Vanitas scowled at Sora. "You're the one who didn't want her to have a gun. This is an alternative form of protection."

"Then what's fucking tucked in to the back of her pants?!" Sora hollered, sounding out of his mind with anger.

Kairi knew her V-neck was riding up in the back, showing the rear of her skinny jeans, where the gun was tucked safely into the waistband, but she didn't care anymore. She'd already told Sora to stop telling her what to do, and yelling at her wasn't making her any more inclined to change her mind.

Calmly wiping blood from Tidus's face, Kairi merely retorted, "Don't tell me you forgot what a gun looks like, Sora."

"Okay, wow. _Wow_," Sora snarled sarcastically. "Treat me like _I'm _the idiot. Like I'm just this bad, horrible guy who tries to control you. Well, fuck all of you. I'm so fucking fed up with this shit."

Vanitas, Tidus, and Kairi stood in the large bathroom and looked at each other in astonishment at Sora's sudden outburst. It had been expected that Sora would react in such a way, but it wasn't expected for him to say what he'd said to Kairi. Sora had stomped off to the stairs and gone up to disappear into the darkness and emptiness.

"He better get his shit together," Tidus said, his nose sounding clogged.

"Easier said than done," Vanitas sighed. "Guys, I think he's really overwhelmed right now."

"Yeah," Tidus agreed. "He's doing the best he can, but I don't think he knows what the right thing to do is."

As Vanitas and Tidus continued to discuss Sora's well-being in the bathroom, Kairi left them to go see how Roxas was doing. The other boys might have been playing into Sora's asshole pity party, but Kairi knew that boy like the back of her hand. He was trying to get his way, so he was throwing a fit. Typical Sora, and Kairi wasn't going to fall for it. He didn't get to cuss at her and yell at her like that, and then get her sympathy. No, she was going to ignore him until he came down and apologized to her.

"Hey, Roxas," Kairi said, leaning against the doorframe.

Roxas was still pacing.

"Hey," he murmured, arms crossed tightly over his chest and eyes downcast. He looked sadder than Kairi had ever seen him-like the weight of Namine's death was pulling him down deeper and deeper into an abyss from which there was no rescue or return. It was scary to witness, especially since Roxas was as much her close friend as Namine had been.

"How you holdin' up?" Kairi asked, brushign her hair behind her ears.

It took him a long time to say anything, but Kairi waited patiently. Nobody had really gone to talk to Roxas since they'd arrived at this house. He was probably going out of his mind.

"I keep going over it in my head," Roxas whispered, pointing to his temple and looking at Kairi with wide, tear-filled eyes. "I keep thinking . . . Thinking about the f-fact that I was _there_. I was fucking _there_. It was at _my _concert."

Kairi took a step closer to him, compassion filling her heart. She knew exactly how he was feeling, those intense feelings of guilt being mirrored in her own soul.

"Roxas," she said haltingly. "It's not your fault . . . Nobody predicted that it was going to happen."

"But maybe I could have _prevented_ it. Maybe I could have protected her, or . . . Or . . . Maybe even stepped in _front _of her, I just . . ." He broke down, and Kairi immediately rushed ot his side.

Petting his hair with one hand and embracing him with her other arm, Kairi tried her best to soothe him. He was crying so hard that she was forced to lean up against the counter for fear of them sinking to the floor together. Nobody had loved Namine more than Roxas, but Namine had been Kairi's best friend. If any two people should share the burden of grief, it was Roxas and Kairi.

"I know it hurts," Kairi said softly as he sobbed heavily. "I know. But it will get better with time. Trust me." She tried not to think of Hikari, but it was hard.

Roxas clutched at the back of her shirt desperately and continued to cry, but Kairi knew he had heard her. Perhaps if someone had been there for her like this when Hikari had passed . . . Maybe things would have turned out better. But Kairi knew well that it didn't do to dwell on wishes and dreams because they only brought you sorrow. It was better to accept and live your life. If that was one thing Hikari had taught her, it was that you had to live your life for yourself and not let unchangeable matters hold you back.

You had to be strong.

After awhile, Roxas drew back and wiped his eyes, his face splotchy and red from crying so hard. In this state, Kairi could see all of the freckles on his face and she was reminded of the fact that he was actually a redhead. Her mind traveled back to the night when she'd asked Vanitas if Roxas was her brother, remembering how she had found nothing out because Tidus had interrupted their conversation to ask for Vanitas's help with something. Kairi didn't know what he'd needed help with, but Vanitas had looked so relieved to have an excuse to leave that it infuriated her. Still, she didn't ask him again because it was obviously something that would breed contempt later.

But it didn't change the fact that she still desperately yearned to know the truth.

Sora and Roxas were related by marriage, so Kairi's relationship with him wasn't in question. What was in question was whether or not Roxas was her brother, and _who had known if he was._ Because if any of them knew a secret like that and never told Kairi, she wouldn't be able to forgive them. _Especially _Sora. If it were true-if Roxas were truly her brother-then how could Sora hide such a thing like that from her, when she was without family in the world? It wasn't like it was something that _needed_ to be hidden, was it?

Unless there was more to the story than Kairi had any idea of . . .

"Guys?" Vanitas rapped sharply on the doorframe leading to the kitchen and gave them both a small smile. "Are you guys hungry? Sora's making a run to the store."

Kairi didn't even bother to ask if it was safe for him to do that. He would go anyway, regardless of the safety matters. Sora probably believed that it was better for him to be caught and killed than for any of his friends to, and it frustrated Kairi. She wanted to fight her own battles and make her own choices, damn it. She felt like other people had been pulling the strings for too long: first Riku with his abuse, and then Sora with his secrets. No more was she going to allow herself to be controlled.

"I'll go with him," Kairi announced. "In fact, maybe we _all _should go. We're safer in a group."

"No." Sora stepped up behind Vanitas, pulling his black Zine hoodie with the white-liend zipper on and zipping it up. He was wearing black skinny jeans and his black Vans, so Kairi figured that was part of the "disguise" he used when he went out for hours at a time doing God-knows-what.

"It's not smart for you to be going off by yourself, Sora," Kairi said slowly, trying to control her temper. "It would be better if we _all _went, because if they come after us, they'd have to contend with the five of us while they only have four people left."

"And what makes you think that you're ready to hold your own against-" His words were cut off as Kairi pivoted backward on her right foot and kicked him directly in the lower abdomen with her left. He lost all of the oxygen in his lungs and fell to the kitchen floor on his knees, clutching his stomach in pain.

Without so much as another word, Kairi stepped around him.

"Let's get going you guys," she said to her dumbstruck guy friends. "I'm hungry."

~x~

Kairi, Sora, Roxas, Tidus, and Vanitas arrived at Target within the hour, moving as quickly as possible through the store to get their food. It was packed due to some sort of video game release, so they at least had the cover of human bodies to melt into just in case the Organization members happened to be following them. It was unknown whether or not they knew what Vanitas's car looked like yet, though it was highly likely that they did seeing as that was the only car they'd been using. Still, the fear was enough to keep the group on their toes and alert.

Unfortunately, the crowd was so thick and pressing that they got separated at some point. Kairi stopped in the middle of the Revlon make-up aisle and looked behind her and in front of her for any sight of spiky hair from any of her boys. She saw nothing, and decided to keep going toward the food. They didn't have much time to waste, and she was sure they'd all remember not to leave the store without meeting by the front doors first.

Weaving her way through families and singles alike, Kairi made it to the produce aisle and began to select her favorites. They didn't have a microwave or electricity in the house, so the only things she could pick out were fresh fruits and vegetables, breads, and processed snack foods. She grabbed a basket and filled it as quickly as she could without drawing too much attention to her black-clad self.

Tidus appeared beside her momentarily, dropping a super-size bag of Doritos into the basket and smiling down at her. "Everyone's in the candy aisle, don't worry," he informed her. "I'll stick with you, though."

"Okay," Kairi said, throwing a couple more furtive glances around her. She saw a few faces she recognized from her former school, but they either didn't seem to recognize her back or they simply didn't care about her presence because no one greeted her or anything. She supposed it was for the best, since they _were _in hiding from a notorious and murderous gang.

Heading to where the bottled water was kept, Kairi stood in front of the shelves with Tidus and debated which was smarter to get: 24 individual bottles, or a few gallons of water. This is what sucked about Target—you go in for a quick run and end up spending hours and leaving 200$ shorter than what you came in with. The redhead was quickly turning her fear into frustration, finding that this was taking much too long.

"Tidus, just grab the . . ." She trailed off when she felt the distinct feeling of eyes upon her. Hand still poised in midair, pointing at the waters, she turned to look at the end of the aisle. Her heart ceased beating in her chest and her words choked themselves off in her throat.

_Larxene._

Kairi dropped her basket, grabbed Tidus's hand, and screamed at him to run. Their feet pounded against the surface of the floor as they shoved their way through all the people, trying to reach the candy aisle as fast as possible. Kairi tried to remain calm and remember her training, knowing that now might be the time when she'd have to use it.

As if on cue, someone jumped out in front of them and leered, reaching for the front of Kairi's shirt. Kairi could feel her gun in the waistband of her jeans, but she knew better than to draw a weapon in a store full of children. Instead, her reflexes kicked in and she did what she had been practicing for the past three days.

Xaldin reached for her, but Kairi swiftly side-stepped him and turned herself to face his arm. She grabbed his wrist and yanked him forward, directly into an elbow jab to the ribcage. He grunted in pain and tried to wrap his arms aroudn her, but Kairi was prepared for him. She twisted aroudn to face him and clapped her hands against his ears as hard as she could, disorienting him and causing him to sink to the floor entirely.

"Nice!" Tidus cheered, grabbing onto her hand again and pulling her away from the stunned man. They resumed their mad dash, seeing that the aisle where the others were waiting was just yards ahead of them.

Kairi couldn't believe that she had actually done it! She had _actually _managed to knock a real human being to the ground _twice_ today (no offense to Tidus, of course) using only what Vanitas and Tidus had taught her. She felt amazing. She felt strong and proud—like she was becoming her old self again and finally able to protect her friends should the need arise.

Suddenly, Tidus was no longer beside her and he was writhing on the ground in pain as his blood spread out from his wounded leg.

Wait . . . How had his leg been wounded? And why were Kairi's ears ringing?

Everyone in the store was screaming in horror and fear, stampeding toward the doors as the Target employees anxiously tried to herd them out as safely as possible. Kairi felt herself being buffeted around by all the bodies, and inside her head she was crying out in terror because Tidus had been . . .

Shot?

_Why does this keep happening?_

Kairi didn't have the time to think about it, because the next thing she knew, she couldn't breathe and darkness surrounded her vision. She still heard the incessant, echoing ring in her painfully throbbing eardrums, and she felt someone grabbing her arm and viciously yanking her in some random direction.

_No . . . _Kairi thought in despair. _They're taking me . . . It's all over, it's . . . What's going to happen to me?_

And then the darkness eclipsed her entire body, and she saw and heard nothing more.

_Sora . . . Don't let them hurt me . . ._

~x~

**A/N: I know, I know—it was short again, lol. But I can't make the chapters long without giving away too much in each chapter, dangit! I'm hoping the next chapter will be much longer, though, hehe. I hope you enjoyed it! What will happen to poor Kairi? And was Tidus really shot? Will he be okay? UNTIL NEXT TIME!**


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